In Bang I wrote…
Another tool for your text messaging toolbox is the restart text. It’s something you send days after a girl texts a date cancellation, refusal, or some other aloof message that suggests she’s slipping away. For example, say you ask a girl out on a Tuesday night but she responds by saying she can’t and doesn’t make a counteroffer. In that case, chill out, wait a couple days, and then send a restart text containing an innocuous question, such as “How was your weekend?” or “Did you survive Mardi Gras?” or something based on an event or activity she told you she was going to do.
I want to walk you through how this normally goes down. Say you went out on a Saturday night, kissed a girl, and unsuccessfully tried to drag her back to your cave. She gave you her number instead. You texted her three days later on Tuesday, where she agreed to a date for Thursday night. Then Thursday afternoon rolls around and she cancels. Here’s how an actual cancellation looks like, sent to me by a college girl in Denmark:
Hey roosh. Im going to have to cancel tonight. I have an extra shift at the cafe. Sorry.
This is the worst type of cancellation because she doesn’t suggest an alternate time, in effect telling you to fuck off forever. I don’t advise replying to this type of “abrupt cancellation” the same day since there’s absolutely nothing you can do to improve the situation. Your best move is to be non-needy by pulling back and enjoying the silence.
If a girl gives an alternate time (an “open cancellation”), then by all means try to make the new meeting work, but otherwise the interaction is probably over.
But you don’t give up that easily, do you?
With the abrupt cancellation we’re still going to send a restart text after the weekend, preferably on a Monday. Now Monday is the day that a girl’s phone is usually blowing up from all the guys she met over the weekend, so why would I advise you to contribute to that? Well because we’re making a bet that she didn’t meet any guys since you and that she still has positive feelings about you. If both conditions hold, and she gets a “How was your weekend?” text from only you on Monday night, then there is a shot you’ll get her out. If she replies enthusiastically, ask her what her schedule is like during the week then try for another date.
I estimate that you have a 5% chance of getting a girl out who gave you an abrupt cancellation. That’s pretty shitty odds, but if you’re full time in the game that 5% means a handful of additional dates per year. Since it only takes 20 seconds to send the text, it’s worth doing, especially if the girl didn’t disrespect you with a last-minute cancellation or a no-show. A basic cancellation where she at least says “Sorry” warrants a restart text, but if she goes out of her way to be rude then delete her number and keep your dignity.
I hated texting as it started blowing up in the States. It felt like a roundabout and labored way to get dates, but I’ve since come around, developing a text strategy that gets girls out more reliably than phone calls and with much less work. This is why in Bang I advise you to text instead of call, something that I wouldn’t have imagined suggesting five years ago. Yet even though you’re only sending a few characters at a time, there are still an infinite number of ways you can fuck it up. For example, here’s an actual text a guy sent to my sister after she didn’t reply within ten minutes:
Damn enjoyed talking to you last night and you made it seem like you enjoyed talking to me and all. But guess all this ignoring says otherwise! It was nice talking to you anyways you could just let me know instead of ignoring me I respect all wishes!
She was actually in the shower, and needless to say, she did not go out with this needy man. I’m not saying my sister is an angel when it comes to text reply times, but he did not have proper text game.
This situation reminds me of how a few years ago girls would write back to first texts within an hour, sometimes in just a few minutes. Well the other month a Swedish girl took 21 hours to reply to my first text, a personal record. Was she in the hospital? Did her cat die? Did she drop her phone in the toilet? Nope, none of those things happened, but that’s where things are going. Soon it will take a girl longer to send a text message than to mail a letter using the postal service.
Unfortunately, instant technologies like texting and email do nothing to speed up seductions. For those of you that remember pickup before cell phones, the time it takes some girls to reply to a text is now nearly identical to how long it took her to call back from a landline after you left a voicemail on her tape machine. Ironically, the main “progress” that has made it easier for men to get laid over the past 50 years is changing sexual norms due to the rise of feminism, not technology.
My complete texting guide is in the second edition of Bang, which I released last year. Here are a couple reviews of the book:
I thought it was a great book. Really common sense when you think about it. Just had to have someone say it. Just a little about myself. I was not having much trouble getting laid in college. I played college football and that made it easy with all the cleat chasers. After college it got a little harder but then I ran across your book. I now work so I run a slow game on the local girls during the week but on the weekends I game hard in much better venues out of town.
The biggest thing your book help me realize is how important confidence is. Just the ability to walk into a crowded room like you own the place showing no sign of weakness will increase your chances of getting laid immediately. Every girl in that room is scanning for an alpha male. A guy who walks tall with his shoulders back and just doesn’t give a shit. To tell you the truth they approach me half the time. Thank you for writing this book. It brought back the confidence I had in college.
I would have found “Bang: more helpful had I read it when I was younger. I am 38 years old, and a lot of what I read in “Bang” are things I already learned on my own over the years. I wish there would have been books like this when I was a frustrated college student, surrounded by hotties who were far too socially sophisticated for me. This book would be ideal for a college freshman, so that he can learn all these things quickly and easily.
My last GF is a model who turned down a shoot in [redacted] b/c she would not do nude shots. I never would have been able to get a woman like her before learning the things you cover in “Bang,” but like I said, I learned most of this stuff on my own. The book was still a fun read, b/c I felt validated as I read that you and I had independently come to the same conclusions on so many topics.
I bought your book like 1 month ago or something, and I just wanna thank you.
Thank you! Before reading your book I hadn’t been laid for a loooong time and was kinda starting to miss having a girl.
I went on a date, that was set up for me by a colleague, with this smoking hot russian model. Obviously I thought I would get killed, especially when I found out she had a boyfriend back in Russia. You know what though? I pulled all the moves from your book, appeared confident at the same time and now I’m the one banging this stunning girl who is a 9.
It’s still too good to be true in my eyes, but man… I’m happy Once again, thank you, thank you so much!
I bought the first edition paperback after a friend showed me some of his copy. I’d been hesitant to look into it because I thought it was all “fuzzy hats, magic tricks, and black nail polish.” It was nice to a see a book with concepts that were more “real world” feeling that I thought I could apply in my own life.
Have I been more successful? Yes, but I have a long road ahead. To harshly critique my progress, I’ve gone from being sub-beta to greater beta. Basically, I can now talk to a girl now and be normal about it, rather than awkward and scared shitless like I would’ve been before. Just this change has led to a HUGE improvement in my social situation. So the plan now is to read Bang again but much more slowly than before (been through it a few times), following the suggestions you posted in your blog (i.e., very slowly and taking notes).
What I’d really like to see now is something more in-depth about day game. The nighttime club / bar scene here isn’t very well suited to pick up so something more day oriented would be great.
I’ve just finished reading Bang and it’s helped me get out of a two (almost three) year dry spell (even though it was with internet dating and that’s not something you recommend). I got 2 bangs out of it and I’m confident I could’ve gotten 3 more but those interactions happened before I came across your work and read your book; the girls were not bad looking (ranged from 5′s to 7′s).
Nevertheless, I used all your principles and got way far on first dates than I ever have in the past in months (no joke or exaggeration). In fact, I believe in your work so much that I’ve made little cheat sheet’s, printed them out and put them on my bedroom wall. Anyways, just wanted to say thanks.
I’m glad a lot of guys are getting mileage out of my work. If you want to check out the book then head to the Bang homepage.