How To Have The Upper Hand During Your Approaches

Controlling your turf translates to power when it comes to approaching girls in bars. You want your first interaction with her to be in your “house,” not hers, because if she suspects she has the least bit of upper hand she will take advantage of that to feed her low self-esteem.

(Disclaimer: If you’re new to the game then you should be approaching girls in every type of situation imaginable to get experience, but when it comes to refinement you can choose approaches carefully to get the most amount of sex with the least amount of work.)

Before I approach a girl, I ask myself who has to move or turn away if the approach doesn’t go well. If the answer is me then most of the time I don’t do the approach. I wait until positions change and she is the one who has to walk away if the conversation doesn’t catch. If the girl knows she is the one who can stay put, like in situations where she is leaning against a wall or sitting down on a stool while I’m standing, she will be a bigger bitch than if it was her who had to do the walk. She, or more commonly her beastly friend, will abuse that positional power to make me feel weak. It’s human nature to take advantage of perceived strength, and female bar-goers are no exception.

What I do is stake out a spot and stick there. Like a commercial fisherman I wait for girls to come into my net. If a girl is sitting with her large group of ugly friends, I take note and wait until she has to go to the bar or use the bathroom, then pull her into my circle and spit game until things go well or she has to walk away. This is the same strategy I use in a coffee shop, where I wait for a girl at a faraway table to cross my path instead of awkwardly walking up to her. If it doesn’t go well I don’t have to do anything.

The way I see it is why should I have to do the walk of shame in the likely chance there is no connection? I’m already taking 100% of the risk by doing the approach, the least she can do is fuck off if she’s not feeling me.

Almost a month ago I started talking to a girl who stood a few feet away from me. I had to take only one-and-a-half steps to get within conversation range. I put the obligatory face time with the fat friend, who told me her mom was from Chile. Without thinking I said, “Yeah I’ve been to Chile. Man the people there are so fat.” I forgot that she was fat, but I was respectful and tried to recover by quickly changing the subject.

Surprisingly she gets upset anyway and says, “It was nice talking to you,” which is code for “Go away.”

I said, “I’m going to stand right here. What, I’m going to walk away because you told me too?” Sure, I was probably in the wrong due to my inconsiderate observation, but that doesn’t mean I have to obey her command.

She looks at me, realizes I’m not moving, and then storms off. Her friend stays and apologizes for her fat friend’s behavior.

You’re probably thinking if having to do the walk of shame really matters or not. Isn’t it just pride? No, because whoever has to do the walk of shame has less hand. That fat girl who I wasn’t even hitting on me tried to use her position to make me feel small, and in this case it backfired. If she was sitting down then I would definitely have to do the walk, and she would have gotten satisfaction from that and repeated it on guys such as yourself.

With turf in mind, even if I fuck up an approach pretty bad there are no repercussions. She walks away and it’s over. I can have a laugh and continue as I was with my buddies. That’s how it should be: the man shouldn’t have to move his body because a girl didn’t like him. Now of course I still up to girls and gotten numbers and gotten bangs, and that can work very well, but I prefer to have an edge before I open my mouth.

My entire game is becoming increasingly structured around the fact that a girl almost never has the upper hand when she’s talking to me.

Read Next: 7 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Game Right Now

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  • Justin

    What happened to striking while the iron is hot? You wait around too long when you spot a group of girls sitting at a table and not moving or being approached, those extra seconds or minutes talking to your clown friends are going to matter because then the next thing you know they’re having fun with that lone guy who came up and put his balls on the table for them to hit with a hammer. He doesn’t care if he fucks up. Doesn’t always work out for any party, but I don’t believe you’re going to be doing yourself any favors with this lazy-assed approach to things.

  • Smokin Joe

    My entire game is becoming increasingly structured around the fact that a girl almost never has the upper hand when she’s talking to me.

    – Stop slipping in roofies and it might get harder for you.

  • Anonymous

    approaching groups is more stand-up comedien than game. 3 girls tops

  • Roosh

    The iron is absolutely not hot when she’s in a massive group with her friends in the corner. Chance of success in that case is low. You wait a few minutes and it goes up.

    “they’re having fun with that lone guy who came up and put his balls on the table for them to hit with a hammer”

    Sounds like you don’t approach many groups. How many times have you pulled from this case? Once?

  • jkc

    you speak the truth. well done, sir.

  • The Brooklyn Boy

    Justin — Roosh addresses your point early on by pointing out that after you know what’s really good about your game, you can pick and choose. If you’re not feeling like walking over, you don’t have to, because an opp will inevitably present itself. And if you end up just chillin with your boys and having a fun night, well, mission accomplished. But if you’re in the mood to cast a net, you’re free to do so. Especially if you know how to put in the least effort for max results.

    The Brooklyn Boy’s last blog post: Game On … and On and On and On.

  • The Brooklyn Boy

    Ah, the magic of comment overlap. Oh well. Roosh, yer explanation strikes a more precise point … probably because you wrote the post in the first place. Ha.

    The Brooklyn Boy’s last blog post: Game On … and On and On and On.

  • Infinity

    Frame and ground are important in interacting with women. Don’t really need to say much else since Roosh did a good job explaining the importance. Have the edge and the advantage and it makes it easier for you.

    Never bad to create an advantage that can give you better chances at positive results.

    Infinity’s last blog post: Virginity = $3.5 Million.

  • roissy

    not walking away from a blown set that i was standing right next to was one of the biggest positive changes i made to my inner game.

    roissy’s last blog post: A-hole Game: Day 2.

  • alphadominance

    Good point Roosh. These subtle things that hardly register for we men are noted and remembered by women. Women are highly socially sensitive relative to men and not only will you have to perp walk away from this set, but any other women in the line of sight will put a mark against you as well, decreasing your odds of winning them over. I’ve seen these sorry guys go down the bar from one chick/group to another only to rebuffed again and again, basically fucking up any chances they’d have in the place for a long time to come, permanently losing home-turf advantage.

    alphadominance’s last blog post: Alpha males are better stock traders.

  • dchero

    if a man takes orders from a woman, is he still a man?

    No, he’s a husband. Ha! This is good stuff here. It’s an extension of that “settling in to a place” thought. I like where you’re going with this.

    dchero’s last blog post: The Hook.

  • seeking_alpha

    Also, when you walk away, it sends a message to any other girl who sees. This way, it’s more ambiguous.

  • z

    Interesting stuff.

    “My entire game is becoming increasingly structured around the fact that a girl almost never has the upper hand when she’s talking to me.”

    ………….much the same as a sales professional almost always has the upper hand in “consultations” because they have went over the proposed conversation in meetings many many many times, and have ways to effectively cut off retreats from the mark, er…customer, should they want to flake. The whole conversation is structured so that the customer has to walk away “even though they are throwing away a lot of money” or “are going to forefit the highest quality item to buy the prole model” or are “risking not buying the insurance and will be SOL if the model has a defect” or have to be “the bad guy” in order to say no. The marketing teams at the home office have went over these conversations a zillion times that they seminar-lead the salestaff through so that all the psychological retreats are inhibited by the salesperson as much as possible—–in order to get the customer to buy something that they may not want or need (or could really afford). Its about getting the sale, like game is about getting the hook up. To hell with any buyer’s remorse she might have later. Many people had to be “talked into” the best purchases they ever made.

    The whole concept of game, even if it was just “what-to-do” strategies, is a huge leap forward over where men were in the bar scene in the eighties and nineties where guys just played it by ear helplessly with no plan. No planning means that men left their biggest advantage, their superior intellects and future-time-orientation, back at home and were led like lambs to the slaughter to clubs where females hold so many advantages.

  • Jon

    I’d rather be the alpha sitting in the corner with his alpha friends than the beta-clown surrounded by a group of 10’s. Don’t worry, other options will always come your way, they always do…

  • Jon

    (For Justin)

  • Benedict Smith

    excellent post, best in awhile. I don’t necessarily try that whole “Mystery only over the shoulder talk” bit, but this about her having the power to turn away/exclude you and by extension her cock-blocking, rather go home and cry while masturbating friends, is completely true. The most girls i’ve pulled were ones who were behind me while I sat at at a bar, or beside me, where after due time regalling my buddy or female bartender i know with anecdotes/stories, I then allow/wait patiently for her to ask for a light, or a napkin or simply speak to me first.

    again, Bravo! I say Rooosh

    Benedict Smith’s last blog post: Christian Troy Vs Paulie Bleeker.

  • Tampa

    That is post is so fucking brilliant. So much truth to that. Its speaks volumes about the stupid shit where the dumb bitch sits at the bar with her bar stool facing outwards away from the bar and towards the people. I call it the “queen perch.”

    The “Hey, i’m trying to get laid, so come over and see if make the cut.”

    Bitches are crazy. So funny.

  • Correcter

    ““It was nice talking to you,” which is code for “Go away.”

    I said, “I’m going to stand right here. What, I’m going to walk away because you told me too?””

    You probably mean “to”, instead of “too”, don’t you?

    She didn’t told you to go away, even though it may be code for it. She said that the experience of talking to you was nice. You could’ve played along (I would have), and said something like:

    “Was it, now? Why are you using past tense, though – are you leaving, or something?”

    I think that might have been a tad more frustrating for her, and more innocent for you – instead of saying it, you could have SHOWN it. Like, saying: “Hey, I am rich and alpha” instead of SHOWING you are rich and alpha..

    Besides, if she refuses to directly say what she means to say, it’s not YOUR fault for interpreting it literally. It’s her lack of courage / attempt to manipulate you – it’s her lack of honesty and bravery. She could have said: “I want you to leave now”, but people in American culture can’t usually do something so honest, especially women. They don’t want to be the ‘bad guys’.

    Women want to manipulate men, looking like they (the women) haven’t done anything wrong, while making the men feel as bad as possible. But this can backfire, if you simply refuse to “get the hint”, but instead take them literally. They must realize sooner or later, that the only way to deal with you is with direct, blunt honesty. And they absolutely hate that, because that would make them ‘the bad guys’.

    Hm, I didn’t explain it very well, but I hope someone got it anyway.

  • Correcter

    “She didn’t tell”, I meant. A mental typo that happens when one changes one’s mind about how one wants to express a given thought.

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