Virginia Beach Sucks

I’m never going back again. Ocean City, Maryland is superior is many ways:

-The Drunk Bus, for a last ditch attempt to get laid after the bars close
-More high school girls
-Crowded boardwalk for people watching
-Better bar venues without tattooed meathead military guys and fading cougars (though Ocean City has more white trash)
-No supersonic jets flying over you every five minutes

That jet noise, which is much louder than commercial aircraft, is due to the nearby naval base that operates 7 days a week. You had to pause your conversation every time a jet flew overhead. Now I understand how the Japanese feel.

The actual beach was alright, with ample opportunities for beach game, one of the hardest forms of game. Success at beach game, where you talk to girls on the actual beach, has eluded me even though it’s similar is concept to a form I am competent in, street game. Well this weekend I found out what beach game is:

07-06-30-va-beach-030-2.jpg

The first thing you notice on the beach is other people’s bodies, so it would make sense that a slightly muscular body helps. If you go up to girls with a body like that, they will be very open to talking to you. A little too open. While girls were busy checking him out, I was wondering if my increasingly furry coat would make it harder for me to get a tan.

The highlight of the trip was the first night there when The Body introduced me to the drinking game Power Hour, where you drink a shot of beer every minute for an hour. It sounded easy but after 40 minutes the burping and bloating combined with some gagging made it a challenge to complete. We went to a bar afterwards where I found a chair in the corner and sat down. Three hours later, the bar closed and I got up. We didn’t play that game again.

My only regret from the trip is that we didn’t get an intimate scopes picture to cherish this beach memory forever.

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  • http://www.suburbanitedc.blogspot.com Genevieve

    Why does VK look like he has a tail?

  • http://justleftofnowhere.blogspot.com The Brooklyn Boy

    Never played Power Hour? Good god, man, where were you during college? The (approximately) eight beers in an hour does you real nice, if you’re up for it. Best played with groups of five or more.

  • boc

    “…a slightly muscular body helps…”

    that is beyond a “slightly muscular” body. more like very fortunate genetics with a lot of hard work.

  • virglekent

    Dear God, thousands of gay men across America will have a field day with this one. Thanks Roosh, thanks a lot.

    I feel so dirty right now, just a little slutty

  • Land-Man

    Dude looks 4 feeet tall with an underdeveloped lower body.

  • http://justleftofnowhere.blogspot.com The Brooklyn Boy

    Land-Man – There’s a magic thing called “perspective” I think you need to take into account.

  • miik

    OMG Va. Beach?? ! ?
    a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
    *chokes on bagel
    coffee in nose
    sputter …
    dead

    Roosh seriously:
    pick a different beach – ANY DIFFERENT BEACH
    Va Beach is only good for getting drunk
    striking out and leaving feeling ripped off ONCE
    It is the negative tsunami vortex beach.
    I am proud to say I only went there once.
    it’s endearing that you didn’t know this
    and we know you wrote this to be endearing

    if you’re hairy – yes right?
    HAVE A TAN – some tan- aaannyyy taaaan
    ie: tan lines show if you take your watch off

    have some density, above aversge is fine.
    if they are beach hot they want equal and greater value – look them in the eye – sunglasses=weird
    allow yourself to fall in love with each one
    in full sunlight
    at the beach they all want it
    and they want you to make it happen
    beach romance/pickup is more idealized
    rarely lasts longer than summer..
    More that any other trip
    the beach trip is about hot bodies
    Women smell great at the beach
    it must be all of the sweat*

  • Jewcano

    Va Beach isn’t bad if you know what it provides. It’s the spillover for the Redneck Riviera when Myrtle gets too crowded. I’d say your biggest mistake was going way too late in the season. Early on you can pull William & Mary girls down for the weekend, but this late in the year it’s trailer trash. The clubs verily do suck, though.

    And Brooklyn’s right. Did you go to college? Did you not Century Club either? How did you pre-drink?

  • Rylan

    I agree that Virginia Beach sucks, but not only VA Beach, also Norfolk and Chesapeake. First off guys have slim pickings when it comes to girls because the guy to girl ratio is horrible or maybe there are just so many unattractive women that the hot ones just get their pick. All over Hampton Roads sucks because of the military congestion around the area. They are very easy to spot and if you talk to one of them chances are they have that weirdness about them that makes you wonder if they are insane. Chesapeake is full of rednecks who are morons, Virginia Beach is full of daddy’s girls who are good for a lay but that’s about it, Norfolk is full of ghetto twisted with daddy’s girls on granby. Virginia has to be the worst place to live, I can’t wait till I’m outta here.

  • A long

    Ocean city can suck my cock. its for fags and vb kids will mess u up

  • Rylee

    Dude va beach is the shit! The only reason you don’t like it is because you didnt get any girls and can’t handle one damn drinking game! You can get over the damn planes its no big deal, actually I love the planes flying over it just reminds me that there are people protecting us while were sitting on the beach drinking a nice cold beer. Now get the hell over your self.

  • josh

    alright, so Va beach isnt the coolest beach on the East Coast, I wont argue that, Ive been here for 8 years, so I know the deal, Squids, aka Navy Boys, do suck for the most part, and so does jet noise. BUT, maryland, c’mon, most beachs North of here are full of mooks with gold chains, and beaches you have to pay to go on, lame. And yeah, you couldnt pick up a girl is part of your ration for saying va beach sucks, maybe you should lay off on the tanning salon and gold chains, and you wont stick out like an !@#@!, va beach girls dont dig that crap last I checked. When the surf is flat here, as unfortunately it is most of the time, OBX a short drive away, there are plenty of jobs to be had here, and and there are alot of local secrets places to chill that we wont tell you about, so either cmon down and ignorantly let the block represent the scene as a whole, or even better, stay up north man

  • erick

    went last night to peabody’s wasted five dollars getting in. This club has young college people way to crowed and a little dance floor. The fat girls need to dress better and take off those little hoochie dresses. The guys hover all over the place making the club to crowded. They whole night was a waste that club really sucks. I am not kidding dont waste your time with these stuck up chicks from va. Dont understand why they think they are so muhc better than other people omg

  • the wolf

    yo what u need to do in va beach is skip the daddy girl bitches that hang out on shore drive, that shit is a waste of time. hit up atlantic blvd and try to pick up some russian housekeepers that moonlight as whores. mop up some young chicks in the seedy bars but be careful of protective idiots. otherwise, head across the HRBT to Hampton and its a goddamn chicken shoot up there. none of the Navy idiots, just enough white trash that if you walk in there “exotic” you will CLEAN up. Trust me, i know from experience. Just go to a resto with hot servers like Hooters, make friends, find out where they party after shift and go mop that shit up son!

  • Frank

    Va Beach was the worst. I’ll never go back
    there. Sorriest beach vacation I’ve
    ever been on. Yuck.

  • John

    All beaches on the East Coast suck except for Florida!

  • FREE-MAN!!

    I’m FREE!!!! I’m finally leaving this hell hole called Virginia in one month!!!..I’m not bitter. I will appreciate other places a lot more after being here for so many years..NEVER AGAIN>>I’m FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • maverick

    The wolf, What are some places in hampton to pick up white thrash?

  • OnMyOwnProgram

    Dude the VA Beach club scene is just snobby and pretentious, and the women that go to them are exactly the same way. Just because a woman “acts” as if she isnt interested in you dosent mean she isnt. Its just the womens game over here, and they love to stick to the pretentious game. We all know women play games right? Most women here would rather sit back and reject guys to look cool in front of theyre friends. Then once 0130 to 0145 comes around, when the fear of going home alone strikes, you start to see them get desprate while trying to keep theyre pride and coolness intact. Sometimes I think its a conspiracy to oppress men or something. Its all about the pussy power over here. Do women have to pay to get into clubs like peabodys, etc.? Now you see the matrix my friend..

    As far as navy guys go. From what ive seen most dont even bother to put them selves out there in this dating scene. Its just rather pathetic and most people just give up.

  • VBSUX

    I’ve lived here way too long… hated it when I arrived (some 20+ years ago), hate it even more now. The people are rude, the jet noise sucks, they can’t drive for shit…. not to mention the beach?!!!!? Really???!!! The military dumps their waste (meaning shit, piss, and whatever other ungodly materials you can think of) right off our coast. They even have bacterial warnings at times, that the bacteria levels are too high to safely swim!

    The police will look for some bullshit reason to harass you (mainly at the ocean front), you can’t even have an opened container of beer in your own yard! Yes, that’s right… if you are within public view, drinking a beer in your own front or back yard (the key being public view, which can be neighbors), the police can and WILL issue you a summons!

    Unfortunately, I have to wait for my husband to retire until we can get the hell out… but getting the hell out of this shit hole is what we will be doing!

    It’s dirty here, there is an out of control homeless population (that you will notice standing on the medians with signs at major intersections), everyone likes to mind everyone else’s business but their own. God forbid you are an attractive woman walking down the “strip”, you can be rest assured that some redneck wanna be bitch will holler some nasty adjective out the window at you just because you decided to take a walk.

    Racial tensions are high, crime is much higher than what is reported…. take a look at a lot of the ratings for hotels in the area… DIRTY! This is a poor excuse for a resort area, it’s a “poor man’s” resort at best. You might as well get together with a few hillbilly’s, a keg, and a bucket of kentucky fried chicken and call that a vacation.

    I can’t wait to get the hell out of here! Virginia Beach and the whole Commonwealth sucks!

  • cjohnson18711

    First of all, trying to pick up woman at the beach is about as lame as it gets. Woman don’t go to the beach to have horny hairy men drool all over them. Stick to the night clubs for your whack attempts to get laid. And for those who complain about how much of a shit hole VB is, obviously you haven’t been to other areas of the United States… if you have then you’ll come to appreciate the cleaniness, hospitality family atmosphere that VB has to offer.

  • VBSUX

    @ cjohnson18711 I have been all over the East and the West Coast, the beaches in Mexico and Jamaica as well…That being said, I am entitled to MY opinion that Virginia Beach sucks. I’ve lived in this “shithole” for more than 30 years, and the ONLY reason I remain is in lieu of my husband’s retirement.

    Hospitality, family atmosphere… obviously you haven’t walked the boardwalk after dark, or be looking out of a “family” establishemt’s window (Flipper McCoy’s) at about 8:30 p.m.,(off season) and see 3 guys walk by, while one of them whips his genitalia out and proceeds to urinate! I could go on and on. I would not consider that action hospitable in any way shape or form, none the less a “family atmosphere”, nor would I consider the action itself let alone clean, but actually quite unsanitary.

    (Just a little FYI… my husband is a public official, so I think I might have a better idea than the average Joe.)

    I’ve voiced my opinion, among others that share the same. I am even in the process of purchasing a house on the West Coast. Virginia Beach is a shithole! Three more years…

  • Michael

    You must be one of scenester hardcore faggots who cant fight one on one.

    Faggots like you get wrecked, don’t kid yourself.