When Girls Say They Got Tested For STDs

A line I’ve heard in bed more than any other is “I got tested.” What every guy translates that to is “I’m 100% clean… put that shit in raw big boy.” But let’s re-evaluate this. The problem with “I got tested” is it leaves out three very important pieces of information:

1. When? When exactly did she get tested? I can say I got tested for HIV and technically that would be true, but that was over a year ago and the only reason I got tested was because girls kept saying I probably was infected and going to die soon and needed treatment. Girls get gynecological exams once a year at most, so it could have been many months since she was tested.

2. What? Specifically what STDs did she get tested for? Chances are it’s just HPV (pap smear). The doctor will examine the cervix for signs of things like chlamydia (80% of girls with this have zero symptoms… long story on why I know this), but unless the girl is honest with the doctor by saying how many hundreds of partners she’s had, there will be no specific tests. So “I got tested” could really mean “I got visually inspected.” Speaking of inspection, it’s interesting that guys will ask more questions about a cell phone they are about to buy than a girl they are about to have unprotected sex with.

3. Who? Since getting “tested,” how many sexual partners has she had? And out of those men, how many played “just the tip” while she was drunk and in no position to resist the raw snake? Having unprotected sex with another man after getting tested sort of nullifies the test, but a girl will never add this information. She shouldn’t have to, and do you know why???

IT’S THE MAN’S RESPONSIBILITY WHERE HE PUTS HIS DICK IN. I don’t buy that “she gave me” garbage. You gave it to yourself. You’re an adult and you have very close to 100% control over what happens to you. Girl’s omit information, but so do guys.

The next time a girl tells you she got tested, unless you are going to ask her these questions, which you won’t unless you’re seeing her for longer than four days, wrap your junk up. But if you have health insurance then dip your hot wick wherever you please! Unfortunately I don’t have health insurance. :neutral:

P.S. I highly recommend Trustex brand condoms. Here’s how they look like:

trustex-extra-large.jpg

In case you can’t see the text, it says EXTRA LARGE. I’m not saying I’m like a can of Pepsi, but these pleasantly thin condoms do provide a comfortable fit. It’s time to order another month’s supply (box of 100).

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  • D

    I think in order to use those condoms you need to have sex with a girl. In order to have sex with a girl you need to post about or else my life is boring in a cubicle roosh

  • http://culinarycouture.wordpress.com Lemmonex

    What kind of girls are you talking to? When anyone I know says they got tested, they got tested. As in blood was taken… Your doc taking a glance at your gyne does not a clean bill of health make…

    Lemmonex’s last blog post: Class Act.

  • http://jackgoesforth.blogspot.com Jack Goes Forth

    I’m about as broke as they come and still managed to find insurance for about 100 a month. It may be worth it considering your, ahem, lifestyle.

    And please admit that you’ve been one of those guys who played a little game called just the tip when you’re drunk and in bed with a drunk girl… you know… just to see how it feels. :)

    Jack Goes Forth’s last blog post: Bar Vampire Girl.

  • http://vksempireofdirt.com Virgle Kent

    “it’s interesting that guys will ask more questions about a cell phone they are about to buy than a girl they are about to have unprotected sex with”

    Come on now I need to know if the phone has three way speaker phone option, google maps and a 5 megapixel camera with flash.

    When girls ask me if I’ve been with anyoen else I just tell them to

    “smell my dick”

    True story, you know what I’m talking about! PLAY IT!

  • http://www.shebangsshebangs.blogspot.com namaste

    Who on earth are these people having hundreds of sexual partners?

    Fyi: pap smears look for abnormal cervical cells which may or may not indicate the presence of HPV. Pap smears traditionally accompany tests for chlamydia and gonnorhea by default simply because they are both cheap tests and easy to see (bacterial matter on a slide).

    However, unless a person shows symptoms for HPV or HSV I or II (the herpes virus), then chances are they have it but never know it. If you have ever received an unprotected blow job, then you have been orally exposed to HSV-I. And if you have ever had sex period (protected or not) you have been exposed to HPV simply from skin-to-skin contact. Everyone has it. That said, it is always wise to use a condom to minimize risk of exposure to these and all STDs, of course.

    namaste’s last blog post: Flashbacks.

  • Aja

    cosco size

    do you get a little happy knowing you are on you’re on your last condom and you need to get refills?

  • http://www.therawness.com T

    Condoms are for betas. If it ain’t raw it ain’t right. Any true alpha only needs a few tests:

    *does she not look clean?
    *Have a lower back tattoo?
    *3 tats or more (slut, sorry)
    *when hip-hop songs come on, is she dancing a two-step or doing Atlanta ghetto stripper moves
    *brags/complains about having dated thugs and badboys in the past
    *loves her some drugs

    And even then you should still think twice before using one. Just sayin’

    T’s last blog post: Commenter Contest and More Misc. Stuff.

  • Aja

    Tangent

    It would be interesting if they put sizes in numbers related to circumference and length of your junk, i.e. xl 7×7 ++, l 5×5 + (there is no medium), s 4×3 — (no xsmall, because no one would admit to that).

  • http://www.sunglassrepublic.com Shine Shine

    Always stay strapped, no matter how hot she is. A few minutes of pleasure aren’t worth the consequences.

  • Generate

    “just put the tip in” – jokes! I thought I was the only one who said that…..

  • http://www.kassyk.wordpress.com KassyK

    Namaste is right–as is this post in general-

    Most people think they are getting tested for “everything” but unless you are ASKING for a Herpes 1 and 2 test, an HIV test and a syphillis (spelling sorry) test, then all you are getting is your BASIC pap…and not all drs even test for chlamydia and gon then…

    If you are having multiple partners…you should be tested for EVERYTHING at least once every 6 months…

    Lemmonex–Some of my friends, have said they have been tested for “everything” but when they go back and ask their drs what “everything” was…it was ONLY HIV.

    Scary right?

    So all these people are infected and don’t know and spread it.

    Even as monogamous person who has been tested for everything at least once a year, I make sure that my tests are full and complete for my knowledge and my partners.

    A lot of people just don’t know.

    AND let me say that soo many men carry HPV for years and have no signs or symptoms…and the test for men for it is not super accurate or easy so most guys are never tested for it.

    Sorry for the ramble…

  • http://www.kassyk.wordpress.com KassyK

    Oh and ps–all of my friends who had that happen went back, and asked for full tests for personal knowledge but many people just shrug it off.

    KassyK’s last blog post: Easily one of the funniest, most interesting movies. EVER..

  • GMoney

    I caught a nasty STD from a girl when I was 19. It was called the Baby virus, and it costs you money every month for 18 years. I’ll take a shot of penicillin any day over another 18 years of child support. What is the best condom for a guy shaped like a hocky puck?

  • Anonymous

    Notes from the female camp:
    Most guys start out agreeing to use a condoms, but as time goes on they inevitably try to talk a girl out of using condoms “just to see what it feels like” for “just a few minutes, etc.”. Some women remain steadfast and firm on this issue, but a LOT of women also cave in. Does any of this sound familiar eh, guys? Honestly, you really don’t care and would do it all the time without one if you could get away with it, even for a short time…until the mysterious 18 year”Baby Virus” hits of course.

  • http://www.therawness.com T

    Notes from the female camp:
    Most guys start out agreeing to use a condoms, but as time goes on they inevitably try to talk a girl out of using condoms “just to see what it feels like” for “just a few minutes, etc.”. Some women remain steadfast and firm on this issue, but a LOT of women also cave in. Does any of this sound familiar eh, guys? Honestly, you really don’t care and would do it all the time without one if you could get away with it, even for a short time…until the mysterious 18 year”Baby Virus” hits of course.

    Honestly, I think women are just as guilty of this, especially when they get more and more feelings for the guy. No way is this primarily a guy thing.

    T’s last blog post: Commenter Contest and More Misc. Stuff.

  • Anonymous

    Trustex?..must be some hand made shit from a Chineese province…I can see it now some 60 year old Mandarin speaker sitting there and pulling latex out of some oven, only to hang it on some dirty laundry rope till it dries.

    I like that its bootleg extra large size (aka, larger than an average Chineese 2 inch) Good look on a 100 pack though, saves a lot of money.

  • Anonymous

    Girls are more likely to cave in under pressure as they want to please their man and don’t want to lose him.

    We like using condoms – it makes cleaning up after so much easier and efficient than having it run down your leg!

  • Uncle Hugy

    I’m glad to see you stocked up on the EXTRA LARGE SIZE, Son. Every man should have a goal in life, and it gives you something to “shoot” for. LOL!!!!!

  • http://www.therawness.com T

    Girls are more likely to cave in under pressure as they want to please their man and don’t want to lose him.

    We like using condoms – it makes cleaning up after so much easier and efficient than having it run down your leg!

    Trust me, when you have a girl really open on you or believes it’s love or “the real thing”, they will push and pressure much harder than any guy to get you not to use a condom. They’ll bring up love, emotion, whatever it takes. My friends and I have compared many a story about this. Like with sex in general, women may not push for no condoms as OFTEN as guys, but once they feel there’s a real love connection and get emotionally invested, they’re downwright monomaniacal about it.

    T’s last blog post: Commenter Contest and More Misc. Stuff.

  • http://roissy.wordpress.com roissy

    when you have a girl really open on you or believes it’s love or “the real thing”, they will push and pressure much harder than any guy to get you not to use a condom.

    T is right. this is because deep down at the subconscious level women want to get pregnant by the men they have given their love to.

    looking back, women i dated pushed for condomless sex almost as often as i did, just in a more passive roundabout way, as is the wont of their mercurial gender. plus, they can feel a difference too. a wrapped rod doesn’t hit the walls and work the middle like a raw dog.

    roissy’s last blog post: My First Experience With A 10.

  • Anonymous

    Namaste: ” If you have ever received an unprotected blow job, then you have been orally exposed to HSV-I. And if you have ever had sex period (protected or not) you have been exposed to HPV simply from skin-to-skin contact. Everyone has it. That said, it is always wise to use a condom to minimize risk of exposure to these and all STDs, of course.”

    You are quite wrong. The CDC has a website with all the statistics and not everyone has HPV, HSV – 1 or HSV-2. You really should read up on the REAL statistics from the actual source that collects all the data. Cosmopolitan should not be your main source of info.

    Yes, many people have been exposed to HPV. Most clear the infection in 2 years, a small number do not. But people can be reinfected with a new HPV virus.

    There are about 40 DIFFERENT forms of the virus and being infected with one kind does not prevent you from being infected with a different kind later. Additionally, 1 specific form accounts for 50% of all cervical cancer cases.

    Most people who have HPV never know it. But don’t mistake that for meaning that most people in the world have HPV.

    To assume an attitude of “Everyone has it” encourages a blase attitude towards protecting one’s self and partners. I think you realized that yourself which is why you tossed in your last sentence as an after thought.

    Anyone who thinks there’s no point in protecting her self because she has probably already been exposed is naive.

    Perhaps I’m reading you wrong and what you’re trying to say is that one should assume that every sex partner one has carries every STD known to mankind and monkey and take precautions, but it didn’t come off that way.

    KassyK – Getting tested every 6 months is pointless if you are having multiple partners. You would need to be tested after EVERY new partner if you are trying protect the people who you are having sex with. Even at that, you will can false negatives.

    Speaking of which, none of you seem to be concerned about Hepatitis C. You can carry that virus and not develop enough antibodies to show up positive on a titer screening until the disease goes active years down the road. Even once it’s active it can take 3 months to develop a positive titer. Meanwhile, you’ve been infecting all your partners because you got tested every 6 months and it was “negative”. Did you know that Hepatitis is the most common reason for liver transplants?

    You don’t want to use a condom? Fine. That’s your lifestyle choice. But don’t lie to yourself and say it’s a decision based on sound reasoning and responsible actions. You are playing russian roulette with your life.

    Personally, I just don’t get that. Maybe because I battle a chronic incurable life threatening disease acquired genetically and if doctors discovered a cure that was as simple as giving up chocolate (ok, maybe that’s not so simple) for the rest of my life, I would DO IT IN A HEARTBEAT.

    Too bad some of you can’t live a month in the shoes of someone with cancer or liver failure, then you might stop taking your good health for granted.

  • Dr K

    I have heard so many girls and guys tell me that they routinely get tested – it makes me sick about how nonchalantly people throw that phrase around. Having worked (unfortunately) in the Miami STD clinic, I have seen my share of warts, chancres, blisters, dripping Gonorrhea, Kaposi’s Sarcoma (tumour associated with HIV/AIDS), you name it.

    At an STD clinic, people are given the option to be tested for EVERY STD out there by physicians who are trained in taking samples which would yield accurate results. Unfortunately, at your local family practitioner or gynecologist, if the tests are even done correctly, they may not test for everything out there. It is the law that you have to sign a consent form to be tested for HIV. If your physician did not give you a long form to sign giving permission to test your blood for HIV, then you were NOT tested!
    ((This stupid law is especially problematic for people like myself. if I stick myself with a needle in the operating room, and the patient does not give me permission to test him/her for HIV, I will not know if I contracted anything.))

    I was talking to a girl (whom I used to date) a few weeks ago, and the subject of testing came up. She, like many other people, assumes that by wearing using a condom, she eliminates her chances of contracting an STD. People mistakenly believe that the statistic “condoms decrease pregnancy rate by 98%” also applies to STDs. In fact, this statistic applies only to PERFECT condom use, and only for preventing pregnancy (the main reason being that condoms contain spermacide). The reality is that most people don’t really spend the time to read the directions, and the true pregnancy rate is actually as high as 18%. That means there is a one in five chance that you will knock up a girl (chances of killing yourself by playing Russian Roulette: 1/6 – much better).

    Now, since we are talking about STDs, condoms USED PROPERLY, reduce the transmission: of HIV/AIDS by 85% (still 15% chance you can get HIV), HPV (the virus which causes cervical cancer) by 70% (still 30% chance that you can get it). Things like HPV and crabs can be transmitted by areas of the body which are not covered, e.g. pubic hair. Thankfully some diseases like Syphilis, Gonorrhea, and Chlamydia area treatable with simple antibiotics if caught early. If you wait and ignore the symptoms, there are complications from sterility to heart problems and permanent paralysis.

    [Nota Bene: every girl reading this should go out and get the GARDASIL vaccine. except of course the idiots in Texas and the rest of bible belt who think their teenage daughters are not having sex, and this vaccine will in fact promote promiscuity instead of preventing cervical cancer.]

    Well, anyway, lets say you get tested and you were not lucky enough to have contracted Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, or any of the other wonderful treatable diseases. Instead you got perhaps HIV, Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C, or Herpes. Well, now you are FUCKED! FUCKED, FUCKED, FUCKED!!! For one night (most likely for 7-10 minutes) with that 22 year old you got drunk at the club, you have just committed yourself to a lifetime of taking 5-10 pills a day to prevent these viruses from tearing your body apart. Instead, the drugs will give you diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, depression, insomnia, anorexia, fatigue, muscle pain, and a shit load of other problems. But no worries, because you have knocked 10-20 years off of your lifespan.

    So what is the point of getting tested?? Are you going to stop whoring around if you find out you have HIV or Hep C!? I cannot offer a solution.
    You could follow what i do: first a layer of saran wrap, then aluminum foil (not only a great barrier, but also increases cell phone reception), and seal it with duck tape. This helps with protection, as well as adding some bulk for those members of society less well-endowed than Roosh V.

    I hope I’ve shed some light on the subject.

  • http://www.bittersweetamalgam.com Angelo De La Vega

    STDs, a topic near and dear to my… heart. Try listerine, it kills germs by the millions ON CONTACT.

    Angelo De La Vega’s last blog post: As Clean as Listerine.

  • http://[email protected] Chic Noir

    “And out of those men, how many played “just the tip” while she was drunk and in no position to resist the raw snake”

    Roosh would you consider ^^^ rape? Plenty of women do.

    IT’S THE MAN’S RESPONSIBILITY WHERE HE PUTS HIS DICK IN

    Thank you Thank you Thank you. Unless she pinned you down, you can not blame the woman.

  • Roosh

    Chic…

    I forgot to say that after punching myself in the stomach i’d most likely automatically dump any girl who gave me an std, esp. after saying how thoroughly she got tested

  • anon

    Shit, I thought pouring Listerine all over my dick afterwards would do…

  • http://www.kassyk.wordpress.com KassyK

    DrK–I agree with you…when I get tested, its for HEP as wel, its for EVERYTHING you can get tested for…including all blood work that is nonSTD related as well.

    I don’t know if the second part was related to me, but I used condoms with a monogamous partner for five YEARS.

    I am definately pro-condom…and I threw in to get tested every 6 months because most people do it yearly and I know they are not going to go after every partner the way I did when I was single (I am more paranoid than most I think).

    That being said…you are right. When I said get tested for everything…HEP is 100% on that list.

  • http://journals.aol.com/r32r38/Ironrailsironweights/ Peter

    Things like HPV and crabs can be transmitted by areas of the body which are not covered, e.g. pubic hair.

    Not much of a concern for most women today, is it?

  • http://journals.aol.com/r32r38/Ironrailsironweights/ Peter

    like HPV and crabs can be transmitted by areas of the body which are not covered, e.g. pubic hair.

    Guess that’s sort of irrelevant for most women today :( ((

  • http://www.phatrags.com/menstshirts/a-little-game-called-just-the-tip-shirt_159.html Averagejoe
  • DoItRight

    DR. K is right. Condoms when used PROPERLY only protect you 85% from HIV, that is a 15% chance you might get something that will KILL you. Definitely not worth it.

    Even if a girl says she got tested, there are “window” periods where if she slept with someone else the test will show up negative. Oh yeah, during this “window” the chances of transmission are exponentially higher.

    I don’t mean to kill the party, but as cool as it is to bang out dumb sluts from Adams Morgan, getting the ninja (HIV) is not worth it. If you want to crush guts; take the girl to lunch, then the clinic, then a coffee shop. See her results, put her in a quarantine for 6 weeks, test her again, then bang her.

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  • Anonymous

    Well..if she’s a regular blood donor she’ll be clean for syphillis, HIV, and Hepatitis B/C…they test the blood and will ban you from donating if you’re infected with anything

  • Anonymous Girl

    Wow. I think you forgot the most important question. WHY? This will give you more insight into her than any of the above.

  • hank

    std clinics will give a paper with the name, date and what was tested for. In big cities there are public or private clinics that test for free. check your city or county website. They have rapid HIV tests that give results in 30 minutes for free at testing sites.
    I’m OK with just a negative HIV test in the last 6 months. If a chick wont provide that you shouldnt fuck her at all and definately not without a condom. Of course you should ask her if she has anything and when she was tested.
    The other diseases arent life threatening or are curable and there is no good test for herpes if the sores arent present. Ive heard that most adults have HPV. Once you go to commited partner stage both of you should get tested for everything.

  • Eva

    @ Rioussy: just b/c u imagine the vitrol U doesn’t make it true. No woman would want Ur retarted offspring…and ps, a condom slightly increases a man’s girth, so it’s usually better 4 a woman. RU a teenager? Or a virgin??

  • http://universityofman.wordpress.com Professor Mentu

    My research shows there are significant trends for STDs and STD transmission (two very different things). At the risk of sounding like a huge bigot, I’d advise men to stay away from the following:

    1. Black chicks
    2. Chicks who sleep with black guys
    3. Chicks over the age of 24 without an undergraduate degree
    5. Chicks who grew up in a home with a combined income of less than $45k annually
    6. Chicks who do drugs harder than weed on a regular basis

    Keep in mind that girls who are at risk for HIV also have double the risk of anal HPV. From the records I’ve seen, most girls are clean, but the ones that are dirty are filthy.

    Please do your research before you jump into my shit. I raw dog 80% of the time, but I minimize my chances of catching super germs by sleeping with girls outside of the categories I listed above.

  • Anon

    Professor Mentu is spot on.

    I’ve been tested twice in the past 6 months and have been dry for 10. I just lost respect for women in general after REALLY paying attention. The average chick of age 25 will have had over 35 partners and that’s an understatement. Don’t trust a word they say, cause chances are your best friend is more than acquainted.

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