Womanly Advice

If you take a look back at the history of man, you will not find one instance where an average woman’s advice about dating or relationships was better than an average man’s.

When you ask a woman for advice, she doesn’t tell you what works in a world based on reality; instead, she tells you what would work in a perfect, harmonius world where attention is free and plentiful, where no one hurts each other and no one plays any games. She tells you what would work if no one got punished for expressing feelings and interest. She tells you advice that always seems to work in television and movies where the beta always gets the beautiful girl. (Not suprisingly, most mainstream movies are written by beta white guys.)

Want to talk to a girl? “Go tell her how beautiful she is. Her heart will melt.”

Girl not putting out in a timely manner? “Be patient and get to know her better. She will reward you with intense passion.”

Marriage getting a little loveless? “Send her on a week-long spa vacation. She will come back home ready to cook and clean with gusto once again.”

Girlfriend spending your money at expensive dinners? “Spoil her and treat her like the princess she is. The monetary investment will come back ten-fold with eternal love.”

In love with a girl who has a alpha-male jerk boyfriend? “Spend quality time with her and remind her how much better you will treat her. Eventually she will dump the alpha for you, an emotional sack of love who loves going down on women.”

Listening to advice from woman is like asking a car dealer what’s the best way to deal with other car dealers. They are not going to sell out their kind.

At risk of sounding like a Seinfeld episode, I think every man should do the opposite of what a woman says. A woman’s advice is pretty typical anyways: they either tell you to give more attention (i.e. try harder) or be patient. When you hear these, it usually means you are probably putting in too much work and need to withhold attention while being more firm with your needs. Your best bet is always to get advice from a man who actually, you know, fucks women.

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  • http://grownsup.blogspot.com phi

    I think people in general like to fill in the gaps with idealism when they have no experience to draw from. I’m guilty of it sometimes too.

  • http://www.kassyk.blogspot.com KassyK

    I am lol…seriously LOL.

    Guys are funny.

  • Mandy

    You’re right–the sexiest thing you can give another person is your attention. That said, when guys don’t lavish girls with attention, we wonder what’s wrong with us and are forced to try harder. Plus, it makes us think that you’re confident and mysterious. That’s sexy. BUT if you take it too far, the girl’s just gonna think you’re being an asshole (and maybe she’s read He’s Just Not That Into You, which was like the Bible for a few girls I knew a couple years ago).

    Ultimately, I think you can get girls if you’re a Beta. The clincher is that there must be sexual attraction. Being a gentleman is sexy; being a doormat is not. Having your own life is sexy; coming on too strong/being creepy is not.

    I had to laugh when I read your comments about women’s advice to other women…it sounds like Confucius on a fortune cookie.

  • http://www.hedonisticpleasureseeker.wordpress.com hedonistic

    I agree with Phi: They’re giving advice when they have no experience. So here’s the old lady hindsight. Note the theme BUY A CLUE runs through all of it, because people really DO communicate clearly if you’re paying proper attention:

    1) When a woman digs a man she’s obvious about it, almost pathetically so. When men convince themselves that women are just playing “hard to get” or “just don’t know what they’re missing” and continue to pursue them anyway they’re bordering on delusional stalkerdom (PS: I have 3 delusional stalkerdudes right now). Buy a clue: She doesn’t want to fuck you, GET OVER IT!

    2) “Marriage getting a little loveless? Send her on a week-long spa vacation. She will come back home ready to cook and clean with gusto once again.? What the FUCK? She’s pissed because she’s working at a paid job AND has to cook and clean while you watch TV and spout Man Laws from the sofa. How is a week long vacation going to change anything? Marriage a little loveless? There is nothing sexier to a working wife or mother than the sight of a man PUSHING A GODDAMN VACCUM CLEANER. She’s not your fucking maid so buy a clue: Hire a housekeeper if you are unwilling to do your share of the household labor.

    3) Definition of “Alpha Jerk Boyfriend”: The guy who is fucking the girl you want. He’s probably no more or less of a jerk than you would be if you were fucking her, seriously. News flash: If she wanted you she’d dump him. She hasn’t. Buy a clue and MOVE ON.

  • yay hedo

    LOL. Too true.

  • http://www.kathrynon.com Kathryn

    ??? I mean, sure, in GENERAL. But on FDDC, not so much. You are much harsher, for sure, but I’ve certainly given my share of “move on, moron” advice.

  • http://www.hedonisticpleasureseeker.wordpress.com hedonistic

    Test post: Nice Guy &Trade

    (Did the “TM” show after Nice Guy? Oui, non?)

    There was quite a spunky thread going on over at Pandagon.net last summer (?) concerning the entitled delusions of the Fake Nice Guy, and the authors and frequent commenters have given Nice Guy its own trade symbol ever since. Some of the threads have several hundred comments apiece!

    You know who they are: Those guys who really believe that because they’e nice guys they deserve to have a pile of naked cheerleaders land on top of them and start an orgy. They’re the guys who always whine about the “Alpha Jerk Boyfriends” of the women they want to fuck but can’t. “But I’m a NICE GUY!!! WAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!”

    The answer to the typical But I’m a Nice Guy whine is: Being a decent human being is a necessary condition,just not a sufficient one, to Get the Girl. She has to WANT to fuck you, which means you have to be attractive by HER definition, NOT YOURS. Buy a cluuuuuuuuuuuuue, moron . . .

    Like DTMFA (dump the mothafucka already), “buy a clue moron” should be a canned response to 99% of the lovelorn.

  • Spanky

    “Not suprisingly, most mainstream movies are written by beta white guys.”

    Um, you mean that very wealthy, creative folks who manage to negotiate all the bullshit of studios and the film industry to have their films produced and screened in thousands of theaters around the world, drawing in millions and millions of dollars? Yeah, they’re such fucking pussies.

  • Anonymous

    Hedonistic is one bitter cunt

  • Anonymous

    what about approaching the whole process like everyone isn’t trying to use everyone else for their own benefit? I’m sensing a common theme here and it seems like everyone has already passed judgement on everyone else that talks to them. it does not make sense to me.

  • http://authoritarianist.blogspot.com/ Authoritarianist

    Good post. I have NEVER, repeat NEVER, gotten good advice about women from women. When it used to be offered to me (I’m no longer willing to accept it), it was of the “just be yourself” or “if she doesn’t like you then it’s her loss” variety of bullshit…nothing concrete, no tactics…just Sound of Music/inspirational crap.

    I now suspect that the women giving me advice in the past were maybe a little hurt that I wasn’t using the advice on them.

  • http://www.loupickney.com Lou P.

    Excellent post. I learned years ago that most women give terrible dating advice to men.

  • http://www.hedonisticpleasureseeker.wordpress.com hedonistic

    Authoritarianist, those women who were telling you “just be yourself” and “it’s their loss” were telling you the truth and giving you good response, it’s just that they were trying to be NICE about it. Because god forbid they be blunt.

    - OF COURSE be yourself. You can’t HELP but be yourself; if you’re putting up a front she’ll figure you out in the long run anyway. Women are pretty smart.

    - “It’s her loss” is just a nice way of saying “Buy a clue, move on, moron.”

  • Charlotte

    I decided to stop watching romantic comedies. They are my favorite genre, but they were distorting my worldview.

  • http://wendysmightyminutiae.blogspot.com Wendy

    Do I fit the norm? My advice to women concerning men: Treat them like shit. Don’t do anything they want. Pretend you don’t care. Go out with another guy. Never return his calls. He will come crawling back begging to marry.

    That is how I did it.

  • Roissy

    wendy, yes, assuming you’re a hot, young, slender chick your advice leavened with feminine flair will work on most men. but then if you’re hot, you really don’t need to — those men on whom your gameplaying would’ve entrapped into marriage are likely to be the same kinds of men who would’ve crawled on all fours for you without the hard-to-get strategy.

    if you’re ugly or fat (really, the same thing) then the gameplaying will at best improve your odds at the margins with the betas. regardless of your genetic fortunes, real men will see right through it. they can afford to see clearly, because they have options.

  • Daily Misogynist

    Not only do women give bad advice, but when they actually try to help you out in field, they end up cockblocking you. Instead of winging for you, they end up monopolizing the conversation with your target.

  • http://www.shebangsshebangs.blogspot.com namaste v.

    Nice switch.

  • Roissy

    phi, taking love advice from women is like triggering the heisenberg principle — the very act of asking for the advice changes the nature of the answer.

    rage against the id shrieked:
    “(PS: I have 3 delusional stalkerdudes right now). ”

    sounds like you attract some real winners.

    “attractive by HER definition, NOT YOURS.”

    funny how guys can learn seduction tactics, use them on all sorts of women with all sorts of different definitions of what constitutes attractive, and improve their meet to bedroom ratio.

    “OF COURSE be yourself.”

    what if being himself isn’t working?

    “Women are pretty smart.”

    is britney spears smart?

  • Mitch

    hedonistic is funny.

  • http://hedonisticpleasureseeker.wordpress.com/files/2006/10/drewscreaming.jpg hedonistic

    Roissy: What if being himself isn’t working? How about a personality transplant?

  • http://www.hedonisticpleasureseeker.wordpress.com hedonistic

    Whenever a clever or wise woman laughs at the naivete of young, insecure paramours they call her “bitter.” I find that very amusing, because ironically it’s the abandoning this struggle that actually brings on the peace, happiness and great sex.

    There is so much wrong with the traditional mating dance that a smart person can’t help but mock it. We’re all idiots if we stubbornly insist on playing the game under the old rules. It’s all this bullshit that brings on the grief! To BOTH parties, incidentally.

    So here’s a seduction “technique” for you Casanovas out there: Forget the surface bullshit and zoom in on the energy: Two human beings connecting. Awesome GAME, dudes. Plug into each other properly and the lights will come on and you’ll both turn into sex fiends. Miss the mark, and you’ll remain in the dark, keeping company with your left hands. Your choice.

  • mhm

    “two human beings connecting. Awesome GAME, dudes. Plug into each other properly and the lights will come on and you’ll both turn into sex fiends. Miss the mark, and you’ll remain in the dark, keeping company with your left hands. Your choice.

    And when you can fake that you truly have game.

  • lady bizness

    I have one piece of advice for my single male friends: If you treat girls like shit, you only attract shitty girls. And by shitty I mean loaded with emotional baggage and/or batshit crazy. I’ve seen it happen over and over. Only girls who are chock-full of “issues” are willing to put up with overt disrespect.

  • Roissy

    some boring drone:
    “How about a personality transplant?”

    you have some familiarity with this procedure?
    here’s a tip:
    spare no expense.

    “Whenever a clever or wise woman…”

    you misspelled ‘old’.

    “the abandoning this struggle”

    have you always considered meeting and seducing the opposite sex to be a struggle?

    “stubbornly insist on playing the game under the old rules.”

    let us know how your project in reshaping human nature goes.
    not holding breath.

    “Forget the surface bullshit and zoom in on the energy:”

    the surface bullshit is necessary but not sufficient. or were you unaware of that expression?
    heh.

  • Anon

    Never trust something that bleeds for days and doesn’t die…

  • vb

    nice.

  • xoxo

    Only wimps ask for advice.

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  • anon

    test :banana:

  • Black man

    There is one piece of advce Ive received from a woman that all of you would agree with re. Dating.

    MOVE FASTER!

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  • Joe Dick

    women’s advice in general is mindless crap, especially dating. It’s like asking a crazy man how a country should be ruled

  • Joe Dick

    32 Black man

    that’s not advice, that’s useless shit that women say. ‘Move faster’. ‘Be confident’, etc, all mindless junk

  • 119 S Parkway

    If this page is ever read again

    What we need is a Hollywood film written by a dude who is a real Ayer and an alpha jerk with a how to emphasis for the men watching on how its done and what really works on the street. That would be so cool to watch and learn.