Hello, I am an American girl who lives in Washington DC. Do you think you have what it takes to date me? I’ll go on a coffee date with a man who has all of the following:
I want you to be confident, but not so confident that you’re arrogant.
I want you to be witty and engaging in conversation, but not too witty that you make me feel dumb.
I want you to be intelligent, but not too intelligent that you’re a nerd.
I want you to be nice, but not too nice that you’re a pushover.
I want you to be fit and strong, but not so strong that you’re vain and look like a freak.
I want you to be funny, but not so funny that you’re a stand-up comedian.
I want you to be family oriented, but not so family oriented that you’re a momma’s boy.
I want you to take all my bullshit, but not the bullshit that is actually testing your masculinity.
I want you to compliment me, but not too much that I think you’re needy.
I want you to be aggressive in bed, but not so aggressive that I don’t feel any romance and tenderness.
I want you to be supportive when I have problems, but not so supportive that you’re like my dad.
I want you to take care of your appearance, but not so much that you look better than me.
I want you to have a successful job, but not so successful that you work long hours and neglect my needs.
I want you to be humble, but not so humble that other men come across as more accomplished than you.
I want you to be kind and send me flowers, but not too often or I’ll think you like me more than I like you.
I want you to be faithful, but not so faithful that I can’t at least suspect you could cheat with other women.
I want you to be serious, but not so serious that you’re not spontaneous and fun.
I want you to be a great conversationalist, but not so great that I have to wait long to tell you how I broke my nail.
Unless you fit every single one of above criteria, FUCK OFF. I don’t date LOSERS that are scared of a strong woman who speaks her mind. Also I know I have a big booty, but I don’t date black guys (I’m not racist because my BFF is black). I hope you don’t mind a full-figured woman who is at a healthy body weight.
Oh yeah, I have a 8-year-old daughter who I love WITH ALL MY HEART. You’re not going to get with this unless you can handle that. Don’t waste my time. Bye.