You arrive late to your house after a rough day, starving. You haven’t eaten in twelve hours. Every carry-out shop seems to be closed. The last thing you want to do is cook but you have to eat so you decide to whip up a tomato and onion omelet. You slam a frying pan on the stove and take out a cutting board to chop up the vegetables. You’re chopping the tomato as fast as you can but in your haste the blade slices your index finger and you scream in pain as blood sprays on the floor. You have to go to the hospital. You buy an Almond Joy from the vending machine in the waiting room.

A few times over the past year I have resorted to using anger on girls who weren’t responding in the way I desired. While superficially it seemed to get them back in line, I can now firmly conclude that it’s an unfruitful path that leads to negativity and unhappiness.

Many times I’ve been out on a first date with a girl who turned out to be different than when I met her. Her sass has been replaced by biting remarks and her charm replaced by constant challenges and tests. She seems moody and distracted. Is there a way to respond that can salvage the interaction? Unfortunately no. Once a person makes a decision to use poison in a relationship the only antidote is complete withdrawal, not to respond with the same poison.

“Thanks for wasting my time tonight by acting like a bitch.”

There are two different responses you will get to a statement like this. The first is the girl gets extremely offended and soon leaves. The second is the girl mocks offense but actually gets turned on. In the latter case you think calling her out “worked” and you’ll soon be rewarded with the compassionate and loving girl you wanted all along. It doesn’t happen. She will simply butter you up enough so that you decide to continue the date until she soon hits you with something else that provokes the anger again. It begins to define the relationship and now it’s a game of emotions and one upmanship, not one of mutual sharing and enjoyment.

Anger begets anger. If you want any semblance of a positive relationship, understand that using anger will not accomplish this goal. Only positive qualities such as your intelligence, wit, humor, or warmth can elicit likewise in a woman. Like the expression goes, if you have to resort to anger, you’ve already lost. I’d like to modify that a bit. If you have to resort to anger, excuse yourself politely and feel sympathy for the next guy who takes her shit because he feels like he doesn’t have a choice. You do have a choice . If her “as is” presence is not working for you, then walk before she sours you on the female gender as a whole.

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