Every ideology has a corresponding narrative that attempts to explain the world to its adherents while giving them a basic blueprint of how to live. This task is made more difficult in a world that changes rapidly enough that the best blueprint of the 1990’s may cause you severe harm not 20 years later. Even the manosphere’s collective narrative has problems in explaining the purpose of why we are all here.
Almost every part of the manosphere believes in evolution, where the purpose of humanity is to survive and reproduce up to the limits of the food supply, with the implication that the most adaptable will win this game in a way that passes their genes on to the next generation more than the least adaptable. Many men are firm adherents of ideas stemming from the book The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins, which suggests that we are mere puppets for DNA molecules that only care about their own perpetuation, driven by their “selfish” need to replicate, as if they were conscious themselves.
At the same token that a man uses evolutionary theory to explain or justify behavior of men and women, he is purposefully going against its rules by not reproducing, or at least deliberately trying not to. There are many excuses given for this, some of which I’ve used myself:
- modern women don’t know how to be good mothers
- marriage and divorce laws are set up to encourage the destruction of your marriage with an outcome of your own destitution
- the culture is so damaged that you wouldn’t want to bring kids into this world
- being a provider is like slavery; it’s better to be a free man
- the state will try to tell you how to raise your kids
Reproduction is painted in a way where the costs far outweigh the benefits, especially after constructing rational lists like the one above that are strong enough to defeat the urgings of DNA puppet masters. We are in the middle of deevolutionary dysfunction where most men are consciously deciding to be genetic dead-ends while structuring their lives in ways that can be directly at odds with reproduction. They have made a firm decision never to have a family.
It’s important to ask why men had a family in the past. Some men, especially those of royalty, were conscious of their legacy and had children to pass on their blood line so that the family could continue to hold power. Other more fecund rulers, such as of the Mongolian or Aztecan variety, reproduced at such a rate that they must have had a direct line to Darwin himself, fully realizing that they had to spread their genes as much as possible. But it would take a great leap to claim that a man of average or below-average socioeconomic status—and whose survival was always a pressing concern—had a family principally to fulfill his genetic destiny. There were other factors at play that drove him to creating a family:
- tribal codes required him to marry a woman because it would aid the family (dowry)
- he wanted access to sex
- he feared loneliness
- he wanted to satisfy his god(s) to experience a heavenly after-life
- he wanted to increase his survivability
The last point is often not considered, but having a family in the past would have aided you in survival for the long run, strongly tilting your decision to have one. A man could focus single-mindedly on labor that maximized his resources at the same time a loyal wife at home attended to all his domestic needs. While having children incurred costs, it was only during the early portion of their lives. There was no social welfare or nursing homes in the past to aid a man once he aged, so his children was social welfare for him, especially once they got old enough to earn their own income. This ensured a life of less suffering.
It’s easy to see that a 40-year-old ancestral man with no family would’ve had a harder time surviving than a 40-year-old man with a family and three children in their teenage years who could perform basic labor, even if it was as simple as gathering wood in the winter.
In the past, having a family was, more than today, about creating your own personal tribe to help survive an existence that had fewer comforts. I have trouble believing that these ancestral men had a desire to reproduce for the sole reason of passing on their genes for posterity. They had a need to survive, which a family helped them with, and a need for sex, which feels good and is fun and I imagine was significantly harder to gain when there wasn’t a culture of nightclubs, Tinder, and post-Freudian sexual emancipation. The need to pass on your genes is actually so weak that even modern men who specifically know of the existence of DNA and how it’s the only part of us that can possibly survive after we are long gone effortlessly make the decision to not reproduce at all because of a handful of logical reasons that can come and go with the signing of a new law by politicians in the nation he resides in.
A man’s need to reproduce can’t only be to pass on his genes. If you can agree with this then that means society was structured in the past where having a family would help you survive and achieve the basic pleasures of being human, such as sex and companionship. Therefore we are not here to “survive and reproduce” but to “survive and reproduce if certain conditions are met.” But since modern society has eliminated those conditions that would have made reproduction a good bet, or at least a natural one, men are easily and quickly deciding to opt out of it entirely, oftentimes without any regret because of the many entertainments and pleasures he can still attain in its stead. In fact, having a family in some countries and with certain women can harm his survivability if, for example, he’s imprisoned after a divorce from refusing to pay alimony.
To accept that we are not here to blindly reproduce contradicts every narrative that takes evolution as fact. While I’m not attempting to completely claim evolution as false, it’s obvious that you and your peers are not actively structuring your life solely to reproduce, meaning reproduction can’t be your main purpose in life. It is a definite reason you’re here, and the need for sex is great, but your need to have babies is far lower than even trivial needs like listening to music, drinking alcohol, and checking your email. The fact that we are freed from the singular program of “survive and reproduce” gives us leeway to ascribe our own meaning in life to suit our particular nature, and many people do just that, but there is a big problem when that happens.
Nearly any purpose you can ascribe to your life, once you do it for enough years, will eventually become “boring” to you. You get your fill and then you stop doing it. Many people who believe they are living out their “purpose” are actually living out short or medium-term projects that only provide temporary meaning, and I can give you two examples which show this.
When I was in my early 20’s, all I wanted to do was have sex. Since I was a firm believer in evolution at the time, I easily concluded that having sex with a lot of women was compatible with evolution since my seed was being spread to as many women as possible (I ignored the part of me consciously not trying to reproduce with those women). Over the course of 10+ years, I had a lot of sex and structured my life where I could gain that sex from a variety of women across several continents. And then it got old.
Another purpose I found was to accumulate resources. I wanted to have a lot of money to be able to enjoy the finer things in life and also as a way to keep score against other males in terms of my own achievement. What I did not account for in this goal is what my money need was. It turns to be quite low. I prefer living in Eastern Europe where expenses are so modest that I can’t spend more than $2,000 a month no matter how hard as I try.
For many years I thought the best purpose I could ascribe to my life was getting laid with a variety of women while accumulating resources, but as I type this, I have a low desire to get laid with a random woman and less of a need to gain more resources than to simply maintain what I already have. Due to the experiences I’ve had and the increased income I earned, my needs changed and the “purpose” of my life no longer became a purpose but something in the background, a sort of maintenance program.
This brought out a lot of confusion for me, because evolutionary I was supposed to have the most amount of resources to reproduce, which was simulated at least partly by stacking a lot of cash and sleeping with many girls, but doing those above my true need was leading me to burn out or simply lose interest. If you are able to lose interest in something that is deemed a scientific and biological purpose of your life then how can it possibly be a true purpose? There had to be something else.
I looked into other things I was doing. I found one behavior that regardless of how much I did it, I never got tired of it. That need is to help other men through my writing and also to share information that aids them. As long as I had the ability to write, I did so in a way that was meant to achieve those ends, and the purpose I’m writing this right now is still aligned with that. The men who I help share a lot of beliefs with me, so I believe this is the “tribe” that I would have had in ancestral times, which is why I get a lot more satisfaction with writing that is intended for men similar to me than helping a random homeless man in the street who is in greater objective need.
Earlier I stated that ancestral man must have had other reasons to reproduce beyond only sharing his genes, and gave other ideas of what those reasons could be. Could we not also add that he reproduced to create his own personal tribe of people that he could help and share information and experiences to? Is having a family in the past that different from having a blog in the present?
These questions contradict directly with selfish theories of human behavior, which state we do absolutely nothing out of truly altruistic reasons that don’t, through some arduous mechanism, personally increase our own survivability and ability to reproduce, but such a theory can be discarded if we look at how mindlessly altruistic humans are in a way that has zero benefit to their survivability or reproduction. Maintaining a blog and forum is actually reducing my urge to have a family in the same way a woman is less likely to have a child if she owns a cat, which is not genetically related to her. Both blog and cat ease a human desire to have a child, and I’m sure there are many things in your life that do the same. For many people, it can be as trivial as spending an hour a day on Facebook.
A problem with the “survive and reproduce” model is that modern humans are doing everything they can to purposefully not reproduce even though they definitely have the resources and Darwinian strength to do so. The reason for this, I propose, is that modern life has allowed humans to achieve the things they need most in life that was only given through family in the past. Those include access to sex, alleviation of loneliness, easier survivability, and multiple methods to help fellow peers and share with them.
If we accept the proposition that there is no innate and all-encompassing desire in you to pass on your genetic material, that they are not the “gods” within you that direct and supervise all your behavior, and that the act of reproduction served multiple purposes that can now be achieved in ways without actually reproducing, it’s much easier to understand why Westernized countries have citizens who have stopped reproducing above their society’s death rate while the poorest countries in the world like Yemen and Niger are experiencing logarithmic birth rates.
People in Niger need to have a family to fulfill their basic human needs while people in the United States don’t. This means that until you, a Western citizen, stop getting those needs from outside of a family construct, there will not even be a nagging itch for you to have one. As long as I live in countries where sex outside of marriage is easy, where I can help thousands of men with the click of a button, and where gaining income is so simple that I can do it from the confines of a comfortable chair in my heated home, I will unlikely to make the sacrifices needed to raise a family. Even people without internet businesses have apps in their computerized phone that simulate instant communities and human connection, making it effortless to receive the attention and bonding that would otherwise have only been given by a family in the past.
Our purpose here is not only to reproduce. Humans are constructed so that reproduction and having a family is the most reliable means to get a host of essential life benefits, but those benefits and ends can now be achieved in artificial and virtual ways thanks to a modern life that includes high personal freedom, lack of rigid moral or living codes, frictionless pursuit of short-term hedonistic pleasure, and high adoption of technology that creates simulated tribe communities.
The more that a nation adopts the Western model, the more that their citizens will come up with their own “purpose” in life that does not include family, and so reproduction will not take place. This purpose, whether it’s chasing women, accumulating money, or becoming a social justice activist, is but a means and not an end, meaning than modern humans will constantly shift from one self-satisfying project to the next, looking for some sort of deeper meaning that can be found, but never fully satisfied as long as their own tribe is missing.