Are You The Player Or Are You Getting Played?

There are only two roles that can exist in any male-female relationship:

  • The player
  • The person who gets played

The player has the upper hand in the relationship. He or she dictates terms. He or she determines the frequency and depravity of sex. For the last girl you dated, I want you to ask yourself: were you the player or did you get played?

If you’re not sure, you got played. If you didn’t get what you wanted out of the relationship, you got played. If you were often waiting by the phone, filled with anxiety, hoping for a text reply, you got played. If you wondered what she was doing when she wasn’t with you, you got played.

But if you left her wanting, you were the player. If you degraded her in bed to your satisfaction, you were the player. If you put the brakes on her affections, you were the player. If she sent you back-to-back messages, hoping for a reply, you were the player. If whenever you said goodbye to her, you possessed no fear of never seeing her again, you were the player.

There is no other role that you can fill. There is no 50/50. Either you’re the player or you’re getting played. Someone has control and is getting most that they want. Someone doesn’t have control and is not getting all that they want. Which are you?

Remember that time when you started off as the player, but then you got played in the end? I know why that happened. It’s because you stopped giving her the game that got her in bed in the first place. Man, I feel sorry for that girl. She was happy at meeting a men who knew how to turn her on, who wasn’t needy like all the other men she meets, and then after a couple of bangs you started treating her like she was your girlfriend and shit. What a disappointment for her to have to be the player when she was the one who wanted to get played. She desperately wanted the drama of an aloof man so that she has something to cry to her friends about, but you decided not to be that man and got played in the end.

Remember that time you started off getting played, but then you ended up playing her? She didn’t really care about you. She treated you like a nobody, but then she saw a girl as pretty as her giving you love. She heard through the grapevine that you’re a better man than she initially thought. How happy she was to find a man that could now play her! You assumed your rightful role and got what you wanted while she could hope and guess as to what you’d do to her next, relieved that she didn’t have to lead.

Girls are players when they can’t find a worthy man to play them. They truly hate being players, because it makes them be assertive, a trait that goes against their nature. They have no choice but to act as players because they keep meeting men who want to get played. Stop getting played and be the player she seeks. Care less than she cares. Be more aloof than her. Withhold your affections. Don’t fall for the traps she lays for you that tests whether you are really the player or not.

Women are practically begging men to play them but very few are strong enough to stay the player. They show flashes of it, but they get lazy and weak, and then wonder why their girl started acting weird, stopped fucking them, stopped picking up the phone. If you want a woman to be disgusted with you, simply let her play you. If you want a woman to choose you as a provider who provides feelings instead of sex, get played. Choose the right path, my friend—the path of being a player. It’s what she truly wants.

Read Next: Aggressive Game vs Aloof Game

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Molnár András
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Molnár András
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“They show flashes of it, but they get lazy and weak, and then wonder why
their girl started acting weird, stopped fucking them, stopped picking
up the phone.”

I fucked up so many times with this… Sometimes I bang my head to the wall thinking about my past mistakes.

A New Man
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I concur. It’s just hard to keep doing it in the long run. Then the relation ends naturally unless you’re deep into betadom.

If you start getting played, the sooner you leave and cut all contact, the better and the higher chance you have to play her again if that’s what you want.

Dirk Diggler
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We all do. Let it go. Live and learn.

A New Man
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After seeing a girl for two months, I must say that I’ve been alternatively the player and played (according to your criteria). I was learning and when I did a mistake I simply disapeared for a week, until I gathered enough energy and will to play and dominate her again.

I wonder how any relationship is possible in those terms.

Good post.

Just Saying
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I learned long ago, that it is better to be the player, than the one who is played. Once you accept that simple truism, life becomes a lot more pleasant since you are the one in a relationship that controls it. And it is only when you are in the driver’s seat that you get what you want. That will also keep her happy – women may fight it – like a fish when hooked, but it is what they want and need in any relationship. When you are in control, you’ll find that they are much more docile and easy to control.

Every now and then they act up a bit, but they just want to be sure you’re still in control. Let them know you’re still in charge, and they are happy. That is actually the only time they are happy – when they are engaged in keeping their man happy. I make no other demands of them other than that they keep me happy – everything else is extraneous.

So if your woman is complaining or otherwise being a pain, you need to let her know who is in charge. Don’t worry about what she may say – look at how she will purr…

Emmanuel Goldstein
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For a man with any libido, it’s hard to be the player in a monogamous relationship. She has a career and friends to deal with, so unless you live together you will be fucking her a lot less than your dick wants. And that sexual frustration will translate into attention given to her over texts and such, which leads to you being played. Avoiding getting played in a monogamous non-live in girlfriend requires a will of monastic proportions. Far easier to just continue pursuing girls on the side.

John
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John
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If you’re not getting laid enough, that means you aren’t that attractive to her. I’d rethink this copout.

Antonio Banderas
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Antonio Banderas
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bro forreal even if they are super attracted they are not always going to want it when…sure u can employ some dream game tactic and she’ll suddenly be int he mood and generally desire your schlong but it rreally is not a good tradeoff in an LTR…as I said above she should happily oblige you with a BJ or HJ in these times

Antonio Banderas
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i meant to say dread tactic**

Ray Wolfson
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yes game in an LTR is a bit like being a bank robber…. in the long run you’re going to get caught out… plus in the long run women are better at game, if you want any kind of professional career, you just aren’t going to have the time to put into all the nonsense… it gets tiresome…

Roosh_V
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It gets easier when your libido settles down a bit.

pup
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pup
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39, married to a 38 year old “4” pregnant mother of 3 and still can’t get enough. Once a day minimum. Emmanuel makes a valid point. You have to make an effort to keep your shit together when you’re married, because she knows you have no other source of pussy.

Antonio Banderas
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Antonio Banderas
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Varry true brother, but she should still atleast give you a blowey or handjibber, and she should WANT to….

My general rule is i should be getting off approximately once per every 2 hrs spend alone with her where the oppertunity is there
ie spending the evening together…BJ at 6, dinner at 7, sex at 9 and 11 and depart at 12

Ofcourse this can be slightly reduced with time but it depends completely on my weeners ability to rise without THAT much stimulation

Uzisuicide
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Uzisuicide
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Very true. To be the player you have to really not care and it’s not something you can fake. Once you’re emotionally invested you’re toast.

Sick of American Chicks
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How do you sustain being a player? Isn’t it really just in you or not? It doesn’t seem much different than warfare-your’e either a hunter or the hunted. Reality seems to say your’e a born hunter or not-my fight coach told me that about boxing-your’e either born to kick ass and have that ability to go in and get a KO or your’e a weak ass counter puncher-no other way around it. I believe some people are born more ruthless than others-it could be hormones, socialization, or even neurology in the brain-but Iv’e seen too many variations in individuals to ignore that hypothesis.

Roosh_V
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If being a player is not “in” you, then go to a country where being a provider is more valued.

Nik
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Nik
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…namely Ukraine and Russia… eastern Europe within the EU borders is already mostly fucked up under that point of view.

Leroy X
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Leroy X
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Ever read the Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion???It’s a blue print for all these social “issues” it’s all planned by the Illuminati…
http://www.Iamthewitness.com and http://www.rense.com have the Protocols free. Anywhere the Anglo-ZIonist-Corporate-Defense-Banking-Industrial Complex contaminates ruins the women and the family and the Nation too.

splooge
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splooge
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True, you dont have to play cocky aloof asshole game there like we do here in the west. But you still need a strong, masculine alpha frame with the foreign women. Since they will shit test you on your manly duties.
Best to go with east asian girls since they are less mouthy and more docile. Indian and middle east would be the more difficult ones cause they can be quite mouthy,manipulative and quarrelsome(can have princess syndrome).
East europeans and latinas are more in the middle, the former would be more logical thinking like the asians and the latter be more emotionally heated almost like her indian and middle east counterparts.
The more emotionally wild(emotions trumping logic) a woman is the more effort of game and masculine fortitude is required to contain it. The more logic based are more easier to reason with….but you must still hold some masculine strength regardless.

Sick of American Chicks
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Sick of American Chicks
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I presume that’s Eastern Europe, Latin America, or Southeast Asia.

You prefer the EE girls, but can they really move like the Latinas? They must have tighther holes than the chicas-otherwise I just can’t see it.

Tom Dane
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Like Roosh says, if you dont like that game, go to another country. It’s how the game is played here, no way around it.

Scott W. B. Kaiser
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Great post, Roosh!

DAP
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DAP
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It’s almost a damn shame that in order for a man to get the best a woman has to offer, he has to be half-a-bastard with her.
A man has to do the opposite of what he has been taught his whole life in order to get pussy, sandwiches, sexual loyalty, etc. from a woman.

Marshallaw
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Mmmmm sandwiches….

pup
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pup
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Isn’t that what the Red Pill is all about? We’ve been “taught” that bullshit by feminists/women…duh.

splooge
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splooge
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this is a very good post
player=alpha
played=beta

Ive been saying this for a while now whenever someone says they want to find a “feminine woman thatll let them be the man”. You will be in for a rude awaking. You dont let the woman decide for you when to be a “player alpha male”, if let her decide then you are a “supplicating played out beta”.

alphas dont need permission to be men they just take it. The more masculine you are, the more feminine your girl will be and vice versa. The more your woman bitches just indicated how beta or feminine or unmasculine you are.

The traditional girl will expect these masculine traits of you and will reward with her femininity but will punish for any lack of manliness(aka bitching).
The same can go with western women since they have so many beta orbiters(could say the same about women in India and middle east) which causes a more masculine deposition(bitchin and princess mentality).

Women dont use logic instead they use their feelings and only react to their environment.
Consider her a blank slate, she will mirror out your strengths(rewards with feminine nature) and weaknesses(bitches at your effeminate tendencies).

Put it in numbers:masculine being 100 and feminine being 0. The closer you are to 100,the closer to 0 she will be. The lower you(feminine) go the higher(masculine) she will get. It will be some adrogenous relationship.

Nik
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the best way to have always the upper hand is NOT TO BE MONOGAMOUS, I have been keeping two girls at the same time for more than 5 years to date (alternate convivence, and they play kind of don’t ask don’t tell) and having fun around more often than not. I love my two girls and the occasional 3rds too, and they are not going to leave me or get tired of me, because my particular situation makes me look always aloft and distant, no matter how much I give them attention and love. I am not a one night stand guy (got some, though), I like relationships, in any form. Anyway if you want ALWAYS be the player in a monogamous relationship, you have to get 1 or more (quasi-fixed) extra gf, or rotate some, and dinner is served… once you go commitedly FULLY monogamous YOU ARE GOING TO BE PLAYED (that’s marriage 101!). Man is naturally needy in a scarce enviroment, you (we) just don’t stand a chance, period.

Game beginner
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Game beginner
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@Goldsteineum:disqus
Perhaps the solution might be to game multiple girls at the same time. So that way , no matter how horny you are you will still feel like you’re in control since you have options. I think the key to being the player might be the Idea of control.

Jeremy
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So true and so sad, this is what real pickup looks like. No mercy, there is none for those who can not conquer. If you show weakness or mercy, you will lose, love is a brutal game, To the victor, the spoils. There can only be one, in the game of love. There is no equality, the is no sense of fair play, there is no sense of honesty or loyalty, those who believe in that, will fall prey and be played quickly.

Alice KS
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To be honest, this whole post is just the same zero-sum-game philosophy of liberalism: the idea that there is a hard limit on what there is to go around and that someone must always lose out. Which, to be honest, is a pretty dumb philosophy to live by.

Example of why it’s dumb: my fiance is the breadwinner, I do everything I can to save money, giving him more to invest into his work, and I take care of the house, allowing him to work any overtime he wants to and get into some security work, giving us both more money to work with, giving us both a better house to live in than either could afford on our own, the bigger house means I can work as a tutor from home, giving us a greater income, stopping me from having to work outside, giving him my full-time work as a housewife, which also gives us both plenty of free time and extra income to enjoy. It’s a never-ending cycle of mutual benefit. Everything good for him benefits me and everything good for me benefits him. We’re both better-off financially, in terms of free time, socially, etc when we are together than we were when we were apart. Because we both want the same things in life and give it our all, working together to achieve them. Zero-sum-game is an absolutist philosophy. For it to work, we can’t exist. You’d need to excuse our relationship, or explain it away somehow. As zero-sum-game is an absolute or nothing, the fact we exist and function as we do reduces it to nothing.

Viceroy
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Viceroy
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Word.

PrettyWhenBound
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PrettyWhenBound
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enjoy the silence….

Tom Dane
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Tom Dane
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there’s a post somewhere about never taking game advice, or any advice really, from a woman. It’s a good post.

Ray Wolfson
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Ray Wolfson
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sadly most women can’t hold down this logic… it goes more like… why aren’t you at home more…. and when you are at home… nag nag nag…. the man’s stuff is supposed to happen automatically, including income and overtime and all that, while the women gets to sit there and turn on bad moods like the english weather and be a total cunt when ever she wants…. my bet is you do it too honey….

adelaziz
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adelaziz
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To be honest> Warsaw does have (still) a 70%girl/30 man experience still in the downtown district as of 2012.

adelaziz
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adelaziz
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was a terrible nite going out with chic. Lost a lot..cuz many tease men assuming they wanna F! I believe.

pup
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pup
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Good shit…probably also applies to married men as well.