Category Archives: Nightlife

I Forgot How It’s Like To Get Cockblocked

I went to Cafe Citron with The Rookie on a recent Thursday night. It used to be one of the only Latin spots in the city, always packed with sweaty, aggressive Central American dudes, but so many new salsa spots have opened that it was barely half full this time. There were three girls dancing […]

Don’t Disrespect My Friend

I was in a Brazilian club recently with a group of Brazilian guys. Most of them were in college, around 22-years-old, and I thought of myself as the wise elder of the group. To foster conversation and build rapport I asked them questions about Brazilian women that I already knew, pretending that I was learning […]

How It Feels Like To Be A Hot Girl

I reprised my costume as Jesus for Halloween this year. With my hair 8-inches longer than last time and my beard bushier with almost a month of extra growth, the resemblance I had to Christ was eerie. It started the second I stepped foot in the Metro. “Holy shit, it’s Jesus!” “Jesus Christ!!” “Look, that […]

14 Problems With Americans In One Picture

1. Lack of originality. Men who look as generic as possible with jeans and stripped shirt uniform. Women who stay on top of trends spoon fed to them through advertising. 2. Bad hair. Men who dip their heads in buckets of pomade wax. Women who don’t let their hair grow out to proper feminine length […]

A Taxi Driver From El Salvador

I went out to Fly recently for a birthday party, ironically on the day I criticized the idea of bottle service. If you don’t live in DC, Fly is one of those generic new clubs that push Grey Goose and orange juice behind velvet ropes. But I have to give the owners credit: the lounge […]

Why She’s Leaving

When a girl wants to leave early from a club or bar, it’s because she’s not getting attention from guys. Recently I saw a couple random hostel girls I wasn’t hitting on start their exit after claiming they were “tired” and have to wake up “early.” But then they got approached on their way out […]