An endless refrain I hear from men is that there are no good women. The assumption is that these men are themselves “good,” but a quick look at their anemic faith and unbridled passions shows that they are far from it.
What can we assume about a woman who cries out that there are no good men? She’s older, probably in her 30s. She’s certainly not a virgin, and probably has racked up numerous sexual partners from at least a decade of dating. She’s entitled, thinking she deserves happiness or success. We also know she has placed many worldly objects above God, and thinks a good man should be given to her because of her intelligence, beauty, career, or tattoos.
A man who cries out for a good woman is often not that much different. Just like her, he’s older, probably in his 30s, with many women notched on his belt. He’s cynical from having his heart abused so many times, and is less capable of love than a younger man with less experience. He’s entitled, thinking that because he has some money in his bank account and can hold a job, he is deserving of a good woman, and like his analog, he has put faith in the world before God.
If I had a daughter of marriageable age, and she was strong in the faith, the only man suitable for her would be a man whose faith is stronger than hers, not a man who thinks he can seamlessly transition from a life of partying, fornication, and secularism to one of family without repenting of his sins and accepting Jesus Christ as his King. I wouldn’t care about his experience, worldly wisdom, or money. I wouldn’t care about how many countries he has been to or how many languages he speaks, and I certainly wouldn’t care about the power or fame he has in this world. I would only care about how close he is to God, because when it comes to my daughter, her salvation is my top priority, and I would forbid her to marry a man who could risk it.
Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. —Matthew 6:31-34
I don’t encounter many who have noticed the word “first” from the above. To them, God is for later, after intensely pursuing all manner of worldly gain, and even family for the sake of creating a family, when disconnected from God, is a worldly pursuit. Attaining a wife and children, in most people’s minds, is no different than attaining a job, just another checkmark in the bucket list of life. Game, confidence, and effort are used in this attainment, but it would be unlikely for it to lead to good unless ordained by God. Your own efforts will yield a woman who is as worldly as you, who whines about the state of affairs of gender relationships like you, who is scared of dying alone like you, and who wants to put a few checkmarks on her bucket list just like you.
I have no will but God’s will. I aim to serve God fully and completely, and through this faith, if He suits it, I will meet a wife, not through secular effort or confidence. In the process of honoring God, whether in my church, participating in fellowship with other Christians, or serving my neighbor will a God-sent woman appear, as if out of thin air. Women of this country don’t have to change themselves to please me or be more attractive to me. They only need to serve God, and if He sends me a match, we will serve Him together in the little church of our home.
Truth is most men don’t deserve a good woman. Their faith is weak. They don’t have a consistent prayer rule. They come up with the flimsiest of excuses not to attend church. They watch porn and masturbate. They ache to fornicate and see a woman’s body as a source of pleasure and amusement. They can’t control their passions, and allow pride to seduce them into all manner of harmful behaviors. God keeps his good women away from men like them, just like how He kept them away from me. You can travel to the ends of the earth to meet your “good” wife, interact with thousands of the most exotic women, but in the end you’ll merely find one who is as worldly as you.
When your faith becomes so strong that you are serving God out of love instead of for material rewards, your entitlement will fade. Your distress about finding a woman will cease, because you will come to the understanding that “His will be done” means His will be done, not your will be done. You will serve God in whatever state he wants you to be in, whether single or married, and not murmur against Him. I don’t worry about finding a woman or any other worldly desire—I worry only about loving the One God.