I’m about to give you the most important game tip of your life. Ready?
It doesn’t matter how good your actual game is, how much money you make, how great your style is, or how much status you have, but if your breath is so bad that the girl finds it difficult to talk to you, you’re not going to bang her. The only girls you’ll manage to get with will be hard of smelling.
I was out the other month when a friend said that my breath smelled.
“Impossible,” I said. I floss and rinse daily along with two or three brushings.
He insisted and passed me a piece of cinnamon gum. I became concerned.
Bad breath comes from two areas of your mouth: teeth and the back of the tongue. The first can easily be addressed with brushing and flossing, which catch bits of food that bacteria digest, producing the bad breath odor. For example, if you eat a steak dinner and not brush for a couple hours, your breath will have a musty smell as bacteria break down the cow protein left on your teeth.
A more common source of bad breath is your tongue, specifically the back where the tongue carpet starts to change from red to lighter colors. The front of your tongue is constantly rubbing against your hard palate and teeth, so it doesn’t contain much bacterial colonization, but the back doesn’t go through this natural cleaning process. It’s a perfect breeding ground for bacteria that produce odor. Since I always brush before I go out, I knew the smell was coming from my tongue.
Breath Test: Go grab a metal spoon. Flip it over, open your mouth, and scrape the back of your tongue several times. You should be going far enough to trigger your gag reflex. Pull out the spoon. If you did it right you should see a cloudy liquid. Now smell it. That’s how your breath smells. If it’s offensive in any way, your breath is not fresh. If you can put your nose to it and not be perturbed by the odor, you’re fine. I did this test definitely picked out a sharp, tart-like scent.
The solution is easy and costs less than ten dollars. You need mouthwash with alcohol and a tongue scraper which can you buy at the pharmacy (or you can use the spoon). After brushing, scrape the back of your tongue to disturb the stinky bacteria colonies, going as far back as you can. Then gargle with mouthwash, which is the best way for the liquid to access the back of your tongue. You should be making the “Ahhhh” sound as you’re doing it. Within a week your breath should be fine (test yourself again by smelling the scraper), but you’ll more likely notice a difference in only two or three days. Here’s a decent resource if you want more details.
I know how my breath got stinky. First, I switched to a fluoride mouthwash that didn’t have alcohol. Second, I had a couple bad colds with heavy post-nasal drip action (mucus contains bacteria). I had another cold here in Iceland which produced an uptick in odor from the breath test, confirming that I have to be extra diligent with mouth hygiene after recovering from a cold.
I know how important having good breath is to game, especially at night when you’re talking close, so I had to drop everything to address this issue after my friend made the comment. I asked him how long my breath had been stinky.
“For a while.”
“What didn’t you say anything?!”
“Because you were doing well I thought it didn’t matter!”
It does matter, especially to girls who are on the fence. If they are sort of interested in you, yet your breath smells, then it’ll definitely be a deal killer. Even good friends are reluctant to mention bad breath, so don’t accept a random girl to do that job. Only girls who are crazy about you are willing to pretend it’s a temporary problem that may correct itself, but that’s not something we should count on.
After this latest episode I’ve become neurotic about my breath, bordering on obsessive-compulsiveness. The irony is that about one out of every six girls I talk to have slightly tarty breath themselves that I know from personal experience is coming from their tongue. If it’s not too bad I’ll endure it to get laid, but if I want to see her again I’ll lay out my mouth hygiene strategy for her. After today I can just show her this post.