Don’t Worry About How You’ll Break Up With Her

For a guy new in the game and not used to crushing hearts, one of his biggest concerns is how to end things with a girl he just wants to have sex with once or twice. In some cases, he chickens out on the bang because he knows deep down in his gooey core that he doesn’t want a serious relationship. After knowing girls for only an hour, he imagines how a relationship would pan out and any other potential issues that would prevent long-term compatibility. He focuses on avoiding drama and discomfort instead of getting laid.

I knew a guy who would not have sex with a girl he didn’t feel crazy about. “It’s not fair to her if I have sex when my feelings aren’t strong. I don’t want to hurt her.” I asked him two questions:

1. “Are you so self-absorbed to think a girl is going to fall for you after sex?”

2. “Why are you so scared to let a girl know that you’re a sexual being who wants sex? Are you not a real man?”

(I guess that was three questions.)

I told him, “Girls want to fuck too. If it’s not you, it’ll be some other guy, and whether you love her or not doesn’t change the fact that she needs dick just as bad as you need pussy.”

Caring about a woman’s feelings is foolish because I guarantee you that she doesn’t give a fuck about yours. In other words, caring is a form of supplication, a hallmark Compliment & Cuddle trait. One thing that separates the elite players from those in the minor leagues is that the former has the killer instinct of a Spartan warrior who sacrifices his body to the gods during every battle without worrying about the outcome. He fights (fucks) first and evaluates afterward, assuming he survives.

Personally, it’s impossible for me to judge the quality of a woman until I fuck her, and before that I don’t even think about any future lovey-dovey scenarios. Not until I bust my first nut do I decide if I want to do it again or deposit her on the curb. If I’m not interested in her and she tries to see me again, here’s what I say:

“You’re a nice girl, but I don’t think we’re a good fit. Let’s just be friends.”

If you don’t like a girl, the only cost to you is those sixteen words. You can even send this as a text message.

As hard as this may be for you to believe, a woman respects a man more who only wants her for sex, while resenting the man who catches true feelings for her. If she is able to capture your heart in a short amount of time, that tells her that she could do a lot better. By letting her know that your interest in her was short-term, you fulfill her fantasy of hooking up with a high-value man who is unattainable. By dumping her after sex, you actually improve the quality of her life. Yes, you read that right: pumping and dumping a girl does her a favor. You give her something to hope for (the return of your cock), along with a painful story that brings her closer to her friends. Hell, if you dumped her without any lame apologies then you could end up fucking her friends, too.

Read Next: 7 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Game Right Now

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Pete M
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Pete M
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As usual, great article.

(You lied to me) yes, I cried, yes, I cried
(Return of the cock) it is
(Return of the cock) come on
(Return of the cock) oh my God
(You know that I’ll be back) here I am

Shallow Hal
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So true. Funny thing is though their definition of a high-value man changes as they get older.

There’s an old saying woman have that says first time you marry for love second time for money.

I think there is some truth to that.

The pump and dump thing works well on younger women. The old ones are wise to it but are usually ok with casual sex.

Mig mack
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Truer words are not often heard.

Furthermore, do not show any weakness or shame for wanting to dump her after sex. Any sign of this will be her cue to launch a barrage of guilt bombs and missiles at your soft beta core for “only using her”. Other lame guilt-trips include :

“*Sob* Why does this always happen to me?”
“You’re an asshole like all the other men.” (read who I allowed to fuck me before)
“Why are guys so scared of showing affection?”
“Bwaaaaaa haaaaaaaaa… Sob. Snif… Bwaaaaaaa”

You need to be hardened like steel and just smirk at this crap. Reading this whole blog will help tremendously at this task. When she sees who ineffectively her bombardments bounce on your hardened alpha heart, she’ll stop and gladly accept her 2 AM drunken booty call position.

Aaron
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I can remember two times, but there might be more, where a girl explicitly asked, “are you going to talk to me again/hang out again? I’ve had a guy/guys just use me then ignore me before.”

The first time I just said “nooo I’m not that kind of guy” and then still didn’t talk to her again. The second time I can’t remember exactly how I responded but I think this actually kind of worked ’cause I did see her for about another month.

When a chick says this after sex, or even before, what is a good response?

Dirk Diggler
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Dirk Diggler
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Smirk and say “maybe.”

Yams
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Yams
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I think this is a very important aspect of game that many guys have problems dealing with. Many times a guy may have his Game training wheels on and the first girl he gets he may fall for since he still has the scarcity mentally.

Even if he doesn’t fall for her after sex he may feel obligated to do the boyfriend thing due to the guilt. That “good guy guilt” it something that needs to be recognized and let go if you are going to have any success with women.

Ugg
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Ugg
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One thing that separates the elite players from those in the minor leagues is that the former has the killer instinct of a Spartan warrior who sacrifices his body to the gods during every battle without worrying about the outcome. He fights (fucks) first and evaluates afterward, assuming he survives.

There’s truth to this. But really, a better underyling message of game is that the player will lose some bangs overall if he doesn’t go for it. Doesn’t mean you should enslave yourself to the bang.

The analog to fighting is still fully in tact. When I train I don’t enslave myself to the submission or knockout, in terms of effort and aggression. It’s more about calibrating things like feeling, rhythm, technique, balance. It’s important to cultivate aggression but that’s just an element of a controlled, ferocious, and ready presence, which is the overriding goal.

So there’s a certain feeling of meaning and engagement that matters more to me than the mere bang, and I won’t chase if I don’t feel it.

Ugg
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Ugg
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That said, there’s also a maximum degree to which I’ll let myself worry about the breakup.

Anon
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Anon
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Don’t forget to let her down slowly, and don’t dump her right after sex or the morning after. You might get hit with a false rape claim a la Kobe Bryant and others.

Dirk Diggler
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Dirk Diggler
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This! ^^^

Johnny Milfquest
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I’m going to print this one out and frame it.

Carmo
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@5, “good guy guilt” – Good point, letting go of that chit was definitely a milestone. If your going for the pump and dump just tell them the truth if they ask. Odds are that she will get more turned on because you are being truthful even though it could cost you the notch. living true to your wants and being honest about it is the way to go.

Ugg
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Ugg
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Don’t forget to let her down slowly, and don’t dump her right after sex or the morning after. You might get hit with a false rape claim a la Kobe Bryant and others.

Yeah, that’s worth mentioning too. It’s like Inception–if you’re skilled and smooth you can get away with a lot, but if you cause too much of a ruckus too often the world will wake up to you and strike back. Just sayin’.

samseau
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“Don’t forget to let her down slowly, and don’t dump her right after sex or the morning after. You might get hit with a false rape claim a la Kobe Bryant and others.”

This happened to my Uncle. It ruined him

VI
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VI
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Tell her you’re moving away and joining the circus. It was always your dream to be a lion tamer and now you have your chance.

Brian
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Brian
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Right on. The most important views to have for Game is that women are for sex and women want sex. Forget about either having a 1,782 checklist that no person will ever have in reality. When a woman is around me as a man the frame of the interaction is sexual. This is not using her, it is up to the man to lead her sexually by giving her the opportunity to experience the sex she really wants to have. Women are selfish and do not care about you or your feelings, even your status/power/confidence/high value/money in her mind is all for her to raise her sense of worth and how she looks to her family and friends. The sex is not because she wants you to feel good, it’s for her sexual pleasure and need for connection, so you give her this gift of pleasure. Travel through the world and give women the opportunity of you both having sexual pleasure. As a man love and care for yourself, don’t need or expect love or affectionate caring from anyone else. A basic concept of Game is to not say any feelings. There’s no need to neg in hurtful ways that actually turn her off (only playful), or to end the interaction with hurtful words. Either you both gradually go in different ways, or stay on good terms to keep your options open for sex again and for networking to meet others.

Jake
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Jake
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this stuff is spot on

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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This is a great post! I think also that a girl only gets emo or mad if you have been acting like your into her and want ed a relationship. If your clear from the start that your not looking for anything but to bang then they see it and most of the time try harder to please you. I agree that girls are jsut as down to fuck and most of the time are not looking for a relationship. I call this giving them “permission” to be a slut with you….let them know its ok to just come bang and leave and that you dont want anything else. Let them know that they can be slutty and you like it.

Falcon
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Falcon
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Roosh,
you taught me many great lessons and these two I can confirm first hand:

1. There is no punishment in going for sex. It’s actually rewarded.

2. The earlier the kiss, the earlier the bang.
The earlier the bang, the better for both.

Postponing a bang for whatever reason will only hurt you. Let the girl postpone if she wants, but you always keep pushing.

Approaching, escalating, kissing, banging: Always be ACTIVE and AGGRESSIVE. Waiting for her “permission” will only have her lose respect for you.

This goes for everything in life by the way.

Game is life and life is game.

Bogs
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Bogs
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Imho no mater what you do you gonna hart her. So it is better to just break up and not to worry about it.

Anon
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Anon
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Actually, if you are doing social circle or within a closed network like an office or a university, you have to be a little bit careful about how you do things.
In general I just cheat on girlfriends.
If I don’t want to talk to someone I just stop taking their calls.

Jordan
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Jordan
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This was a great topic Roosh! I have struggled with this myself since I can remember. Only wanting to bang 7.5’s and up. Passing on many 6’s and 7’s through the years cause I just didn’t feel it or didnt want to hurt them. I wish I could train this feeling out of me, cuz id be banging alot more women….Thanks for this post!

Johnny
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Johnny
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“Killer instinct of a spartan warrior…”

Come on Roosh give your people some credit, how about the “killer instinct of an Immortal”?

Snoeperd
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Snoeperd
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Hey roosh, what do you do all day, do you practise daygame or sleep/game or what? Im really curious so please answer

(R)Evolutionary
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Was just thinking about this today, so it’s funny you’d write about it.

I think you’ve worked through this pretty well & the logic of this post is solid, except the last two sentences don’t sit well with me. (Yeah, a touch of beta left in me, I suppose.)

It strikes me as a bit of rationalization, to believe that hitting it & quitting it will be good for her. I have definitely seen cases where this is not true at all.

However, that’s not to say that if you don’t hit it, no one will. Far from it. Attractive women always, or almost always have suitors, so somebody’s gonna be giving her the sausage sooner or later. So perhaps in the final analysis, while the last two sentences may not be entirely true, but it doesn’t matter. If somebody’s gonna be hitting that shit like Holyfield, so it might as well be me.

Sometimes, rationalization is an adaptive strategy.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Ironically this is where you can use acting beta to repulse a girl you don’t want to be with anymore.

But honestly, IMO, this line-

“pumping and dumping a girl does her a favor.”

-sounds like hamster rationalization.

quepaso
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what can I say, Post of the year?

quepaso
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Btw Zan had a great way to dump a girl gently.

in a nutshell a suave player doesn’t dump a girl after he fucks her, he is just not around…i.e. he becomes “too busy” and is “incapable of seeing her” because life calls him…

Sid
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Sid
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Breaking up with some girls will do a lot of damage to them. But, that’s how it works in America. You can go to Saudi Arabia and have your first relationship be your marriage, if what exists in America is so detestable.

Shawn
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Shawn
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Nothing stings more than getting dumped by a girl you were contemplating dumping. A gut punch to the ego i tell you.

Breeze
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Breeze
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Perfect timing. I am dating a girl who I no longer have interest in but would like to keep as a fuck buddy.
Her “feelings” wont allow her to keep it casual…Time to kick her to the curb or what?

quepaso
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“Nothing stings more than getting dumped by a girl you were contemplating dumping. A gut punch to the ego i tell you.”

Really ? nah, actually it doesn’t matter who “dumps” who, what matters is who cares less…
if she says she wants it to be over and I’m like “you read my mind” and never speak to her again, well, my ego aint hurt. besides this usually happens when you stop contacting her for a while and then she texts you or calls you to tell you it is over when in your mind, it was over a long time ago baby.

Superman
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Superman
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I’m a guilty of caring too much about not hurting girls, I’ve turned the corner, this is what I needed to re-enforce it haha.

InterestedParty
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InterestedParty
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Disagree with a lot of this. Most (emphasis on “most”) girls DO care about your feelings, ESPECIALLY when it comes to sex. It’s just a fundamental difference between guys and girls. Denying this basic fact this is just lying to yourself.

I have a conscious. A lot of chicks (especially young ones) have delusions about what is about to happen. I always have to let a chick know in some fashion what the deal is. Many will claim to understand, but in reality many won’t. But they have to at least SAY they understand. Then I don’t feel guilty about anything that happens afterwards.

charmer786
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charmer786
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hats off on this post….120 % correct…please newbies…learn it…untill its too late.

Tony D
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Tony D
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I’ve been in the terrible habit of becoming “Busy.” But lately I turn down all kinds of opportunities to sleep with horny women because they aren’t hot/young enough for me. I feel like I would be wasting my own, as well as their time.

I guess I’m a bit soft like that.

I have picked up really hot girls that I fucked a few times, and then they became “really busy.” So I suppose I learned from them. I wish they would just have said, “Thanks for the fun but we’re done.”

I suppose I’ll have to man up with these bitches.

Paul
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Paul
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Girls never tell the truth cause they are sensitive beings so they don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. The “busy” approach is great, they usually get the hint which I also learnt from women doing it to me!

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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As long as you dont pick up girls at your work, customers or clients I think its ok.However every where else is Game basically.(neighbors aren’t good either)
If they end up liking you and you dump them hard, they know where you work and live possibly and can come after you for revenge of some sort.Been there, done that.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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@29
If your smart,I say kick her to the curb keep the ball rolling with other prospects.I have this problem with girls that I Day Game.They may see you as the”Guy”they want to dump their current boyfriend for.In which case, why bother to keep her around knowing she sees you as her new “guy” now and will throw you all the pussy you can handle in hopes of this.You see?
Roosh.Im looking forward to your new Day Game book.Should be interesting.

Mig Mack
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Mig Mack
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Women only pretend to care about your feelings if you’ve put you dick in her or if she wants you to put your dick in her.

Hey, you’re not being manipulative. You’re giving her the chance to show you if she’s an off-the-scale fuck machine that can turn you around. It’s not your fault if most are nowhere near that skill level.

trackback

[…] Roosh – “15 Reasons Why Washington DC Sucks for Guys“, “I Took an HIV Test“, “Don’t Worry About How You’ll Break Up with Her” […]

Cliff Arroyo
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Maya
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Maya
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“By letting her know that your interest in her was short-term, you fulfill her fantasy of hooking up with a high-value man who is unattainable.”

Ummm, no. Most sane women know that men lower their criteria seriously when they are choosing girls just for casual sex.

A fantasy of us, women, is to make a high-value man to fall in love with us, not just ‘use’ us for sex. So, basically, a woman hooking up with you believes that you are high value AND also that you are NOT an immoral jerk who secretly thinks what an ugly slut, useful for nothing more than to have sex with, she is.

Conclusion: You’re seriously deluded.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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@40
“Conclusion: You’re seriously deluded.”
Meanwhile,”High Value women” stay with “low value abusers” every day.Whats your point?

Guavaberry
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Guavaberry
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This once again shows how insensitive and cold American men (and women) are. People hold no value, they’re easily replaceable, it’s so sad.

How can you truly say that dumping a woman will do her any good?

baz
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baz
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@40 Maya it’s an interesting point you make, and yes it’s true that some men lower their standards when choosing girls for casual sex, but it’s more complex than that… i think every man does this at times, but as he gains experience and knowledge, he tends to set his sights higher, rather than going for casual sex with 4s, 5s and 6s

as for seeing as a woman he has sex with as ‘an ugly slut’
i really think that only applies when the man has little or no respect for the woman
and that only happens when the woman has shown in some way, that she’s not worthy of the man’s respect
in my experience, this is more a reflection of the woman’s attitude, behaviour and character (or lack thereof) that determines how much i respect her, rather than her and i having casual sex

Thus Spake She
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Thus Spake She
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Just let us know before if you’re into one night stands or not. You’d be surprised how many of us are ok with that. Like Roosh said, women need dick just as much as men need pussy. We aren’t looking to lock down most of the guys out there. The guys we want to lock down aren’t even that easy to get into bed for a ONS.

Don’t worry.

YOU ARE NOT THE ONE.

Timothy
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I have to disagree with 40 Maya. I’ve seen more supposedly intelligent/successful women have nothing but casual relationships because it gives them the semblance of CONTROL. They believe they are in fact using men for their own needs, and not the other way around. Or even those in what they consider to be serious relationships, they allow little time for that particular man. He has to be available on their timetable. One of the fundamental differences between men and women with regard to sex is that men aren’t the least bit conflicted about sex. We want it, we pursue it, we get it. We don’t feel dirty after a particular sexual encounter. It’s not that deep for us. We don’t care about what label may be affixed to us afterwards. It’s women that tend to deal with all kinds of emotions after the act.

Timothy
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I’ve been on both ends of it – I’ve been dumped, and I’ve done the dumping. The first time I got dumped it stung, but when I thought about it I should have seen it coming. From that point on, if I wasn’t feeling a particular woman for whatever reason, I stepped up and cut it off. You’re not doing yourself a favor by not wanting to be the “bad guy” and deliver the news.

Any1.in.the.world
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This is utter bull shit. We don’t give care about guys feelings? And “she needs a dick as much as you need a pussy”, Really? So that makes everything better, knowing that she was… What, horny, when you kick her to the curb after you’ve had your fun? What kind of world do you live in… Oh right. I forgot. And I really don’t think I want to explain…
I agree with Maya.
But what I find sad is that all you people out there BELIEVE this crap! I didn’t think humans could sink that low…
And then there’s this:

I knew a guy who would not have sex with a girl he didn’t feel crazy about. “It’s not fair to her if I have sex when my feelings aren’t strong. I don’t want to hurt her.” I asked him two questions:

Is that really so bad? And I just know I’m going to get a bunch of haters about this saying: If he cares about feelings, he’s not a real man.
It’s all a load of bs. I think it’s nice he thought of that. And I know there’s a load of haters for that one too.

Caring about a woman’s feelings is foolish because I guarantee you that she doesn’t give a fuck about yours.

(I couldn’t resist adding this^ because it nearly had me on the floor laughing) But I won’t say anything because you are probably getting pissed at me as is.

Any1.in.the.world
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Oh, and I can’t forget about the L word. (shhh, REAL men aren’t allowed to say it) What happens if one of you actually fall in love (that’s right, I said it! Cause I’m a girl and won’t choke on the word)? Will you run away screaming because you wouldn’t be a real man.
(I’m sure there are many men out there who are actually… I don’t know… care? Unlike the person who posted this) but, hey, if that’s what you believe, go ahead. After all:

“Caring about a woman’s feelings is foolish because I guarantee you that she doesn’t give a fuck about yours.”

ritchan
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ritchan
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I agreed with everything else you posted on this site except for this one.

Exactly what at this point makes you different from a dildo? Or a robot? Or even any other sex crazed guy out there?

Remember the central tenet of the Game is to not be needy for pussy. Yet in this post it is clear that a woman need not inspire the slightest feeling within you to get your dick, nor, in fact, will she even after the fact. In other words, your standards are incredibly low. Sex with you is not a privilege at all.

The funny thing is, you’re busy forcing yourself to believe it, trying to convince yourself that women think this way too. You’re not very smart, are you. And it’s quite insulting to say that other people don’t care when chances are they do.

madmax
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I fucking love this article.