Everyone Is Hoping That You’ll Fail

Beta males are hoping. White knights are hoping. Feminists are hoping. Believe it or not, some of your friends and family members are hoping. They want you to fail because your success is their failure. It reminds them of their laziness, their poor work ethic. I’m sorry to tell you that they all want you to fail. Their subtle jabs and withholding of encouragement are aimed to keep you in an inferior station. No one wants to see someone rise at faster speed than themselves.

There is no point in telling other people your goals. They will talk you out of it or give you bad advice. There is no point trying to convince others of your world view. They will plant seeds of doubts that prevent you from action and seeing the truth. The minute you go just slightly higher than you have been, they will try to sabotage you. They are the worrymongers, fearmongers, scaremongers, shamemongers, guilt-trippers, trolls, and haters. Ignore them. Feeding them brings you down to their level, which is exactly what they want.

You’re completely on your own. You don’t need help from anyone. If you can’t reach your goals without the validation and support of other human beings, the bulk of whom I promise are against you, then you don’t deserve to succeed.

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madmax
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they not only hope, last thuesday i had an white knight attacking me (trying to choke me) and telling me not to touch other women the way i did, even though the girls obviously liked it..

Zorba
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Zorba
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I hope you deprived him of his nuts permanently.

Bertman
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Bertman
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jealousy motivated by feelings of insecurity and inferiority is extremely common. I agree that it’s best sometimes to just fly under the radar and keep your goals and achievements to yourself. it would be more pleasant if you didn’t have to do this, but unfortunately we live in a world of spineless conformists.

Tom Leykis Fan
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Yes 98% of the human race are fucking dumb sheep or lemmings. This can include family.

Brandon
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Brandon
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Agreed.

Jim
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Jim
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Yup. Even family can be resentful. At 40, I’m taking a much needed break from work that I’ve been hard at for over 20 years. That everything is paid off and I’m living in relative comfort compared to some of my own kin who had MORE opportunities yet not enough DISCIPLINE to control their habits and lives is not my fault. Yet the jealousy and envy is there. Say, is it my fault that one knocked up a woman at 18 and his out of control gambling habits ensured he’ll work until the day he dies and another with his drug habits kept him from growing up? No, but they hate because that’s all they can do. Misery loves company. Fuck ’em.

davidlaska
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Family is commonplace in this

Yams
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Yams
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“There is no point in telling other people your goals”

The truth

Tom Leykis Fan
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+1000000

Guccio Vuitton
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Disagree with this as a blanket statement, it can be useful to let like-minded people (handful in life) know them if you are good about hiding your true intentions to the public. I have plans to start my own natural resource extraction company in 10 years, but to get to that position I have to learn how to do it by working for someone else. I’ve identified one or two people whom could be beneficial to achieving that goal (and me being beneficial to them in return) and have shared this to encourage them to make themselves as valuable as possible in the mean time.

But after typing that I guess your right, only in extreme circumstances is it worth it telling someone your goals.

Alex
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I agree for the most part, except about not sharing your world views because others will plant seeds of doubt. If your worldview isn’t strong enough to destroy these seeds then it doesn’t deserve to live. For example the strength of my atheist worldview is so strong because I actively look at religious arguments.

I like the rest of the article, even though it’s a bit harsh. The longer I’m in college the more I see hints of resentment from other students.

davidlaska
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I don’t talk about my religious views, it’s a waste of time unless it’s going to get me laid, then I confirm.

David
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David
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So true Roosh! Many times I’ve had to abandon friends because they refused to see that I wanted to change and DID change. They saw me in a certain light and only keep holding me back from “evolving”.

Theophilus
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Not only is there no point in disclosing your goals to others, it also saps the energy from those goals.
It’s a weird phenomenon, but I’ve seen it many times. The more you tell others about a goal, the less likely you are to reach it. It loses its power, somehow.
But beware of the guy who’s always busy with something, buy never talks about it – he’s on his way somewhere.

Good Ken
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Good Ken
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This is so true. Speaking about a goal is like putting a curse on it.

Brit Conservative
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I think when you’re a teenager and you’re saying this to maybe your parents, then you might well get some encouragement to do whatever plan it is you have.
But yeah, when you’re an adult, NOBODY is gonna help you. It’s up to you and you alone. Why would they actively assist you in rising above them? And of course they cannot be blamed for that, for they are looking out for themselves, just like you are for yourself.

ABDOOL
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well said my friend, show your goals in action rather than words nor revealing
them to others

Anonymous
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“Their subtle jabs and withholding of encouragement are aimed to keep you in an inferior station.”

Ding!

This is what my parents and sisters do. From developing a business to dressing better to traveling, I get very little support.

Onder
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This is very true. I started a new blog a few weeks ago and expected my friends to support me on it after i hinted that a surprise was coming. At first, everyone was wondering what it was and sending me loads of status message updates.

The minute i announced the blog (Which i won’t say on here in case i get labelled a troll) and they saw what it was, that it was my plan B. I got hardly no praise from anyone. I also got hateful and shameful comments from anonymous people after checking my wordpress messages.

It’s a real shame, but Roosh makes a very good point. No one really wants to see you successful because it will directly attack and challenge their beliefs. No one wants to see their beliefs tarnished by some wise ass who is confident enough to rise above the norm.

I say to hell with it all. We only live once and time is limited. Might as well make the most of it.

Der Mac
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Huh? If you communicate like that, please don’t write in a blog.

KIll; Yourself
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KIll; Yourself
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The irony…

FJ
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FJ
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The irony of your comment cannot be lost on this article.

Yams
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Yams
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Sounds like my mom.

Tom Leykis Fan
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Most people actually.

Joe
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Joe
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‘Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies.’

– Gore Vidal

Levon
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Levon
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I generally find weak men will always try and undermine anything your doing in life.

ABDOOL
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ABDOOL
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well said I agree too and I believe that it is a matter of confidence

Odds
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Good words of wisdom, Roosh.

Lately I have been saying less about my goals but getting more done. Everyone has to live their own lives. I know for a fact that nobody supports my goals to travel the world and obtain flags, but it’s what I want to do. But talking about it isn’t going to make it easier, it is only going to make people resent me. Best to blend in and be formless around other people, to say what they want to hear while working toward your own ends.

dave
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Thank you very much for taking the time to write this post, Roosh. Very encouraging. It’s a sad world we live in, but it’s the truth.

ABDOOL
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I really needed someone like Roosh too to learn wisdom and be enlightened about some aspects of life especially when it comes to pick up and communication with girls and how to be an interesting man that everybody likes…

Eric
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Eric
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also worth mentioning is the power of sexual transmutation for achieving your goals. for those who don’t already know, see chapter 11 of ‘think and grow rich’ here: http://www.sacred-texts.com/nth/tgr/tgr16.htm

Sine Wave Killer
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On point and well said Roosh. I’ve always found that my mother was the most critical person of the dreams I had. I learned to ignore her, i’ve also found that fat women are the biggest haters as well.

The G Manifesto
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The only question to ask is, “Is this right for me?”

And the only person to answer that is yourself.

– MPM

Phinn
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This post strikes a deep chord in me, Roosh.

Last year, I was a classic AFC. I was the poster boy for what Dr. Glover calls Nice Guy Syndrome.

As a result, I was going down an all-too familiar road with my wife of 10+ years.

My degenerating marriage began with my (unreasonable) expectation that my wife support me in a career change. I never got it.

I had supported her career change, and her new creative career with everything I could offer, and it worked. But once she was over the wall, she never reached back to pull me up.

My resentment grew from there. I blamed her for not helping me. For the nay-saying. For the times I’d tell her about a new idea I had or some new, exciting thing I wanted to do, and her response was a long silence or a change of subject.

Instead of just doing it for myself, I was supplicating more and more, qualifying myself to her, wanting her approval and support more and more, and getting less and less.

My resentment grew. I withdrew emotionally. I became sedentary, fat, self-absorbed and depressed. Sex dwindled to near zero.

She met a happy-go-lucky, sporty guy, in his 40s, no kids, never married, who spoke a couple of languages and traveled the world all the time. He had all kinds of money and time and a positive, fun attitude, largely because he never married and had kids. He’d sacrificed nothing for anyone. He lived for himself.

My wife was seeing him for coffee, meeting up with him in groups at bars, and 3 months later was one phone call away from dumping me and fucking him.

Thanks to Game, I figured out how to deal with the situation. I manned-up, cockblocked the shit out of him, and turned the thing around, but not after enduring an unbelievable amount of emotional pain, which I would rate as second only to the death of my first son.

It all begins with being responsible for achieving your own goals. It all begins with knowing that YOU are 100% responsible for EVERYTHING that happens in your life, all the good things and all the bad things. You are the boss. Blame no one. Rely on no one.

By all means, work with the right people to achieve your goals. Cooperate with other like-minded people for mutual exchange and mutual benefit.

But accept one basic idea, deep into your consciousness, that no one is responsible for your own well-being and happiness other than you.

Especially not a woman.

ABDOOL
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in my humble opinion my friend is that a man is the provider and woman brings up children right? I understand that you have been through some problems but as you said you manned up and stood up for your rights, I don’t like it when you said your wife saw another man while she’s your wife I sorry for that but that wasn’t right of her to do, but luckily in the end you got it and won…

Ian Ironwood
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Totally agree, Roosh. The best thing for any man to do is to make your plans and decide your goals in private, and pursue them with dedication without inviting criticism from others. It isn’t just that they sow the seeds of doubt in your mind, it’s that they will delight in your failures to an extent that is unseemly in those you consider your friends.

Regardless of who it is, the best thing to do is to achieve your goals and then present folks with a fait acompli. I can always spot a writing poseur at a workshop or something because they don’t hesitate to regale me of their ambitious plans for novels they haven’t written yet. But the guys who actually make it in the business are the ones who keep quiet about the stuff they’re working on, and stand on the quality of the work that they have completed. Because no one will fuck you because of a book you haven’t written yet, but plenty of girls will fuck a published author.

dickbutt
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ass-deep in pussy, yet somehow Forever Alone

Anonymous
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Yes Horatio Alger. Pull yourself up by the boot-straps. The self-made man. Lies.

20th Level
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I keep my crew small and tight. I dont roll with haters.

Mahker
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Mahker
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Beastly post. Continue to guide your brothers out of the wilderness.

Andy Button
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This stuff has pretty much always been instinct for me.

I’ve never really disclosed my long term plans to anyone. When pressed I often make up fake goals.

I’ve seen people who blab about their goals. They always seem like they’re trying to convince themselves of something.

ABDOOL
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I agree It felt like convincing oneself of their goals when they talk about it out loud..

Theophilus
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@Andy Button: You’re an introvert, right? One of our great advantages is that we have a much lower tendency to blabber about what we’re up to – we just suddenly pop up at the finish line, and no one had any idea we were even in the race.

I like this related quote by Micheal Caine: “Be like a duck: Remain calm on the surface, but paddle like hell underneath.”

storm
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storm
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Yes, and more than that still. Telling other people your goals actually makes you LESS LIKELY TO SUCCEED. See the studies in the TED talk here

http://www.ted.com/talks/derek_sivers_keep_your_goals_to_yourself.html

OGNorCal707
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“Feeding them brings you down to their level, which is exactly what they want.”

That’s why I don’t even give a fuck and take the bait when my friends give me hater vibes. It used to bother me, but now I just smirk and laugh it off in my head, if they’re trying to take “subtle jabs” at me, it’s only because they’re jealous and insecure about how I am more successful then them.

Sincere
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Damn, I wish I had read this a few years back when my biz was starting to pick up and I started to travel. Took me far to long to realize the jabs my family and friends were giving me weren’t because I was doing something wrong… but because I was doing something right.

Brianmark
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@28 – I had heard you should tell people your goals that way you have to act on them or look bad. I can understand not telling your goals in if they are something we’d talk about on this site.

Roosh, I agree with you 100%, most people are just totally jealous of you. I have even had “friends” not want to hang out with me, because I’m too negative (ie. Expect something from life), or even give me bad advice, because they are jealous because of their lack of action in their own lives. There is tremendous jealousy of my romantic success, travel, and happiness in life. It’s a sad a world. Most of my friends make more money than me and are better looking, but have an excuse for everything. I always try to keep a low profile, because all I’ll ever hear is a 100 lies from my “friends”, thinking they have to one up me.

j
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j
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@28

could work the opposite way too: telling people your goals actually puts tremendous pressure on you to achieve them…or be reminded by them of your failure.

a real fucking badass tells everyone of his coming greatness and then does it. his achievement shames all who doubted him.

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intajake
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intajake
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spot on roosh.you were born alone and die alone,keep ppl at an arms length ,put yourself first and everything else will fall into place.

horace kent
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haha i can vouch that telling people your goals does take the energy out of you. I was talking to my friend the other about my plans for the next five years and after i was done talking with him for the rest of my journey i was cock of the walk acting as though i had made it. However after a little while later i got this strange feeling inside of me. I couldnt tell what it was but it felt as though i had achieved what i wanted but at the same time new that i hadnt. This took a little hunger out of me and i felt content for a short while. I have since got that hunger back and swore never to tell anyone my real plans until i had actually achieved them.

Morale of the story-

Spreading word of your goal is akin to receiving a small meals in the form of ‘ego shots’, enough of these small meals and you think that these will be enough to sustain you appetite until you find out they cant.

Keeping silent is like fasting until you reach your objectives where you now have access to unlimited buffet with extra large plates.

Jordan
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Jordan
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So True!

Ben
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Ben
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There’s 2 things:

1. Other people can actually both be hoping that you’ll fail and that you’ll succeed at the same time.

2. People with a vested interest in your success. A recruiter wants to see you succeed in getting a new job – because they get paid if you do. Just don’t make the mistake of thinking he has a vested interest in whether you are happy, etc, in your new job. Your mother wants you to succeed in learning to read, because otherwise she’s failed as a parent. Your friends who are couples often want you to succeed in finding a girlfriend so you can all do “couples” things.

Even in dating – an ex-boyfriend of a female friend of mine wants me to succeed in dating anyone except his ex-girlfriend. He really does – he invites me out to singles things that I didn’t know about, talks me up, would jump out of the way for me to date a girl he was hitting it off with just so I wouldn’t be available any more when hanging out with his ex.

My boss wants me to succeed in my job because it makes him look good. Things might be different if I was competition with him, but I’m not – my success just makes him look better, my failure makes him look worse, he wants me to succeed.

A friend of mine who I share information on picking up women doesn’t want me to succeed with women we’re competing over, but he wants me to succeed with hot attractive women that he’s not in competition with me for, so I can provide information to him on how it worked and what I did. If my car broke down and he wasn’t doing anything that night, he’d loan me his car to go on a date – assuming it wasn’t a woman we were competing over (actually, he probably would even then, that’s the wonderful thing about friends who are successful enough that you taking a little bit away from them doesn’t really hurt them).

When I run into an unpleasant problem that we will all have to deal with, my coworkers want me to succeed in solving it. Sometimes they’ll even do part of the work for me – because they don’t want to have to deal with it later by themselves.

Roosh has previously written about how having guys that he’s friends with along doesn’t help, and usually just hurts him. Since his success doesn’t help them, and in fact may take away from them, it’s difficult to find people who really want you to succeed.

If you want to find that, you need to be doing something where your success benefits other people (or your failure would at least hurt them).

ertas
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ertas
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When everything seems to be against me I take that time to reflect and improve my inner game. After all is said and done, I still have something to fall back on while haters and cockblockers won’t.

around the world in 80 jobs
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@Phinn respect.

Also notice on rely on no one. The more I have ever done so as resulted in headache and disappointment. I have noticed when I shift my focus on stop trying to convince other and not to listen to the bullshit dribble that comes of people’s mouths (esp when traveling), the better off and more focused I have become. When I try to let other knows what’s up, there is almost always a world of can’ts. I like the people who say fuck you, you can do what you want.

I think it is the reason for the rapid growth of online communities. where people no longer feel they have to stick to their tiny core group of friends that fell on their lap in school, who more likely than not, will try to shake you from your vision.

Ben
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The other funny thing is, watch movies that women gush over.

How do things go?
1. The woman wants something
2. She tells other people about it
3. She struggles, and wants to quit, but other people overcome her resistance to convince her that she can be successful, and provide the critical means for her to succeed.
4. She succeeds.

The movie Coyote Ugly is most direct example of this I’ve ever seen. She moves herself to New York – and from then on, she works to maintain her current state, but her big jumps in success always come from men or someone in charge overcoming her resistance to convince her to suceed. Sometimes it’s her father, sometimes it’s her boyfriend, she tries to make the jump to the next level but never succeeds – until a man or someone in charge comes along, overcomes her resistance to stay where she is and convinces her to do something dramatic, and only then does she attain majorly more success.

The “successful guy” pattern is different.
1. The guy wants something
2. He tells people about it
3. They say “it will never work! it’s to hard! etc etc”
4. He’s driven to do it anyways
5. He’s successful, then has failure – when he’s about to fail his friends or fate step in and keep him from failing
6. He succeeds

The difference is that in pop culture, women need support to *start* doing someting. Men start doing something themselves, then *after* that friends and support help them succeed.

I mean, I suppose I’m just describing alpha/beta dynamics (where the woman often wants to be in the beta role), but even in US pop culture this is usually the dynamic.

Shameus O'Reaaly
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Off the topic of the post, but:
What about writing goals down?
Setting points in time to have achieved “X” by?

I have a tendency only to achieve anything when deadlines are looming and motivating myself with stress.
Any ideas re: this?

Dude
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My mother is like this. Always trying to hold me back and make me feel guilty. Years ago I broke contact with her and went my own way, and now I’m not even 35 and could retire (to Latin or South America) or I can work another five years and retire here in the U.S. What got me was the “withhold encouragement” line. My mother would try and make me feel guilty and blame her problems on me. She would make it like she suffered that I went off to college or work away from home. But it never occurred to me she wanted me to fail. Then I read the “withhold encouragement” part. She didn’t cheer me on. She didn’t push me to be better. She tried to keep me dependent on her, like my old man and older brother, and when I fought against it, she would try to hold me back. I thought it was mother’s love or some bs at the time, but the truth was she wanted me to fail. And she wasn’t in my corner. Good post.

FJ
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How did they relate with you or react when they realised you were successful?

Mr. Pointyface
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To succeed is to be hated.

Look at how people dish on Tom Cruise, who’s made some of the best movies of the last 20 years: Vanilla Sky, Collateral, Minority Report.

Then look at what the spooges who are calling him “gay” etc, have accomplished. Nada.

It almost seems at times that one could make one’s goal to be hated and it would be a lot more productive than wanting to be liked.
It might separate the achievers that could be good collaborators from the snoids who’ll hold you back.

One thing to remember is that Roosh is a travel writer– and the lifestyle he seems to want involves no long term relationships — so far.

One could take another example such as Ingmar Bergman, who created a body of work beyond the importance of Roosh’s– and had a cinematographer he worked with for decades.

Not everyone is a guaranteed goalblocker– in some fields, especially filmmaking and I guess especially politics, you NEED to have collaborators who really share your goals. Even Tom Cruise couldn’t make Vanilla Sky without hundreds of collaborators.

Anonymous
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Do they tell you stuff like, it’s ok, you had your fun, you can come home now, without realizing that for you going back to life in America represents the absolute failure of everything you’re trying to achieve? Your mentality of only relying on yourself, no safety net and constantly pushing forward is the correct one for achieving anything people think is impossible – let other people go the path of least resistance…

YOHAMI
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Truth. It feels lonely though. High and dry.

YOHAMI
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Pointyface

“you NEED to have collaborators who really share your goals.”

Money buys them. They dont need to share your goals, but to get something in return from the collaboration.

Jazmine
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I get what you are saying.
Like he said if if you want to share your goals share them with someone who is already at the top.

YOHAMI
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BTW. Everyone is expecting you to fail, except of the people who benefit from you winning. Those people NEED you to win.

Not that they share your goals, but everyone needs an icon. Something that represents something else. In some cases that benefit is material, say, like in politics.

And not that they can give you advice either. If they do probably it’s going to be shitty advice. Advice should be taken, only, from people who A) have achieved what you want to achieve and B) want you to succeed.

A roadmap to success is to build a people who need you to win. A group of people who benefit from you making it. Be it because they believe, or because their share of the pie comes from yours.

If it’s not your mom nor your sisters, dad family and friends, well too bad. Fuck it. Leave and get a new circle. Form a new tribe.

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Anonymous
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Excellent Articel on this: http://sivers.org/zipit
“Shut up! Announcing your plans makes you less motivated to accomplish them.”

B
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Been reading Pook again?