Why Approaching Should Be The Foundation Of Your Game

As your game improves you’ll have to approach less girls for better quality, but you’ll still be approaching quite a few girls. It comes down to basic demographics.

Let’s say it’s Saturday night and we’re at a crowded bar where there are 10 cute women.

How many of them are in relationship that they’re happy in? I’d guess 3.
How many of them have fuck buddies? 2.
How many of them are in a bad mood for whatever reason and don’t feel like getting to know a new guy? 1.

That means if you approached all ten women, only four would be open to your attempt without bias. Now I’m not saying that the other girls can’t be banged, but the odds are much lower. That means that every approach you do in that bar for the rest of the night has a higher chance of failure than success, and we’re not even accounting for your game, appearance, or status. Before you open your mouth you’re already climbing the mountain.

If your game is tight, on this night you’ll have to do about three or four approaches before getting at least a number, which is a guarantee of nothing. If you’re a beginner, it’s likely you’ll approach all ten and walk away empty handed, and either have to lower your standards and hit on uglier girls for the rest of the night or go to a different bar.

The point of game, I believe, is being a good option to girls who are open to having sex with someone new. But since so many girls are not open to a new guy (unless that new guy happens to be spectacular), you’ll have to approach that much more just to find a willing audience member. This is one reason why when I go out solo I have a plan to approach ten girls, which ensures I will talk to at least a few girls who are open to a new guy. If I talk to ten and I get no bites at all, it means that I’m not even creating interest in girls who probably want to have sex somewhat soon. Either I have to change my game plan or find a new club with a different vibe.

I know that approaching can be a drag. If we compared it to work, it’d be like having to punch in a set amount of hours a week while some other guy is making passive income from his rental properties. Pussy rains from the sky for him, without much effort, while you work your ass off. But approaching works and it’s one thing that every guy can do until he finds a niche or gimmick. I do it even when I don’t have to in order to stay sharp, because of how quickly game can rust due to inactivity.

If you’re in your 30’s and you haven’t approached 1,000 girls yet, then you’re not even close to realizing your potential. I’m pretty sure I’ve done that many by now, and I have the results that justify it (in my mind, at least). I have a feeling I’ll be approaching until I’m a very old man. And I’m fine with that.

Read Next: 7 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Game Right Now

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Evan
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Evan
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That all makes sense as far as it goes, but I have a question.

I live in an area that isn’t near a fashionable urban center, so girl quality (and people quality in general) is low. BMIs are through the roof by comparison to the population of approachable girls I see when I’m in DC or NYC. And then of the ones remaining who are phallically penetrable as far as their bodies go, many are just trash, in looks, lifestyle, and personality.

What that means is that if I go out on an approaching mission my obstacle isn’t approach anxiety. It’s spending gas money and effort and walking through a mall or whatever that’s empty, for my purposes. So I guess to keep from getting rusty I should be just approaching what I see regardless. But can you really stay motivated for that?

GraDan
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GraDan
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Bet you’re not exactly George Clooney…..

therealdeal
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therealdeal
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I do agree how ever there are many things I do to increase the odds.

I dont go out to regular bars or nightclubs anymore. I almost strictly go out to

Latine and salsa clubs
Swing dancing clubs
Blues and slow dancing events (the best)
other type of social events or seminar.

I now how to dance quite well and in these environment there is less competition (i.e. the ratio of men is lower)

Best

The G Manifesto
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“I do agree how ever there are many things I do to increase the odds.”

It all comes down to venue selection, especially in America.

– MPM

The G Manifesto’s last blog post: Barcelona Nightclub Data Sheets.

The Rookie
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The Rookie
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Expanding on the work analogy, I know I used to want to work to get $$$ to get high quality girls. But then I realized that the odds of getting the girl I want, after years of slaving, are far lower than by approaching.

@ Evan: I’d spend that time looking for a job in an urban center where the girls go, and move. If you can’t / won’t, not much other choice…

The Rookie’s last blog post: An Awkward Night.

Culdcept
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Culdcept
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This is very true, approaches are important and even if all you do is day game instant closes you can still get lots of quality girls. Same day bangs are more difficult, but with quantity you can arrange dates almost every night and get bangs anyway.

It’s a slightly different approach to game, but works even if you don’t live in an urban center. Also if you don’t want to/can’t spend lots of time at bars and clubs.

In short approach every bangable girl you see no matter where you are.

Culdcept’s last blog post: Compliments and feeling like the girl.

Willy Wonka
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You’ve been writing this blog for a long ass time, you had better have over 1,000 approaches under your belt by now.

I like the analogy as well, but it’s all about having goals to work for. If you you bust your ass and save up and invest in rental properties, some day you can be THAT guy. Hopefully the same can be said for game… (that’s the whole point right?)

Willy Wonka’s last blog post: Day Game Attempts (Or Lack Thereof).

Anon
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Anon
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True dat. A certain of percentage of women are open to fucking. If you don’t do enough approaches, you might not hit the ones who are open.

@ Evan:

“And then of the ones remaining who are phallically penetrable as far as their bodies go, many are just trash, in looks, lifestyle, and personality.”

LOL, you think DC/NYC chicks are somehow different & superior?

Unless you live in a town of 25 people, there are hot girls EVERYWHERE.

City chicks spend more money on clothes, manicures, hair, etc. so they APPEAR more polished, but they really aren’t hotter than hot chicks from elsewhere once you strip them down.

True, there are more fatties elsewhere, but that just means you have to approach EVERY hot chick you come across when you are out and about. Grocery stores, gas stations, etc.

Sam Spade
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Sam Spade
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Approaching is and always should be the most important fundamental of game, but it often gets taught the wrong way. So much emphasis is placed on approaching in club, bar, or party settings, that to a newbie, it can feel like a performance, rather than a natural state of mind and life.

I’ve always felt that the best advice would be one of those cheesy “ABC” slogans, only ABA: Always Be Approaching. More to the point, one should always be striking up conversations in public, with women AND men, ugly or attractive. The aim is not just to be closing (which is great) but to make number/lay closing a byproduct of having an outgoing, confident, alpha personality. This way, it won’t feel to a rookie like a switch he needs to flip on when he’s at the club – he will always be “on” and have more natural confidence.

Giovonny
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I’m not the greatest looking guy around, I’m probably a 7. I learned a long time ago, that if I want to have a good sex life, I need to approach girls like a fucking machine. I have become almost immune to it. Now, its just a part of my everyday rountine. I try to say hi and strike up a conversation with at least 3-4 girls a day. Of course, I always hang around universites, health clubs, and shopping malls. I only take jobs that allow me to be around cute girls. I’m almost addicted to approaching. If I don’t approach I know I will be just another AFC. I refuse be one of those guys. So I just forced myself to approach every single day. Now, I’m pretty good at striking up a random conversation with any chick, anywhere. Approaching is the number 1 thing you can do to improve your Game.

El Gingo Loco
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How do those of you with experience approaching during the day feel about direct versus indirect? I.e. is it better to just walk up to the girl, nonchalantly tell her that you think she’s cute and then ask for her number, or is it better to strike up a brief conversation? Plenty of good arguments either way so I’m just wondering which actually works better in the field.

TruNinja
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TruNinja
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Ahhh, shotgun theory.

That is your brilliant revelation Roosh?

Good work!

Anyhow, even though I generally think your game advice is lacking, as I think the whole concept of game is a silly waste of time, you did get one thing right.

That Lilya 4Ever movie was great. It wasn’t that depressing. I think Darwin’s Nightmare is more depressing.

Giovonny
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El Gingo Loco,

If you think about it, its all “direct” anyways. Girls can usually tell that you are just trying to talk to them. This is why I usually just go direct. But sometimes because of the situation, its better to go indirect. Of course after a few years of practice, I learned that its good to use both at the same time. Start off with an indiect opener, then smoothly change the topic to something more direct. You gotta practice both ways and find a routine that works for you. Both ways are needed.

Evan
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Evan
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@Anon

That effort that urban girls put into their appearance makes a big difference. Trust me. Come out to Pennysylvania, in between Pittsburgh and Philadelphia–and stay away from State College. You’ll see.

Spring Chicken
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Spring Chicken
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Holy shit dude, I realize this was five years ago, but I just came across this (don’t ask), and I am dealing with this EXACT same problem. Though you probably won’t sympathize for me much, because I’m in Harrisburg, I absolutely know what you mean. Pennsylvania country girls are not some hot little daisy dukes. They’re tattoo’d, hoodie wearing, exotic hair colored trash.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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I’ve just started game, after years of “bad luck’ with girls.

refreshing to see realistic advice instead of “take our bootcamp and you can pick up mother-daughter that night”

The G Manifesto
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“Unless you live in a town of 25 people, there are hot girls EVERYWHERE.”

Let’s go easy on the whole “there are hot girls EVERYWHERE” thing.

Not all places are created equal.

Beverly Hills, for instance is better than Sheboygan, WI (I have never been to Sheboygan, but I am pretty sure I am correct).

– MPM

The G Manifesto’s last blog post: Barcelona Nightclub Data Sheets.

DB
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DB
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“If you you bust your ass and save up and invest in rental properties, some day you can be THAT guy. Hopefully the same can be said for game… (that’s the whole point right?)”

You may be in for a disappointment. I think a god analogy for the career of a player is that of a salesman, he gets better over time (until he’s very, very old) and trough networking he can get more customers with less work but if he does not pick up the phone and call people there will be no $$$. Someone with cold approach based game will also get better with time and he will be able to build a social circle and semi-harem (but those get less useful as the guys get married and the women married and/or old and ugly, something that is not true for the networks of salesmen) But he has to keep talking to girls he does not know. Thus he will regularly get rejected. As he gets older approaching will become more difficult. This is the time to move to Thailand.

mr shy
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mr shy
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The realdeal, what does salsa clubs, etc. differ from regular clubs, speaking of results?

virgle Kent
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It’s crazy and funny teaching someone game. You’re title is so correct that the approach should be the foundation of your game. It’s like teaching a pilot how to take off from the runway. There is no game without this knowledge. Done and Done

InterestedParty
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InterestedParty
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G Manifesto:

“It all comes down to venue selection, especially in America”

ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY. At certain venues (esp LA/NY/Miami), it really doesn’t even matter what your game is. Your “game” is that you could even get into that venue in the first place.

InterestedParty
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@Anon

“Unless you live in a town of 25 people, there are hot girls EVERYWHERE.”

Fuck no. There are MAY be SOME hot girls some places. But trust me, don’t for one second believe that there are the same number of hot girls everywhere. That is complete and utter bullshit.

Not trying to attack you, but what you said is positive thinking not based in facts.

InterestedParty
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InterestedParty
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@ G Manifest 15

“Not all places are created equal.

Beverly Hills, for instance is better than Sheboygan, WI (I have never been to Sheboygan, but I am pretty sure I am correct)”

I see you already corrected this. You are two for two tonight. Some places ARE better than others for ladies (just ask Roosh!).

Steve Johnson
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Steve Johnson
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Hot chicks from small towns move to New York and LA (and less hot chicks from midwestern small towns move to Chicago).

At 16, there are hot chicks everywhere. By 22 the hot chicks are in cities or married / on the road to marrying.

Advice to the anon: move.

Anon
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Anon
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“That effort that urban girls put into their appearance makes a big difference. Trust me. Come out to Pennysylvania, in between Pittsburgh and Philadelphia–and stay away from State College.”

Fair enough. If it’s as bad as you say it is, then move.

All those urban girls you admire came from somewhere. They decided one day to make a change and move to a place where they could meet men.

Surely you can put in the effort to move too.

FAZ
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FAZ
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Ahhh, I don’t have it this bad with daygame. Nightgame is always a drag.

FAZ’s last blog post: Does it make sense to fight an up hill battle?.

Robert G
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Robert G
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I am currently in a state of approach fatigue. I find it hard to muster up the enthusiasm, but I’m sure I’ll shake the funk.

Armchair Theoretician
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Armchair Theoretician
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“Craig Venter creates synthethic life form”
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2010/may/20/craig-venter-synthetic-life-form

Roosh, why don’t you go back to microbiology and create the ‘Perfect 10’ in a lab? Oh, and while you’re at it please clean the female brain of all the mind game bullshit it usually carries around. And no feminism any more, please. lol

Armchair Theoretician
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Armchair Theoretician
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“I am currently in a state of approach fatigue. I find it hard to muster up the enthusiasm, but I’m sure I’ll shake the funk.”

I think the big difference between Naturals and learned PUAs is that the natural doesn’t need to see male-female interpersonal relation issue (“game”) as some sort of darn hard labor. He just is who he is and does what he wants.

I think it’s silly to run around approaching tons of chicks just for “practice”. I would only go for the girls that really interest me. Supplement that with online dating and no matter in which big city you live you should be able to get at least 1 new chick per week. That should be more than enough to satisfy your sex life, unless you are some weirdo maniac sex addict.

Armchair Theoretician
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“Nightgame is always a drag.”

Yes. Especially in Argentina where people don’t go out before 2:30 a.m. and party till 8 in the morning. I never liked that. It’s so stupid.

Stone
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Stone
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G – Go easy on Wisconsin. I have not been to Sheboygan either, but I went to college in Madison and there were tons of hot girls there – blond, supple… but I guess 80% of girls are hot at 19

Re: approaching, I’m married now so I don’t get to practice that often – that’s why it’s even more important to practice at every change I get (business trips, wife is out of town, etc.) – it’s amazing how quickly one’s game rusts…

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[…] He seems to approach way more than me. Roosh believes that approaching should be the foundation of your game. By numbers alone, Willy has an advantage. I’ve been stepping up my approach numbers, but […]

Anonymous
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kill yourself

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Jonathan Roseland
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NOT A SPAM COMMENT.
I truly believe that cold approach makes you a better person and puts you in touch with the visceral experience of being a man.
I use an app to track health & personal development habits called Lift. https://lift.do/
I’ve done at least 77 cold approaches as a result of tracking my lifestyle on Lift.
THIS IS NOT MY APP, I don’t get paid for recommending it. It free (and ad free) for iPhone, Android & web browser. Here’s the Approach habit: https://lift.do/habits/20106

It’s just a tool that’s actually worked for me…

DavidMBowen
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DavidMBowen
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Christophermartin
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Christophercoaxum
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Tiffanyruhl
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………..rocking the rooshv > < Make It Easy

Abdool
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amazing Roosh you are phenomenal man