I visited my old job recently. My former coworkers welcomed me back and asked what I was up to. I told them I’m in the process of quitting my current job, the one I left them for.
A girl I didn’t like working with said, “Wait what are you going to do about health insurance?” She works in the science field but doesn’t believe in evolution because it conflicts with her evangelical beliefs.
“Well I’m not going to have health insurance,” I said.
“Oh great, now if you get injured my taxes are going to pay for you.”
God I hate that bitch.
I’ve met a couple smart conservatives, but I’ve never met a smart religious conservative. They are like kids who repeat what they hear from their authority figures. Yes, God is really pissed that 0.05% of your taxes are going to someone who broke their leg and can’t afford to fix it. He’s enraged that an illegal immigrant is using the emergency room to treat Lupe and her 103 degree fever. He’s going to send a lighting bolt down to the mother getting welfare because she just can’t seem to stop making babies. That’s because the real God is one that feels capitalism’s idea of individualism is far superior to a concept of society where we have to pay for people who are just too ignorant to go to a four-year university and get a “real” job. God wants you off the government’s teet.
I know where God wants my taxes to go: he wants it to go into my protection. He wants it to go to law enforcement to continue the war on drugs (a war we are about to win). He wants more cops on the street to stop crime for good. He also believes in speed traps and parking tickets because they save lives. But he wants most of my tax money going to the Pentagon to protect me from Muslim terrorists who are jealous of my way of life. They wish they had Uggs, traffic, monster thickburgers, tanning salons, and Botox. The Muslim extremists who we used to call freedom fighters are terrorizing us because they want to be us. We can’t let them take away our iPods! And I know this is what God wants because everyone else who believes in God never complains about law enforcement or military spending.
I used to browse through motorcycle forums back when I had one, where a common topic was helmet laws. The pro-helmet law people used an argument that went something like this: “If you get into an accident without a helmet, your health care bills will be more expensive and my insurance will be higher.” You want to guess how much motorcycle insurance went down once states implemented a helmet law? Hint: it’s the same amount that your credit card fees and interest rates went down after the new bankruptcy law was signed. People who have a master-servant mentality, like most bible thumpers, hate it when others are not doing what they think is best, since they themselves cannot live without rules, structure, and guidance. Tell me how to live and tell me want to think so then I can tell other people how to live and what to think.
As for my former coworker, I didn’t bother to argue with her because she is having trouble finding a husband. There is no punishment greater for a woman than a life alone—so I win!