Help Her

There are two types of women: ones that exit cars in the middle of the highway and ones that don’t. My mom was the former. If my parents started a fight in the car, there was a good chance it would end with my mom demanding to be let out. I would see her a few hours later, tired, sweaty, and mad as hell. Even though walking home punished no one but herself, my mom did this because she wanted to show my dad that she didn’t need him. You can say she was a proud woman.

Surprisingly, my parents divorced. After that, because I depended on my mom for food, shelter and toilet, I had to take her shit when she felt like giving it. By my late teen years I decided that it was best not to depend on a woman for anything, even your mother, so that you are free to walk away if you so choose.

After I set out on my own, I would meet women who loved overplaying their hand, whether I was having sex with them or not. Because I didn’t depend on them for things necessary for survival, I had no problem cutting them loose. I believe there is no reason to accept verbal abuse from any human being, especially women.

The reason women think they have more power over you than they actually do is because the guys before you never called them out on it. These girls live a life where guys fold over like dominoes to their unreasonable demands and moody behavior. They get away with it because they can, not because they deserve to. They think you like them more than you do or think you need them more than you do. But after one too many tantrums, after you cut off contact, they sit there by the phone, wondering why you don’t want them in your life anymore.

Girls are not very good at realizing their value is different with each man they deal with. They don’t know their place with you until it’s too late. They end up pushing the limit with the wrong man, thinking you will appease her like all the others. I say call her bluff. I say let her out of the car. I say let her cry like a baby. These girls need help to learn how to act. They won’t understand it, but you’re giving them help.

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me
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me
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Ahh I KNEW you were the product of a divorce. Just because your parents marriage sucked doesn’t mean all relationships are like that. Dating would be alot easier if we could just take all of the people who are f’ed up from their parents bad marriage or divorce and ship them off to some far away place so they can’t screw with the people who came from happy families.

KassyK
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That’s very true for both genders I think bc in general women take lots of crap on the regular from men…but this is a great post and could even work in terms of friendships. If we didn’t give in to toxic situations-friends/lovers/spouses…maybe there would be less shit in the world and more compromise.

Or not.

Dirk Diggler
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Dirk Diggler
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They take lots of crap from bad boys and Alphas.

Dirk Diggler
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Dirk Diggler
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They take lots of crap from bad boys and Alphas.

new p
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new p
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this is so true. as a former car exiting freak who can now admit such behavior, i believe that many, particularly emotionally immature women, enjoy the dramatic feelings involved when a man chases them down to remedy a lifetime-television-fiasco.

behavior is repeated only when there is some reward. for these women the reward is the dramatic moment ? it only works with men who dont understand that it is a power play and her emotional food.

i learned my lesson after growing out of a dysfunctional college relationship where i repeatedly exited in a huff, slamming doors, demanded to be left alone and secretly hoped the boyf would see the light chase me down and never let me go. it eventually died because while my behavior was rewarded, i eventually lost all respect for him as a man. i met a real man who left me alone when i asked for it, who let me wander the streets when i left in a huff, and who made me realize that direct communication w/o games made for a better life. in other words ? i grew the hell up.

hedonistic
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hedonistic
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Nobody deserves verbal abuse, male or female. However, we all deserve to be called out on our shitty behavior, even if the shakedown takes place while a captive audience in our own cars.

Being called out on your shit may or may not involve verbal abuse. It’s NOT abuse because it makes you feel “bad.” Rather, it’s abuse when it’s hostile, nasty, and, most importantly, UNFAIR and/or UNTRUE.

Was what she said true or not? If she was dead on in her assessment of your behavior, then deal with it for the sake of your NEXT relationship. We all make mistakes. However, if she was nasty and delusional and unfair and dishonest in dealing with the issues, then good riddance.

It cuts both ways: Women need to do this too.

lady bizness
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lady bizness
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Yes! Call the bluff. Nothing frustrates a passive-aggressive person more than his/her comments being taken at face value.

Hysterical women hate dispassionate calm in the person with whom they are furious. Their hysteria becomes more and more cartoonish as you refuse to succomb to the heightened emotional state they want from you. Just tell the shrew that you’ll wait for her to become a rational human being again before you engage in serious discussion (women hate charges of irrationality, especially those prone to hysterical outbursts). Eventually she’ll come around. Or you’ll break up.

Dirk Diggler
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If she is prone to hysterical outbursts you need to break it off with her…period.

infusion
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infusion
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I think an important thing to remember is that people are human, even moms and dads. You have to realize they are people, too, with their own issues, etc. Then you have to forget it and move on.

You are using an escape mechanism here, just like you said your mom did:

“I had no problem cutting them loose. I believe there is no reason to accept verbal abuse from any human being, especially women.”

It is possible that you could be oversensitive. I hope you can get over this. Don’t let your parents’ bad relationship ruin your chances at having a good one.

Dirk Diggler
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So he should accept verbal abuse? Why? Yeah, try again.

Irina
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Irina
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what kind of shitty women have you been meeting? i’m amazed at how most girls you often describe are some sort of overly confident, hysterically emotional, money-loving whores. perhaps your solution is to meet a girl with an IQ above 100. any woman with a shred of intelligence can listen her intuition, and fully understand just how much she means to the man she’s with. it’s usually really obvious.

A
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A
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This post demonstrates that you can actually write alot without conveying much. I would shorten this to “drama girls, don’t date them.”

freckledk
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I’ve never gone so far as to get out of the car before it has reached it’s destination, but I have grabbed a cab home once there. But doing so was not an impulsive act, but more of a last straw having been broken.

I’m not trying to punish with my absence, but I have no desire to play martyr and stay where I’m not being treated well. Call it pouting, stewing, whatever. For me it’s more about, “Enough. You are being a Jackass, and I’m done.”

freckledk
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I’ve never gone so far as to get out of the car before it has reached its destination, but I have grabbed a cab home once there. But doing so was not an impulsive act, but more of a last straw having been broken.

I’m not trying to punish with my absence, but I have no desire to play martyr and stay where I’m not being treated well. Call it pouting, stewing, whatever. For me it’s more about, “Enough. You are being a Jackass, and I’m done.”

Namaste
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Yeah, it certainly takes two people to make it horrible. Take the lesson of your parents and move past it.

I’m constantly shocked by people when they find themselves in an abusive relationship. I fail to understand the tantrums or the fits, simply beause it doesn’t get anyone anywhere.

I think you’re right to walk away from this sort of toxicity. You must stand your ground, but also be willing to work on effective communication rather than chalking it all up to a tantrum-throwing child woman.

Jay Gatsby
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Jay Gatsby
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Most people aren’t willing to give the “don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out” speech to someone in which they’ve invested a great deal of time and/or emotion. This is why people don’t get out of bad relationships when things start to get sour — they wait until there’s absolutely no question that the relationship is dead — and then say to their friends “why didn’t I leave sooner?”

I’ve always been an advocate of compartmentalizing a piece of yourself away at the beginning of a relationship. Doing so gives you the mental fortitude (and rational mind) to walk away if things are irrevocably heading south.

Tomteboda
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I’m 28 years old and in all my years have exited a car prematurely precisely one time. This was in the final weeks before the end of my marriage, which was a rather dramatic affair involving the police, a gun, and my ex threatening to kill me, my parents, everyone at my church, and my extended family. My then-husband and I were traveling through a national forest in the mountains, and he launched into a pretty typical “you are the most immature and selfish bitch I’ve ever met” tirade because I’d forgotten a folder of information on the kitchen table that morning. I listened to it for awhile (about 20 miles, in fact) and then told him to stop it. He stopped the car instead and demanded I get out. I remember saying “You’re kidding?” when he reached over, opened the door, and unbuckled my belt.. and shoved me out to then drive off. We’d been on our way to a business meeting, and there I was, in heels, nylons, and a suit… in the middle of nowhere. He’d even shoved me out without my purse.

I recalled a gas station and cafe a few miles back, so I turned around and walked to the cafe. I was able to hitchhike home (what would you do with no money?), and waited on the front step for him to get back so I could get my purse and clothes as its hard to let yourself into a house with no key. I’d threatened to leave once, exactly once, two years earlier when his behavior became particularly shitty towards me and yes, the threat was “rewarded” in that he behaved more like a human being and less like an asshole.. for awhile.

I am saddened by the vast generaliztaions made by some people dehumanizing women on this board. I understand that these opinions are ones brought about by people’s real life experiences, but I wonder how much introspection into individuals’ own roles in dramatic situations is avoided by simply blaming the person who finally says “enough is enough” and decides its time for a breather. Drama for manipulation is reprehensible. So is deliberate cruelty that causes women to feel so threatened that they would rather face the unknown of the highway than take the garbage any more.

Dirk Diggler
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You need therapy. This isn’t the place for it.

Poppy Girl
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“I believe there is no reason to accept verbal abuse from any human being, especially women.”

Yikes. Why “especially women?” Why not just end the sentence at human being. PERIOD. It implies that somehow women have less of a right to give crap than men do. Or that men are sometimes justified in doing it more so than women. Everything else in this post was dead on, but this sentence … yikes. Hopefully I just interpreted it wrong.

I have a good friend who treats her man this way and it sickens me. I don’t love her boyfriend but he’s a decent guy. I have no idea why he puts up w/ it. I have no idea why they continue to stay in a relationship that obviously makes them both miserable. I think J. Gatsby’s comment is probably true … too much invested.

cob
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cob
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well said.

Roissy
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“I have no idea why he puts up w/ it.”

is your friend hot? the real test of a man’s mettle comes when he is able to muster the strength of character to walk away from a bonafide hottie treating him disrespectfully. most men cannot do this, and that is why they are weak.

Steve Lurkel
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So true, Roissy!

Wendy
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but what if you really aren’t being dramatic and you really are trying to get away and they follow you and stalk you and beg you? That is their issue, not mine. I was trying to get away.

Poppy Girl
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Wendy, I think your situation might be different. What goes on between my friend and her boyfriend is something different and is what I think is the subject of this post. It’s when a girl picks a fight at an inopportune moment – at a bar, in public, in a moving vehicle, etc. The guy remains calm, which only makes her more hysterical and then she storms off with the expectation that he will follow her and do anything to appease the situation.

Roissy, she was prob. an 8 – 30 lbs ago when they met. Now she’s prob. more of a 6. I agree that there is a direct correlation between how hot a girl is how much shit the guy is willing to put up w/. But in this case, I think this more of a classic abusive relationship. I think she’s worn his self-esteem down slowly over the years and he no longer knows what he’d do w/o her. Poor fella.

Anonymous
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regarding ME’s comment:
my parents have been married for 35 years and are still happy. yet i agree with everything he said. your statement is filled with ignorance and makes no point, while roosh’s makes a very strong point and one that i’ve experiened first hand, as well as others i know (men and women). in fact you sound more bitter than anyone, and i assume you come from a “happy family”. nice.

Daily Misogynist
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Getting out of the car during an argument is the physical equivalent of giving an ultimatum. An ultimatum is a power struggle, and the giver is usually the one that does not hold the power position, because she’s risking the power she doesn’t have against the power you’ll potentially lose. If you cave to her, you’re effectively letting her know that she can get away with this kind of behavior, and then she’ll own you afterwards. Roosh is right in the sense that you should never relinquish the control seat, and if she challenges your authority, you’re better off without her.

hedonistic
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Daily Misogynist: “if she challenges your authority . . .”

hedonistic
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funny, my snickering didn’t show up . . .

:rolleyes: :tard:

Johnny5
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I’ve had the same growing experience and feel exactly the same way. The older I get the more confident I feel about it, I simply don’t have the time or energy to waste on people’s shit.
If they can’t see the possibility of a positive solution to the way they feel they are worthless to me.

Anonymous
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I knew you had “mommy issues.” It’s all good. Who doesnt now a days.

I feel that the issues you have with your mom completely warps you sense of reality with women. It has been said countless times before:

** Men tend to date their mother.

** Women tend to date their father.

You really cant help this fact. You gravitate towards that which is familiar. Someone posted that perhaps you have only come into contact with “drama queens” which probably is the foundation for your view on women. Its something in your subconcious that allows you to attract them – and them to you.

It’s admirable that you will not put up with the drama that a women may give to you, but I wonder, do you do the same with your ‘boys?’ You stated, “especially with women.” That’s a red flag right there.

Not every woman you meet is your mother, or in some cases, you father.

SmartBlkWoman
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Guilty as charged. I once tried to have a conversation with my (now ex-) boyfriend and while I was really upset with him I did my best to play it cool. However, he seemed even cooler than me and I blew up at him. Unfortunately, my emotional outburst which was intended to get some sort of reaction out of him just made him act even cooler-and made me get even madder.

I guess you already figured out that we broke up soon after.

Stephanie
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Roosh- I’ve met you before and I like you a lot. I think you are insightful, witty and very intelligent. Don’t take this next comment as a critique (after all, I am the product of parents who have been divorced two and three times). Because of what you experienced, you have some trust issues with women and you have an incredible amount of anger towards your mother. This could easily color how you see relationships.

Also, every woman is different. We don’t “all” do anything. I try not to make statements like “all men are babies” or “men don’t know how to listen” because I think it is a cop-out.

I love your blog- keep up the good work.

Davoud Askari
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I’ve had my own Alpha male father exit the car he owned while I was driving because we were arguing!

Dirk Diggler
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Dirk Diggler
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Kim DuToit wrote something very similar on his old blog years ago. He was correct and so are you.