Here Goes

I started the travel map with its first marker. Here’s a very rough guess of how I imagine the trip could look like if I don’t get homesick.

south-america-possible-route.jpg

:american:

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Beach Bum
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This is awesome — you are missing some beautiful towns in the south of Brazil like Porto Alegre, Florianópolis and Curitiba, but you’ll see some gorgeous places regardless. (Make sure to check Iguaçu Falls between Argentina & Brazil, though you might be planning that already.)

Enjoy your trip! Hope you don’t get homesick, because that’s an awesome itinerary you have.

Seems like you’re seeing most beach towns in Brazil, but don’t miss Rio (and if you can get to Búzios about 3 hours away, you’ll love it too), Salvador, Fortaleza, Natal and the sand dunes in Maranhão (we call them “Lençois Maranhenses”). Another place I recommend is Ilha de Fernando de Noronha, this gorgeous protected archipelago in the north of Brazil — tons of dolphins, great for scuba diving, you have to rent a horse to get around town). You’re also missing out on Pantanal, the famous swamps, and the Amazon, but like you I’d take the beaches any day over it!

Make sure to take tons of pictures too. Ah, and Brazilians tend to love Americans, so you’ll probably put those condoms to good use.

Feel free to email me if you want any tips on Brazil.

Roissy
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i see no red marker running through the heart of the amazon. so a visit with those peaceable yanomamo are not on the itinerary?

Arjewtino
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Roosh, if you have time (and money) by the time you get to B.A., head south to Perito Moreno and see the glaciers. You probably won’t get laid, but you will still see a spectacular sight you will remember for the rest of your life.

GJ
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GJ
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Out of academic curiosity, how many flags of the countries you’re visiting do you already have Roosh? And then let’s take some bets on how many he walks away with!

Steve Lurkel
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Steve Lurkel
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Man, it’s like your own personal version of “The Motorcycle Diaries.” Best of luck!

mm
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mm
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what? no strait of magellan?

Nullpointer
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Bolivia, Peru? Ewww

You have to be extra careful in those countries.

You’re going to be spending time in the wrong part of Chile. You need to go south to el volcan osorno, las termas de pullegue (I don’t know know if I spelled that right). You are far more likely to get laid in the South if that’s what you’re looking for.

The north is all mining and fishing towns, with the exception of Arica.

If you go to San Pedro de Atacama you might have some luck as well. It’s popular tourist attraction and runs off solar power, because it’s in the middle of the desert. They take you up to see the geothermal vents in the near by mountains/altiplano.

Puerto Montt, Valdivia, and Patagonia are gorgeous. It’s where they grow the grapes and make wonderful Chilean wine.

Valparaiso is also worth a stop. It’s sort of like resort town at the same level as Santiago.

When you’re traveling through Chile your best bet is to use Pullman Bus, or Sky Airlines.

The further north you get the harder it is to get around unless you rent a car or motorcycle. Be very careful in the desert if you break down and don’t have enough supplies it’s easy to get yourself in trouble. It was the driest desert in the world until it rained recently…lol

Anyway, it is worth going to Cuzco in Peru.

You need to try both the Peruvian and Chilean Pisco sour. Warning: the peruvian one is made with raw egg whites. They’re both real good, but the Peruvian one is better.

Do not stay at super cheap hostels in Peru, unless you’ve got an ironclad stomach. Peruvian water isn’t really potable as I’m sure is mentioned in your travel guide. Buy and drink bottled water, preferably. Avoid vegetables and other fresh produce especially that which washed in tap water.

When you go to Cuzco and you check in at your hotel they should give you Coca leaf tea. Yes, that is the same coca leaf used to make cocaine. It’s a strong stimulant, make sure you drink it if you don’t want a really bad case of altitude sickness.

Make sure you have time to acclimatize yourself and you drink plenty of tea. If you get sick make sure you have gatorade or something, because you’re body won’t be able to absorb regular water faster than you’re vomiting and shitting the water you drink.

Bolivia and Peru will leave you short of breath until you get down into Lima.

Do not go to the beach in Lima, you will get robbed and the water is just dirty.

Go to the beach in Chile, Brazil, Colombian, Venezuela. REPEAT: Do not go to the beach in Peru.

When you’re in Chile and Argentina, make sure you stop at one the steak houses. They have some fancy name which I can’t remember, but they serve the most amazing beef platters I’ve ever hard. Morsilla, bistek a lo pobre, lomo a lo pobre, con pevre.

I’m starting to get nostalgic for Chile 😀

Summary

Chile:

South:

Puertto Montt
Valdivia
Patagonia ( you can buy 2000 hectares (10 sq miles) and you’re own private mountain lake for 180K if you’re interested)
Osorno
Termas de X (fill in local name)
Valparaiso
Vina del Mar
Villa Alemana (my grandparents live there)

North:
La Serena
Tocopilla
Vallenar
San Pedro de Atacama
Arica
Antofagasta

notice santiago isn’t on the list.

Peru:

Some city south of cuzco who’s name I can’t remember that’s a good transition to a lower/higher altitude depending on where you’re going

Cuzco
Lima

Bolivia:

~

Colombia:

Medellin (my dad was born here)
Bello (my great uncle is the mayor)
Bogota
Antoquia (region)
Pasto (A town named grass)

Y asegura de aprender a decir AVE MARIA PUE, HOMBRE!

Make sure you try aguardiente (roughly burning water)

Oh and try Yucas (it’s a tuber similar to potatoes with a more stringy consistency)

Okay, that’s it for my knowledge of South America.
Those suggestions about Peru are from personal experience. I made the mistake of running up to see lost city of macchu picchu instead of taking the bus. I nearly died, I couldn’t absorb water, and my parents freaked out so bad my dad wandered around Cuzco until he found a 24 hour convenience store and bought gatorade. It was terrible. I kept dry heaving and if I drank any water I threw it up before I got any and I was turning a weird color.

I had made the mistake of ordering meat which came with potatoes, tomatoes and lettuce and I ate the everything.

It was… bad

Vance Astro
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Que pase bien. No tome la agua.

Jewcano
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Jewcano
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Hope you got your shots.

I didn’t find Lima nearly as bad as null makes it sound. Anyone looking to rob you will make it painfully obvious long before the fact. Just watch your pockets around large herds of children selling gum.

rabbit
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rabbit
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On one hand, I’m very jealous. I would love to do something like this. On the other hand, I wouldn’t do it alone……then again hostels are great places to meet fellow travellers…

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[…] Here goes. Roosh V begins his grand South American adventure. Map shows the route. Good travels to him. […]

tampa
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tampa
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Hugo Chavez doesn’t have a problem with you stoping by???

odd.

Phil
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Phil
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I hear the coffee is good in Colombia.

suicide_blond
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looks like cartegena didnt make the list…shame..
its wicked fun..
xoxo

Joe T.
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Joe T.
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Curitiba, Brazil is supposed to be really cool… one of the most progressively-designed, environmentally sound, attractive cities in the world, I hear. Seems like the kind of place I’d like to live.

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Bang!
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[…] his well paying job (he needed a break) and is currently touring South America starting in Colombia and working his way through Brazil, Paraguay, Uruguay, Argentina, Chile, Bolivia, Peru, Ven… – now that’s Alpha. Read all about his daily experiences at his blog […]

static
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static
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Have a great time Roosh. You’re setting an example that others can follow.

Bobby Rio
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Bobby Rio
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You’re living my dream right now… I had it all planned out. Then I went and got a fucking girlfriend… Yay! Now I get to go to Meddellin with her this winter. Im sure that will be just as fun as gang banging college girls in Rio. Yay!

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Bang Book
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[…] Roosh recently quit his well paying job (he needed a break) and toured South America starting in Colombia and working his way through Brazil, Paraguay, Uruguay, Argentina, Chile, Bolivia, Peru, Ven… – now that’s Alpha. Read all about his experiences […]