Hotel Miami

My second night at Hotel Miami in Asunción, I went to my bathroom and saw this:

lizard.jpg

It was big and not afraid of me. I couldn’t find anything to kill it with except my room’s soft-cover bible, but if I failed to kill it I was scared it get mad and try to kill me, so I just closed the bathroom door hoping the problem would resolve itself. It did because I never saw the lizard again.

I was hyper-aware after that and a few minutes later I noticed a gigantic bug on the pillow of the twin bed next to my full size bed. I grabbed the bible and killed it without mercy. I felt sorry for the poor sap who was going to use that pillow thinking it was clean (like it was clean before). The six inch lizard was a sign I should have searched for another hotel, but I pride myself on adapting to tough conditions.

Pride never did me anything good.

I went to bed on Wednesday at midnight. I woke up around 4:15am with my hand touching something on my bed. I pushed it aside and settled into a new sleeping position. About four seconds later it hit me that THERE IS SOMETHING FURRY ON MY BED. I jumped up and turned on the light. It was a dead rat.

I freaked out like I’ve never freaked out before, flailing my arms and making whimpering noises as I run to the bathroom to wash my hands. I examined my body in the mirror to check for signs of rat excrement or bites. I’m cringing, shuddering, gagging as I think about where this rat touched me.

I covered the dead rat with sheets so I didn’t have to see it. The placement of the rat seemed too perfect, almost like it was a prank, but the door was still locked.

I wanted to leave the hotel immediately, but it wasn’t the best time to go walking around Asunción searching for a hotel. I consider staying awake until the sun comes up but there is that twin bed. I turn over the pillow and lay down. Two hours later I fell asleep.

I get up around 8:30am and start packing. Less traumatized, I uncover the rat to get a closer look. Turns out it’s not a rat—it’s a bat.

bat.jpg

It was hanging from the ceiling and just dropped dead next to me. I’m not a superstitious man and I don’t believe in omens, but when dead bats start falling from the sky onto your bed, it’s time to get as far away as possible. I packed up and went to the bus station and booked a ticket to Ciudad del Este, a city I can cross over from into Brazil. I had two hours to kill so I went to an internet cafe at the end of the bus station.

My scientific knowledge kicks in as I’m checking my email and I remembered bats carry rabies. So I’m in this internet cafe multiplying the odds this bat has rabies with the odds it bit or scratched me while I slept. I’m sure I would have definitely felt it bite me and a check of my body in the mirror found nothing suspicious. I hit Google. The internet is either saving my life or giving me OCD, I’m not sure, but I found things like this:

Of the 25 cases since 1981 in which people contracted rabies in [the U.S.], 22 involved strains that could have come only from bats, and 16 had the silver-haired bat strain found in the Virginia man. Everyone in those cases died, including several children. But only one patient was aware of having been bitten. In the rest of the bat cases, the exposure was described as ”unknown,” though in many cases family members or patients themselves recalled that a bat had got into the house or workplace.

But that means one can be bitten by a bat without knowing it, something most people would find hard to imagine.

Now I’m scared. The thing with rabies is that when you find out you have it, you’re going to die. It’s also bad news that this bat was hanging out with a human. With the window closed it had to work to get inside instead of choosing to drop dead in it’s natural habitat. I hop in a cab to the private hospital and get the first of five injections. The consultation with a doctor and the first shot was $35. Getting the rabies vaccine has been the easiest decision of my trip.

Rabies prophylaxis is 100 per cent effective if given before symptoms appear. Link

I still can’t relax.

I arrived in Brazil later that night, and stayed at a nice hostel that didn’t have more wildlife than a national park. It’s nice that traveling gives you such interesting and crazy stories, but I wish I did without this one.

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Anonymous
Anonymous
12 years ago

On the bright side, if there is an outbreak of a bacteria that causes Vampire-like symptoms, you may be immune.

GJ
GJ
12 years ago

And people critique me for not staying at hostels when I travel abroad!

Bridal Bird
12 years ago

Best. Imminent. Tripadvisor.com. Hotel. Review. Ever.

Bridal Bird’s last blog post: Oh, You Don?t Want Us to Use Contraceptives? I Missed That the First 128 Times..

mike says
mike says
12 years ago

That’s absolutely insane, I flipped out a little bit when I read that it was a rat and withdrew from the computer when the bat pic came up.

Were the shots more painful than “normal” needles, like having blood drawn?

Jo
Jo
12 years ago

I don’t think the lizard was much to worry about honestly. The bat…yeah, that was a bit much.

Brazil’s not much better when it comes to wildlife by the way. The roaches are massively huge and there’s lizards everywhere (but they’re friendly don’t worry) and apparently there are monkeys everywhere now too!

Jo’s last blog post: Incomplete.

sudamericana
sudamericana
12 years ago

Well, we even found a bat in a house my family rented once in posh Punta del Este… it’s not the same as finding one in the bed of a hostel, though.

I would not have been able to sleep for a month after that… when I discovered a small mouse in my ver small DC studio, I put 14 traps, and an ultrasound device that you plug in the wall, and still could not relax.

sudamericana
sudamericana
12 years ago

That was me, not Bridal Bird… the blog is doing crazy things with the name thing. It used to put it automatically, and I keep forgetting it no longer does.

rcr
rcr
12 years ago

FWIW, that’s an awesome story.

rcr’s last blog post: Bad Journalism, or, I?m a Huge Dork.

me
me
12 years ago

Oh man I would have FLIPPED OUT. That is totally disgusting, at least you were able to get a rabies shot quickly. I’m sorry you had to go through that. At least it will make you appreciate your warm, clean bed when you return to the States.

miik
miik
12 years ago

Cujo?

Generate
Generate
12 years ago

Roosh! That is crazy!!!!

terps
terps
12 years ago

damn, I’d have freaked, too. At least you didn’t get attacked by a wild boar 🙂

Ad4m
Ad4m
12 years ago

Dude that is an awesome story, feel for you!

shit licker
shit licker
12 years ago

roosh-

this is far and away the most legendary post you have produced. amazing.

shit licker

eugenius
eugenius
12 years ago

After you come back to the states and your immune system recovers fully, you will be bulletproof. I will test you by sending you in all the level 4 clinical labs just to prove to everyone you have the blood of an alligator (per discovery channel the most immune blood in the world ).

PS. Your story only proves that it is now time to move on to more popular parts of the countries you visit…..Rio is the place to be……

Anonymous
Anonymous
12 years ago

how do you know the bat was actually dead? Maybe it was just sleeping…

Anonymous
Anonymous
12 years ago

oh another thing. never kill a lizard. They are your friends, they will eat spiders, cochroaches, etc. Of course, like you say, a huge lizard isnt a good sign because it shows that there are plenty of insects around.

IMO from my experiences living in Miami, a dead lizard in the house was always a good sign (death by starvation)

inSOMnia
inSOMnia
12 years ago

LOLOLOL. I am going to call you batman from now on.

mr. hanky
mr. hanky
12 years ago

the fact that you got the rabies shot right after the incident means that you’re in the clear. the incubation period is usually a minimum of 2ish weeks.

suicide_blond
12 years ago

umm..yeah… that would be the “time to come home sign”… from the gods… dont fuck with the gods..
xoxo

suicide_blond’s last blog post: A Quickie?.can be a good thing?.

roissy
12 years ago

i saw a mouse in my place once, looked at it with bemusement, then went right back to sleep.

pussies.

not surprised that people don’t know they’ve been bitten. i think bats secrete an anaesthetic in their saliva so they don’t wake their victims. btw, i understand rabies shots are especially painful. did you get them in your stomach?

roissy’s last blog post: Don?t Get Married.

Bobby Rio
12 years ago

Crazy shit man… reminds me of the episode of the office when Michael does a fund raiser for rabies…

Bobby Rio’s last blog post: Rules For the Pua Texting Girls.

Roosh
Roosh
12 years ago

The shots in the stomach thing is no longer done. You get it in your deltoid (arm) and it feels like any other shot. If you have a bite, you also get a shot of immunoglobulin at the bite.

It´s ideal to get the shot the same day, but as long as you arent showing symptoms, it is worth it to get it at any time you can.

terps
terps
12 years ago

you’re planning on getting all five shots, right? be safe