Hotel Miami

My second night at Hotel Miami in Asunción, I went to my bathroom and saw this:

lizard.jpg

It was big and not afraid of me. I couldn’t find anything to kill it with except my room’s soft-cover bible, but if I failed to kill it I was scared it get mad and try to kill me, so I just closed the bathroom door hoping the problem would resolve itself. It did because I never saw the lizard again.

I was hyper-aware after that and a few minutes later I noticed a gigantic bug on the pillow of the twin bed next to my full size bed. I grabbed the bible and killed it without mercy. I felt sorry for the poor sap who was going to use that pillow thinking it was clean (like it was clean before). The six inch lizard was a sign I should have searched for another hotel, but I pride myself on adapting to tough conditions.

Pride never did me anything good.

I went to bed on Wednesday at midnight. I woke up around 4:15am with my hand touching something on my bed. I pushed it aside and settled into a new sleeping position. About four seconds later it hit me that THERE IS SOMETHING FURRY ON MY BED. I jumped up and turned on the light. It was a dead rat.

I freaked out like I’ve never freaked out before, flailing my arms and making whimpering noises as I run to the bathroom to wash my hands. I examined my body in the mirror to check for signs of rat excrement or bites. I’m cringing, shuddering, gagging as I think about where this rat touched me.

I covered the dead rat with sheets so I didn’t have to see it. The placement of the rat seemed too perfect, almost like it was a prank, but the door was still locked.

I wanted to leave the hotel immediately, but it wasn’t the best time to go walking around Asunción searching for a hotel. I consider staying awake until the sun comes up but there is that twin bed. I turn over the pillow and lay down. Two hours later I fell asleep.

I get up around 8:30am and start packing. Less traumatized, I uncover the rat to get a closer look. Turns out it’s not a rat—it’s a bat.

bat.jpg

It was hanging from the ceiling and just dropped dead next to me. I’m not a superstitious man and I don’t believe in omens, but when dead bats start falling from the sky onto your bed, it’s time to get as far away as possible. I packed up and went to the bus station and booked a ticket to Ciudad del Este, a city I can cross over from into Brazil. I had two hours to kill so I went to an internet cafe at the end of the bus station.

My scientific knowledge kicks in as I’m checking my email and I remembered bats carry rabies. So I’m in this internet cafe multiplying the odds this bat has rabies with the odds it bit or scratched me while I slept. I’m sure I would have definitely felt it bite me and a check of my body in the mirror found nothing suspicious. I hit Google. The internet is either saving my life or giving me OCD, I’m not sure, but I found things like this:

Of the 25 cases since 1981 in which people contracted rabies in [the U.S.], 22 involved strains that could have come only from bats, and 16 had the silver-haired bat strain found in the Virginia man. Everyone in those cases died, including several children. But only one patient was aware of having been bitten. In the rest of the bat cases, the exposure was described as ”unknown,” though in many cases family members or patients themselves recalled that a bat had got into the house or workplace.

But that means one can be bitten by a bat without knowing it, something most people would find hard to imagine.

Now I’m scared. The thing with rabies is that when you find out you have it, you’re going to die. It’s also bad news that this bat was hanging out with a human. With the window closed it had to work to get inside instead of choosing to drop dead in it’s natural habitat. I hop in a cab to the private hospital and get the first of five injections. The consultation with a doctor and the first shot was $35. Getting the rabies vaccine has been the easiest decision of my trip.

Rabies prophylaxis is 100 per cent effective if given before symptoms appear. Link

I still can’t relax.

I arrived in Brazil later that night, and stayed at a nice hostel that didn’t have more wildlife than a national park. It’s nice that traveling gives you such interesting and crazy stories, but I wish I did without this one.

For more on Paraguay, check out my Paraguay travel guide.

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Anonymous
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On the bright side, if there is an outbreak of a bacteria that causes Vampire-like symptoms, you may be immune.

GJ
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GJ
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And people critique me for not staying at hostels when I travel abroad!

Bridal Bird
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Best. Imminent. Tripadvisor.com. Hotel. Review. Ever.

Bridal Bird’s last blog post: Oh, You Don?t Want Us to Use Contraceptives? I Missed That the First 128 Times..

mike says
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That’s absolutely insane, I flipped out a little bit when I read that it was a rat and withdrew from the computer when the bat pic came up.

Were the shots more painful than “normal” needles, like having blood drawn?

Jo
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I don’t think the lizard was much to worry about honestly. The bat…yeah, that was a bit much.

Brazil’s not much better when it comes to wildlife by the way. The roaches are massively huge and there’s lizards everywhere (but they’re friendly don’t worry) and apparently there are monkeys everywhere now too!

Jo’s last blog post: Incomplete.

sudamericana
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Well, we even found a bat in a house my family rented once in posh Punta del Este… it’s not the same as finding one in the bed of a hostel, though.

I would not have been able to sleep for a month after that… when I discovered a small mouse in my ver small DC studio, I put 14 traps, and an ultrasound device that you plug in the wall, and still could not relax.

sudamericana
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That was me, not Bridal Bird… the blog is doing crazy things with the name thing. It used to put it automatically, and I keep forgetting it no longer does.

rcr
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rcr
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FWIW, that’s an awesome story.

rcr’s last blog post: Bad Journalism, or, I?m a Huge Dork.

me
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me
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Oh man I would have FLIPPED OUT. That is totally disgusting, at least you were able to get a rabies shot quickly. I’m sorry you had to go through that. At least it will make you appreciate your warm, clean bed when you return to the States.

miik
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miik
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Cujo?

Generate
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Generate
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Roosh! That is crazy!!!!

terps
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terps
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damn, I’d have freaked, too. At least you didn’t get attacked by a wild boar smile

Ad4m
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Ad4m
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Dude that is an awesome story, feel for you!

shit licker
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shit licker
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roosh-

this is far and away the most legendary post you have produced. amazing.

shit licker

eugenius
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eugenius
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After you come back to the states and your immune system recovers fully, you will be bulletproof. I will test you by sending you in all the level 4 clinical labs just to prove to everyone you have the blood of an alligator (per discovery channel the most immune blood in the world ).

PS. Your story only proves that it is now time to move on to more popular parts of the countries you visit…..Rio is the place to be……

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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how do you know the bat was actually dead? Maybe it was just sleeping…

Anonymous
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oh another thing. never kill a lizard. They are your friends, they will eat spiders, cochroaches, etc. Of course, like you say, a huge lizard isnt a good sign because it shows that there are plenty of insects around.

IMO from my experiences living in Miami, a dead lizard in the house was always a good sign (death by starvation)

inSOMnia
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inSOMnia
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LOLOLOL. I am going to call you batman from now on.

mr. hanky
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mr. hanky
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the fact that you got the rabies shot right after the incident means that you’re in the clear. the incubation period is usually a minimum of 2ish weeks.

suicide_blond
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umm..yeah… that would be the “time to come home sign”… from the gods… dont fuck with the gods..
xoxo

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roissy
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roissy
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i saw a mouse in my place once, looked at it with bemusement, then went right back to sleep.

pussies.

not surprised that people don’t know they’ve been bitten. i think bats secrete an anaesthetic in their saliva so they don’t wake their victims. btw, i understand rabies shots are especially painful. did you get them in your stomach?

roissy’s last blog post: Don?t Get Married.

Bobby Rio
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Bobby Rio
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Crazy shit man… reminds me of the episode of the office when Michael does a fund raiser for rabies…

Bobby Rio’s last blog post: Rules For the Pua Texting Girls.

Roosh
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Roosh
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The shots in the stomach thing is no longer done. You get it in your deltoid (arm) and it feels like any other shot. If you have a bite, you also get a shot of immunoglobulin at the bite.

It´s ideal to get the shot the same day, but as long as you arent showing symptoms, it is worth it to get it at any time you can.

terps
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terps
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you’re planning on getting all five shots, right? be safe

Jack Goes Forth
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While it may not seem that funny to you, it is very hilarious. What would have really added comedy to the situation would be if you had some broad back at this shithole with you. The bat would have landed on her back and her, being used to cheap hotel rooms and third world conditions would have shrugged it off and went right back to sleep. Infact she may have initiated sex with you after such an incident, insisting that the bat stay in the bed during intercourse. Its an Asuncion thing….

Hope all goes well in Brazil.

Jack Goes Forth’s last blog post: The State Of Jack Address.

Wendy
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Wendy
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that was a harmless lil ghecko. You could have picked him up and moved him as long as you had his head isolated from flesh. (I have been bit by a ghecko, it hurts but isn’t that bad)

As for the bat, yeah, that is odd and I am glad you went to get the vaccines. Totally worth the money. Weird he just died on you, weird.

Wendy’s last blog post: I Want A New Drug, One That Won’t Make Me Shit.

Peter
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Peter
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the bat story is absolutely the mostest freakiest shit i’ve ever heard in my life. holy crap.

so, i guess he was there the whole time, even with the light on, but you just didn’t notice him? maybe not. maybe he ate some poison, decided to check out the ceiling for a bit, and then just dozed off into death.

that’s too much. way too much. i’m afraid to come back to this blog. i might wake up next to a dead tiger or some shit. unreal.

i can imagine you tellin this story in a bar. people will just be like GTFOH.

Mel R.
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Mel R.
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…Eww. Goddamn.

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nelson
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nelson
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dude,
that lizard you saw is less harmful than any human being I have ever met in my entire life.
it actually helps “clean up” the place by eating all the bugs and spiders. She is on your side and not only that, she’s part of the ecosystem. Her only concern? rats! Well, that is where cats come in. Isn’t nature perfect? Except for the so called intelligent homo sapiens

Boo-you
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Boo-you
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OMG, this thing was so painful to read!
How does a person like you even adventures himself in his head to take a trip anywhere but in the tour bus through Wa DC?!.. this kind of ‘adventure diary’ are what fuels the show “An idiot abroad” on the Science Channel. So damn sad!.. AND THE WORST THING the comments of oOOooOOh!. First of all to experience a culture and a country to have to know something about it, research.. if it touches your pansy side..don’t go.

Lizard: That ‘light lizard’ its found even on the Sheraton Hotel in PRY, ARG or BRZ if they don’t spray venom (which is way toxic than a bug eating lizard), poor houses, mansions.. even supermarkets.. WELCOME TO TROPICAL CLIMATE!!! the poor thing is not bigger than your thumb and your finger.. eats bugs (that’s why it hangs out near lights and and bugs areas)DOES NOT have teeth, DOES NOT have poisonous stings… and I HIGHLY DOUBT IT YELLS AT YOU GODZILLA LIKE.

Bat: Asuncion’s Downtown is a very Old/new architecture display full of rich past and history. The streets are NOT ROUGHER than the nights of any other US city (small or big), if anything.. at least you can see it coming. The old building/houses in downtown Asuncion have almost intact construction, from the brick to the wood on the ceilings, bats are Asuncion’s night night bug vigilantes. Some live in mango trees that you can see all over town, some try to warm up and hide from inclemency sneaking through old buildings roofs. That is the case your heart attack BAT. Not a Rat, Not a weasel (I’m currently in L.A. having some friend fun, yesterday walking through West L.A. a WEASEL BIGGER THAN MY BAG walked through my Patisserie table to make to the other side of the street) not even a huge roach or skunk.. a Bat..

Hotel: Why do you complain so much?, is not bad.. have you told this people how much are you paying or payed for the hotel? … the Miami hotel in PRY is the CHEAPEST thing you can find not to open your tent in the Plaza Uruguaya 2 blocks from it. AND still has running water, service all night, a bed.. and I can BET money that the sheets were clean.. if you are so delicate (which is the NO NO number UNO to NOT BECOME AN ADVENTUROUS BACKPACKER) why didn’t you at least pay $70 a Night to stay in a HOTEL?.

Shots? for a dead bat? freaking out? cause you saw an inoffensive lizard?… Staying up? what the ghost of the bat was gonna give you vampirism from hell?.. So Lame!!!

Absorbing cultural richness comes with a price, requires to getting from our comfort zone, be informed, be receptive, and to learn that in other cultures it can be possible to live respecting nature environment and live in harmony.. without dying, fear of rabies and cancer just cause a cow looks at you. Learn that you not as perishable as you think.. and if you think you are.. playing the MIGHTY ADVENTUROUS TRAVELER might not be your thing.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but Paraguay is so culturally rich and beautiful, that I think this is offensive to whomever knows how to travel abroad and makes the most out of an experience.. not writes a whole book about a dead bat, and fabulates to enrich the drama. You should either travel on a tour bus, or pay the money you have to have it all 5 stars without autochthonous interaction (specially from wild life).. I had to say this, cause this thing I read it’s just Lame.

Della Motta
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Geckos are cool! Don’t kill ’em!

travelier
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travelier
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I must agree with Boo-you on all!!!!!! PARAGUAY IS THE BEST!!!! and if you are afraid of what the world got to offer, don´t travel and stay in your house..

Sif
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Sif
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Lol just lol. I have pet lizards and I found a dead bat in my luxury condo after the remodeling contractors left the windows open. In a first world city. When I was little, a bat nested in my parents’ bedroom and I got to see a bunch of baby bats. She put them in the balcony and mama bat carried them away somewhere.

Lizards are harmless (except for nig ones like Komodo dragons), geckos are pretty docile unless you fuck with them. Lizards are actually beneficial since they eat bugs. I stayed in a rural Mediterranean village house with literally hundreds of lizards crawling all over the walls and the ceiling. Which meant I didn’t have to worry about mosquito and spider bites. Lizards are awesome and you are a complete idiot for trying to kill such a harmless and beneficial animal.

fercalcaterra
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fercalcaterra
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Hahaha!! XD Roosh! men! I’m from Paraguay…you have to choose a better place to stay the next time! you have a “mbopi” in your room! is bat in Guarani grin let me know if you are going back here… I invite you a beer and present t you some nice paraguayan ladies wink haha big fan