The following is a brief testimony of how I came to God. A more detailed version can be found in my speech, What I Learned About Life.
Many people are surprised that I have become such a fervent believer in God, and to that I say, “You’re not the only one.” In high school, I confidently declared myself an atheist after learning about the theory of evolution. I studied microbiology in university and then embarked on a scientific career that lasted six years, supplanted by a second career dedicated around fornication. How could a man who was so far from God come to have complete trust in Him practically overnight?
The emptiness of worldly life
As the years went on as a full-time fornicator, my spiritual belief slowly moved from atheism to agnosticism, thanks to studying Eastern philosophies such as Tao, which explained how we were one with the “source,” a sort of proto-god with no name. Once I accepted that we were all connected to the source, mostly due to the persuasive lectures of Alan Watts and Osho, it wasn’t a big step to believe that there was a god at the center of it, or at least a force that was god-like. I would soon interchange words like source, God, universe, and mother nature in my public speech.
Eastern philosophies were helpful, but I still wondered why I was experiencing such a lack of meaning at the peak of my hedonistic efforts. I turned to the Bible, beginning with the Old Testament. I thought that a straight-through reading would provide me with answers, solve all my existential problems, and make life easier, for I was ready to believe, but my mind, trained in the ways of modern “logic,” could simply not accept the Bible’s miracles and visions. Instead, I gravitated towards resources that debunked the Bible as “flawed,” “contradictory,” and “corrupted” by man through bad translations. I finished the Old Testament, read the four Gospels of the New Testament, and thus concluded my spiritual inquiry.
I did enjoy the Books of Job and Ecclesiastes, but only in a secular sense. No faith blossomed. I still had the same problem: my life was centered around hedonistic acts that were eating at me. For too long I had structured my existence to receive bursts of pleasure from fornication, but I was becoming more lost and atomized as a result. Upping the dose of fornication with more exotic women did not solve the problem. My Eastern studies taught me the fruitlessness of desire and feeding the ego, but I saw these teachings as only an advanced form of individualism. They merely helped me navigate a material world where I was at the center, as if I were my own god. In fact, many Eastern gurus claim that you are your own god. Even Osho has said that you could “become like a god” in this world all on your own.
I started to tamper down my pursuits of women, because the reward was becoming so small, but I had nothing to replace it with. On many weekend nights, I went out to the clubs not because I needed a woman but because I needed material for my blog. It struck me that I was getting dissatisfied with hedonism when I had been so sure of it, or at least sure enough to roam the world for it. What else have I been wrong about?
At around the same time, I started perceiving an increase in the evil around me. I wasn’t the epitome of good, but even I had a limit to immorality. I would fornicate as much as possible, but I couldn’t accept abortion, the globalist agenda of destroying individual nations with third-world immigration, and homosexuality. You could argue that my vehemence against a fornicating homosexual was a way to relieve my own guilt of fornicating with women, since we were both behaving in a similarly sterile way that viewed sex as recreation, but it was clear to me that the “love is love” campaigns were intermediary steps towards something more sinister—the grooming and molestation of children. My fornication was the end goal, and a faulty one at that, but developments like Drag Queen Story Time show that one of the gay establishment’s principal aims is converting children to their lifestyle.
There were four moments that served as indicators to me that evil in the world was indeed deepening.
1. White House lit up with gay rainbow (June 2015)
Why was the government supporting sodomy, which is responsible for spreading HIV and all sorts of sexually transmitted diseases? Since when did homosexuality become the state ideology?
I did a lecture in New York City and went to a bar with the attendees afterwards. On a television screen, I watched Caitlyn Jenner receive an award from ESPN for her courage in wearing makeup and women’s clothes. This occurred just a few months after he appeared on a sympathetic interview with Diane Sawyer. The elites were clearly behind pushing the newest degeneracy, transsexualism.
3. The rumor that Will Smith is gay (March 2016)
I stumbled upon a video from an individual named “Black Child” that explained how Will Smith is actually gay and most of Hollywood is one big Satanic cult. Sites like Vigilant Citizen added further evidence that Hollywood celebrities and even politicians are actually controlled slaves (often in the sexual sense) who are doing the bidding of their masters in exchange for money and fame. It’s one thing to submit to the casting couch for movie roles, but it was clear that many participants worshipped various demons, whose symbols are frequently displayed in music videos and advertisements.
At the time I may not have believed in the One God, but people who had massive success and power believed in demons, were praying to those demons, and then were showing demonic symbols in mass-produced media, all at the same time that I was seeing a clear increase of evil in society. If there is true evil then there must also be true good, because evil cannot exist unless there is a good to oppose it. Was there any force that the establishment hated, and seemed determined to destroy, and which represented true good? Yes, Jesus Christ. I started asking questions about why Christ was so hated by people high up the power ladder, and soon I learned that a disproportionate number of those people seemed to have the same religio-ethnic composition as those who killed Christ.
4. National Geographic magazine puts transsexual child on cover (January 2017)
As expected, the evil was now spreading to children, who were being groomed publicly at gay pride marches and events. Some were adopted into homosexual households and then—we must presume—molested. Information revealed through Pizzagate, Jeffrey Epstein, the Finders cult, and other exposés were hinting that pedophilia was institutionalized. In the case of National Geographic, a publication that is supposed to feature beautiful nature photographs was actually promoting the hormonal destruction of children, which opens the doors for them to be sexually abused.
I began to see all major institutions as a connected organism working in lockstep for the final goal of destroying society. We can attempt to find reasons for that destruction, such as an effort by the oligarchs to maintain permanent rule over a weakened population, or an effort by a certain tribe to cement their position as enemy of the human race, all while enriching themselves, but I believe it comes down to the basic fight of good against evil. Evil does not need a reason to do evil; it will do so for its sake alone.
An unexpected loss
With the failure of designing my own lifestyle, and watching the level of evil rise in society, I was now in a desperate state of seeking. I wanted to figure out not only the correct way to live, but also why society was degrading so quickly. My mind was dominated by these thoughts and questions as my sister battled breast cancer upon her diagnosis in the fall of 2015. She fought the disease for two and a half years and died in March of 2018.
My years sleeping around and traveling the world, and the “strength” I thought I built up while doing so, didn’t come close to preparing me for her death. I had no knowledge or belief that could put the loss in perspective. Nothing in the secular society I was a part of could help me. The gains from my worldly experiences could not bring my sister back or allow me to bear the pain. My superior thoughts and logic could not help guide me to safety. I had believed I was powerful due to my “masculinity,” hard-earned from international travels and numerous sexual encounters, most of which I had forgotten, but it was all a delusion.
For many months, I felt that continuing with my life as before was fruitless. Nothing seemed to matter. I drank every day. I took every black pill I could get my hands on. I could keep it together around friends or in public, but it was all for appearances—many nights I wished to die. I was scared to stand close to the edge of balconies for fear I would spontaneously jump. I busied myself with meaningless work to distract from the pain. I would just suffer alone, and watch helplessly as others suffered, until my time was over.
The gift of faith
And then, eleven months after my sister’s death, I felt the urge to pray. I didn’t take it seriously at first, but the feeling persisted, one that I had never felt before. After fumbling with this urge for several weeks, I went on Google and found a web site that taught me how to pray. Very quickly into my first prayer, tears began streaming down my face, and the next day, I felt that a burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I didn’t have to drink to numb the pain. Soon, I wouldn’t have to do a lot of the things I used to do to numb the pain, not only from my sister’s death, but also from being in a state of spiritual death thanks to my addiction to the pleasures of this world.
There were two little accidents that were important in my turn towards faith. The first was my baptism in an Armenian Orthodox church at the age of 9. My mother never forced me to go to church, but she did force me to get baptized. Thirty years later, it was a simple matter to go right back to the same church as the same spiritual child.
The second accident was reading Darwinian Fairytales by David Stove in early 2015. As a trained scientist, the biggest blockage I had for turning to God was the supposed infallibility of evolution. We were not created by God, I believed, but evolved over billions of years from a primordial soup that randomly developed consciousness. Stove’s book poked so many holes into my faith of evolution that I could intellectually and rationally discard it as the main theory for explaining how humans were created. There are evolutionary aspects to how God maintains the natural world, but evolution was not our creator. In fact, I only had to look at my own behavior to realize that there was nothing evolutionary about my sterile pursuit of fornication, which I claimed to base on “biology.” Once this key blockage was removed, the gate to Heaven was open.
I thought most people found God through the Bible, that you just had to read it once and then you’d have faith, but this is not the case. I needed to witness the growth of evil around me and I needed to experience a loss that I couldn’t explain, understand, or solve, a loss that would shatter my delusions and reveal the true state of my wretchedness. Only then could I set aside my pride and stop seeing myself as my own god that had everything figured out. Only then could I humble myself before God and beg him for help. And then God gave me the best gift of my life—the gift of faith. Since prostrating myself before Him, I have been given new eyes, new ears, and a new heart that I can now use in this new life. Thank you, Lord, for this gift.
The above was a brief summary of how I came to God. The more detailed version can be found in my speech, What I Learned About Life. Click here to learn more.
Read Next: Eulogy