It will be rare that you have sex with a girl who gives you no resistance before sex. While many men have a “I met her in the club and banged her in the bathroom five minutes later” story, this is the exception more than the rule. You will always receive some no’s before you receive the big yes.
The first thing we need to understand is that not all no’s are created equal. Depending on when they come, a no can unambiguously terminate the interaction or it could be a signal that you have to keep going. First let’s take a look at the no’s that really mean no:
1. When it comes upon your approach. If you approach a girl and she shakes her head or puts her hand up towards your face, there is nothing you can do to change that answer. She truly does not want to talk to you. Find another girl.
2. When it comes after you ask for her number. If you ask for a girl’s number, and she says no, she’s not being playful. When a girl likes a guy, she gives no resistance to this step. In fact, it is laughably easy to get a number from a girl who probably doesn’t even like you all that much.
3. When you try to touch her. Most girls are fine with casual touching on their shoulder, arm, or back. She doesn’t even move her eyes to notice the touching since she’s enjoying the deepening connection with you. However, once in a while a girl will ask you outright not to touch her. This is not her game—she really means it. While it doesn’t happen often in an interaction that is otherwise going well, getting a request not to touch is a firm rejection.
4. When she doesn’t respond to your initial text message or phone call. Many guys refuse to give up upon receiving radio silence from a girl, but this is a pretty clear no that won’t change. You may receive a token reply if you send additional messages that reveal your desperation, but when a girl doesn’t reply to a text, especially one where you asked a question, it’s over for you.
There are other situations where receiving a no simply begins the seduction process. Here they are:
1. When you are trying to instant date or venue change a girl. If I meet a girl on the street, and try to instant date her to a coffee shop, her first answer will probably be “I don’t have time.” I can persist by adding, “Well, the coffee shop is right there, and I don’t have a lot of time either.” Then I will take the first step and wave her over. Technically she did not say yes, but we’re on our way to a first date that may last well over one hour. An even more common example is when you invite her to your house at night. Girls almost always say no the first time around—persistence is absolutely require to change that to a yes.
2. When you want to kiss her. With experience, you start to learn the cues a girl gives when she wants to be kissed, but that still won’t guarantee a 100% success rate. I still receive occasional pull-backs upon my first attempt. Simply withdraw, make conversation, and go for it again a little while later. As long as she remains in your company, she’s giving you a green light to keep trying.
3. When you want to have sex with her. One of the biggest fears that women have is being judged as a slut. Her mind forces her to offer some resistance so you don’t think she’s easy for all guys (she may even add “I don’t usually do this” to convince you further). Therefore when you first try to take off her clothes, she will resist even though she may absolutely want to have sex with you. Simply pause your escalation and try again a few minutes later. The pause gives her plausible deniability that she put up enough resistance and is therefore not slutty in your mind. Just like with kissing, as long as the girl remains in your presence and makes no attempt to withdraw, leave, or call the police, you’re being the right kind of persistent. If you really believe the first no that she gives you in the bedroom, she will think of you either as a fool or a homosexual.
I haven’t measured how many average no’s I received before banging, but sometimes it surpasses ten. I get about three no’s when I try to venue change to my house before a yes. I get a token no in my first kiss attempt. Then I get three or four no’s when it comes time to sex. If you aren’t getting no’s at these stages, that means you are taking way too long to escalate (god knows how many bangs you’ve lost out on because of it). With one of my more recent seductions in Poland on a girl of accomplished beauty, I received over fifty no’s from start to end. Thankfully, I did not give up before receiving my wonderful prize. After sex, I told her that her tough discouragement may cause a lot of guys to give up. Her response: “Good, I only want the strong men to get me.”
In today’s world where an attractive girl has unlimited options to get sex, she could very well get bored if you wait too long to make the first move, or just plain get disgusted with you. While some no’s do indeed end your attempt, especially earlier in the interaction, the ones that can be eased into a yes are when you’re closest to reaching intimacy. Unless the girl you happen to be seducing is a woman’s studies major or pansexual loser, she absolutely expects you to ignore her no, make her feel like she’s done her job in not acting like a slut, and confidently barrel your train through her tunnel. As I’ve come to learn in my extensive travels, this is the universal nature of women, no matter the country, and no matter the culture.
Read Next: When No Means Yes