How Old Is Too Old

What is the ideal cutoff age for having a child? If you’re a woman with at least a masters degree, you’re probably thinking 40, but reality will deal with that notion soon enough.

Trust me when I say you don’t want to be approaching 50-years-old with a hyperactive monster running around crying his eyes out because he wants another ice cream cone after the first got smashed into the screen of your new LCD television set (seen in a million times). You don’t want to have a kid when you’re on the decline and rob him or her of a parent who has energy to take it outside and play for hours instead of forced playtime once a week in the filthy McDonalds ball cage.

butterball-bro.jpgMy father is my test case. He had me, his first (and favorite), when he was 26-years-old. He had my last brother at 50-years-old. I feel bad for the little one because his father, while the same as mine, isn’t the same. My Dad used to take me and a soccer ball out for hours at a time, but my little brother gets 30 minutes of digging for worms while Pops watches from the steps tending to his garden.

“A healthy 50-year-old can’t match the energy of even a tired 30-year-old,” my dad said to me. I think by tired he meant lazy and by 30-year-old he meant me, but I understood his point. He’s old and tired, and while he loves the little butterball he’s at the age where he just wants to relax. The internet and television is raising my brother more than it did me.

I accept it: if I don’t have a kid by my late 30’s then it’s not going to happen. It shouldn’t—it wouldn’t be fair to the kid. I don’t think it’s going to happen. I’m wholly incapable of giving decades of my life to another human being and making sure it comes out right in the world. While I am growing a very nice basil plant, I admit my failure as a member of this species and will have to find some other way to leave my legacy, if I care to do so. Bless my parents for doing what I cannot.

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Peter
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There’s probably no hard and fast rule as to how old is too old. Men age at different rates, to the point that a fit 50-year-old may have a lot more energy than a blobbish 30-year-old. Another big issue is whether the older man’s child is his first one. If he already has older children from an earlier marriage, which I would imagine is usually the case, he’s likely to be better able to handle the new child thanks to the experience he’s gained.

Peter’s last blog post: Wednesday, October 22.

RJP
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Assuming you’re an average American who doesn’t save much, and have a kid at 50, it means you need gainful employment until 68, and even longer if you decide to help pay for college.

At some point most of us want to quit working and want to do it at an age when we still have enough energy to have active lives. You can’t do that unless you have a kid at an early age, and let’s also factor that the time the kid will really remember with you won’t start until he’s about 5. Hence why I say the cutoff is about 35. You can still be active at 40 when the kid is running around, and by 15 it’s less running and more talking, which would make sense at 50.

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Lemmonex
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I agree. As a woman, I also have the higher risk of having a Downs baby if I wait until 40. If I can avoid that–and the decisions I would have to make–I would like to.

That being said, my mom had me at barely 20. She may have had energy but she was broke, married to a raging asshole since it was the only way to escape HER shitty upbringing, and uneducated. I turned out generally ok, and she loved me liked hell, but I think we all would have been better off if she had waited until she was a bit older to have two kids before her 22nd birthday.

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Anonymous
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I don’t agree that you need to have kids early in life in order to enjoy your retirement. If you have your first kid at 40, and then another at around 42, they’ll both be out of your house (at college) by the time you’re 60. Now 60 isn’t young, but it’s not old by any means. True, you won’t have the same energy that you did at 40, but you’re not going to have significantly less energy if you’ve taken care of yourself in the intervening 20-year period. In fact, I’d say kids can keep you young if you actually force yourself to go outside and play with them for the first 10-12 years of their lives (after which, you won’t be “cool” to play with anymore).

It won’t be easy taking care of yourself while working and raising a couple of kids, but it can be done if you make it a priority. Your workouts can’t be 2-hour sessions of a few sets, BS’ing with your buddies or hitting on women. Rather, you’ll probably need to have a home gym that you can hit in the morning before work or after the kids go to bed, or a gym at work that you can hit during lunch.

One additional thought. If you have kids early (say, your mid-to-late-20s), your ability to save a substantial retirement nest egg early and allow it to compound over time will be severely compromised. Better to get your career established and save some cash before having kids. Otherwise, you may have plenty of energy to play with your kids, but you’ll be working longer to make up for your lack of retirement savings.

The Quiet Rebel
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“Now 60 isn’t young, but it’s not old by any means.”

It’s way fuckin’ old, period.

Anonymous
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im glad im not old enough to have to start thinking about that.

also…being in love and finding a mating partner might change your views on having kids.

i wonder if you had a girl what the hell she would turn out like…

raging
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Dude-

love your honesty across posts. facing reality honestly is inspiring. but everything’s not going to be perfect for anybody, doesn’t mean you don’t do it. should you not have a kid if you don’t have the money to provide it with ‘the best’ opportunities? etc. not having a kid by mid-40’s is a lifestyle choice. as an aside, i have a buddy (mid-30’s like me) on his third kid, he’s been putting them through a fancy NW DC preschool. Seems he’s the youngest dad around – most of the other dads (this is an expensive school) are in their 40’s and 50’s and on their second families. now i don’t know about how much fun it would be being that kind of kid re Dad’s inability to stick with a family, but i don’t think these kids are hurting from a ‘level of support and involvement from the parents’ direction.

Virgle  Kent
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Damn son, all the time we hangout this has been an issue. In order to settle down and leave the game behind we need suitable options. Do you wait out till you find the girl that blows you away, treating you exactly the way you should be treated, no games, blah blah blah. OR do you lower your standards and go with close enough even if you know deep down inside you can do better. I think this is the reason why some guys play the field forever maybe chasing something or someone who really doesn’t exist.

Turning 28, I do feel the time is short. I mean realistically it takes two years to even begin to know someone in my opinion to settle down. With that in mind and wanting to be a young, cool, energetic pop dukes. I’ve been on the hunt

Roya
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I agree with you, for the most part. The fact that you even have to justify not having kids is ridiculous. Having children is usually a poorly thought out decision, and a lot of people are too selfish to devote the time and energy needed to raise a child. There’s nothing wrong with that, they just shouldn’t be having babies. We are definitely past the point of needing to propagate the species and the convention of marriage and family doesn’t serve the purpose it once did. People should be making a conscientious decision to have children instead of having to make and defend a conscientious decision not to.

BUT, I do think there is something to be said for waiting until later on in life. These days people are more financially stable and tend to stay together longer when they wait to jump on the marriage/children bandwagon. I’m sure the potential kids would benefit from that.

roissy
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kids suck! i’m going out with a tumbler of whiskey in one hand and a hooker in the other.

:pika:

roissy’s last blog post: Secrets.

Anon1
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Who the fuck cares? Let your future babies’ mammas run after your little hairy kids.

You make little money and live in your dad’s basement. That’s a blessing in disguise because you can knock up as many chicks as you’d like and none of them will be pounding on your door for a commitment or child support.

Think about it. You can make as many hairy half-Turkish kids as you’d like and have them supported by taxes paid by yuppie D.C. douchebags.

z
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Roosh,

Set an age at which you will start looking for an acceptable “mate”. 33 would be a good year. With your game, you could have a pretty gal in her mid-twenties who would marry you at 35. You could have 2, or even 3 kids with her. By the time you had your second kid, you could talk her into letting you have a lover or two on the side, because she’d be grateful to you for giving her a family and a roof over her head as she just entered her thirties and you had entered your forties. You’d both win, and you know deep down that you’d make a good dad.

I think VK is a wise dude.

I think Roissy is a force of nature/evolution/testosterone/sexdrive-in-overdrive/reading…….but not everybody can be a Roissy.

Dutch
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Dutch
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“forced playtime once a week in the filthy McDonalds ball cage” … Classic.

Jeanne Marie
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You would be a most excellent Dad at 30, 40 or 50.

Why set false deadlines?

Chic Noir
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I agree with Roya.
Excellent post Roosh. I plan to adopt a child when I turn 40. I hope that I will maintain my health and current level of physical fitness so I will the energy to run after my child.

Chic Noir’s last blog post: Five things Chic Noir Can’t Get Enough Of..

John C
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What about this …

From Melbourne , Australia … The Age , newspaper.

After dating for nearly three years, Kristy Hinze, 28, the host of Project Runway Australia and granddaughter of the late Russ Hinze – Queensland’s original minister for everything – is set to walk down the aisle and marry the American billionaire Jim Clark, 64, the internet pioneer who founded Netscape.

Apparently love conquers all, even a 36-year age difference.

An excited Hinze emailed family and friends from London with the news on Wednesday. Her Sydney modelling agency, Vivian’s, said “she is happy for us to confirm the engagement” but offered no details.

A date has not been set for the wedding but friends expect it to take place in April, although exactly where remains a mystery.

“The world is her oyster,” her close friend and bridesmaid-to-be Jo Ferguson said yesterday.

“It’s really good news for her. They have been going out for a while now and she really loves him. She deserves this.”

Two years ago the Herald revealed Hinze was the mystery blonde dubbed the “Aussie angel” spotted aboard the Texan’s $100 million super-yacht, the Athena. She and Mr Clark cruised the waters of French Polynesia, stopping at Tahiti, Bora Bora and Rangiroa.

In March, Hinze spoke for the first time about her relationship with the father and grandfather, admitting she did not expect to fall in love with a man so many years her senior.

“I never thought I was going to date an older man when I first met him,” she told The Australian Women’s Weekly. “To me, it was different to hang out with someone with something to say that was so interesting and important and who was truly, incredibly intelligent. He’s handsome and has so much charisma – and he’s so funny.”

Mr Clark met Hinze in 2006, about the same time he paid more than $US125 million to his third wife, the former Forbes reporter Nancy Rutter, to whom he had been married for 15 years.

At the time court papers showed the settlement gave Rutter $US100 million in cash, stocks, bonds and securities at Goldman Sachs; $US23 million in farmland; a $US1 million home in New Orleans; a $US600,000 stake in the ownership of a Cessna Citation V jet; an undisclosed number of horses; and an undisclosed amount in jewellery, furniture and personal effects.

At the time Mr Clark told the Palm Beach Post: “I’m not getting married again. Or if I do, it’ll be with a pre-nup.”

[img]http://images.theage.com.au/ftage/ffximage/compkirsty,1.jpg[/img]

jbob
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i disagree. i think plenty of early 40s hot divorced men will want to have my babies right about now. or in two years. or something like that.

James The Professional Adventurer
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How much energy you have to chase after a kid when your 40-50 depends on your overall health. Look at guys like Stallone who are in bad ass shape way past 50, on the other hand you can look at 30 year old guys whit fat pot bellies who smoke 3 packs a day – they would get their ass kicked by an in-shape 50 year old.

But… no matter your age and physical condition if having children just doesn’t appeal to you (like myself) then it wont matter if you are old or not – you wont have the mental energy to dedicate to a child

bjd
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When I was 30, I didn’t feel all that different physically than 20. The 30’s are a different ballgame. It’s amazing how steep and swift the physical decline is, once it begins. Hangovers last for days, as does soreness after soccer games.

Now I’m 35, with twin 1-year-olds, and I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. (My diet and exercise are average.) I run around with them all the time, but it takes a lot out of you. I can’t imagine how rough 40, or 50, will be.

At the same time, I can’t imagine giving up any of those years of being single to do this earlier, they were fun.

The Dude
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ugh– this post is terrible and completely wrong. I can’t believe how bad this blog has gotten.

namaste
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VK’s biological clock is ticking. That’s hot.

namaste’s last blog post: Trash and Treasure.

Peter
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When I was 30, I didn’t feel all that different physically than 20. The 30’s are a different ballgame. It’s amazing how steep and swift the physical decline is, once it begins. Hangovers last for days, as does soreness after soccer games.

Now I’m 35, with twin 1-year-olds, and I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. (My diet and exercise are average.) I run around with them all the time, but it takes a lot out of you. I can’t imagine how rough 40, or 50, will be.

For a contrary view … I am, ahem, past 40, past 45 in fact, yet I am in by far the best physical condition of my life. When I was 20, or 30, I couldn’t have run a mile to save my life, today I can knock off three miles without much trouble and run at least six to ten miles per week. And that’s not to mention all the iron-pumping and bag work I do almost every day. Losing over 40 pounds made a HUGE difference in the way my body feels.

Peter’s last blog post: Thursday, October 23.

SmartDuder
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Hi Roosh… I like this post. You shouldn’t worry though. The energy level of a middle aged man really comes down to who he is as an indivudual. My dad is 52 and I am 25. I might be able to kick his ass, but he can outwork me and climb mountains as fast as me and is a lot smarter than me.

There is a downside to having kids in your twenties. They limit your options and tie you down. When you get older, it’s easier to devote your life to caring for youngins. You have less of that wanderlust, and more of a desire to love a quieter, more productive life from day to day.

ps… I have a weiner.

SmartDuder’s last blog post: let’s talk about the grocery store..

MQ
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Roosh, it actually sounds like you and your Dad have a decent relationship.

I think Roissy is a force of nature/evolution/testosterone/sexdrive-in-overdrive/reading

Roissy’s a train wreck. But an entertaining one.

For a contrary view … I am, ahem, past 40, past 45 in fact, yet I am in by far the best physical condition of my life. When I was 20, or 30, I couldn’t have run a mile to save my life, today I can knock off three miles without much trouble and run at least six to ten miles per week….Losing over 40 pounds made a HUGE difference in the way my body feels.

LOL. peter, bjd is right. You were a basket case physically your entire life, totally out of shape — it’s pathetic not to be able to run a mile. No wonder you feel rejuvenated now. If you been really physically active when you were young maybe running 30-40 miles a week in your 20s, as someone that age can easily do, then you’d know exactly how steeply physical condition falls off with age.

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