If you believe in the secular lies that underpin Western culture, you probably see yourself as an animal that should not be denied pleasure. You believe that sex is one of the principal features of life, perhaps its only joy, and so we should all succumb to it whenever the mood strikes us. Besides, it’s “biological.” We should sexualize others, sexualize ourselves, watch pornographic entertainment, obsess over sex continually, and fornicate without intending to reproduce. We must all adopt a “sex positive” outlook and treat our existence as just a means to diddling our genitals and achieving orgasmic release.
I don’t believe we are intended for recreational sex, in part because I was a world champion at it and got nothing for my efforts: no lasting happiness, no inner peace, no love, and most severely, no family. I donated the prime years of my life in exchange for practically nothing, just temporal physical entertainment, and so it wasn’t especially difficult for me to choose a life of chastity, which is demanded of me as a non-married Christian. The implementation of chastity in a sex-obsessed society, however, is challenging, especially since I’m still a healthy, vigorous man who has the skill and know-how to fornicate with random women.
Here are the four ways I’m resisting urges of the flesh. I tackled these one at a time in sequential order, but you may attempt to fulfill them all at once.
1. Stop watching pornography
I believe hardcore porn is a direct tool that Satan uses to corrupt the minds of males of all ages. I can’t think of something more directly evil with not only destroying the innocence of young boys, but also fully grown men who become addicted to watching other men sexually devour and humiliate broken women. Porn programs you to think of sex only in recreational terms and to view women as masturbatory glove sleeves that happen to be attached to a human being. Even worse, it desensitizes you to sex and makes it more difficult to be intimate with a real woman (i.e. your wife). Moderation of porn still introduces a drop of poison into your cup, so I advise you to erase all the porn you have saved on your computer and delete all your favorite bookmarks in one go.
It doesn’t stop at porn. You also have to stop viewing sexy images of women in bikinis, lingerie, and yoga pants. Even movies that are rated PG-13 must be watched carefully: close your eyes or turn away during scenes of passion. When I watched the horrible final season of Game Of Thrones, I turned away from all sex scenes, no matter how mild, whereas in seasons prior I’d have no problem letting the show’s producers plant seeds of sex into my psyche.
2. View women in public from only the neck up
Once you get the “virtual” world of sex handled, it’s time to move into the real world. When I was still in Poland upon receiving the faith, I was tempted daily by countless beautiful women who seemed desperate to show men their sex. They wanted me to stare at them because it gave them power in the form of attention and validation while steering my mind toward sexual thoughts.
I solved this by viewing women only from the neck up. This can be extremely difficult because fashion companies design clothing to frame the breasts and butt. These two areas are the centerpieces that help sell clothing to insecure women who want to feel sexy, meaning that even if you look only at a girl’s face, the periphery of your vision will still catch sight of her breasts, especially in the case of a plunging neckline or extra tight blouse. Your eyes, in spite of your best efforts, will stray and look downwards, but a glance is quite different from a prolonged, lustful stare. The latter will provide more than enough fuel for evil to penetrate your mind.
God created beauty for us to appreciate and admire, so I don’t believe in poking your eyes out. While some women can sexualize their face with makeup or by injecting their lips with plastic filler, you will find it far more difficult to think of sex upon staring at a naturally beautiful face than a big butt or pair of breasts. If you’re single like me, viewing women from the neck up has an added benefit of encouraging you to only meet girls who have genuine beauty, instead of a tainted sexuality that she displays to all men of the world in order to extract cheap pleasure. In other words, if you’re interested in a girl after a thorough examination of her breasts or butt, you’re giving consent for a woman to place sexual shackles upon your wrists.
3. Do not feed sexual thoughts that enter your mind
When sexual thoughts about a female entered my mind, I used to feed them by enhancing the fantasy and, if I was in bed, stroking my penis as if I were a monkey. I would essentially self-hypnotize myself with sex by keeping the fantasy alive in my mind as long as possible to feel a maximal state of arousal that could lead to a satisfactory session of masturbation. If I wasn’t in bed, I would let the thoughts take hold until I at least got a firm erection. I applied no will in stopping the sexual thoughts. If anything, I welcomed them when they came, a sign that I was still a “healthy” man with “high” testosterone and optimal “biology.” In order to halt this pattern, I began reciting the Jesus Prayer whenever a sexual thought entered my mind:
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.
For some thoughts, you may only need to recite the prayer a few times. For potent fantasies, you may need to recite it on and off for hours or even days. Focus on each individual word of the prayer and be persistent. If you are encountering a sustained demonic attack, I advise you to add sessions of the Jesus Prayer well after the sexual thoughts abate in order to ensure that the fire is completely extinguished. It may help you to get a prayer rope and recite the prayer in blocks of fifty or one-hundred. The fact that sinful passion can be defeated by asking Christ for mercy shows that it’s difficult to be in full communion with God while also feeding your lust, which is why our elites had to kill God before ushering in the sexual revolution. Soon, you’ll be able to stop a sexual thought just by saying “stop” to yourself or shaking your head, but for cases where that doesn’t work, call on Jesus to help you.
Recently, an attractive woman made it clear that she desired me for sex. I had to fight this urge for multiple nights. She even entered in my dreams, where she was more seductive than in person. To overcome my passion for her, I recited the Jesus Prayer hundreds of times, and stepped up my prayer rule. After eventually winning this particular battle, Satan has diminished his lustful attacks on me. He now tries to distance me from God through pride, which is a significantly more challenging battle to face than lust.
The goal here is to stop feeding the sexual thoughts that enter your mind instead of attempting to control your thoughts entirely. Sinful thoughts will decrease in frequency over time, but they will not be eliminated completely, because God did give us a sexual nature that is both useful and necessary within the confines of marriage. Beware: if you experience a long streak where no sexual thoughts are entering your mind, it may be an effort by Satan to make you complacent before he hits you with fury. Never proclaim ultimate victory over your passions until this life is finished.
4. Do not masturbate
Masturbation is so normalized in the culture that we think of it as natural as eating, but it’s actually a grotesque behavior. What happens when you witness a dog or cat humping an inanimate object? You probably think it’s funny, and take out your phone to record the scene so that you can share the laughter—in the form of that animal’s humiliation—with other people. It’s no different when you do it. Masturbation, if viewed from the outside in, is a humiliating and degrading act where we treat our bodies like a plastic doll for a moment of gratification that harms our relationship with God.
What’s even more harmful than masturbation is that it requires you to consume pornography, whether on a digital screen or through a fantasy in your mind. In either case, you hypnotize yourself with a scene that is not based in reality. The porn actresses, often a sex trafficking victim or a drug addict who ran away from home, moans in pleasure when she’s actually experiencing both physical and emotional pain. Her affection for the male actor is not real. The sexual images in your mind are also not real. In effect, you have to delude yourself in order to masturbate, a hint to its perversion. I therefore advise you to cease all masturbation without exception.
I know what you’re thinking: it’s impossible not to masturbate. It surely will be impossible if don’t follow the first three guidelines above. If you watch pornography, view women in a sexual way, and feed sexual thoughts that enter your mind instead of praying to Jesus for help, your prostate gland will be busy producing seminal fluid in anticipation of sex, creating a “backed-up” feeling that can even cause testicular pain. Refraining from masturbation will then seem like torture. However, if you faithfully follow the guidelines, and lean on God when you need help, He will help you achieve what you previously thought was impossible. Your body will quietly drain unused seminal fluid and semen faster than you can create it, and you will not experience any pain.
You will be tempted to make exceptions to what I’ve written above. You’ll think that just a little bit of porn won’t hurt you, or that masturbating once in a while is no big deal, or that checking out girls can’t be that bad because you’re “in control,” but I can tell you from experience that slipping just slightly opens the door just enough for Satan to flood your mind with filth. Once the camel’s head is in your boxer shorts, it’s inevitable that you’ll succumb.
I have not found a way to control the lust I have for women unless I go all the way. Otherwise, a small compromise in my willpower will lead to a full-blown crisis, and there I am, my tongue hanging out of my mouth, craving a promiscuous woman’s body. It’s either all or nothing, though when starting off, you can tackle one guideline at a time until you achieve full chastity.
Controlling your lust may be the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do, because the path of least resistance is doing what most other men are doing: viewing women in predominately sexual terms, opening the door when a demon comes knocking with fantasies of sex, accessing Jewish-produced pornography as an aid to your dog-like behavior, and degrading the holy temple that is your body. Cease all those behaviors through willpower, prayer, and faith. If you really want to stop participating in sexual sin, God will help you, as He has helped me.