Every now and then you hear stories of a player finding his dream girl and then effortlessly becoming a provider who never looks at another girl again, but I think the transition is a lot more problematic. Going from banging a lot of girls to only banging one—while simultaneously changing your day or night game leisure activities—can be such a shock for men that it greatly decreases their happiness. I believe that the bulk of this unhappiness actually comes from a man retaining player beliefs that are incompatible with monogamist beliefs.
Here are the eight beliefs that a player must change if he wants to enjoy a committed relationship…
Player Belief: “I’m in my prime. I should be banging a lot of girls.”
Monogamist Belief: “Thankfully I found this girl while I’m in my prime. I can enjoy her when life is richest.”
Player: “I can do better than her. I’m selling myself short.”
Monogamist: “A man can spend his whole life finding a better girl. I’m lucky that I found someone who I can enjoy the passing of time with.”
Player: “She’s not the coolest girl I’ve dated. I should call Mariana.”
Monogamist: “A failed relationship with a better girl still means you weren’t a proper match. Tasting fruit is not the same as owning the fruit tree.”
Player: “I feel more masculine when I’m hunting for pussy.”
Monogamist: “I feel more masculine when I provide for my girlfriend.”
Player: “Relationships are boring. I need more excitement.”
Monogamist: “Casual sex is shallow. There’s no deep connection or love.”
Player: “She’s not young enough. She’s showing signs of age.”
Monogamist: “I want to grow old with the person I love. This is what humans have done for hundreds of thousands of years.”
Player: “She doesn’t understand me. We’re too different.”
Monogamist: “Real compatibility takes time and mutual understanding. Don’t confuse sexual attraction with human connection.”
Player: “Relationships are very time consuming for little gain.”
Monogamist: “Game is very time consuming for little gain.”
If a guy is in a relationship with a girl and one of the above player beliefs pops into his head, he must counterattack it with a monogamist belief. Otherwise his dissatisfaction will undermine the relationship. This is what happened to me in Ukraine, where monogamy was implied with a girl I dated. Player beliefs would flood my head daily, especially when I saw an attractive girl. I didn’t counter them with monogamist beliefs so I eventually sabotaged the relationship and caused the Ukrainian girl much grief and pain.
The process of going from player to monogamist is essentially beta male programming. You’re moving back to beliefs that men who are unsuccessful with women have, but it’s a necessary step if you want a monogamist relationship. In what situation would I want to go from being a player to a monogamist. I came up with one scenario: when it’s harder for me to get laid.
As long as I can pull at my current skill level, there’s no benefit in moving to monogamy, which seems to be a lifestyle that you have to endure and brainwash yourself to accept. No matter how I look at it, the player lifestyle is superior to that of the monogamist. Even if I meet my “dream girl,” I know that in just a few months the prospect of banging new pussy will give me more happiness than the stable relationship.
I know that there will be a day when my player abilities falter and I can’t pull like I used to. In that case I will land a reasonable girl and make a reluctant go out of it. I have no doubt that player beliefs will still try to destroy the effort, but by then there will just be one monogamist belief that will defeat them all: “You can’t do better than this.”