I Took An HIV Test

The last time I got an HIV test was in 2002, a year after I discovered game and began dabbling in sex without condoms. One early incident scared me: I played just-the-tip with a girl who was on her period. I waited a couple months then went to an anonymous clinic for an HIV test. The result was negative but the anxiety of waiting for it made me swear never to get tested again unless I had to.

I walked into the clinic and sat in the waiting room. My doctor was an attractive Polish woman in her 40s with blonde hair and high cheekbones. I told her that I wanted to get tested for every STD known to man. She filled out some paperwork and sent me to get my blood drawn.

I hated using condoms. It felt like eating steak with a bag on my tongue. I constructed an unscientific method to tell if a girl was “clean” or not, but I still contracted molluscum and nonspecific urethritis. I didn’t know who gave me either since both times I was fucking multiple girls without condoms.

I asked the nurse how long it would take to get my results. “One week,” she said. You’d think in 2011 the blood test would be faster. I had plans to travel to another city the week after; should I postpone the trip just in case I was positive? I didn’t want to make any big decisions until I knew the result.

I’ve long ago stopped examining my dick. Otherwise I’d be in the doctor’s office every other month for something I couldn’t explain. Three years ago I got tested for everything except HIV and was shocked that I didn’t have anything, especially herpes. I’ve also been through several pregnancy scares from using the pull-out method on girls who weren’t on the pill. I came out from those unscathed. I’d go stretches of being safe only to regress back to fucking every girl without a condom. I knew it was self-destructive, but I couldn’t stop.

Two days after the test I fucked a new girl. She was very pretty and seemed clean. She wanted it raw so I gave it to her raw. I got mad at myself for not waiting a couple more days for my result before putting her in potential danger. Already the test would not be current, but I needed to get the previous nine years off my back.

I like to think I’m an intelligent man. I know that I can fucking die from getting HIV. I know that condoms protect against that. When I go out at night I have a condom in my pocket and intend to use it, but something happens to my brain when you put a naked woman in front of me. I lose all logic and reason. If the girl seems clean and doesn’t make me put on a condom, then I’m not using one, even on one-night stands.

That week I patiently waited for the result. I wasn’t as nervous as I thought I’d be. It was what it was, and no worrying would change the outcome. I stayed off Google and kept myself busy by focusing on work. Three days before the test, I had a date with my favorite Polish girl. She always forced me to use a condom so I knew she was safe, but I wondered what I would tell her if I tested positive. Our relationship would probably end.

I think I understand why Tiger Woods went raw on all those strippers and porn stars: it feels good. Yes, he could have put his wife’s health in jeopardy, and yes, he could be exposing himself to god knows what, but that’s not what we think about when the girl wants our naked dick inside her. You think about feeling good and nothing else. It’s like a drug.

Three more days until the result. I was less scared of HIV the disease than the changes I would have to make because of it. I didn’t want to change anything. I wanted to keep fucking as many girls as I wanted without worrying about having something that could kill myself or my partners. I didn’t want the party to end.

In the nine years I didn’t get tested for HIV, I’ve had over a dozen sexual encounters that deeply concerned me. It was usually the rough sex episodes that left my dick feeling like raw meat. During my second trip to South America, I had a couple of strange flu-like illnesses. I wondered if one of those could be acute HIV syndrome, but I was too scared to get tested. I continued fucking raw. It didn’t help that girls rarely asked me if I had been tested. If they did I’d say, “I don’t think I have anything.” That was good enough for them.

I had trouble sleeping the night before getting my result. What if? I lay in bed, wondering. I said to myself, “Stop being such a pussy. If you have it then you’ll deal with it just like everything else you’ve dealt with in life.” But how many girls did I give it to? Am I the grim reaper?

The anxiety of my unknown HIV status increased with each new girl I fucked, whether I used a condom or not. I would make myself feel better by reading articles about how hard it was to contract HIV from heterosexual sex, but that no longer helped while in Poland after feeling tired and weak for two weeks. It got to the point where I so convinced myself I was positive that I had to get tested to start treatment so I didn’t die. I couldn’t postpone it any longer.

I sat down on the chair outside my doctor’s office. My body was shaking. I saw the receptionist hand off my results in a sealed envelope. I felt like my future was written on that piece of paper. My life may come down to this one moment in a small Polish clinic. I wanted to run out of the building, return to my apartment, and pretend everything was okay.

One day everything will change, and I will have to say goodbye to the current life I have.

The doctor called me in. My legs barely carried me to her desk. I sat down and blurted out, “I’m really nervous.” She laughed and said, “You’re fine. You don’t have anything.” I left her office and bought a cone of ice cream.

One day everything will change, but not today.

Related Posts For You

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reality
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reality
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female to male HIV transmission from vaginal sex is about as likely as winning the lottery while getting hit by lightning on the day that congress all resigns in shame

The Rookie
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The Rookie
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sobering. just reading it makes me feel like i have something.

one former popular blogger said he was stopping having so much sex to avoid this problem.

Evan
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Evan
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BALLER

Evan
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Evan
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SHOT CALLER

Mig mack
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Mig mack
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I’m not scared of HIV from unprotected vaginal. Like no1 said, it’s almost impossible to transmit that way.

HIV is mostly an anal transmitted disease. I would never fuck a girl in the ass who I don’t know is safe or not. And I’m not taking any chances on that front. I’d rather risk pregnancy or wear a condom.

sine qua non
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sine qua non
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Excellent post… honest, raw, relatable.

Jay Gatsby
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Jay Gatsby
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Not judging your life choices. Nice piece of dramatic writing.

Jack
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Jack
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You’re going to get herpes. It’s everywhere. Sleep with 10 women raw dog and your chances of getting it are probably north of 70%. And if you have banged as many women as you say, i’m shocked you don’t have it already if you are raw dogging chicks.

And about 80% of chicks have HPV, so you will definitely get that. You have to wear condoms. The pussies out there are downright filthy. Insane post

Quetzol-43
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Quetzol-43
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He doesn´t have herpes and HPV because he doesn´t get laid enough for that to happen, TRP/neomasculinity is a f***ing scam.

Bogs
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Bogs
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Scary to be you, you really get in your own head.

Start wearing rubber, seriously, otherwise it is only matter of time until you catch something.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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“If a girl doesn’t make me wear a condom I won’t…”

Ok, props for honesty because condoms do feel terrible and no one wants to go into that.

BUT… you just said on your well-read blog with your name on it, “Some day everything will change, but not today…”

In other words, “I know I will get an STD and probably pass it to a lot of girls, and I want any girl who potentially reads this post to know that.”

So… brave? (Is the nice word for it.)

straightken
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straightken
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I’ve got a mind-fuck for you. You can go your whole life fucking random chicks raw and not get HIV… BUT… your site has how many tens of thousands of readers? How many of which tend to emulate your life decisions?

So by telling them how much better unprotected sex is and how you almost always do it (you, their sex role model), it’s likely to the point of virtually guaranteed that you are ensuring that some of your readers get AIDS and pass it on to a variety of unsuspecting women.

Yes we know that normal straight sex makes it hard to pass the virus, but you all are fools if you think the tens of millions of Africans who have it, for example, are only doing gay sex, butt sex or whatever.

God have mercy on us all : P

Stone Hardplace
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Stone Hardplace
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things are very different in Africa.
you know who in the usa everyone jokes about having sex with a sheep or a goat? Well in Africa it is a chimp and that is where aids/hiv came from!!!!!!!!

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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I think honesty in this post is good as it is a reality that most guys behave the same. But it is kind of puzzling to be self aware yet do nothing – not judging. I think that the fact is that 9.5/10 girls will not make you use a condom because they like it, its uncomfortable to askand for whatever other dumb reason. i would value my life alot more than this and think that you would have major regret if you did get something that was life threatening.

Yams
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Yams
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I’m no doctor but scrubbing your dick in the sink postcoitus may cure a lot of shit including HPV if you were raw dogging it. I’m not too worried about HIV since the female to male transmission is the lowest risk.

Still I’ve been there where I raw dogged a girl who I thought was clean only to regret it later when she tells me her high notch count.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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It might be in your genes. I read about the sex trade in Europe and the prostitutes saying that Arabs/Turks always wanted to f*ck without a condom and would pay a lot extra to do so.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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man your fuckin paranoid

Sam Spade
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Sam Spade
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Been there, man. No matter how safe you are, waiting on the test results can be tough.

Personally, I’ve found the women I’ve been with to be more reckless about condoms than I was.

virlge kent
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Man, this was the most honest real talk post. Man you are brave and I give you props for even sharing this. I won’t even try to make a joke, it’s just that real.

Carmo
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Carmo
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I got the same problem, its just too good to use one. I decided that I was going to turn a new leaf and went and bought a 100 pack of condoms. Guess how many I have used? My inentions are good but when you are in the moment and the girl doesn’t give a shit, its way too hard to put one one. I just got tested and i’m 100% clean but this streak cant last.

Brian
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Brian
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Condom or not, you are almost guaranteed to have some form of HPV if you’ve had sex with enough people. It can actually transmitted through skin contact with the affected area, not just through fluid transfer. Though the latter is a far more effective route.

Genital warts are easier to avoid. But the other strains are easier to miss, because there are no external symptoms. Granted, the effect of those forms is about a .002% increase in your chance of penile cancer when you’re older. Nowhere near the increase in cervical cancer for women from the same strain.

Johnny Milfquest
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This post is the perfect rebuttal to haters who claim that players don’t talk about STDs.

Roosh just did. Props for honesty.

In my own experience, I’ve raw dogged it and used condoms as well.

Its very often the woman who insists on the guy NOT using a condom. I’ve never had a woman suggest condom use to me. Ever.

Bigfoot
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Bigfoot
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Damn Roosh, I thought your blogging days were about to come to an end!

outlaw josey wales
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outlaw josey wales
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Very honest. The rational mind shuts down in front of a naked woman who wants it, and I think that’s just a primal biological urge.

It’s easy to say this is stupid, but imagine a sexy girl grabbing your dick and chomping at the bit for you to put it in raw because it will feel so good. I’ve said “fuck it” many times.

I can actually also understand knowing that this is a bad idea and still doing it.

Also, Roosh is not a role model per se. He does what he does, and I don’t agree with all of it, and he puts it out there. You don’t have to do everything he does.

Castor Troy
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Castor Troy
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In my own experiences I find most girls say “get a condom” when sex is about to happen but then somehow forget about it and don’t object when I put it in raw. Though even that usually goes out the window when lots of alcohol is involved and they just don’t care period.

Epic
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Epic
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You aren’t going to get aids unless you start raw-dogging really dirty bitches (aka whores) in the anus.

How many heterosexual, non-druggie (IV needle using) HIV positive people have you ever met?

The scare tactics used by the medical community are ridiculous.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Does anyone have an actual medical explanation of why HIV in Africa is as epidemic levels among heterosexuals? I know everyone is claiming that you can’t get it from women, but I am curious for explanation of why this is happening in Africa.

Stone Hardplace
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Stone Hardplace
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butchering chimpanzees to eat and having unprotected sex with them!!!!!!!!!

Mig mack
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Mig mack
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If you’re black, wear a condom.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/07/16/AR2008071601539.html?rss

HIV has dubious origins. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was designed as a race-specific bioweapon by black-hating Nazi crazy scientists.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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@26

“Scientists estimate that the trait — which also provides protection against a form of malaria — might account for 11 percent of the HIV cases in Africa, the continent hardest hit by the AIDS epidemic.”

Okay, so how did the other 89% get it?

Riker
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Riker
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dude the story really sucked me in! I was super nervous for you

Marco Lee
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Marco Lee
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STD is really scary to a hypochondriac. Even when wearing a condom.

sanjay
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sanjay
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But not today.

HalfAsian
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HalfAsian
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You know the drill, wrap it up.

Probability of catching anything from a single encounter is indeed low (as some love to point out), but given your lifestyle choices (mine are similar), going bareback will almost certainly catch up with you eventually, perhaps on chick #300 if not way before.

Btw, does it really take so long to get results in the good old USA? In the 3rd world land I live in, HIV+VDRL test is a straightforward process — get blood drawn, pay $25, come back in 2h for the envelope.

Fireworks56
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Fireworks56
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Anyone who has banged double digits is extremely likely to have some strain of HPV. Most are asymptomatic, which is good since the virus is small enough to pass through latex. That’s why it infuritates me that so many political games are played with the cervical cancer vaccine that can stop the effects of those nasty 2 out of 60 or so strains.

African HIV (just postulating) may be from underfunded clinics, lack of testing and awareness, dirty needles/clinics or being born with it. Also widespread war/conquest (rape) and forced directly or indirectly (economics) sex trafficking. A banged up prostitute turning multiple tricks is probably more likley to transmit via hetrosexual activity than a normal chick.
Also somewhat unrelated but in the US the HIV rate is probably directly tied to being in prison and the rate of blacks incarcerated represents about half of the US prison population while blacks constitute only around 13 percent of the US population.

Gmac
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Gmac
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This is definitely my biggest concern outside of pregnancy scares. I’ve been banging a lot more girls raw and using the pull out method than I ever would have even considered in the past. It felt like I was reading my own thoughts throughout this post. I’m clean still, for now…

Cliff Arroyo
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Cliff Arroyo
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Funny thing about Polish women.

They’re not too Catholic to abstrain before marriage(even the church kind of tacitly accepts premarital sex) but they are way too Catholic to use any kind of birth control on a regular basis. The logic seems to be that conscientious use of birth control shows intent to sin while giving into passion is human and therefore more forgiveable.

Also, most are not afraid of getting pregnant at all (no matter what they say). Consistent condomless sex with Polish women means you’re gonna be a daddy sooner or later (if you’re still fertile).

Don’t say you weren’t warned.

Fubsy
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Fubsy
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You’re immune from all STD’s, like Superman!
You have Tiger’s Blood®

The HOUSE
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The HOUSE
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If so many people as of 2011 do not always use condoms while knowing that millions of other people have incurable STDs and that there is millions of new cases of STDs each year, then this shows that all sex education is a complete waste of taxpayer money, so cut all sex ed programs, except for watching porn in schools because they can at least learn that porn stars are tested for STDs once a month.

I’ve decided recently to walk away from the casino while I’m ahead. I will not gamble a few minutes of pleasure for years of pain and suffering with HIV, Hepatitis B, HPV, genital Herpes. From now on I will only run Ultra Upper-Class Game and only have sexual contact with the few quality women who get tested for STDs before I let her in my inner circle (this STDs screening test is one extra way I am qualifying her, the results only take a few extra days between dates 1 to 3 while I already have other women in the pipeline, then we still potentially get to have the pleasure AND have more peace of mind, plus it increases my status as a higher value man), Win-Win. The House always WINS!!

Carmo
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Carmo
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Similar story but this dude actually banged a girl that had HIV with no condom. That would be a scray ass 3 months to wait. Note to self, dont fuck while in Africa.

http://naughtynomad.com/category/hiv/

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Look up the Padian study. No heterosexual couple ever transmitted HIV from the “infected” to non-infected partner. I suspect the early gay men who died of AIDS destroyed their immune systems through self-administering antibiotics which destroyed the good bacteria in their digestive system.

Herpes, now that is a good reason to change your behavior.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Maybe you’ve not contracted a serious STD because no other dude would penetrate any of the hogs that you bang.

blert
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blert
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HIV is a VIRUS.

ALL viruses are way too small to be stopped by any condom on the market.

What stops HIV are lubricants — the ones on the shelf all over town.

It’s so simple: lube her up and then have full fun.

As for clean-up: EVERY screw should be promptly followed by a body wash of MOUTHWASH. Use the non-alcoholic stuff.

Just soak a paper towel and work it all over.

That can be done any where you can screw.

Such a habit thwarts other STDs, too.

And for the last touch, dust with baking soda; which kills just about everything it touches — except you.

The only thing a condom can stop is sperm and bacteria.

Diseased Penis
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Diseased Penis
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I’ve gotten nonspecific urethritis too; as well as HPV (about 60 warts total) and a chancroid. Then I got a girl pregnant. I’m pretty keen on condoms and washing my genitals after sex nowadays. I wish I could unfeel raw-dog sex so I wouldn’t be tempted to rip it off and fill her with cum all the time. Oh well.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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@40 Condoms are airtight. Viruses are bigger than air molecules.

thesecond
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thesecond
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Your brain knows the difference between sex with a condom and without. And it wants to get a girl pregnant.

Also, on aids and condoms- they reduce transmission by 80%. They mostly work by blocking the bulk flow of semen. Some viruses get through but not many. Most viruses are in cells which are too big to leave, and the viruses free in solution only diffuse slowly out of the condom due to the high viscosity of semen. They likewise slow down the movement of air out.

Condoms do leak sometimes, they do have holes, girls pin hole them. Avoiding risky sex is important for avoiding stds. They do protect you a lot.

Anon
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Anon
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There is some remarkable ignorance here.
Washing your dick after sex will not help.

I like to raw dog just as much as the next guy.

The best thing you can do, is invest in expensive condoms, the kind that are usually only sold at sex stores. Get the best you can, and it really does make a difference. You will feel much of the warmth and texture.

Keep the raw dogging to a once in a while thing.

Getting herpes or HIV is more than a little inconvenient.

Yes, there are different rates for different situations, but it happens – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HIV#Transmission

Also, keep in mind that its relative. While the risk for a single act may be low, the result is awful when it does happen.

I’m also kind of surprised Roosh would post this. I think women will look past a lot of the stuff he posts here, but that kind of an attitude towards STDs could be a strong negative.

dragnet
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dragnet
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Honestly, the only women I have ever fucked without a condom are girls I’m in a committed relationship with. That’s only been a few girls. Every other chick I’ve ever nailed, every other time I’ve used a condom. No exceptions.

I have an uncle that died of AIDS. Half the guys in my family have knocked up bitches are now on the hook for 20 yrs of child support. I take this shit deadly serious.

I know it’s hard to make the rational choice in that vital moment. Believe me, I know. But I’ve never regretted not raw-dogging. Cause I still got to fuck.

In any case, best of luck out there. Be smart about it.

And stay strong.

Shawn
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Shawn
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I think you are overreacting. Aids is pretty much a gay disease with the exception of Africa. It’s a downstream phenomenon.

Assuming the girl you raw dog has HIV/AIDS, which is very unlikely if you are with a girl with class, your odds of getting HIV are 1 in 2,000.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AIDS

schwanson
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schwanson
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Very nice writing. The format in which you paced this narrative is excellent. Did you come up with it yourself, or is there another example where I can find stuff written in this manner?

Thanks!

Anon
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Anon
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re 47

Those transmission rates are per act. And they are not negligible when measured over time.
Let’s say for the average one night stand you bang 3 times.
Let’s say you rack up 100 of these over a ten year period (some people on this site and forum have a considerably higher rate).
So your exposure risk is 300/2000= 15%.

Also, AIDs is not a gay disease in the USA, that is just wrong. I have worked in summer camps for HIV positive children and families, and most were not gay.

j r
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j r
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Interesting. Am I the only guy who thinks that raw dog feels better, but only marginally so? The physical sensation is stronger, but there is something to be said for the extra staying power afforded by a condom.

I’ve had a few STD scares only to find out that I have a clean bill of health. That sucks, but to be honest it’s pregnancy that scares me the most. As a guy, you have almost no control if a chick gets knocked up. Maybe it’s my complete lack of desire to impregnate any girl anytime soon that makes wearing a condom feel just about the same for me.