In the past, my advice to virgins was clear: do everything you can to lose your virginity. Improve your look, learn game, and start approaching numerous women so that you get lucky with one and stop being a dreaded virgin. I can no longer advise that. If you are a virgin in this current year, I advise you to stay that way until marriage.
Western culture has inverted the natural order. Sex has been elevated to a virtue and virginity demoted to a sin. If you don’t have a “sex life” then you’re missing out and must do everything within your power to remedy the problem. This is what I believed as I went through four painful years of high school and then four excruciating years of university as a virgin. Everyone was getting laid except for me, it seemed, and I was missing out on reams of pleasure and intimacy. I was in a state of extreme lust but could not get a single woman. I felt like a low-value man, a loser. Upon graduating from university, I implemented game teachings I had found online and lost my virginity within a year. Victory! I was no longer in a “sinful” state, and could “enjoy life” with the rest of my sexually active peers until, nearly twenty years later, I realized all that sex profited me not in the slightest.
Upon receiving the grace of God, I ceased all sexual activity. I don’t look at porn, or even sexy lingerie images. I don’t masturbate and definitely don’t fornicate. If sexual thoughts attack my mind, I pray to Jesus Christ to take them away, and He does. The closest I get to sex today is the occasional sex dream, but even in my dreams, I’ve developed willpower to usually say no to the flesh that is offered me. Aren’t I suffering like the days I was a virgin in school? Aren’t I in utmost pain from all my unmet sexual desires? The answer is no, because I’ve attacked the root cause of sexual pain: lust. Take away the lust, which is amplified in our pornographic culture, and you take away the ache and desire.
If you are a virgin in lust, and fail to gain physical pleasure, you will experience tremendous anguish. You will be angry at all the men who are getting laid, and you will also be angry at all the women for not choosing you for sex. You will masturbate to experience the pleasure of the orgasm, and then experience an immediate emotional hangover of having had to masturbate. This is an unbearable state that most men “solve” through prostitution, yet since a prostitute is not what any man truly wants, the pain and anguish intensify. Even for the sexually active man, the accomplished player, the pain of his lust is transmutated into other forms, such as the simultaneous addiction and hatred of “sluts.”
If the virgin doesn’t have God in his life, he will be in a heightened state of lust just like the fornicator, and suffer ill side effects from his pornography and masturbation habit, though he may sustain less damage to his soul since he is not corrupting women through the sex act. If he does have God in his life, he may feel lonely at times or curious about what sex is like, but these problems can easily be handled with just a mustard seed of faith. He will proceed in treating his body like the Holy Temple it was created for, further strengthening his walk with Christ.
The problem is therefore not virginity—the problem is faith. If you don’t have God in your life, and believe in the lies of the secular world that you need sex to be happy, the only solution is a worldly one. You will eventually get your sex but then new sufferings will begin. If you have faith, there is no problem. You are in a pure state, as God intended, and can give the gift of your virginity to an honorable Christian woman, of which I admit there are few, but this is not for you to worry about, because we do not accept sin into our lives just because the rest of the world is faithless. I can tell you that if I were a virgin, and maintained that virginity to honor God, I would be hesitant to marry a woman who is also not a virgin, but since I have sinned against God and violated my body innumerable times, I have little basis to seek a virgin, and instead seek a repentant woman whose previous sins I must forgive in the same way she forgives mine.
I truly wish I were a virgin. I wish I didn’t learn game and become good at it. I wish I didn’t sleep with all those women, and I’ve prayed to God to not only forgive me for those encounters but to help me forget them. The intimacy I’ve had in the past does not at all serve me in the present. It doesn’t make me feel happier or more masculine. Instead, I feel regret and shame. I can’t stress how the sex I had in my life was in no way an addition. Instead, it was a subtraction, one that occupied most of my free time and intellect while taking my eyes off God.
If you are a virgin, rejoice, for you are closer to God than you realize. Seek Him out to help you with matters of lust, and be assured that your position in the Kingdom of Heaven will be elevated far higher than all the lost souls who think they will somehow be saved by allowing sex to dominate their lives.
Read Next: 5 Layers Of Sexual Temptation