I’m Ready To Man Up

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. I’m still here in Poland, pretending to be Peter Pan, having purely sexual relationships in a life void of responsibility where no one counts on me and no one expects anything of me. There is no reason to wake up before noon. I spend my days writing, reading, drinking, and chasing pussy. I have so much free time that I decided to learn Polish, one of the hardest languages in the world, just for the hell of it. I feel that there should be something more to life, even if it means taking on what may initially seem like a burden.

I’m convinced that the solution is to grow up and do what society expects of me, to be a man as defined by my middle-class peers.

I will man up and fly to Washington DC. I will fix my resume, make up some amazing bullshit for the four-year gap in professional employment, and become a microbiologist again. Hopefully I won’t have a mean boss, and hopefully the HR gals like me enough so I don’t get the axe in the first round of corporate restructuring.

Once stably employed, I will man up by looking for a modest condominium in the suburbs, taking on a mortgage that is not too crushing. The mortgage will give me a respectability that my self-published fuck guides never could. Hopefully the value of my condo doesn’t decline, the condo association nazis don’t complain about my music, and no major repairs will be needed that force me to eat ramen for an extended period of time.

To get around in the suburbs, I will man up by purchasing an environmentally friendly automobile, preferably a Toyota Prius. I will finance it. I will have to budget carefully since gas, insurance, and maintenance adds up. Hopefully I don’t get into a catastrophic accident.

I will man up and enroll in a part-time graduate program by borrowing the tuition (I can get my dad to co-sign the loan since he likes it when I go to school). If I really move my ass, I can have a fresh degree in four years, which will really impress my boss and set me up for a 4.5% annual raise instead of the usual 3%. My debt load should now keep me quite busy and anxious for the next 30 years.

I will man up and find a wife on eHarmony. She’ll be my age, a handsome woman tired of being pumped and dumped, with a masculine sensibility that South American and Eastern European women don’t have. She will drastically shorten her hair six months after the wedding, and in spite of my disapproval, she will gain one pound a month until finally exploding like a whale for our first of two kids. She’ll never make the effort to lose the pregnancy weight, no matter how many subtle gym membership gifts I get her for Valentines Day, Mothers Day, her birthday, and Christmas. She will lose interest in having sex with me. The most humiliating moment of my life will be when she tells me to pump her hand while she reads a woman’s magazine. I will feel unattractive and unloved.

Once the kids are in middle school, my wife will initiate divorce proceedings because “the feeling” is no longer there. The feeling was no longer there for me either, but I was willing to make it work for our children. Nonetheless, I will man up and let her take the property, the cars, and the kids. I will pay her steep child support payments that leave me on the edge of poverty. My kids will be brainwashed against me, and hate me for the rest of their lives. I’ll hate them too, but if I stop paying child support I will be sent to prison. With little fatherly influence in their lives, my son will become a little bitch and my daughter a slut who loses her virginity at the age of 14.

I will not give up on life. I will work even harder and make wise investments until my kids are 18 and the burden of child support payments are lifted. Once eligible for social security at the age of 67, I will take my modest nest egg to a modern country with a cheap standard of living, maybe Poland. Once there, no one will count on me and no one will expect anything of me. There will no reason to wake up before noon. I’ll spend my days writing, reading, drinking, and purchasing pussy. I will have so much free time that I’ll decide to learn Polish, one of the hardest languages in the world, just for the hell of it. Yes, I’m ready to man up.[culturewar]

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Anonymous
Anonymous
9 years ago

You know… some of your posts are really depressing for those of us that work 9 – 6 everyday…

Joseph Dickerson
Joseph Dickerson
5 years ago
Reply to  Anonymous

I think its great, he is poking fun at all clowns who empower a system that screws over men.

tickletik
tickletik
3 years ago
Reply to  Anonymous

the purpose of depression is to cease giving energy to endeavors which your mind tells you are of low potential return.

R Sagan
R Sagan
3 years ago
Reply to  Anonymous

I’m really glad that Poland is no longer allowing Middle Eastern or African immigrants. Roosh is a prime example of Middle Eastern low IQ and obsession with sex.

Gentlemanly posturing
Gentlemanly posturing
9 years ago

Awesome article, i love the writing style

Morgan
Morgan
9 years ago

Fantastic. You hit the nail!

Marco
Marco
9 years ago

That was actually pretty nice. Got an inch of Bukowskiesque feel to it.

Anonymous
Anonymous
9 years ago

This was good…so true in so many ways, except for the fact the guy will often jump back into another relationship with an American woman, get taken to the cleaners again and have no money to retire to a place such as Poland.

Ruby
Ruby
9 years ago

Not all of us have the ability to write e-books that sell well. For some of us being able to find a stable job in the first place is hard enough and we don’t have the luxury to brag about not having to work.

Kevin Shepherd
Kevin Shepherd
3 years ago
Reply to  Ruby

I think these forums are about ensuring men make informed choices,most divorcees usually wonder what happened?its only fair we make choices for which we can own the consequences not be traumatized by it.

Gmac
9 years ago

It’s about time. I was wondering when you were going to come to your senses… You can’t live the dream forever!

Y
Y
9 years ago

@Anonymous and @Ruby

Why not become inspired by Roosh?

The Truth
9 years ago

There is a middle way.

oldskool
oldskool
9 years ago

Priceless! This article is a true gem!

TB
TB
9 years ago

Phew, for a second there after first reading I thought you were serious about moving back to DC. Great article !!! Stay the course, you are an inspiration for us all.

DiamondEyes
DiamondEyes
9 years ago

Hahahah! Bloody brilliant!
I like this spin on that old fable about the Native and the Gringo.

While some may deride your description of typical American life as being exaggerated or cynical, I would say that a man who lives the life you described is almost getting off easy compared to what happens to a lot of American men.

And you are right – why have kids, when it’s more than likely that the authority to raise them as you see fit will be forcibly taken from you by power of the state, as soon as the bitch needs to go find herself. We’ve all seen the stats about children of single mothers.

Those complaining that you are somehow “stuck” in your boring 9 to 5 lives need to get a grip. There is nothing that you can’t walk away from. If you are addicted to your iphones, lattes, titles, phony friends, and hip street addresses, then sure, you are “stuck” – in a bed of your own making.

The first thing is to not take on debt. If you have it, pay it all off. From there, anything is possible. Just accept the idea of getting satisfaction from real life, rather than from purchasing things.

If you have crushing debt, fukkit, walk away from it. That’s what Donald Trump does every time he makes a bad business bet. If the Wall Streeters can bail out on billions owed, why should you feel bad about leaving a few credit card companies hanging?

Wake up and live, fellas, the time grows very short!

ace
ace
9 years ago

At one point in the awful creature feature The Creeping Terror, the titular monster confronts a couple who is necking in the park. The thing is such a poorly done, slow moving puppet that the poor actress who is to be ‘devoured’ basically has to jump into its mouth.

Whenever I hear about manning up, I imagine the woman is the creeping terror: a lumbering beast who demands I jump into her mouth for no other reason than the fact that the script calls for it.

Realizing that you don’t have to voluntarily submit yourself for digestion is really the best moment of a modern man’s life.

JackBlack
JackBlack
9 years ago

Roosh — I am making $250K at my corporate job right now but I am the one envious of you.

Luvianka
Luvianka
9 years ago

We lost you! Another comrade out of the Game circuit.

Falcon
Falcon
9 years ago

If you always do what you’ve always done you will only get what you always got.

Ollie
Ollie
9 years ago

Inspiring! I am going to man up just like you and jump into a woodchipper, erm, get married, too.

Carmo
Carmo
9 years ago

The real tragedy is that the majority of American men will gladly go down the road you just outlined oblivious to the fact that there are many alternatives. However, once down the alternate path you will be shamed for “not manning up” as you expertly observed. I am currently scheduled to be paroled from my corporate American prison in a year. Cant wait to go expat.

Jay Gatsby
Jay Gatsby
9 years ago

Life is all about choices. The key word there is “choice” – YOU choose – don’t let life choose for you.

Studies indicate that well over 50% of Americans are unahappy at work. Many of these people are doing well, but they’re doing well at something they don’t enjoy. People get overwhelmed by the decisions they have to make about their jobs, their families, their businesses and their futures. They end up shifting their focus to talents they don’t have and careers that don’t quite fit. Many respond by simply falling into whatever comes down the pike without ever asking themselves some very important questions.

Have you ever sat down and thought seriously about what you truly love? What you’re good at? What you want to accomplish in life? What are the obstacles stopping you? Most people don’t. They accept what they “should” be doing, rather than take the time to figure out what they want to be doing.

JT
JT
9 years ago

Excellent post.

Your writing never ceases to impress.

Thankfully it seems that the rest of the USA is slowly finally walking up from their comas too.

#Occupywallstreet

Anonymous
Anonymous
9 years ago

Roosh, you’re trying too hard to justify your life. One day you’re going to wake up and realize that you are completely alone, and nobody loves you except your mom and your cat.

The G Manifesto
9 years ago

Roosh,

Great twist on The Fisherman and The Businessman story.

Jackblack –

“Roosh — I am making $250K at my corporate job right now but I am the one envious of you.”

You should.

Next you need to figure out is to cake up and travel, like I do.

Anonymous –

“Roosh, you’re trying too hard to justify your life. One day you’re going to wake up and realize that you are completely alone, and nobody loves you except your mom and your cat.”

Ha.

Who cares?

– MPM

Marmot
Marmot
9 years ago

Hey, it’s not April 1st!!!

Smeq
Smeq
9 years ago

We’ve been punked

samseau
samseau
9 years ago

Good life plan. What’s the meaning of life without intense struggle?