Innocent Eyes

The first time I stayed in a party hostel, while in Spain, I was amazed at the assembly of international youth. They were inquisitive and laid back, making it effortless to start a conversation and have a friend for the day. Trying to hook up with the Belgian or German hostel girls added another dimension to the fun.

I stayed in similar hostels when I went to South America over a year later, but it just wasn’t the same. The hostel kids began to seem too alike, too stale. The girls weren’t prettier than the locals. I saw them as hippies with questionable hygiene. I was never able to duplicate the fun in Spain with any other hostel I’ve stayed in.

The first time I tried to crack the code of a country’s women was in Argentina. I joined forces with many men to accomplish the task, laboring day and night. After a month of frustration, I had sex with a girl—only one. Yet it was an incredible feeling of achievement and sexual conquest that I’ve never felt again with the same intensity.

The first time I went East, to Poland, was after four months in Scandinavia of interacting with women who weren’t all that different from American girls. The sexual feast I was presented with surpassed everything else I had experienced in my life. Even now I don’t believe how motivated and full of desire I was for the several months I pursued these women, because when I went back to Poland over a year later, the energy was gone. The desire was diminished. There was no way that experience would be duplicated.

Once every couple of months, a song is released that captures my interest. I listen to it repeatedly for days, enjoying the emotional pleasure it gives me until that pleasure eventually stops. The song becomes background noise that I barely notice. I take a break from it, and then play it again, but it still doesn’t give me the same high as when I first discovered it.

Experiences can be mechanically duplicated, but the pleasure gained from them can not. The first time I slept with a girl using the Russian language only, I felt on top of the world. The last time I did so, it was just another hard-earned notch. The first book I released gave me a rush of accomplishment. With the last book I didn’t even give myself a pat on the back. How much I pity the man who banged 50 girls in Thailand, for he can never again feel a high with women. How much I pity the man who sold a business for a couple million dollars, for he will never again feel reward from his labor.

I long for the innocence that is forever lost upon success, because the more success I’ve had in life, the less I feel, the less dreams and hopes I have left. Innocence gives hope. It gives the anticipation of a great feeling, a valuable reward. But once a specific feeling is achieved just once, it is gone. Only shades of it will be felt in the future. The numbness increases every year, the apathy sets it, and all that’s left are the memories of experiences that gave you a feeling you can never again feel in the same brightness.

I’ve met men who haven’t experienced 20% of what i have, but I see the fire in their eyes, and I’m jealous, because they have a long journey in front of them, while mine is considerably shorter. Too much innocence was lost, with no worthy goal before me that will match what I’ve already done. And it’s for this reason that if you offered me a pill for everlasting life, I’d immediately refuse. We’re all given enough time—maybe too much time—to take the best of what life has to offer.

Yesterday I walked through the city, full of malaise, until something caught my ear. It’s a new song. The melody is smooth and it pleases my brain. I get the name of the song and eagerly await playing it in my home at full volume. It’s something to give me feeling for a period of time, a very special period of time.

Read Next: 7 Things I Would Tell My Teenage Self

47 Comments

  1. Indian_hotguy_Bholu September 16, 2013 at 9:15 am

    Indian society is full of filth and decadence , come to india , you will most ugliest women feeling themselves to be most beautiful ones …

    India and hindu culture is filth of this world

  2. Sim September 16, 2013 at 9:22 am

    This song by Delta Goodrem? A relatively old song.

  3. thecaptainpower September 16, 2013 at 9:30 am

    Any interest in running? As gay as it sounds, completing a race in good time gives me similar feeling to sex/drinking/vacations….pick a race 3 mnths from today and set a goal time.

  4. Inside UoM September 16, 2013 at 9:35 am

    It’s true. You can’t duplicate things to be the same the second time around. Its like the law of diminishing marginal returns. You attain the goods but feel less accomplishment.

    It sucks but thats how humans are. Chasing highs are part of the fun anyway, the journey ends up meaning more than the end point.

  5. Marco Mobley September 16, 2013 at 9:40 am

    Never leave eastern Europe.

  6. n September 16, 2013 at 9:52 am

    I don’t think success is what causes you to lose your “innocence”.. Just repeated exposure to the same thing.

    If anything, success makes it easier to maintain your interest in future pursuits. If you had failed at everything you had tried to date instead of succeeded, you would only be willing to put in a tiny fraction of the effort you put in now before you lost interest.

  7. Kate September 16, 2013 at 10:06 am

    “Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

    May I offer a bit of friendly advice? Those with limits seek to cast them off, but those without them, seek them. Consider listening to that song only once a day. As if you were a kid who could only hear it on the radio whenever you were listening and the dj chanced to play it. There is also a very powerful source of secondhand innocence: its through children.

    http://eradica.wordpress.com/2012/11/16/keeping-the-virginia-real/

  8. JB September 16, 2013 at 10:14 am

    As you’re an “achiever” personality, the major peril is, as you already know, achieving success in areas society values and forsaking your heart’s desire.

    Following your heart’s desire would seem like the scariest thing of all, because there’s no objective validation of your worth in it. Things that are scary for a lot of men aren’t scary for you – but THIS is.

  9. Joe Dick September 16, 2013 at 10:26 am

    hey Roosh, I see it the other way: I’d be very glad to be where you are. I know your life is not perfect but trust me, mine is not nearly one FIFTEENTH as good. And the guy who lives in a very poor country, would be very glad to be where I am. And the guy who can’t get up from a fucking wheelchair, would be glad to be where he is.

    In a way I understand how you feel about it all, because even when you get sex, women really have nothing to offer, except a passing distraction.

    And yes, I know what you mean about ‘innocence lost’. Speaking of music, I was thinking today about how powerful it is. You listen to a song you haven’t heard for 10 years, and all of a sudden it feels like within it are encased memories, literally a part of your life. Almost as if you feel your older self is an old friend lost along the way. Not saying I get all weepy about it, but it’s a very powerful emotion

  10. Arya Blue September 16, 2013 at 10:30 am

    I really enjoyed this post. When I was 20 I went to Europe for a month with a guy I was dating and some of his friends. The second day I left a note saying I was going to spend the month on my own and went to a hostel(Amsterdam). One of the best decisions of my life. I had never felt freedom like that before. But you cant really escalate from that feeling or even duplicate it, so I set myself to further challenges, until I was bored. I think it’s easier for a woman that understands game to move beyond this stage. Women are wired to find the best possible mate for life, a man you can give yourself over to completely. Someone to control the hamster, if that’s possible. Whether realizing it or not women always have an end goal. Most men never stop searching for that next best song.

  11. Hilarious P September 16, 2013 at 10:31 am

    man, this burn-out shit seems to be quite common among puas 10+ years in the game. roosh, have you tried getting threesomes? maybe you should try, maybe it can be a next level of pleasure for you and therefore give you motivation

    then you can write about it and release “bang 2” hahaha

  12. GP September 16, 2013 at 10:46 am

    I think that truly great songs stand the test of time. You can go back to them and they often sound better.
    I wonder if it is the same thing with women. I wonder if a quality women could stand the test of time.

  13. MBE September 16, 2013 at 11:06 am

    Maybe you are successful, but you are not super successful like Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Tiger Woods, David Letterman or Tom Cruise. If you have have a bachelor degree, get a Ph.D. If you have a million dollars, aim for a billion.
    Stretch yourself!

  14. gojira September 16, 2013 at 11:15 am

    you should learn an instrument, come to Brazil and i shall teach you

  15. BigOldLongHugeGreatMassiveGrandeMuchoSuperSkyhighDickBillyBob September 16, 2013 at 12:43 pm

    innocence is a form of ignorance. yes, they both have their limitations. but those who don’t concur or see what they want, live in quiet desperation. I’d rather be all done in with lack of ignorance than otherwise. so many stupid cunts in Ukraine are soooo fucking conservative not willing to have sex until marriage. they have innocent eyes that will keep them in a shit hole and shitty life (BUT they believe otherwise!!!) Not such a good thing!

  16. asdf September 16, 2013 at 1:01 pm

    This is why I got married and had kids. Now I can experience all the new stuff through their eyes and enjoy their wonder. It’s really quite sweet.

  17. Revo Luzione September 16, 2013 at 1:20 pm

    Roosh has read some Taoist philosophy. The Taoists, and Zen too, believes that innocence can be cultivated intentionally.

    Zen Buddhists call it “beginner’s mind.”

    Jadedness, and cynicism is a choice too, though it takes a lot of mental energy to choose something else.

    Thus meditation is helpful, because it frees up mental energy so that one can choose innocence, beginner’s mind, mental and emotional freedom.

  18. 'Reality' Doug September 16, 2013 at 1:51 pm

    Seriously, Roosh. Stop being a stunted philosopher. You are plenty innocent in the innumerable venues of life where you have not been and so not been successful. Reframe already. I can’t tell if you are really stuck or just feeding the readers.

  19. Bring forth the mountain that is Higher than I September 16, 2013 at 2:38 pm

    I m glad to see that Roosh seriously considered posting “useful” stuff.
    On one hand it is amusing to see that he considers the “energy level” to be the problem, and “adjusting to the appropriate energy level” to be the solution rather than the level of the female’s intoxication and some other things which I will not disclose at the moment .. His post “What’s the Rush” is nothing other than the projection of an Ego Defence ( HE FAILED to make the best of the aggresive way to learning, so it must be the method at fault. Naturally, all those who practice it, are phonies )
    ON THE OTHER HAND, I DO NOT CARE ABOUT ALL THAT …
    I am only interested in solving my problems, and in the process, I feel that others here can benefit from it as well. Roosh as well.

    It is my opinion, that pretty much anything that will be posted FROM NOW ON by Roosh, however interesting, will be irrelevant. And that is A SHAME, because unfortunately he is the most interesting read I can find.
    THIS IS WHY I AM LOOKING FOR BETTER Advice. Because I can’t find it on my own. I ASK you to help me find better advice on my problem. Here goes the analysis of what I believe to be “The Disease”.

    It is my opinion that the real disease we ( I and others at my level ) have to fight is NONE of the below, however important they may be :
    non responding females, calibration of Game, a trivial job, laws against males, you name it
    In my opinion, the name of the disease is called “not being a part of something that draws males AND females to it. Not being part of something SOCIAL”. Roosh’s post “FREEDOM” posted on July 19th illustrates this point lucidly. He THINKS that he is “a free man traveling and experiencing”, when in reality he is just a lonely misplaced man.
    If only we could relive high school with our new found knowledge. Back in school, we would de facto be part of something. But we can’t.
    Perhaps I wrote too much. Forgive me. I just want to find a way to save myself from my “Freedom”. Perhaps, YOU, sitting alone and congregating with people that lead you nowhere, can relate to that…

  20. nguyenimproved September 16, 2013 at 2:54 pm

    say dzenkuije to poland and come to vietnam.

  21. hughesshots September 16, 2013 at 2:59 pm

    Take an ecstasy pill to refresh yourself emotionally. This game or any game can be emotionally exhausting, and you need to “system restore” yourself to gain your emotional energy back and take away the feeling of being burned out.

  22. captain america September 16, 2013 at 4:18 pm

    damn, roosh. back when i used to go to church they always told me there is no lasting happiness in sin. your last couple posts are making me think maybe there’s something to that.

  23. Directm September 16, 2013 at 4:19 pm

    At some level you are no longer on the quest for more stuff but a quest for truth. I suggest you watch the great film by Fellini, La Dolce Vita. Pay attention to the last act.

  24. Artful Dodger September 16, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    “Life is on the wire, the rest is just waiting.”

  25. zarathustra September 16, 2013 at 5:41 pm

    Another gross over simplification of psychology. There’s an inherent pleasure in learning. You should learn something because you love it not because you want to reach an arbitrary benchmark. You should learn a new language because you love the culture or the people that speak it, not because it will get you exotic notches more easily. Setting superficial goals will naturally result in fleeting payoffs assuming such flimsy motivations will even suffice for achieving success in the first place.

  26. jhonefe September 16, 2013 at 5:59 pm

    great artcile, shows some integrity

  27. Thin-Skinned Masta-Beta September 16, 2013 at 6:06 pm

    Live life more like sauna.

    Hot then cold then hot again.

    Suffer to make pleasure sweeter.

  28. eandrix September 16, 2013 at 6:32 pm

    roosh… you re a gemini. – there d be a lot to be said about that. not here. – but i agree totally with you. – your experience is now starting to give you something. something you need not elsebody. your considerations are fully common to people you re similar with not at all for the generality. – something new is sparking out your spontaneus search and living, a teaching for youself. many don’t even need to walk such sort of path. eventually not you – your friend Andrea 😉

  29. michelin September 16, 2013 at 7:15 pm

    this philosophical post reminds me Benjamin’s ideas of the aura that gets lost in a piece of art once it can be mechanically reproduced. Same thing with experience. however I think you can recover SOME of the initial thrill after a long dry spell, but it won’t never be the same as the first time banging an amazing 9 or even a funloving 7.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Work_of_Art_in_the_Age_of_Mechanical_Reproduction

  30. Anonymous September 16, 2013 at 9:41 pm

    really enjoyed this post. I have relized this more and more as I have journed through life. If a man could live forever he would eventually feel like an alien, lonely, and unable to relate to the rest of the innocent naive world. As a 28 year old guy, other than physical attraction, I rarely make a strong connection with the naive 18-20 crowd for this reason. However, there are always new experiences in life and you tend to value the small things like that new song or new meal, good conversation, ect.

  31. jakester318 September 16, 2013 at 11:10 pm

    To quote from the book of Ecclesiastes:

    Everything Is Meaningless

    1 The words of the Teacher,[a] son of David, king in Jerusalem:

    2 “Meaningless! Meaningless!”
    says the Teacher.
    “Utterly meaningless!
    Everything is meaningless.”

    3 What do people gain from all their labors
    at which they toil under the sun?
    4 Generations come and generations go,
    but the earth remains forever.
    5 The sun rises and the sun sets,
    and hurries back to where it rises.
    6 The wind blows to the south
    and turns to the north;
    round and round it goes,
    ever returning on its course.
    7 All streams flow into the sea,
    yet the sea is never full.
    To the place the streams come from,
    there they return again.
    8 All things are wearisome,
    more than one can say.
    The eye never has enough of seeing,
    nor the ear its fill of hearing.”

    What you describe about never being able to duplicate those highs again is similar to what the writer of Ecclesiastes describes: life becomes meaningless once you’ve tasted everything there is to taste. You will only be dissatisfied after the new conquest. Real satisfaction comes through helping your fellow man and through real friendships and love. That is all.

  32. Anonymous September 16, 2013 at 11:22 pm

    The reason for your malaise is simple. You’re discovering that external events and conditions are unable to bring sustained happiness and life satisfaction.

    Learn to meditate. I recommend some form of mindfulness practice. You will rewire your nervous system and reverse the mental/emotional ossification that so many people experience as they age and which saps the fun and excitement out of living. After you’ve practiced a while, simple experiences like walking down a street become rich and fulfilling as the color of the outdoors lights up your senses and the motion of the people and traffic fills you with life.

    By training your mind properly, you regain the ability to be surprised by the world.

  33. Hear Me Coming by Young Joc is off the chain song September 17, 2013 at 12:35 am

    Man Roosh I think you should try to make a few million so you can live large, expat, and pound fresh college age eastern euro poon.

    Ill be honest-
    At least in terms of game and women I’d live to be where you’re at. I’m 30 and practically a virgin. Man I just had a lousy time in my 20s lived inside of my head and was so afraid I didn’t recognize it. Haters can hate but I say- fuck them! Because I want to have a year starving in a college campus and pick up a shit load of fresh meat. I did 5 approaches today they all bombed but last time indie 2 and got 2 numbers they flaked. I’d live to be able to pull a fresh you g college girl and make her moan and her tits flop around as I bust off in her tight hole. After reading the blog info carry some cynicism cause I think most American bitches are just 7s and have such shitty attitudes. There are bitches and the irony is when I was in college at 21 the nicest sexiest chick I met was frommPa d and the different vibe I got from her still lingers in my mind some. I think I could’ve banged that girl but I was too busy beig a coward and playing Plat Station . Those damn games were meant to mess up young guys game. Looking back I wish your book had been out back then at least I hope you can transform some you g guys lives because when else will you go our and see a sea of fresh clean tight 7s but in college. Try that shit in a bar in middle Amerixa- hahahaha! Worn out jaded cynical 5-8a who are sick snakes and how you might as well just travel to Pand for 2 months and not waste your money in the slime chicks out at bars in Middle America ( I gotta say so fla and SoCal have tons of fly cool chicks as I’m sure NYC does too but middle America including the South just plain sucks!!!!! ).

  34. Hear Me Coming by Young Joc is off the chain song September 17, 2013 at 12:41 am

    P and should be Poland that chick I went to college with from Poland blew away her Americastein counterparts. She smiled and listened when I talked walked and acted sexy. Looked at you like she wod eat you. Was intelligent and dressed like a fly ass hot bitch in Chicago who shops at Saks fifth ave while all the Americuntanhoight they were cool in their flip flops crummy jeans shitty tee shorts and sarcastic catty boring attitudes. That shit was a micro foam of truth for me. So when I read he blog nd think about what a fly bitch azniezska was compared to all these chump ass Amrericunta the words ring true for me. And I about shit in myself when ice been to Chicago fly stylish fine white women everywhere aka polish American dolls.

  35. Observer September 17, 2013 at 1:18 am

    You’re trapped by your own frame. Reframe the possible.

    Once conquered, any goal is too small for the second time. Go bigger!

  36. Robert September 17, 2013 at 4:38 am

    Sounds like what the early Christians referred to as acedie.

  37. Anonymous September 17, 2013 at 5:37 am

    This is laughable. Get over yourself pal. You’ve achieved so much success you feel numb? yeah right.. What did you do again? travel around a few shithole countries banging drunken skanks? wow.. amazing technique.

  38. Anonymous September 17, 2013 at 1:42 pm

    @ 11 Hilarious P

    +5 on the idea of trying to get threesomes. It’s a real challenge, and requires enhanced game to keep two women occupied from approaching at the bar until you get them home (or convince your existing girl to invite a girlfriend but not get jealous).

    It should reset your innocence / fresh eyes meter for at least six months.

  39. Lee September 17, 2013 at 2:20 pm

    I’m not hating because I’m learning game too-
    But a recurring theme is that guys who didn’t get
    Enough female
    Validation in high school and/or college use this. I’m definitely on e of those
    Guys. I think a lot of it comes from political correctness (my best friend in high school transferred to my high school because he got
    Kicked out or another school for “sexual harassment”- isn’t that comical getting kicked out of high school for sexual harassment??? Wow. But he did pull a girl a few months later after arrivinf atmour school and would always talk sexual talk to women. A big problem I’ve had is not being comfortable talking about sex to women or guy friends.).

    Another thing is a lack of male
    Role
    Models
    Due to Zionist media andmlegislation like family
    Laws of the commie 70s and a continual berating of men in the media unless they are black 6,10 and 23 who can tap or play ball the. They are cool and your daughters must service them to attain high social value.

    Another thing is video games- how many morons sit around all day and play them.

  40. Hispstersstink September 17, 2013 at 2:22 pm

    “I stayed in similar hostels when I went to South America over a year later, but it just wasn’t the same. The hostel kids began to seem too alike, too stale. The girls weren’t prettier than the locals. I saw them as hippies with questionable hygiene.”

    Haha I sure felt this the last time I stayed in a hostel. Never again I said. I noticed hostels had even (d)evolved since my first time. I remember the last time a group of clowns playing video games in the hostel. Freaking video games. Unreal.

  41. anon1 September 17, 2013 at 5:51 pm

    this is an incredibly high quality problem

  42. captain america September 17, 2013 at 7:24 pm

    kind of in keeping with what some others have said here, maybe try to focus on stuff other than sleeping with tons of random chicks. you already know you can do that, so it’s natural that the thrill would fade.

    i think you’re still in ukraine and you mentioned at one point that you were learning russian. maybe focus on that. i’m a hopeless romantic beta nice-guy who god in his mercy made tall and good-looking, and i stay in shape and earn decent $$$, so women just throw themselves at me sometimes, in spite of my lack of game. still though, although i haven’t had the success you have with women, i get tons of satisfaction out of having mastered russian. it will take you a few years to sit down and read dostoevsky and tolstoy in the original, but when you do i bet you’ll get a thrill from that greater than from your average ONS. you’ll probably expand your mind a bit too.

  43. M September 17, 2013 at 8:56 pm

    Somerset Maugham the razor’s edge read it

  44. Zee September 18, 2013 at 1:07 am

    Agree with the music – I do the same shit.

    Top Shelf Pussy, on the other hand, has not lost its magic with me just yet. Maybe that means I need more of it. Hasn’t been on repeat long enough.

  45. Psychonaut September 24, 2013 at 3:47 am

    Hey this is cool. I like the parts about music.

    I have some rock, jazz, reggae and electronica albums at home. For example, if I get tired of listening to too much of 90s alternative, I switch to roots reggae or cool jazz and then I get the high again.

    Sometimes I play all of my New Order albums in one day and sometimes I listen to Manu Chao and Kraftwerk..

    Music is one of those things one can never get enough of.

  46. SlickyBoy January 23, 2015 at 4:24 pm

    Roosh was 33 when he wrote this; the same age as Christ when he was crucified. Coincidence? I think not. At that point in his life, Christ probably felt a lot of similar feelings; been there done that, not much left to see; looking for meaning, etc. I think it’s a very common reaction for most men at this point in life perhaps even more so back when life spans were much shorter.