It’s Okay To Be A Beta Male

From reading my blog and others, it’s easy to conclude that male behavior is either white or black. If you’re beta then you’re a virgin who will never get laid. If you’re alpha then women want you to cum inside them on a Colombian bus.

It’s more accurate to say that alpha-beta qualities fit on a line, with a multitude of traits determining if you lean alpha or lean beta.

I still have many beta traits. Off the top of my head:

  • I get sentimental easily, making short relationships more important in my mind than they really are.
  • I can be overly affectionate, both verbally and physically, which usually turns off Western women.
  • I don’t let girls pay (as long as I have money), even if they have a decent job.
  • I’m willing to travel long distances to have sex with a woman that I like.

These are qualities that I’m no longer working on eliminating because I’ve learned that they do not hurt my chances with women who are my type. While being overly affectionate may cost me with an American girl, it does not with Colombian, Brazilian, and Polish women, who are overly affectionate themselves. If I want to sleep with American women, I consciously make changes to my “problem” traits to ensure I still get laid.

I’ve learned that it’s okay for a man to have many beta traits as long as his behavior does not stem from insecurity. If he’s beta because he longs for assurances and acceptance, he will have a problem getting women no matter what, but if his beta traits are quirks of his nature that make him have a “soft heart,” then he will not be punished as severely.

The beta who gets laid does things with women because that’s who he is and that’s what he wants to do with his women. The beta who doesn’t get laid does things because he’s trying to win her over or overcompensate for his insecurities. It’s not the behavior but the intent behind it that gets interpreted and judged by women. They can feel the difference between a man who says he likes her because he enjoys her company or the man who says that because he’s hoping she will like him back.

If you’re a hopelessly sentimental beta, there are three traits you must have if you want to be sexually succesful in a Western country:

1. Confidence. You must have a high opinion of yourself. This is built from success in sports, weight training, or fucking. It also comes from completing ambitious projects.

2. Approach Skill. You must have enough interactions with the opposite sex to meet a girl who is buying what you’re selling (your personality or look). I don’t care how confident you are, but you’re not going to get laid if you don’t meet enough women.

3. Sexual Persistence. You can’t wait all day for a girl to make it be known that she wants to have sex with you. You must make it happen by constantly escalating in the face of her token resistance.

After mastering these traits you can throw in other things like style, proper venue selection, tighter game, coolness and so on to become a more valuable man that gets frequently chosen for sex. But then again I wonder if any man who has confidence, approach skill, and sexual persistence can still be classified as “beta.” Either way, it’s very rare for the most alpha of alphas not to have at least a beta trait or two simmering underneath their armor.

When I’m in America I actively repress my beta urges, and it’s not hard because of the antagonistic feelings I have with the women I meet there, but in a place like Poland I let beta Roosh run wild and free to be rewarded with more sex than ever. It’s an amazing thing to sincerely compliment a woman, kiss her with passion, and divulge your feelings for her to receive mind-blowing sex and her desire to get into a relationship with you. In America that simply does not happen.

It comes down to identifying the beta traits you have and finding out if they are costing you sex or not. If they are, can you work on changing or minimizing them? Do you want to change or minimize them? If not then either you have to accept less sex or move to a place where those traits are wanted, such as South America or Eastern Europe. Minimize or move—pick one.

Read Next: 7 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Game Right Now

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Mo Jahama
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Finally someone said it. The whole im an alpha male so im supermacho and insensitive thing is bullshit. A real alpha male does not care if his behavior is correspondent with some set definition of “alpha”. a jedi knight :-). Would u be interested in an article on pickup in the middle east/jordan.

The Rookie
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I came to a realization last night. My work specialty is limited to, and most desired in, DC. Minimization is my route. For now…

samseau
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If these “beta” traits get you tons of pussy in Poland, doesn’t that call into question the notion of what’s beta?

To be beta is to be unattractive to women. Wouldn’t it be more accurate to say that being affectionate in America is beta, but being affectionate in Poland is alpha.

The cultural relativity factor in game is huge.

Dirk Diggler
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Well stated.

zoom
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zoom
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Can you write more about sexual persistence? It seems to be a much overlooked aspect of game.

Gmac
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Gmac
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My approach and sexual persistence isn’t really as up to par as it could be. It’s extremely easy for me to escalate in the date setting even with beta tendencies. Luckily, I make up for it in a lot of other ways.

I still like Roissy’s system that ranged from lesser betas/omegas to top alphas, but it’s almost borderline “PUA” lingo which I really can’t stand, but it was a good measure of progress for someone who considered himself a true beta in every sense only a few years ago.

Dirk Diggler
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Everyone has their limit. 3rd date sex now seems to be the standard. If I haven’t hit it by then, I’m gonna next her.

Anonymous
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Samseau: The whole alpha-beta thing is better explained over at Athol Kay’s blog: http://marriedmansexlife.com

Simply put Alpha traits are traits that foster attraction and lust. Beta traits are traits that foster pair bonding and emotional bonding.

A ‘healthy’ relationship, for so far that construct exists in the PUA community is based on both. The fact that the beta traits do not work on american women do make me wonder if this isn’t just some covolution, where both men and women enter into an alpha arms race and lose out on satisfying personal relationships?

The Hunger
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Cultural alpha-ism? Interesting, could be another post there.

Blindhawg
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Hell, just be comfortable being yourself, don’t be afraid to talk to women(they love to talk), realize
that nobody bats a thousand, and figure which types
of women respond to you. Damn, it aint that hard. Also cultivate the mental state that you really could give a shit less about the outcome. There, that’s my style in a nutshell.

Dirk Diggler
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Mine is very similar.

Ugslayer
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Poland really did change your outlook on game. Good stuff as always.

French Connection
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French Connection
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Roosh, your posts have really been taking it to the next level the last couple months, awesome stuff.

OT, Just like #1 said, I’m happy someone finally said it.

Anonymous
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i love how you added poland to the list with brasil, when I first stumbled on your blog i commented that you should go to poland! glad you listened…while you’re there, check out some kieslowski films, i prefer the double life of veronique. oh, and read up on some of their poets, anything written during communism is pretty good. furthermore, u want an opener? learn name days, then when they give u their name, well, u know what to do…

poland > all

Bogs
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Nice post.
I still working on #3 (Sexual Persistence).

It is interesting to see that you let your beta self to run free in Poland, I think even now days it is not uncommon to see in Slavic countries when beta guy get respect from his woman for providing for her.

olivherbst
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Epic post. And fits perfectly into the Vulnerability-Model Entropy tells about in his new book.

sine qua non
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sine qua non
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I agree with French Connection – your latest posts have been excellent. They are very real, honest, and nuanced. Keep it up!

Ugg
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Thanks for this post. I don’t seek to eliminate beta qualities. I just manage them and play off them and don’t let them eat me. And the same goes in different ways for alpha qualities.

The G Manifesto
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“It’s an amazing thing to sincerely compliment a woman, kiss her with passion, and divulge your feelings for her to receive mind-blowing sex and her desire to get into a relationship with you. In America that simply does not happen.”

Yes.

American Game and International Game are mangoes and papayas.

– MPM

Mig mack
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Being affectionate is not beta… Cuddling without sex is beta. Whatever gets you laid is good.

If you ever say something like “It doesn’t matter if I lost the bang, at least I was alpha”, you’re a dipshit.

Adapt to cultures correspondingly. If paying for dates gets you laid in Columbia, then pay for dates in Columbia. If it doesn’t in America, then don’t.

Jay Gatsby
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The reason American women aren’t like that is because they hit “The Wall” a lot faster and harder than European women (e.g., bad food, eating habits, lack of exercise, etc…). As a result, they’re quite mercenary about getting as much as they can when they’re at their hottest. This means Alpha males rule the roost until The Wall looms, and the betas get the leftovers.

renaissance man
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One of the best posts yet. I would just add one more thing to the confidence list: above average IQ, that is if you use that as a confidence booster.

Anonymous
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1. Confidence. 2. Approach. 3. Persistence.

Seems like you agree with The Gunwitch Method, minus the part where he blasts the girl in the face… with a gun.

It is interesting that Americans put down betas the worse, despite being the land that manufactures boatloads of romantic comedy films.

I wonder why that is?

Maybe this?

“American women hit “The Wall” a lot faster and harder than European women (e.g., bad food, eating habits, lack of exercise, etc…). As a result, they’re quite mercenary about getting as much as they can when they’re at their hottest.”

Anonymous
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“I would just add one more thing to the confidence list: above average IQ, that is if you use that as a confidence booster.”

Many studies show dumb guys get laid more. Just sayin’.

Ottoemezzo
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Great post.
Displaying only ‘alpha’ traits leads many girls to assigning you to a category; a combination of ‘alpha’ and ‘beta’ traits makes you harder to figure out and piques her curiosity…

D
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D
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@ 18
Good point,I met these early 20’s girls from Belarus,Russia last week on the beach and they blew away most of the American girl as far as look however they did have some wear and tear from all the Vodka they love to drink every day as they do in Russia(Russians pretty much pour Vodka into their cereal in the morning, what can we say,Its tradition there).Alot could be milage from banging alot of american alphas they have been meeting in college too since they were going to FSU.
for the most part American chicks start hitting the wall at about 24-26 in general because none of them believe in working out unlike overseas women stay active more by walking every where and are not plopped in front of the TV eating bon bons and cake and crying into their tub of ice cream etc..Its a Fast Food Nation here in America.

Anonymous
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Ronnie on Jersey Shore was pretty much a Beta when it came to it+when the rubber hit the road.Just seeing that guy crying like a baby over his livin GF was pathetic. I think most of them guys on that show were pretty Beta too.Even though they “Looked Alpha” on the show.I’m Just saying.

Omega Man
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It’s a question of balance and appropriateness; the only kind of guy who would be alpha all the time would be an outlaw biker. Even a pimp is beta sometimes. “Comfort” is beta, “attraction” is alpha, and you need both.

My depressing realization is I have a lot of trouble with beta traits. I think this is probably true of a lot of guys trying to learn game.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Wasn’t sure where to put this link, but here is as good as anywhere. We often hear never to take advice from women on picking up women. But, this “Wingwoman” does a nice job summing many “game” theories. Any thoughts fellas?

http://articles.cnn.com/2011-07-14/living/how.to.pick.up.girls_1_women-nice-guys-secrets-men?_s=PM:LIVING

-“i have no game, i’m just exceptional”

Anonymous
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■”I can be overly affectionate, both verbally and physically, which usually turns off Western women”.
……… so true. I am in New Zealand. Same thing here. What the fuck is wrong with western women? The only game that works regularly here is asshole/jerk game. Sad but true.

OGNorCal707
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Brilliant post Roosh.

You are showing us that not only are you able to self-reflect and be honest with yourself, but you know that everything is not so black and white, as the PUA community, and even you made it out to be in the past (in regards to the alpha/beta dichotomy).

I think everything in life needs balance, it’s like the tao te ching, every yin has it’s yang.

What’s important is to know who you are and what you want. From there you can get on the path to actualization, happiness, and peace.

Falcon
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“confidence, approach skill, and sexual persistence”

You still need all those traits to get laid in South America as well.

Especially when dealing with experienced alpha latinas who know they are top tier. Now, being romantic, complimenting and passionate is also important and they will eat you up for that but you must come on strong and decisive or else they’ll shoot you down mercilessly.

Insecurity… biggest cockblocker ever. Worldwide.

Falcon
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Whenever I hear the term “alpha male” I am reminded of one of the trainers at my gym.

That guy was the essence of alpha, he just radiated confidence, calm and dominance like no one I had ever seen. He was also an excellent talker and communicator, plus being tall, athletic, with the face of Ben Affleck.

Women were constantly drawn into him, some even saying stuff like “I dream of sleeping with you” out loud. Did he ever care or brag? No.

Epic
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Betas can still get sex in the USA…it is just that they need to get into a LTR (aka girlfriend/wife) to make it happen. Getting it from one-night stands or short-term flings is where the problem lies for the average beta.

Hell, a lot of men are still having children. I think sometimes the reality of the world gets lost in these game websites. Thinking about everything in alpha/beta terms is fruitless.

I think that if you are a hopeless beta, then it is probably better for you to find a girlfriend through your social circle, job, school, church, and other “typical” venues…or take Roosh’s advice and travel to another country where beta traits aren’t negatives.

Trying to get it done in a high-pressure venue like a bar/club/lounge is a disaster waiting to happen for the average beta. It will take a lot of persistence to get it done in a shark tank like the bar/club/lounge scene. I guess you have to ask yourself how hard you want to work at it, and then evaluate your options.

Jorge
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Take home message

1) There is a factor above and beyond mere behavior that determines how you are perceived by a woman, and that factor is your mental state, which is communicated in a thousand ways not captured in an analysis of large-scale behavior.

2) Focusing on behavior is not enough – if you dont have the right mental state, you wont get laid. Behaviors have value only if they help build up a particular mental state – confidence.

3) Many, perhaps most, behaviors are not intrinsically beta or alpha, but can be either depending on context or mental state.

Finally, the game community is developing some sophistication – Im glad youre part of that process, roosh. No offense, but much of your early and middle game stuff was just awful psychologically. Your recent stuff is on a whole other level.

Jorge
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One more thing – in the end, probably the best thing any man can do to get better with women is to pick up a good book on self-esteem – preferably one by Nathaniel Branden. Most of the good stuff in the game community is the stuff that helps you build self-esteem anyways – the rest can be quite harmful and counterproductive, and youll never know the difference if you dont understand the true dynamics of self-esteem.

Noam Chomsky
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“I still have many beta traits. Off the top of my head:

I get sentimental easily, making short relationships more important in my mind than they really are.
I can be overly affectionate, both verbally and physically, which usually turns off Western women.
I don’t let girls pay (as long as I have money), even if they have a decent job.
I’m willing to travel long distances to have sex with a woman that I like.”

Isn’t this called being a normally socialized human being?

I get what your saying though.

Ari
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Ari
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Hi Roosh,

I,m 48 years and I feel that I’ve seen alot of life with all its twists-and-turns.
Been married twice,
Built 2 empires,
Backpacked for 3 years without working,
And I think you have ‘hit it on the head’ with this blog.
I don’t profess to knowing it all, in fact quite the contrary, we may still be 99% animal, but that 1% is soul.

Giovonny
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Giovonny
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Poland has pushed you to a higher level. The shit you have been dropping lately has been different then the last few years. Fresh and raw. A deeper level of Game.

MeWantHoneyComb
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Is it just me, or is a lot of what Americans define as “alpha male” come from crap like MTV, BET, and other pop culture crap? I can understand “naturally alpha” traits like self confidence, indifference to outside opinion, and the will to walk away from a woman. But think about this: most of the MTV/BET manufactured “alphas” (i.e. guidos, preppies, wannabe thugs, etc) tend to be the loudest when in groups but are meek when alone, get their “confidence” from the approval of other people by doing what the mainstream media tells them is cool, and holla at anything that has tits and a vag/ass, no matter how fugly and bitchy the broad is. A lot what I’ve seen from the preps, guidos, and especially wannabe thugs come off as pretty beta to me. In fact, the reason why I dismissed “game” at first was because of how the ghetto subculture coined the term. But a lot of what in reality is beta conformist shit is somehow seen as “alpha” by many broads thanks to MTV/BET/pop music & culture. That alone is why I plan on moving overseas in the long term, and I’m happy for people like Roosh being able to leave this country, and especially DC, which is another bag of worms in itself that I will dive into later.

Anon
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“Is it just me, or is a lot of what Americans define as “alpha male” come from crap like MTV, BET, and other pop culture crap?”

^ Yep. In America, we’re constantly pounded by the media about what “alpha” is, along with the usual crap being spewed. The media is a 24/7 presence in our heads whether we like it or not.

Media in America is centered in LA & NYC and controlled by Jews. Surprise, surprise.

The media shapes American chicks’ perception of what is alpha: the loud-mouthed boor, thug wannabe. In other societies, the media isn’t as prevalent and chicks’ attitudes about alpha are shaped by their families and social circles.

If you look at the American definition of alpha prior to the age of television, it would be very similar to many other countries’ definition: a hard-working man with a family.

Anonymous
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@37
Good point.
the media today has brainwashed the messes to thinking certain steriotypes are “Alpha”

this guy does a good job at making fun of these ‘Alpha’s we see on Mtv/BET

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orFrVjhRxKQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOiPJlsqzXA&feature=channel_video_title

West LA
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Congrats Roosh,
Your blog is getting better and better —
both your posts and the quality of responses you’re getting lately.
Man it’s great to be able to read this stuff for free 3 times a week.
Best wishes for continues success etc.

Anonymous
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>>Is it just me, or is a lot of what Americans define as “alpha male” come from crap like MTV, BET, and other pop culture crap? I can understand “naturally alpha” traits like self confidence, indifference to outside opinion, and the will to walk away from a woman. But think about this: most of the MTV/BET manufactured “alphas” (i.e. guidos, preppies, wannabe thugs, etc) tend to be the loudest when in groups but are meek when alone, get their “confidence” from the approval of other people by doing what the mainstream media tells them is cool, and holla at anything that has tits and a vag/ass, no matter how fugly and bitchy the broad is. A lot what I’ve seen from the preps, guidos, and especially wannabe thugs come off as pretty beta to me. In fact, the reason why I dismissed “game” at first was because of how the ghetto subculture coined the term. But a lot of what in reality is beta conformist shit is somehow seen as “alpha” by many broads thanks to MTV/BET/pop music & culture. That alone is why I plan on moving overseas in the long term, and I’m happy for people like Roosh being able to leave this country, and especially DC, which is another bag of worms in itself that I will dive into later.<<

What gets called alpha or beta on most game blogs is simply what is attractive to women and what is not.

It is just short hand.

Alpha = guy who get laid left and right.

Beta = nerd who stays at home and jerks off.

got it?

Ugg
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@41

Yes, Americans are good at allowing the academic/media priesthood to fill the idea of “alpha male” with crummy content.

Jordan
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Roosh, Its true your blog has been getting better and better. Just when I think you might run out of material, you come up with another terrific post. You have true talent. Can’t wait to hear about Poland in more depth.

Jordan
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I also agree with #34

(R)Evolutionary
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Been thinking about this post for a few days. It flies in the face of “Game wisdom,” unless you’re Athol Kay.

But here’s the thing: this post articulates the need to be well-rounded, and the difficulty of being well-rounded in this culture.

I admit: I do have some beta characteristics. Probably the worst ones: I want to be in love, I like that feeling, I like being able to be totally vulnerable and honest, affectionate and loving to my woman/women. But that’s not easy here. My main squeeze, a former cheerleader and professional dancer, is like a beta-seeking missile. She gets sideways when any beta at all comes out. It’s been amazing for my game, but man it sucks for.. my heart. Yeah I said it, pussies. My heart wants to be vulnerable & really love someone but damn if this culture makes that a bitch, or several million of them.
Good post, man. Thanks for writing the counter-intuitive game wisdom.

OldManTakeALook
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Why does it have to be so fucked?
It just seems… so.. CRUEL.. that I want to share love so much with an american girl
yet the more you share it, the less she’ll give it
it doesn’t even make sense!!
Were we just put here for nihilistic, antagonistic fucking?

when I was 17 I wanted to transform the world through art and love

now that i’m 27 I just want to get mine, get my money, get my revenge on that dirty scheming pussy, get my seed up in there

“you did this to me”

I was the sweetest, smartest kid you ever met

FUCK you Amerika

YOHAMI
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some sense, finally

Dirt Man
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Great post Roosh. The honesty of it is refreshing and since a lot of guys look up to you, it’s good to see you putting out this positive writing. I think too many guys start judging themselves too harshly and that can just turn into another problem which can keep them from achieving more in life. You cast it in a different light, that of working with what you have, which is the right way to approach things.

Everyone has days where they really can’t be bothered to talk to women at all, and it would be silly to conclude that there’s something wrong with yourself because you feel that way. Same thing goes for the “beta” traits. It’s a continuum. I think this continuum is essentially a measure of your locus of evaluation. On some days, for some men, it might extremely external, on other days, extremely internal. It varies, comes and goes, but we all have our tendencies in one direction or the next.

I might add that aside from the ultimate venue change of moving to another country or continent, a man might also consider well the women he’s spending time trying to get with, whatever the context. It can make a huge difference if you keep your eyes open and really see your target for what she is before you spend time and effort on her. She may just not be into you or your traits, whatever they may be. And you may just not be that into her or her traits, whatever they may be.

Right on Roosh.

Anonymous
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Isn’t it weird that you’ve posted about that girl twice in the past month? I’m now inclined to believe her tale of you wailing like a baby on the street because she had a thing for someone other than you.

madmax
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# 48, ah ah, I find that VERY hard to imagine.

Your friend most probably told you that bullshit because she got pissed off after she found out that to Roosh she was just ‘Fuck no. X3077’

Stephen Dunn
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In your previous article about dating polish women you said they aren’t that affectionate, but here you say they are overly affectionate? Sorry but this pick up artist stuff is for chumps, I’ve never had issues with women and I’m not that confident, great looking and I can act like an old man hahaha, but I’m a good person, I don’t believe men should pay more than half.