Losing Your Way

I went to Iceland in the middle of winter. I was immediately struck by the isolation—the city was dead and I had no one to talk to compared to my time in South America when I always had a buddy around. I used to go out solo dolo only occasionally but now I was doing it exclusively. I began to develop strategies to get laid at night without having to use any wingmen.

As my European trip progressed, I decided that rolling solo was the way to go. The proof was in the girls I was banging, often within an hour or two, from all types of clubs. I discovered that there is anxiety in standing alone at the club, and you relieve that anxiety by doing approaches (when you’re with a friend, you have a comfortable home base that actually makes you approach less). My results indisputably showed that I simply got laid much more when rolling solo. Soon, my social life soon consisted almost entirely of banging random girls with little male friendship.

My social skills remained high, because of all the game I was running, but my ability to be a friend declined and I was losing the ability to wing. I became more impatient and insular. I just wanted to get my dick wet as quickly as possible. I didn’t need friendship anymore—I transcended friendship. Not having friends freed up a lot of time: I published 9 books in less than two years, the most productive period of my life. My income rose and I was getting laid. I felt successful.

Inevitably my interest in notches declined. Not that I was becoming less horny, but I was reluctant to put in work to get something I’ve experienced so many times before. I had expected this, and decided that when it would happen, I’d double down on writing with a goal to earn more, even though I was making enough for my needs.

I launched Return Of Kings, which takes quite a bit of time. I was also working on three simultaneous books. I was excited that my productivity was going even higher. I was going to build an empire! Chasing girls too hard was a waste of time, just like friendship was. I had started developing symptoms of carpal tunnel in my right wrist. Instead of taking a step back and thinking about what was happening, I bought an ergonomic mouse so I could work even more.

When I moved to Lublin, I banged two girls in my first month and put them in rotation, not so much because I was in love with them, but because I didn’t want to have to go out much. My first trip to Poland had me going out four or more times a week. Now it was once. I was getting laid at least once a week and making cash. Life was great.

I released Bang Ukraine in January and the launch was my biggest yet. My entire life was going according to plan. At the end of that month I did my usual accounting and was pleased at all the sales I made. It was time to blow a couple hundred and celebrate.

I went through my phone. There was only one male friend in it, but he was in Warsaw, three hours away. All my friends were in random European, American, or South American cities. No problem—I got the two girls to hang with. I texted both. One was sick and the other didn’t reply. No problem—I’ll go to the club and find a new girl to celebrate with. I’ll get some new pussy.

In the first club I got hit with four blowouts in a row. Rustiness alone couldn’t explain that result so I went to another club that was packed with girls. It barely got better. I got out-gamed by teams of guys who could occupy cockblockers when I couldn’t. I used to love rolling solo because it was easy to get laid, but now I wished I had a wing.

Even if I did succeed that night and get laid, which I didn’t, I wondered who would I share the story with. If a man bangs a pretty girl in an Eastern European shithole and has no one to tell, did the bang make a sound?

I thought back to my previous decade of game and how the reward of it wasn’t necessarily in the sex act but in the bonding with men who were either there to witness it or help me. I got more satisfaction banging an average girl with a friend working by my side than banging a hottie alone with nothing but raw effort. I won’t deny that I have a strong biological desire to get laid, but that desire alone doesn’t justify the amount of work I’ve put into game. It was the male camaraderie that made it worth pursuing more than I would have.

I went home that night and logged onto the forum. Lots of activity, like usual. I checked my blog and there were many new comments to sift through. I had several new emails and Twitter replies. Usually this would provide me with some social validation, but not tonight. It felt abstract, almost fake. The money I made the previous month was abstract, too. It was just numbers on a screen that I couldn’t even spend because I had no one to spend it with. I might as well be living my life on the internet in the form of page views, comments, forum posts, and book sales.

I turned off my computer. I thought back to Brazil, when I lived in a favela. I was broke but chased more girls with my Danish roommate than while in Lublin, where I made a far more superior income. I remember how I told myself that I wanted to live in a nice apartment within a city of beautiful women and not have to take buses at night. I accomplished that task, but I was less content than I thought I would be.

I imagined how things would be in ten years if I continued. I would have a lot of money, probably. I would publish 30 books and get 10 million page views a month. But I saw myself alone, in a remote castle in some strange part of the world, with no social interaction besides a rotating door of women who I didn’t care much for and internet friends who would give me e-props via funny reaction gifs. It’s possible to have women, friendship, and money, but it seemed like I was running the common American program of just trying to stack paper because I didn’t know what else to do.

I went to bed that night satisfied. I was satisfied because I caught myself before it was too late to make a change. I knew that my priority wasn’t to make more money. My income was already sufficient. It wasn’t to mindlessly bang more girls in some shithole city, either. It was something that I used to have in the past, but gradually lost. I wanted to get it back, yet at the same time I knew that it wouldn’t be easy to turn back the clock to a time when I had different habits and needs. I wasn’t sure if it was worth fighting a wave that was taking me in a new direction.

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Koanic
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Koanic
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There ya go bud. Now you’re talking sense.

outlaw josey wales
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outlaw josey wales
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You’ve read The Way of Men. You need a gang.

Aurini
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Aurini
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A lot of us are starting to dream about a better world, not just having the best that this world offers. I can feel it coming deep in my bones.

juice
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juice
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I like these personal posts, makes things more human. I can see you settling in a country for a long while now and building a social circle much like your friend in “King of Warsaw”

WallStreetPlayboys
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Great post, will be interesting to see if you make friends who are Eastern European or expats.

Wilson
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Wilson
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“more satisfaction banging an average girl with a friend working by my side than banging a hottie alone”
hmmmm….

Eda Ibis
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Eda Ibis
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Please don’t tell me you’ve found Jesus.

Turner
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Turner
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evolution. Interesting to see how things progress. Once you get what you want, you are not quite as satisfied with what you thought it would be. Buddhism has some on point truths. It is hard to peg how to find contentment. Let me know when you find this one out.

Nomad77
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Nomad77
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“We will find ourselves in the service of others.” – Gandhi

playmuc
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playmuc
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Yeah, men need male friends. There’s nothing quite like meeting up for a few beers and some BBQ on an idle Sunday without any girls. Or to go watch your team play together. Or having someone to pick you up when you car dies in the middle of nowhere. (Just happened to me.) In life, everything is about balance. One can cut out the BS like watching TV and spending too much time mindlessly getting drunk in bars without a purpose, focus on work and achievement, but it’s not good to become too extreme, for example by putting sex with new girls above all else and forgetting about all the other important things.

When we met in Zagreb or when I met wingmen from the forum in other places, a big part of the fun with the girls was to chat them up with another (competent) guy and the beers in between. For a man, girls are great for love, guys are great for everything else.

Tampa
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Tampa
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It’s weird. The older I get the less desire I haev to do the “guy time” deal or to really have any friends. I find peace and solace in isolation. When you go easy on the friends and heavey on the “me” time, you don’t have to meet expectations and you can do whatever you want whenever you want. Maybe it’s the height of personal selfishness. Sometimes I find friends a drain and a time suck. I’m not sure why. I can honestly say that my phone rarely rings over the weekend and it scares me sometimes how little it bothers me. About a month ago I took a trip by myself to Vegas…..just because I wanted to. I just hopped on a plane, stayed at that posh ass hotel and chilled in vegas for a few days. People thought i was crazy, but for some reason i find a lot of enjoyment out of it.

At the end of the month, I think I’m going to head over to Europe for two weeks to just travel around. No agenda or anything, just get off the plane and go wherever I feel like going.

Kind of odd, because when i was young I always wondered why my dad didn’t have any daily friends. Now, it all kind of makes sense. I think when you get older, you don’t really need the stimulation of daily interaction like you use to. You really cherish the peace of being alone and the lack of stress that no expecations creates.

Daniel
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Daniel
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Touching.
I know exactly what you feel because I was there more than once (I’m 37 and I do a life similar to yours)
I see from twitter you are in Romania, I’m planning to go there soon to later move to Moldavia and then Ukraine for the summer. I’d like to write you and be your wingman.

Cad and Bounder
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Cad and Bounder
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Roosh, I too am living a similar sort of life to this and if you are in Eastern Europe (the city is in my email address) you can hit me up.

I think part of the problem with this sort of thing is that if you are devoting yourself to banging chicks then the only people you mix with are, errr, chicks you want or have banged.

A friend of mine came to visit me and asked me what the men of city thought about this and that. My mind went blank them I realised I hadn’t had a single conversation with a local man.

I would genuinely like to ‘friend’ some of the chicks I banged in order to widen my social circle (and tap into theirs) but you know how women are when they still like you. I’m trying to make a conscious effort to be more sociable on my current trip and not just focus on closing deals.

Change will come. I think in time more men who have the ability to work remotely will decide to go and live in cities with higher value women.

In addition at some point corporation will start realising that if you want to pre-select an office full of intelligent, courageous,pioneering men with balls than you will set up a virtual office based in a city with high value women.

Pickernanny
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Pickernanny
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fuck the past, live in the moment

Bronan The Barbarian!
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” If a man bangs a pretty girl in an Eastern European shithole and has no one to tell, did the bang make a sound?”

Great quote.

bill
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bill
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LA DOLCE VITA touches on some of these themes, which of course, you’ve written about before http://www.rooshv.com/la-dolce-vita

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Yeah, whatever makes you happy , but before you “retire” you NEED to write Bang Romania.

A Romanian guy.

Hipstersstink
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I left all my life friends when I moved to europe. I have been fortunate enough to know a couple people where I am but some of my better friends are settling down.

Settling down is something not in the cards for me. Unless a girl blows me away and improves my life I’m not getting married.

Some of the single friends I have do a nightlife scene that is wasteful. They don’t plan, fly by the seat of their pants, go to expensive clubs late when the women population is declining, like to roll in big groups of guys, waste money, get too drunk, aka just not my style.

So I’m left with rolling solo a lot until I meet a decent batch of guys more like my now married friends. When you get into your mid 30s this isn’t easy. But yeah, although I prefer to be alone, man I miss hitting on broads with one or two good friends and having a laugh at the same time. Good times.

SL
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SL
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Tucker Max-level burnout?

doulos2game
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doulos2game
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I understand what you are going through. You have lost something that was so important to you. The reason as to why people get disorientated now a days is because we live in a symbolic world and a real world. In the symbolic world you had everything you needed. You have the forum, twitter, Facebook, Return of the Kings. All of your social needs where being meet. However, you had the recognition of not full fulling your real world needs. Even thought you might have millions of followers in twitter, it will mean nothing if your real world needs are not being meet. You are now realizing something that should have been in your mind since the beginning. However, your perception on your life was different than what it is now. Einstein said it best

“I fear the day that technology will
surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of
idiots.”

Your symbolic world, just like it has done to so many of us, has made you less knowledgeable in the real world. I private message you in regards to something similar to this. The main reason you might have had a problem realizing it before could have been because you didn’t have anyone to give you a perception check.

Adam
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Adam
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You need a kid, bro.

Kicker
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Kicker
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“I thought back to Brazil, when I lived in a favela. I was broke but chased more girls with my Danish roommate”

Hmmm, Out of all the cities I’ve been in Brazil, Rio is the one I don’t miss at ALL … Expensive, I don’t like the overall attitude of “Cariocas”, the superficial culture of the city and the girls there, the fierce competition against all those body builders, ridiculous cock-blocking everywhere, being invisible as an outsider because the place is so packed with tourist etc, etc ..

One thing is to do a lot of chasing and another is to do a lot of banging (I had a good wingman in Rio and we speak Portuguese), Actually I banged some french girls there and not a single carioca (the ones up to it were not of my liking) … I would go to Manaus again 20 times over Rio, As a shit hole as it may be, chasing alone or with wingman it delivers way more than Rio.

In any case the first thing to consider in having a wingman IMO is that he is going to respect your interests and not become your worst cock-blocker!! (these are hard to find, ending up competing for the same babe is not uncommon), I usually hunt alone and the time I spend with my friends is doing some other activities.

Giovonny
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Giovonny
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Work hard, re-evaluate, adjust. Work hard, re-evaluate, adjust. Work hard, re-evaluate, adjust.

Entropy
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Entropy
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Every man gets his fill eventually. There’s more to life than vagina. We don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things, but it’s great to see this change coming in you. You’re too smart to just write about pussy all the time.

anon1
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anon1
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>It was something that I used to have in the past, but gradually lost

nice hook, and setup for another post

Rudebwoy
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Rudebwoy
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Don’t even think about settling down, it is just a phase and you will snap out of it.

apoclater
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apoclater
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Interesting thoughts. Reminds me of a note I read on PostMasculine that went something like: “Guys get into game to get laid. They stay in game for the male friendship and validation.”

gangstalicious
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gangstalicious
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Homies over hoes!

Adam
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Adam
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Roosh, this song’s for you, bud:

REAL LIFE TEN
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REAL LIFE TEN
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guys, the ‘model’ on this video is a real life ”10”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrSteWwParY

does anyone know her name?

Inside The University of Melbourne
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Just like what you’ve mentioned in your happiness posts it almost sucks to see that whatever you aim to achieve, once you do it, you feel.. sorta empty.

Ruxman
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Ruxman
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“I discovered that there is anxiety in standing alone at the club, and you relieve that anxiety by doing approaches”

That must be why I enjoy going out alone, great quote.

soren k
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soren k
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Reading you over the years Roosh has been a great pleasure. In a way I feel like I know you like I do an old friend. You are evolving ; that much is clear. But to where ? I think wisdom and spirituality is the last outpost brother. Its where you truly transcend to lasting peace and happiness. Read the wisdom of the ancients and follow the path to greatness. Read the taoists, the Buddhists, the mystics of all traditions. Go deep. Discard the exoteric rituals and conformity that lies within each path and arrive at the center where the truth is. It’s the only path that leaves a man satisfied and where his cup always floweth.

surrey jack
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surrey jack
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Think everyone of ur commenters would wanna meet u
speakin of which i cant comment on uur returnofkings site …wht gives?

20th Level
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20th Level
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Finally, at last you are starting to see the light Roosh.

Just remember everything needs balance though. Don’t become one of those guys with the loud dudebro posse spilling beers and shouting WOOOO!! every five minutes.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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I concur with #21.

You need a kid.

Kids give depth to our personality and a whole another dimension to our human experience. They makes us better men.

And you don’t have that much time because in a few years (in your 40s) a whole set of new problems and challenges will inevitably arise, and will be there for the long haul. Entering your 40s you will be on the downward path in your life and, trust me, you don’t want to deal with small kids while dealing with declining health and ever real existential middle-age crisis at the same time.

Losing your way now is nothing compared to trials and tribulations awaiting you in your declining years.

John Rambo
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John Rambo
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I don’t see how living a solitary, almost monk like lifestyle, is a bad thing. As long as you are making tons of money, then I’d be pretty happy to have such a lifestyle.

If I was single, AND had lots of money, I’d probably start experimenting with MDMA, magical mushrooms, and marijuana again.

Looks like you’ve conquered the outer world. Now it’s time to perhaps go into the inner world, and find the highest goal of life, enlightenment.

madmax
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madmax
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I am on the opposite side of the spectrum, Roosh: my business failed, I have no money, I am alone as a dog, and therefore I don’t give much of a fuck about women at the moment. (I am not blaming anyone or bitching, just saying that we are at the opposite spectrums). But I am happy for you and your success, you deserve that and more.
The problem is that all this technology shit is making us too busy. I wish I could throw all this shit away, jump into a time machine, and go back 100 years. No doubt I would miss on some great knowledge, but let’s face it, all this tech crap makes everyone more withdrawn. All this iphone shit etc, too much shit. I am no nerd though….Believe it or not, I never used Twitter. All I know is that it sounds like ‘Twatter’ but I still don’t know what the fuck is about, nor do I care. I rarely join forums, they are full of dicks anyways. When the day fades, I want to turn off all the computer shit and look at the sunset.

Around the world in 80 Girls
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Roosh. I would advise you to go sight seeing at least a few times a week. I haven’t heard you about any sight seeing since your book Dead bat in Paraguay.
It really takes your mind of things. You have an interest in history. At least I guess you do since you read a lot of books about it.\

Start seeing the sights and clear your mind of all things business, feminism and even girls.

Or bring a girls with you if you must.

Anyway, just an idea that might help.

Jenny Johnson
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Jenny Johnson
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OH GOD ROOSH BABY, EAT MY FUCKING PUSSY, I AM SO FUCKING WET RIGHT NOW.

MrLemon
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MrLemon
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It all gets stale after a while. “Like too little butter scraped over too much bread” as Bilbo said.

That’s when you decide to look for that increasingly rare thing….a good loyal woman. You get married, buy a house, and have kids.

When it works, it’s the ultimate thing in a man’s life. But of course the risk and challenge is very severe right now. Might not be in your comfort zone.

Lothrio
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Lothrio
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Roosh going through a phase solidifies my belief we want both …..

1. Our freedom to chase the strange at our whim

2. A loving Family and Loyal Friends that you can come to at the end of hard day and have a home cooked meal that you can enjoy .

Problem is we can’t have both ” Have our cake and eat it too” , May we all find the perfect balance between the two ……..

SJ
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SJ
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Roosh you will be glad when you push 40+ and libido drops then you will no longer have a need to get notches. I banged tons of hot ass years ago and still do but not a focus on my life.

Alice
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Alice
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Oh, the pluses and minuses of being less connected.

Plus?

Minus?

George
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George
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Great internal dialogue, thanks for sharing. Brad and I were hanging out yesterday and saying pretty much the same thing. Men need male company – we need our friends to do lots of fun stuff with. Hanging with women alone doesn’t suffice. Playing sport, doing extreme stuff and watching some TV/movies is only good with mates.

Nik
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Nik
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Man, sometimes I feel exactly the same for being an Italian expat in Bratislava. Miss my buddies from down there in southern Italy, but I have kind of a nice job (I fly the Boeing 737 around the world for a Slovak charter company) and well… pussy is waaaaaay better where I am now compared to my hometown.
I guess most of the guys following your blog around eastern Europe owe your books and wisdom a few notches(personally, I TOTALLY DO).
I am sure if you just look around your blog you will just find plenty of grateful and competent real-life buddies (also ready to share their social circles) all around fantastic eastern Europe. I for one would gladly introduce you to my Slovak flight-attendendants collegues if you were ever around the the place…
Just keep up the good work man! Your resourches in the real world, coming from your virtual job, are far greater than you may think!

Mark Minter
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Mark Minter
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Better this way though, Roosh. Better alone. People will drag you down, hold you back, take, use what you have, then turn their backs on you.

Build a life of steel and concrete that is yours and yours alone, then allow people to visit it.

Better to be alone and self-sufficent, than to be so embedded in the lives of others and they in yours. People, people that you trust immensely will damage you.

You know there are limits to people, limits to all relationships, and it is entirely better not to depend on others.

You didn’t end up alone because you didn’t wish it. The limits of relationships showed themselves to you. And you evolved to it.

So better to come into relationships with a position of strength and knowledge you don’t need them.

There are so many memories I have in relationships with people where it just turned out badly. And now I am mostly alone, and nothing turns out badly.

I mostly never screw myself over. I don’t cheat myself. I don’t hurt myself. I don’t use myself. And late at night those memories play back like a movie, a bad movie, those things that turned out badly, that sometimes I have to snap to awareness to shut off the movie.

And I tell myself as a reassurance, “I like being alone”. It is not a con job, it is a comforting thing. It is like having bad experiences in the past with sharks and now living in Kansas. When the memories of the sharks come back, you say “I live in Kansas now. There are no sharks.”

Yeah, better this way, from strength and not from need.

Mark Minter
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Mark Minter
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One more point. Better to ride this wave while you have it. Yes, you did create it, and for now, it is good.

But fate is a fucker. Fortune favors the bold, but it also has a particular attraction to youth. My advice is ride this horse hard until 40 because things can change and will change after 45.

When Roman generals received their “triumph”, the parade through Rome after some major victory, it was common to have another person in the chariot that repeated, over and over, to the general,

“All fortune is fleeting”.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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This will be a good time to read Friendship by Ralph Waldo Emerson

Aliens and Angels
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Aliens and Angels
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This is probably the best and most concise 92 page document about the TRUTH that I have ever read.

Download it here
http://speedy.sh/DvTmQ/1333517383-Project-Manequin-and-Underground-Bases.pdf