Love At First Sight

One of my carioca lady friends was relaying a story to me and and three other girls. It was about a guy who saw a girl on the subway in New York and fell in love. But instead of saying something to the girl, he went home, drew a picture of her, then made an internet site with the picture and forwarded it to his friends. The site got around and they found the girl, who happened to be Australian. The media got involved and made a big deal about it and reunited them with tears of joy all around. They “dated for a while,” which means once the thrill died down she dumped him.

The other girls were touched by this story and went silent as they looked at their drinks, perhaps wishing they could meet a man who obsesses over them like that. Thing is I’m sure they have, but since there was no media coverage they just put those guys in the friends zone.

At risk of being banished from the group I raised my hand to speak and said I thought the guy was a loser who has trouble with women. My comment was not well-received.

“Don’t you believe in love at first sight?”

“No,” I said.

“You’re not romantic at all.” They shook their head, regretting they ever made friends with a gringo.

I dropped the issue because I wanted to make it from the table alive, but there seems to be a very fine line between being romantic and being a pathetic beta male. Or perhaps there is no line.

Postscript: Apparently the story is true, but “dated for a while” actually means “went out for coffee.” Here is the original site he made and here is more information than you’ll ever need to know about these two people.

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Hannah
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Hannah
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It’s more “lust” at first sight than love.

And sometimes lust leads to love (that’s romantic), and sometimes lust leads to pathetic beta-male and beta-female behavior (that’s unromantic), and sometimes it just leads to great sex (that’s, well, great).

“Love at first sight” works in so-bad-they’re-good John Hughes 80s movies, Pablo Neruda poetry, and Shakespeare. In the real world, dreams of “love at first sight” are a result of being blinded from wearing those rose-colored glasses a day or two too long.

Hannah’s last blog post: When you hate what you love?.

mike says
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mike says
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By not just going up and talking to her this guy spent more time pursuing than he did actually dating this girl. He created needless chase and presumably many sleepless nights wondering if he’d ever see her again. It’s like seeing money on the ground and going home to post a rant on craigslist about how if you ever see that pile of money again you’re going to pick it up. Just cut the Hollywood fairytale bullshit middle game and go for it.

Anon
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Yup. It’s typical media, bullshit mindcontrol.

The media aggrandized his beta behavior like some bad chick flick, but downplayed the fact he got nowhere with the bitch. Message to males: act beta to chicks, they’ll dig it!

Jamie
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Jamie
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There is a fine line between “romantic” and “stalker.” If a girl did that to me, I’d probably consider a restraining order.

I am actually very much a romantic, more so than many women I have dated. A lot of girls in this town are so caught up in being empowered or something that it’s hard to develop any romance. You do a simple thing like holding the door or pay for dinner, and it’s taken like some kind of insult, as in, I’m not capable of opening the door myself? You think I can’t pay for my own dinner? Umm, no. I was trying to be a gentleman.

But this is all a bit too weird. I bet the only reason she even had coffee with him was because the media made it bigger than them.

Jamie’s last blog post: Wax Fang @ DC9.

OG Sally
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OG Sally
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“You do a simple thing like holding the door or pay for dinner, and it’s taken like some kind of insult, as in, I’m not capable of opening the door myself? You think I can’t pay for my own dinner?”

Every girl I know in DC would be insulted if you DIDN’T do either of these things. Firstly because it meant you had poor manners, and secondly because it meant you weren’t interested in them.

Kendra
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Kendra
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You’re so right about this. It’s like reading the missed connections section of Craigslist! How sad that actions that very clearly display social retardism are equated with being romantic.

Wow!! I just saw the links from your PS. That is even more pathetic than I imagined.

Just wow.

Kendra
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Kendra
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OK — nothing more retarded than the fact that I wrote social “retardism”! I was just a bit spooked by what you wrote. Yeah…that’s the ticket 😛

Nomadz
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Nomadz
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That’s cheesy. And it doesn’t qualify as romantic, either, it’s just dumb obsessional projection of one’s own frustration and loneliness on an imaginary woman. I mean, a girl you’ve just seen for a minute is not real, she’s in your head, and she’s whatever you want her to be. She’s not a real person until you begin to interact with her. I’d say in this case there is no line between “romantic” and day-dreaming. And you cannot love an imaginary person.

I agree with Hannah about lust at first sight.
There are lots of different kinds of one-night stands, and gaming club-chicks until you can game one into going back home with you is only of one them. It takes time, money, and you may find yourself waking up next to a white whale. But a mutual lust-at-first sight encounter, leading to great sex and a friendly goodbye, although much more rare, can be so fantastic. It’s game without the shit of the game. If people were less inhibited and knew how to listen to their inner lust, maybe there would be more of this kind, and less need to game drunken chick in loudy places.

Rajia
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Rajia
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Hispanic/Latino culture in general is more “romantic”, and more desperately so than any other I’ve experienced. Listen to their music, watch their novelas, and love at first sight is a very, very common theme. Their old (i’m talking 70 year old dudes!)crooners still sell out huge arenas of tickets to young women who charge the stage just to get a hug. I think it stems from a culture that is still a little more old world in its thoughts on male/female relations. It’s no wonder these girls would be shocked at your branding of this story as anything less than romance at its finest.

From my experience with hispanic men, it is extremely normal for a guy to “fall in love” with you the first time he sees you. And normal for a hispanic woman to be pursued to the extent of stalkerdom.

roissy
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roissy
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i remember reading about this story and thinking “total betaboy”. and yet the whole scenario fits the template of exactly what women say they wish would happen to them. when it actually does happen, it turns into “went out for coffee and stopped calling him.”

your carioca lady friends got mad because you indirectly crapped all over their angelic self-image. they hate that.

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Jack Goes Forth
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I see six girls a day that I consider going home and creating a website about…but then I realize how lame that is and instead I go up and say, “Hi, my name is Jack”. Its much easier. Sometimes they even end up sleeping with me… so… you know… thats kind of cool

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Arjewtino
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Arjewtino
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I don’t believe in love at first sight, either.

But I DO believe in parody sites.

Arjewtino’s last blog post: My brain is not a WOPR (I think).

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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@Jamie: The only line between stalker and romantic is how good you look. If the chick thinks you’re hot, you won’t be a stalker.

Jamie
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Jamie
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@Anon: You’re right, I probably wouldn’t call the cops if I was being stalked by Jessica Simpson.

But I actually did have an incident once where I very nearly had to call the cops on an attractive woman who wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone. She was insane, though. Absolutely batshit.

Jamie’s last blog post: Wax Fang @ DC9.

T.
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T.
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This female blogger discussed this same story months ago and totally called him out on his bitch ass beta male behavior:

http://prettynumbers.blogspot.com/2007_11_01_archive.html

Good to know some women out there still recognized wussiness for what it is.

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T.
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Actually here’s a more direct link:

http://prettynumbers.blogspot.com/2007/11/passivity-officially-epidemic.html

T.’s last blog post: Open Feedback Thread.

irina
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irina
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a confident alpha male who does that = romantic
nerdy poseur = beta loser in friend zone

it depends who is drawing

the drawing won’t win a woman over, but it is a great way to get her attention provided that he’s already the type of guy she’d be attracted to

Jewcano
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Jewcano
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I’m not going to spend the time following the link, but this definitely sounds less like “romantic” and more like “creepy stalker” possibly leading to “restraining order”. The limits of how far to go to win over a strange girl are debatable, but I’m pretty sure registering a domain name is a step too far. Is it really that hard to talk up a stranger on the subway?

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Ava V.
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Ava V.
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there is no such thing. all you ever know at first is if they interest you enough to TALK to them. if a guy did this for me, i would be so creeped out, that going out for coffee would never happen.

Ava V.’s last blog post: 5 Reasons Why The South Is Better Than The North.

mil0
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mil0
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what you vapid pieces of carbon are missing is that even though he didn’t succeed as he originally intended, he now has a great story which in the future will probably be most helpful to him in regards to “getting laid”.

OH LAWD HE PAID 5.99 TO REGISTER A DOMAIN NAME! WAT A BETA! SHIT I COULDA HAD THAT BITCH UNDER THE TABLE DURIN DAT COFFEE DATE

Rigoberto
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Rigoberto
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Rajia, that is not necessarily true. I am a Hispanic male (Cuban) who despises even the thought of romance. The way I see it, Women are equal to Men, so if they want dinner, movies, gifts, ect; THEY can pay for it with their own, empowered, independent money.

Rigoberto
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BTW, Brazilians/Portuguese not generally considered “Hispanic”.

Rajia
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Understood that Brasilians are not considered hispanic, however it is impossible that nothing from “hispanic” culture has not made its way into Brasil. I was speaking more region-wide than specific to a certain culture. How about Central/South Americans? That’s a more encompassing term.

And of course not every single one of them is romantic, but there is a culture of romanticism that far exceeds that which I’ve found anywhere else. I’ve gone through plenty of “ethnic” phases dating wise, and consistently, the ones who fall hardest and fastest, are from central or south america. Consistently. Sometimes its nice, sometimes they won’t go away and its scary. Sometimes the dude you danced with at the club stalks you down and knocks on your door when your husband (now ex) is home.

DMT
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DMT
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After all that, he couldn’t buy her a real meal?! Beta and cheap…

Rigoberto
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Rajia, I can understand your pain. I guess I’m one of the few hispanic males who wants to keep a low profile with broads; perhaps I’ve been over-americanized!

Rtother
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Rtother
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Wasn’t there movie about this staring a ‘N Sync member? Ah, yes it’s called On the Line. It came out in 2001.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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I still can’t believe people on this site use lame terms like “beta”. Douchebaggery at its finest. I’ll stop leaving troll posts on this site after this one, but damn.

agnostic
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agnostic
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I don’t care who does that, it’s an overly reactive thing to do, hence seals the guy’s fate to never going anywhere with her. “Girl of my dreams”?

At least he just drew a cartoon of her — writing a poem or song, or drawing / painting a more expressive picture would’ve made it worse.

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Zictor
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Zictor
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I feel actually happy for the guy. He’s got a much better story out of this than simply picking up a girl in the subway.

That said, it is kinda pathetic to call a girl you just saw in the subway the “girl of your dreams”.

Roosh, reagarding your conversation with the Brazilian girls: After saying you don’t believe in love at first sight, you should have said that true love is something you build over the years or something similar. By dismissing them, you just showed you didn’t believe in love at all.

And Rajia, it’s called ROMANCE for a reason. Originally, ROMANCE was the name give to a certain kind of music or poetry in the Middle Ages. These songs were mainly about love stories, and were common among the ROMANCE people, who had that name because their languages had a common root in ROME (A.K.A, Latin people/Latin Languages). So, it’s a common trait that we share as latins, all this exaggeration when love is around. So, where do these people come from? Latin America, Portugal, Romania, Spain, Italy and France. There, I’ve said it.