Man’s Resistance To Change

“When a man realizes that he has been changing continuously every moment, he grieves neither for what he has lost nor for what he has gained.”

Not many Americans subscribe to Buddhist philosophy, which states that all life is impermanent and in a constant state of transition. This includes things you may see as everlasting, like your personality, humor, or attitude. You may think that your essence is permanent enough that it can be locked up in a bottle and retrieved a month or year from now, but your environment and experiences are changing you every hour of every day.

A denial of change is what Buddhism claims to be the primary source of human suffering. A modern example is people who refuse to accept the aging process of the human body, putting it through plastic surgeries that make them, ironically, less human in appearance. Another is the denial of death, of worrying so much about extending your life through an obsessive-compulsive approach to health that you forget to live it.

The average man who comes to me to learn about women wants to change his results, but not what he considers to be his self. He wants to learn the “magic bullet,” the one little item he thinks will significantly increase his results, without having to make wholesale changes to his behaviors or routines. I consider this to be his biggest stumbling block to success. He wants to meet a lot of women, but he doesn’t want to approach outside of his social circle. He wants tight day game, but he isn’t willing to dedicate two hours a week to day approaching. He wants fast bangs, but he doesn’t want to go to bars or clubs. He wants hot girls, but he isn’t willing to build up his skills by first getting with more average women.

In fact, the “magic bullet” is one of the most commonly used marketing strategies out there. Real estate seminars, get-rich books, and even mainstream publications like The 4 Hour Body advertise how just a tiny bit of work on your part will get you exactly what you want. There’s only one or two things you’re not doing that will completely change your life! You can remain the same you, keep your routine, and not have to commit to a long journey of improvement! This marketing gimmick is taken to its logical conclusion with a $93 game book called… wait for it… Magic Bullets.

I think of man as a collection of computer programs, perfectly designed systems for accomplishing a defined set of tasks, whether it’s excelling at a specific job, being good with women, being a drug addict, or the countless other lifestyles and behaviors that humans live. When it comes time for man to change, he wants to use his existing number counting program, for example, on something that doesn’t even involve numbers. He doesn’t want to write a new program.

Change can only come when new programs are written, which alters the relationships between all the other programs. The end result in a newer, upgraded operating system. Only by accepting change and realizing that who you are now will be gone forever—and would never last forever in the first place—will you get closer to becoming the person you want.

If you want to make big improvements to your life then you have to accept the possibility that one day you won’t completely recognize who you see in the mirror. Disregard the Western concept of “self” and work hard until you finish writing the new program that accomplishes your goals. This already happens under you nose, but to speed up the process you should consciously embrace it. It’s better to achieve success as a “new” person than stay the same and never get what you want.

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Woody
Woody
9 years ago

Roosh,

I’ve always enjoyed your posts, whether I’ve agreed with them or not, simply due to your transparency and ever desire to produce something of quality in your life.

With that in mind, I’d like to critique your comment about Buddhism, particularly your conception of its primary source of suffering – resistance to change.

From my previous studies and current recollection of them, “desire” has always been the cause of suffering, which is the second noble truth.

How do you equate “resistance to change” to “desire”?

Donlak
9 years ago

I will field the previous Commentors question. Buddhism doesn’t say or preach losing desire, it’s impossible, even the Dali Lama says this, he has desires, what Buddhism teaches is to lose your attatchments to what your desires will give you or not give, which is the root of all suffering.
In pua terms it’s called not being outcome dependent. Desire away, but don’t let the negative or positive outcomes cause you pain, as happiness and anguish are two sides of the sane coin, and there is happiness everywhere, you just need to see it, ie flip the coin.

Nino
Nino
9 years ago

Hey Roosh,

Great post, I agree with you that the hardest thing when attempting something new is letting go of your “self”. I used to think that MY personality was the most important thing I had, and that I could change everything else but my personality and be successful at game; now I realize that the first thing I had to change was my personality.

I’m still a long ways of, but I think that once you let go of who you think you are, you are free to become what you WANT to be.

The tricky thing about becoming who you WANT to be is to do it by changing your behaviors, the way you think, etc; not only by selling people the idea of who you are by talking about who you are(see the Last Psychiatrist for a more articulate version).

How do you think changing yourself impacts your friendships? Do you still have friends from before you started game?

Oh and one last thing, the book Magic Bullets says in the introduction that the journey to great game is a hard and arduous process, and that there are no shortcuts, so they titled the book Magic Bullets ironically.

samseau
samseau
9 years ago

I don’t know if this is Buddhism, but…

Since life is always changing, you can never be sure that what you have now will be with you tomorrow. And since changes come independently of your own volition, it follows that you cannot control everything you are changed into.

So… it follows that as soon as you accomplish something, you’ll immediately start to lose it.

Why ever try to achieve something if it’s just going to disappear? That’s the much harder question to answer

Evan
Evan
9 years ago

Stirb und werde, “Die and become.”

– Goethe’s Faust

nguyenimproved
nguyenimproved
9 years ago

good analogy with computer programs.

Johnny Milfquest
9 years ago

New algorithms. New Routines. New habits. Exactly. Some of the ideas we hold about ourselves and our personalities are untested BS.

Two weeks ago I would have said that I was a great conversationalist and a terrible club dancer. My experiences in the last two weeks have shown that I’m actually a pretty good club dancer but my conversational skills need alot of work.

Live and learn!

Riker
Riker
9 years ago

Kill the ego, change your life

Mr GM
Mr GM
9 years ago

This is why I like this blog and Roosh’s books.
There is no shortcut to sucess , it’s a lifetime struggle.
Fuck that PUA crap.

pilgrim37
pilgrim37
9 years ago

“The chains of Habit are too light to be felt until they’re too heavy to be broken.”

Anonymous
Anonymous
9 years ago

Roosh, you puzzle me. I read this post and I’ve read ur summary of that Buddhism book. I cannot resolve how u can subscribe to Buddhist philosophy, yet at the same time having such a low regard for women. I dig ur blog, subscribe on Twitter, I’m a fan…but u seen very conflicted

BLarsen
BLarsen
9 years ago

Forgot to sign my post, I’m the puzzled one

Brian
Brian
9 years ago

As I’ve learned more about game and being more alpha, both here and from Roissy’s blog, I can’t imagine not wanting to change. The things I’ve been learned have definitely made a huge change in my dating and sex life (never would have believed I’d get a 22 year old in bed in 3 hours). But even more, those changes have had a much bigger impact in the rest of my life.

Learn to be alpha, and see what happens in your career. In the last 6 months, I went from being stuck where I was to my boss grooming me for management. Outside of work, I’ve always been competitive. But my performance there has also shot up because I’ve been learning to listen to my inner cocky asshole. When you start to believe those things you say, you start to actually live up to them.

If the old you can’t get laid, the old you sucks, and not just with dating. If you don’t have the confidence to walk up to any woman and believe that you’re the best thing that’s walked into her life, you really don’t have that much confidence in yourself with anything else.

P.S. Thanks for all the posts about Brazilian women. I’ve got one wrapped around my finger as a result of a lot of your posts. I honestly can’t imagine wasting time on American women at this point.

Jay Gatsby
Jay Gatsby
9 years ago

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein

Blackhawk
Blackhawk
9 years ago

“Strip yourselves of your former nature [put off and discard your old unrenewed self] which characterized your previous manner of life. And be constantly renewed in the spirit of your mind [having a fresh mental and spiritual attitude],
And put on the new nature (the regenerate self) created in God’s image, [Godlike] in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4:22-24

Or as a more blunt translation of the same passage puts it, “Every day let the old man that you are now die, to be replaced by a new man with renewed mind and improved habits”.

Letting the old self die to make room for the improved person has long been part of western thought as well. But the old philosophers didn’t have computers, so instead of “programs” they talked about “habits”. Makes them bloody obtuse at times.

Timothy
Timothy
9 years ago

As Roosh alluded to, the diet/exercise industries are the main practitioners of the philosophy of taking the easiest path to what you want. Especially the diet industry. You see the commercials where these diet plans state that you can eat ALL the things that made you fat in the first place (burgers, pizza, cake, etc.) yet still lose weight. You don’t have to sacrifice anything, you don’t have to give up anything. And that’s why we have THIS:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43670705/ns/health-diet_and_nutrition/?GT1=43001

For all those superfatties that actually lose so much weight that they look like normal human beings, it was LIFESTYLE CHANGE, not just dieting, that gave them the results. They had to essentially change who they are and how they lived.

NYCBachelor
NYCBachelor
9 years ago

Its funny; I had a very similar thought when I was driving earlier today- namely that my personality has changed in such a radical fashion over the last 10 years that I’m beginning to become the eptiome of everything I hated 10, hell even 5, years ago.

Self centered, narcissitic, manipulative- and whats more I understand the validity of these traits from a biological/philosophic level that could’t appreciate when I was younger.

My younger self could say I’m developing “evil” traits- but really I’ve just opened my eyes and unshackled myself from the chains that soceity places on the mind of the average man, through religion, TV, and other forms of programming. I’m changing from the Narrator to Tyler Durden slowly but surely (instead of living with dissociative multiple personalities). I say good. I’ll decide what the best “me” is- fuck soceity and what it says is “good” I didn’t ask soceity to form me into the loser alter-ego; it might have pushed me into the mold- but I’ll be damned if I let myself stay that way.

soem retard
soem retard
9 years ago

@anonymous re: “I cannot resolve how u can subscribe to Buddhist philosophy, yet at the same time having such a low regard for women”

Buddhism can be a fairly “sexist” philosophy, if you wanna be honest about it.

@Roosh… re: Western concept of “self”… you might dig the ideas of Daniel Dennett. He debunks the “self” from a decidedly Western, empirical/scientific pov.

Modern science is really starting to confirm a lot of Zen Buddhism and ancient Greek thought.

rightontime
rightontime
9 years ago

This is exactly what I needed to hear.

Travel Bug
Travel Bug
9 years ago

Bravo Roosh. This is what people need to hear. Although, improvement doesn’t ALWAYS need to be hard, sometimes smart calculated changes lead to bigger ones. Overall, excellent post.

Ubermind
Ubermind
9 years ago

@ 11
and
@ 18

All ancient philosophies and sciences about human soul are sexist. Because the only thing that is not sexist is the feminist paradigm that you live into and that looks like a norm to you. The imagenery concept of “sexism” was born with feminism and will die with it.

Ubermind
Ubermind
9 years ago

After all God is a politically incorrect sexist too

Not Joe Rogan
Not Joe Rogan
9 years ago

Roosh seems like a character from a novel. Perpetually conflicted, but self-assured at the same time. He may have jumped right out of the pages of a Leo Tolstoy novel.

Gmac
9 years ago

People are always looking for a quick overnight fix or a shortcut. My grandpa spent years trying to find that “next big thing” to get him rich quick and fell for all sorts of scams… wasting years of his life that he will never get back.

When you learn to differentiate between the “easy way” and the “smart way” and attribute success to growth through measured progress instead of expecting “instant gratification” you eventually will see your development improve by leaps and bounds.

This can be applied to any aspect of your life, but with respect to game and your overall self it means putting in genuine effort and time to change with the understanding that you may never look at yourself the same way again.

There are plenty of lazy people out there looking for that magic solution to all of their problems. Like with everything in life, it is only when you invest time and dedication into something that you will see actual results… otherwise you’re going to be living in a world of constant disappointment.

Good post Roosh.

BLarsen
BLarsen
9 years ago

@ubermind

I get what ur saying… However I think u can agree that roosh writes ina style that implies the women he gets with are of a lower status than himself. AS if they solely exist for his pleasure? Not very Buddhist.