My Drinking Strategy

“This wine is too good for toast-drinking, my dear. You don’t want to mix emotions up with a wine like that. You lose the taste.”
The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway

After a decade or so of drinking, I have settled on a strategy which lessens the negative effects of alcohol while maximizing the amount of pussy I get, and I’d like to share that with you right now.

First, let’s take a night that I drink heavily on—at least five liquor beverages in a short amount of time. After the fourth drink in less than two hours, there comes a point where I feel absolutely invincible, like I can hit on any girl in the universe with the tightest of tight game. Unfortunately it’s an illusion. I think my game is great but it’s actually not proven by the results: I rarely pull when drunk. Just like how a drunk guy thinks the girl he’s talking to is hotter than she really is, when heavily intoxicated I think my game is better than it is. Plus, that feeling of invincibility fades very quickly as the depressant side of alcohol takes effect and all I want to do is lean against the bar or sit down.

You’re probably thinking, “Wait, I’ve gotten laid when drunk many times.” If you go back to those nights, I believe what happens is you interest a girl while merely buzzed, and then continue drinking with her until you’re both drunk. So the drunkenness comes after you already lock in your prospect, and is very rarely the direct cause of sex.

Second, research has shown that binge drinking messes with your dendrites (neural connectors). I like my dendrites and don’t want to damage them.

Third, it takes a while for alcohol to work its way through your body. If you’re feeling fucked up and then buy a sixth drink, you’re going to feel really fucked in a couple hours since the fifth drink hasn’t even taken effect yet. This is why police officers don’t mind waiting an hour or two until testing your blood for alcohol at the station (the lowest you’ll blow is when they pull you over). It’s a waste of money to be done partying but still processing the last couple drinks you bought.

Keeping the above points in mind, while also wanting the favorable of alcohol’s loosening effects, my strategy is as follows:

Consume no more than three scotch drinks or five light beers per night.

You get the buzzing effects of the alcohol while still retaining that pimp game ability. You avoid the effects of hangover. You kill very few brain cells. You don’t hurt your wallet. You’re disciplined and rely on your abilities instead of drink, since three drinks will not give you stupendous courage. It puts you on a similar level playing field as 80% of the girls who are drinking, and very rarely will you be drunker than her, which is death when it comes to pick up.

I get my scotch with two or three rocks and then sip sip for about hour, enjoying the effects as they take hold in a comfortable manner. My third scotch is done by 1am but I continue to feel a light buzz until 3am closing time. The next day I wake up refreshed, whether in my bed or in a girl’s. Best of all I only spend a maximum of $35 a night of drinking the finest of spirits. I can be dirt poor but still do this.

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