I was on the subway when the girl sitting right next to me began loudly telling a story to someone on the phone. I am unable to reproduce her hip hop slang so this is a paraphrase:
“You know how I don’t let any guy try to get with me right? I get their number and then throw it away. So I was about to get on the Metro and this guy starts talking to me. He seemed okay. He asks me if I’m hungry and want to grab something to eat, his treat. I figure why not, so I said yes.
“We go to a Mexican place and eat dinner. I’m a little nervous because I would hate if Chris found out I’m hanging out with some other guy like this. I just wanted the meal. The check comes, and get this shit: his card was declined. He leaves to the ATM across the street and comes up apologizing, saying he can’t pay the bill. I’m sooooo angry at this point. So I pay the whole thing—$26 and $2 tip. He tells me he wants to take me out again to make up for not having money. I tell him no and to consider this an early Christmas gift. This sucks because I can’t afford anything right now. I’m so upset.”
I looked the other way and put my hand over my face until I was done laughing. It’s bad enough she had a boyfriend and went out on a date with a guy she wanted to use for tacos con carne (yes, she was obese, morbidly), but why insult the help with a pathetic 7.7% tip? Two more dollars wouldn’t have killed her at that point. Yet sitting on my comfortable orange seat I was extremely proud to be the same gender of the man who gave this girl what she deserved. You know she’ll be stewing for weeks, maybe months. He changed her for the better of all men everywhere.
I got to wondering if he ran “declined card” game on purpose. After the massive social faux-pas of showing up on a date with $0, he knows that any girl who makes it to date two wants to get banged and doesn’t care about his (in)ability to pay. His cost per notch must be admirable. I may have to steal this technique if I ever get in dire straits, but instead of a date two I’ll just try to drag the girl back to my refrigerator box.