My Life Is A Joke

On the weekends the bus ends at 2:30am but I don’t get to the metro (subway) station until 3:30. It’s an expensive $11 cab ride home. So I hook up my bike on the front of the bus when I head out, lock it up at the metro station, go out and do my thing, then hop on the bike on the way back for the three mile ride home. Even though I stay on the sidewalk it’s stupid dangerous and I get yelled at by drunk Mexicans from their cars who mock me and my late-night mode of transportation. I raise my fist and yell back, “Fuck you I used to be a scientist!!” By the time I get home at 4am I’m drenched in sweat and have to stand in front of a fan for 10 minutes before I can go to sleep.

I was out where this older woman was gawking at me. She makes her move while I was eating delicious strawberry cupcakes. The same night she takes me out to drinks and a light meal and I reach in my pocket and slide the lubricated condom around the wrapper getting ready for the only thing I’m really good at in life. Towards the end of the night when it’s time to bang she says, “I really like you and I think we should wait to build something. We’ll email each other every day until I come back in three weeks.”

cowboyhat.jpgI got a number of a young, pretty Italian girl. I called her and for some reason she picked up. I don’t remember the last time a girl picked up the phone when I first called. SHE WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO PICK UP. I completely blanked. The hamster in my brain just shrugged. One second, two seconds of silence. Three seconds!! Eternity! Out of anything in the world I could have said, it ended it being, “Oh girls don’t usually pick up the phone so I was about to leave a message.” My wall has a hole.

I had an interview of sorts for a slave labor freelance writing gig. I begged the guy for an afternoon appointment but he preferred 11am, which meant I had to wake up at 8:30 to eat and get ready for the 90 minute commute. The night before I couldn’t go to sleep until 5am. I set two alarms but must have cut them both off while in a sleepwalking state because when I wake up the clock says 10am. I emailed the guy, “Sorry I didn’t come through,” then I went back to sleep and got up at my normal time of noon.

I wonder if I’ll ever reminisce about these days when I’m filthy rich and hand feeding my perfect assed Brazilian bride chocolates wrapped in gold foil.

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Anonymous
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“hop on the bike on the way back for the three mile ride home. Even though I stay on the sidewalk it’s stupid dangerous and I get yelled at by drunk Mexicans from their cars who mock me and my late-night mode of transportation. I raise my fist and yell back, “Fuck you I used to be a scientist!!””

LOL!

I can’t decide if that was the lamest comeback ever or the best comeback ever.

virgle kent
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HA HA HA HA HA HA

Man, this is only about 10% of the funniest shit that happens to you. Even though I’m not drinking from now till Vegas I still have to go out because I know at some point of the night I double over in laughter at what a great joke your life has become.

I still like going up to random girls and saying

“Can my boy crash at your place tonight, I don’t want him to ride his bicycle home in his condition”

virgle kent
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By the way I thought I had the gayest picture of you up today…. you just had to go 1up me didn’t you!

namaste
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fantastic.

namaste’s last blog post: Momentum.

roissy
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drunk mexicans! :laugh:

i’d rather be the only one on a bike than one of twenty in a rusty civic.

roissy’s last blog post: Quality Vs Quantity Pussy.

Anonymous
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Try a smile every so often?

D
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D
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ha ha man you are hilarious. Do you ever wish you were still touring the world and gone from here?

Obama  LLama
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Obama LLama
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Sitting here listening to some brazilian/samba house music staring at brazilian models…I don’t think I’m gonna get a lot done today…

Here go treat yourself
http://playboy.abril.com.br/index.shtml

and my personal favorite
http://www.belladasemana.com.br/

http://sexyclube.ig.com.br/

okay I feel better now…..

Sparrow
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I usually go everywhere by bike. In my little town it is not dangerous. smile

Sparrow’s last blog post: Show.

Jamie
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Good grief man. I’ve never seen someone look so depressed with a cute drunk girl next to him. But I love the comment about picking up the phone. It just never happens. Horrible comeback, though.

Your posts lately have been ever more introspective. Shit man, it’s spring! Are you having an midlife crisis? I got two things to say.

1) Lose the bike. Walk home (your hood can’t be any worse than mine, just stare the thugs straight in the eye and there’s no trouble… and by no means wear your ipod while walking through the hood) or take a cab sacrificing the last $8 drink for cab fare. I have this image of the 40 year old virgin should you end up picking someone up. Yeech.

2) Keep reevaluating your future. The Brazilian chick is your past. You’re already bored with her.

Eugenius
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Very funny, witty writing………nothing is funnier than true life experiences, which you have plenty of, especially when the writing is good….

The job interview is great, I am sure they will hire you smile

*Risking the fact that I may never see you again after giving this advice, I will be honest and say…. move out…. whether it is out of your dads place, the city you live in, the state you live in, or the country you live in…..make a move.

You know whats required to do it, and while you are loved by many in your current situation, you will probably be happier in a different one…whatever that may be…a change in your routine/location may have a butterfly effect on your happiness units smile

“real friend”

Josh
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“I get yelled at by drunk Mexicans from their cars who mock me and my late-night mode of transportation. I raise my fist and yell back, “Fuck you I used to be a scientist!!”

hahahahahahahaahahhahaha oh lord thats funny shit!

OG Sally
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OG Sally
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Yeah, I am going to laugh every time I think about that scene.

Jay Gatsby
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Jay Gatsby
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I’m sure there was more sarcasm than truth to your latest post, but Eugenius has a point. Get. Out. Now. You’ve done D.C. It’s time to move on to greener pastures. If you stay, you’ll end up a pathetic wretch.

Didn’t you learn anything about what you want out of life when you were in South America?

Peter
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you’re not alone, brother!

Toddhacket
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the world of science misses you

Lonely_Raddish
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I began reading your blog about a couple of weeks ago based on a reccommendation. I find today’s post one of your better ones (e.g. I actualy laughed instead of thinking you were full of it). I think you should stay in DC and find a way to finance your continued exploitation of this city. The more women you ruin here the better.

cuchulainn
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I like this new, woody-allenish roosh. refreshingly different from the mass of pua’s. i feel like i’m watching the last days of rome.

toddhacket
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toddhacket
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you could write THE BIG BANG next
and mix in some science/ physics lessons with the PUA stuff

Eric
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Come to Austin, man.

Eric’s last blog post: Great Expectations.

Usual Lurker
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When did your life turn into a BBC comedy series?

craig of travelvice.com
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Most entertaining…

craig of travelvice.com’s last blog post: Gorillapod Tripod.

T.
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Dude, I recommend you try this book Nation of Rebels: Why Counterculture Became Consumer Culture .

I just finished it and it really fucked my head up about everything and the way I view conformity vs. counterculture and what “selling out” and “being an nonconformist individual” actually means.

It’s an incredible, mindfuck of a book.

T.’s last blog post: Commenter Contest and More Misc. Stuff.

surfallday
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man i didnt think it was all that funny and kind of racis….. nah dude just wanted to start the comment differently than every other kiss ass comment but i cant help it – its good – funny stories are awesome so are jokes smile id love to see you as a stand up comedian smile

You know me
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Roosh, it’s all about trade-offs. You can work for the man and hate the lack of freedom, but you get a steady paycheck, health insurance, retirement benefits, and the comfort that comes from economic security. Or you can live free and uncommitted to anyone or anything, but you have to worry about having no money now or when you are old and you have to deal with the existential pain that comes from living a life without purpose, and you are forced to wonder, “is this it?”.

I don’t agree that you should leave DC. I think you need a plan for your life. If you want to leave as part of a plan, fine. But don’t leave without knowing where you are going and why. This plan also needs to consider the trade offs that come with the lifestyle you choose. You can’t assume the path you choose will be all joy and no downsides. Life doesn’t work like that.

Anonymous
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Don’t worry about missing the interview because lines like “slave labor freelance writing gig” are terrible enough to preclude any possibility of a career in journalism, copy writing, or even matchbook-defacing.

Joe T.
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Roosh – did you ask out the cute girl, or is that one just a photo op for the site?

If you didn’t ask her out, why not? Don’t say she didn’t meet your standards, cause she looks like a solid 7.

Joe T.’s last blog post: Second Bag? Window Seat? ?Pay Up..

Bobby Rio
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Bobby Rio
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Great stuff… My life fluctuates from progressively moving forward to simply floundering… i’m in the floundering phase at moment myself.

oh well.. there’s always Rio

Bobby Rio’s last blog post: 21 Ways Expand Your Social Scene Today.

Sudamericana
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My life is a very sad joke at the moment, to the point that I even miss DC. At least you’ve got a sense of freedom and no pressures that I would die to feel right now.

Joe T.
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DC girls will nrver pick up the phone, guaranteed. They’re always in the catbird seat when it comes to guys.

Joe T.’s last blog post: Airline Reports a Profit! (I Know!).

Anonymous
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Roosh … don’t despair.

EVERYONE’s life is a joke.

peezy
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32, anonymous….

best comment

Hope
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I recommend you try this book Nation of Rebels: Why Counterculture Became Consumer Culture

Excellent, thanks for the link.

Anonymous
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roosh, didn’t know one existed, but you’re a mirror copy of me.

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Steve
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Haha I feel your pain.

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Anonymous
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GAY

Anonymous
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Man, I know exactly what your talking about, dumb shit out of my control happens to me all the time. Sometimes i wonder if god is a sick comedian and im the topic of his stand up skit.

Aviditatis
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And look at you now, in Ukrainian TV shows and shit, awesome! smile

sj
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sj
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Roosh,

Did you bang the Uruguayan lady in the photo?

Armenian
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Armenian
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“I was eating delicious strawberry cupcakes”

Sounds like Roosh 2008 would get along great with fat American girls 2013.

Theodora
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Theodora
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HAHA great post! Depressed Roosh was hilarious!

LCD
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F U I used to be a scientist- lol!!!

Although some real hard core
Mexicans wouldn’t be that nice in the dark of all the ethnic groups the Aztecs don’t play around.

DC sucks so bad.’like another poster said you’d have to
Pay some of us to come
To that commie Zionist bankster Aipac ran shit hole of useless pinko drivel.

LCD
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Ps- fuck the splc and adl.’the fact that they don’t like you means many people do. Anyone with a pair of nuts and an independent mind is the boogie man to the Zionist oligarchy. They made feminism to control their goy plantation better- that’s all. Have the shiksa fucked up in the head with yid bitches in the city and cosmo- a fishfinkel group publication plus all the gloria steinem bull shit she learned at Chump State U ( owe 100k to make 60k slVing away all week) and working for Epstein Inc fortune 1000 while
Little goy is brainwashed at the indoctrination center all day reading his ado approved
Revisionist propaganda masquerading as education papa goy can’t run his house without being fined imprisoned or degraded for doing so.