My Relationship Game Model

I haven’t written a lot of about relationship game because, well, I don’t get into many relationships. Even girls who are high quality to me, meaning the top 0.01% of girls I’ve dated, bore me after a short period of time. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have a basic relationship model to guide me.

Unlike with approaches, you can’t apply a routine-based or memorization strategy in relationship game, because there is so much time spent with your girl, with so many different scenarios, that a robotic approach will paralyze you. It’s best to possess the optimal rules instead, and let the spontaneous and correct behavior flow from them.

Here are my three relationship rules:

1. Never escalate the commitment side of the relationship before she does.

Do not say or do anything which tells her you want monogamy or a deeper relationship. Do not suggest going on trips before she does. Do not insist on her spending the night unless she requests it. Do not suggest hanging out at a greater frequency than she has implied. It is entirely the job of the girl to demand commitment, while the man’s job is to act with bemused reluctance (if not outright belligerence). 

2. Make it seem like you value her mainly for sex.

This will probably be true for you anyway, so make no attempt to hide it. Bring up sex often outside of the bedroom, remarking on the things you want to do to her. Make sexual jokes. Compliment her body, not her personality. Be reluctant to plan complicated activities instead of easy booty calls. Tell her to dress sexy. Be generally perverted. You want her to understand that if she doesn’t continue with the sexual rewards, you may get bored and search elsewhere.

3. Only make declarations of affection and love in response to hers.

Even the most aloof of girls will want some display of your feelings, but do so only as a response. It should come at a random frequency and at a lower intensity than what she gives. When she says, “I miss you,” you can reply “Aww” some of the time and “I miss you too” the others. When she says, “I want you,” you may say “I want you too.” In the back of her mind, she will know you aren’t being completely sincere, and may even call you out for being a “liar,” a compliment to your game. There must always be doubt in her mind if what you’re saying is true or not, because if there isn’t, she will feel that she has you and then get bored herself. Things do become a bit more sticky when she tosses out “I love you,” but as long as your responses are flat and have the word “too,” you will be safe.

If you keep these three rules in mind, you shouldn’t enter needy territory where she gets turned off. Don’t slip on your game entirely, such as showering her with gifts and being too quick to reply back to her via text, but you can treat her generally well, spoon with her, and take her out to dinner, because she will still be anxious about the state of the relationship, constantly seeking reassurances of your feelings for her but never quite getting it in the unambiguous way she desires. While some of the harder girls in America may need more doses of dread to keep them anxious, I find the above model to be more than sufficient for all my mini-relationship needs.

Read Next: Make Her Think Something Is Wrong

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DavidSNESGAMER
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#1 most important (kind of same as #3).

Look back at where my relationships went wrong, it was when I went beta and started asking her to spend time and do things, whereas early on in relationships I was always wishy-washy and so girls would be pleading with me to do things.

Moving from Bang to Relationship Game….next stage in advice? “Family Game”. Advice on how to obtain and hold together a family in the face of culture which hates it.

Ray Wolfson
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waste of time… unless you have a fetish for changing diapers and tedious family trips to the zoo every sunday….

alternative : if you have the cash, find a surrogate from a 3rd world country, pay her a pile…. knock her up, when she’s done squeezing it out…. take the kid back home with you and hire a nanny… preferably one you can bang sometimes….

DavidSNESGAMER
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That’s simply not financially practical for many men, including me.

Putting aside the money, many men WANT a stable household with a loyal wife. The emotional support of a good woman and the family as a sanctuary is an indispensable for a happy life for many men.

Ray Wolfson
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it’s crap…. you are trying to re-create your childhood home…. where what you really want is some toys and lots of good sex…. the family sanctuary is a fallacy unless you have amazing parents and parents inlaw as well as a myriad of cousins, brothers, sisters etc. that you can involve in the childcare… kids are super demanding and few women want only one… the second one is a factor of 10 more demanding, they vibe off each other… wifey ends up exhausted… even if she does have a stitch of energy left, kids are the worst cockblockers in the world… you’d be better off living with 3 of your wife’s angry fat feminist friends in the house… so sex goes out of the window…. now you are just two lonely hard up flat mates running a semi professional orphanage…. they may be genetically yours but when they shit their pants and vomit up the walls at 4am, they might as well be from Somalia…

add to that costs, if you can’t afford to factor in a nanny or home help, then she’s going to be scrubbing and cooking like a third world maid for you, lonely tired and miserable after a while…. and without some of her creature comforts as all the money goes on the kids…

and you might think that household chores and minding kids on the weekend is going to be a great break from work, but honestly it’s exhausting, frustrating and demanding and sometimes you just want to lie in bed and bone the girlie all weekend…. forget about that… 7am starts all weekend every weekend…. it’s no fun…

plus a girl changes when she becomes a mother, she gets serious, demanding, strict, panicy, nervous, she gets used to balling at the kids and starts talking to you the same….. you end up feeling like the unwanted teenage step son… not the loveable husband….

family is like firing a loaded gun in a crowd of people someone is bound to get wounded… the only way to make sure it’s not you is by getting used to living on your own terms, and on your own…. in a family with wife and kids, it’s the husband that takes the bullet every time… until he gets fed up with it and either he leaves, or she leaves because she hates the miserable worm he’s become….

Jeb
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Pretty much the truth of it. Kids wipe out everything — time, energy, resources, sex life, sanity. You’ve got to think long and hard about whether you’re prepared for what comes with procreation.

DavidSNESGAMER
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Speak for yourselves.

Many men (most, I would assume) are energized and spirited by children. My late Uncle Tom, the most alpha man I’ve ever known (easily), was never happier than just sitting back with his coffee watching his dozens of grandchildren run about yelling and loving life when they visited him on Sunday mornings.

It’s funny that feminists celebrate childlessness (the MSM has even re-branded it being “Child Free”), and that some in the manosphere get along with the feminists.

Oh, yeah, it’s also evolution: If you don’t spread you’re genes….you’re Darwin’s “unfit”.

Jeb
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Agreed. However, children drain as well as energize. To think otherwise is ignoring reality. Of course your uncle Tom enjoyed his grandchildren, though I doubt he was saddled with 24/7 care and expenses for those kids.

Your second paragraph is risible and sounds like a womanish dig. Can’t you do better?

This planet’s full of evolutionary seed, last time I looked, including “unfit” such as Roosh.

OldManTakeALook
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Right, because playing with kids for an afternoon is the exact same as being 150% responsible for their
-feeding
-health
-protection
-education
-material possessions
-discipline
-chores
-character

day in and day out
with absolutely no days off
and no vacation time
for 18-21 years at a minimum.

Jeb
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Do they really want it or do they think they want it because they’ve been sold a happy family scenario?

Ray Wolfson
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children are great, it’s not the children that are the problem… it’s what happens to the mothers that is the problem…. you also have to ask yourself how many hours a week you can deal with childish BS, bedtime stories, pushing swings in the park and so on and so forth…… it’s great if you are retired and have nothing better to do….or can have a full time nanny house keeper…. the issue i have with that is that children just become like an accessory…. parked with some helper and you get busy with adult stuff and the time you spend with them is more and more limited… what’s the point… you can mentor some kids or help some that really needed it instead of helping with the overpopulation of the planet…..

not to mention that decent education basically means private these days, and that can be $20k a year per head for a quick ten+ years….. I can think of a lot of ways I’d rather spend $40k a year than pushing some brats thorough some patronising private school system, where I can to go to parents meetings and turn up to watch jonny scratch the violin…. and so forth…. the whole thing is so fucking egocentric….

when was the last time you said thanks to your parents or really appreciated them…. or even visited them ? I shoved off around the world for 10+ years …. haven’t seen my mom since the 90s. whose to say your kids won’t do the same… we don’t exactly live in farming communities anymore… and blood seems to build less loyalty than a good paycheck these days…

Jeb
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You nailed it. That’s why guys need to think — THINK — about the pros and cons of procreation, not just do it because it’s socially sanctified and expected of them.

“Blood seems to build less loyalty …” A good observation, man.

kirk
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parents brought us to a world of slavery..

why would we respect them for that?

OldManTakeALook
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Lol. if you count on a woman to provide emotional support

Lol. if you count on her to be the sanctuary you come back to.

DUDE. have you been in a single fucking relationship longer than a weekend?

If you count on her, she will disappoint you.
If you need her help with emotions, she will be disgusted with you.
If you believe the outside world will be chaos, and your marriage to a woman the stability, you have your head literally 180 degrees up your ass

MAN is the stable oak tree that a wife and family hangs off of.

You are thinking like a woman.

The MAN doesn’t get the things you want.

That’s what a BOY wants.

It might work for a short time, but your currently heading for a miserable fucking marriage.

Get your head out of your ass.

Baris Erkan
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Baris Erkan
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does this go for eastern europeans too?

Calwinston
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Calwinston
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Yes it does!

Igniss
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Igniss
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Elegant, simple and practical. I like it.

Jakesh
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Jakesh
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What to do when they start accusing you of only wanting them for sex?

Roosh_V
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Roosh_V
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Agree and amplify

Solomon
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Solomon
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A++

Calwinston
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Calwinston
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I can vouch that these rules work! Its not fool proof, but they are effective 90 percent of the time!

bojangles
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bojangles
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It’s very simple but most men completely fail. Nice and easy to follow here, good post Roosh

Ray Wolfson
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I think you can add a number 4 into the mix…

Don’t get into ‘serious’ relationship conversations about where we are going together, or this or that problem. therapy is for people that like to throw money out of the window…

all you have to do is keep it light and positive, and live your life…. with the girl along side… let her know she is welcome to leave anytime and she never will…

JR
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Roosh-
I think you get bored because your higher iq (I haven’t met many dumb Persians most are physicists, engineers, scientists, businessmen, etc.). I think, like myself, you need an above average intelligent woman. We all know if you want a higher iq woman who still bakes, etc. the Eastern European girls for the bill nicely.
I was chatting up an Young American girl who said she didn’t cook but she was funny. She was kinda funny yet in the same town the valedictorian of my school who spoke 5 languages and dressed modest yet feminine was Polish. I remember one voluptuous blonde I talked
Too from Saint Petersburg was like an Encyclopedia of art, culture, and history. She made me feel uncivilized being an American and in many ways we are. We are not as cultured but often very tacky and opinionated in America. Our society has
Gone down the drain that’s why we can’t even maintain relationships and build family’s because the whole system from corporatism to feminism to the fiat money economy to the porn industry is rigged against the individual and the health of the community. Like Detoqueville said America will be a great Nation as long as she is a good Nation. I think if you read Samuel Rutherford you’ll see the basis as to why a bunch of peasants could come to a large Continent and succeed- it was Providence because their behavior was pure and welcomed that into their life’s. Today we are brain washed by the system for malevolence to our detriment. America needs a moral and spiritual revival otherwise it will be in the ash bin of history as the present way things are cant continue.

Ray Wolfson
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it’s not just a case of meeting the right woman… men grow and grow and grow, they never stop learning and changing… women don’t move…. the day you meet them they can feel like your soul mate, but 2-3 years later… you’ve grown in so many ways, and she still hasn’t managed to master a couple of new tricks in the bed, never mind how to back up her iphone to the cloud… etc. etc. etc….. women nest like hens on their eggs…. men go hunting like wolves in the forest… and sometimes they find better hunting ground and never want to go back……

Something Else
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I agree with about continuly learning
But I think it’s a misnomer to say all women aren’t into learning. In my travels what I’ve discovered is that its more about culture and individuals. For instance, people in the American South tend to be more into staying in the same thing whereas I
on the West coast many peoe are into continually adapting and changing. I think Roosh has said it well- it mainly
Boils down to having guts and taking risks. Learning is cool as long as it can be used in real life. Otherwise, its a waste of time. I hate white knights (they’re really just weak men who think by kissing
Up to a girl she will like them- barf!!! Right?). But saying all women don’t want to learn- its like saying all black people are drug dealers, rappers, and ball ayers and they will it ever drive Cadillacs with 24″ rims. It’s not true and is a bogus stereotype. Blacks have caught lot of crap from the system- really I’m surprised their level of racially
Motivated violence is not higher than it is in this twisted land called America. Also- in my mileage most club rat girls and women from lackluster academic backgrounds fit the mold
Your talking about.

bonanza
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bonanza
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You’re fucking idiot.

DJ
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DJ
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Roosh,

I have a question for you. What do you plan to do when you are older like 50-60? Do you plan to remain a bachelor for life or get married? The reason why I ask is that when I was 20-40, I banged tons of hot foreign and domestic women and traveled the world much like you have. I am now almost 45 and do not plan to get married or settled down. As a bachelor, my freedom is too precious and divorce too risky and expensive.

Ray Wolfson
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Ray Wolfson
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you forgot the absolute alpha classic… i use it all the time…. it makes the hamster go into malfunction.

Her : “I love you.”
Me : “Yes I love me too.”

agentfocker
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agentfocker
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lol

a puppet raised from the internet speaks his mind over relationships, when the only relationships he’s had have been with webcam women…

“let’s keep in mind this faggotry learnt from heartiste lol, it may be useful when I’ll finally get a woman at the age of 40 lol”

Samseau
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On the commitment side, there is a similarity to how women see access to a man’s commitment in the same way men see access to a woman’s sexuality.

For example, once a girl starts giving you head, the man starts to expect having oral sex whenever he wants. Likewise, when the man starts to say things like, “I enjoy seeing you,” “I want to see you sometime,” “I miss you,” etc. she will continue to expect having the same level of commitment.

Thus as a man it behooves you to drag your feet into commitment the same way women resist having sex.

bonanza
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bonanza
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And that’s called game playing. In an adult relationship, those things just don’t happen.

Samseau
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Samseau
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Guess what? Women love games

thesickmanofeurope_com
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thesickmanofeurope_com
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…as long as they win.

'Reality' Doug
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'Reality' Doug
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If you want to get good at pickup, you must approach, pursue, reconnotier, and reevaluate over and over and over. Volume is practice. Same with ltr game. Spin plates until you get it. If you can’t spin plates, you are not ready for an ltr in this environment. I say that as someone who thus far cannot spin plates. If you already took the plunge, you can’t simply discount pickup game because you are dealing with a specific woman because the fact is if you are only desirable to one woman, you are still struggling at pickup not relationships. The former is prerequisite to the latter, at least in my opinion. One can always be an approach machine without being a closer machine. If you can’t emotionally embrace that, you have failed from the get-go. You must have value from the female perspective to keep an ltr. Most of us don’t dominate in the social ranks, so we must play human instincts to compensate, as much as its worth. There is not substitute for dominant social rank and there is no substitue for ‘knowing what to do’ with an instintively centric inferior. Work on your weaknesses and otherwise don’t give a shit and enjoy what you can. Every age is the age of superative in human injustice if you are not a retard and you are over 40, and then get past the mid-life crisis and be a PATRIARCH. Men makes things work not women. The perfect life is the perfect low hanging fruit to these vultures we must live with for now.

Where are the non-Torontos?
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Roosh-
I would like to know from your travels to your favorite places (Ukraine. Poland) what the locals do for fun and are really passionate about?

I have no doubt their tastes can’t be worse than the horses of Brooks Brother Navy blazer and Khaki drones in DC or the Miller lite guzzling college football cultist redneck simpletons in the dirty South. Enlighten all of us well traveled blog G.

seductionsextravel
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You said that many girls bore you after a while. I also have this “problem”. But, is it really a problem? At first I thought it was but after a while I cam to the conclusion that I am just very picky. Especially when it comes to a girl I can imagine a relationship with. I want an intelligent girl, who is caring and very feminine at the same time. That’s sometimes hard to find (particularly in western countries).

I know how my ideal girlfriend would be like so why the hell should I commit myself to a relationship with a girl that is just average or okay. I don’t want to get into a relationship just because of the chance of regular sex. I asked myself a lot of times: Why should I settle for something that I don’t truly want? I found absolutely no reason for doing that.

Jeb
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Jeb
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It’s not a problem. It’s your nature. Don’t sweat it. There’s no perfect girl out there; they don’t exist. You’ll only drive yourself nuts trying to find perfection. I suspect you’re pretty young. Stay single, chase cuties, and have fun.

Antonio
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I’m a married man and I think I can provide some insight for people who want to learn about marriage game. Follow everything else you have learn but add this to the mix: Make the wife lose her ego, and put the family unit above all else. Make her understand the survival of the family unit is of the utmost importance. She will find fulfillment and satisfaction in sacrificing herself to something greater than herself. The joy for her comes in sacrificing her ego to a family that is lead by an alpha, a man that can lead the family through all adversities (this is the part where 99% of all man go wrong). She will understand her sacrifice will not be in vain when the family is lead by a real patriarch.

OldManTakeALook
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Note to self:
based on “99% of men fail to successfully navigate ALL adversities”

this reminds me of something I’m aware of but have never succesfully navigated:

you NEVER break down where she can see
you NEVER show your stress
you NEVER let her see you sweat
you NEVER share your trials and misgivings with her
you NEVER share your indecision
you NEVER admit you feel overworked
you NEVER share anxieties or cowardice

Not “every now and then you can” or “as long as it’s rare”

the answer is NEVER
NEVER
NEVER
NEVER
NEVER

NEVER! show a girl that you are in ANYTHING BUT 110% CONTROL
of yourself
of your life
of your emotions
of her
of your family
of your vehicles
of your mission
of your body

NEVER

do you hear me, NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

she loses massive interest the first time you lose control

the second time, she’s halfway out the door

the third time, she’s gone and she laughs about you with her friends
even if you were together in “true love” for years.

Disabuse
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Roosh, with all due respect, your “relationship game” model is just an opinion, unlike your “get laid” game model which is based on extensive and ongoing empirical research.

What are your relationship goals? You’re trying advising on methods without saying what you’re trying to accomplish. In the seduction game, a bang is an obvious goal, but in a relationship it’s more diffuse, and varied based on character of both the man and the woman involved.

While sex is important, a relationship is NOT only about bangs. If it were, any man with decent game would never desire to enter a relationship. When it comes to sex, variety and novelty wins hands-down… when available.

Your own remarks on persuasion apply here — you can persuade a girl to sleep with you, but it might be counter-productive and damaging to use the same shortcuts to convince her to stay and manage a relationship.

Arirang
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And with all respect to you too, what Roosh writes on this topic may be “just an opinion,” but this is Roosh’s blog. I for one am here precisely to learn his opinions.

Disabuse
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I’m here to learn his thoughts and advice in the area he is an undisputed expert in — picking up and banging girls.

Roosh is a decent writer, his opinions on politics, relationships or fashion could be interesting and fun to read… but not backed up by nearly as much relevant experience. As such, they are weaker than his game advice.

A piece titled “my-relationship-game-model” without as much as a word on his relationship *goals* is… weak. Roosh normally produces better work, and there’s no need to give him a free pass when he slips up.

Soup
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Soup
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Great post.

Tampa
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I think the best approach is to go into a relationship knowing that it will eventually end. Enjoy the moment and the sex and then when it ends, move on. I think the mistake i made in the past is living in this lallyland where you think she is going to be your wife or whatever. Just enjoy it, live it up, mourn when it’s over and then move on.

OldManTakeALook
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strong advice. let her go. don’t mourn too long.

most importantly for me

end it BEFORE it goes down in flames
that way, with a little time and space,
you can still touch bases (and her pussy)
every now and then when you’re in the same town together

the saddest is trying to drag a dead relationship
like a body behind a truck
bouncing along behind
bleeding

Guest
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A chauvinistic pig, is what I will throw out at you, “If you keep these three rules in mind, you shouldn’t enter needy territory where she gets turned off”
REALLY?! I think most intelligent women would see right through your rules of engagement. It makes me think and no doubt anyone else out there…. Have you really spent any time connecting and really understanding the feminine side.

Even reading over the comments… Belittling intelligence of youth. You lot have no clue even over the statement (BLOG) Roosh has made.

Don’t say this often, but idiots, the lot of you.

Felix Steiner
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Why does a woman smile at the alter? Because she knows that she will never have to give him another blow job! Roosh is right on the money!

Secure female
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One of the defining characteristics of those with high IQs is the confidence not to share it. I doubt your IQ is high. Your writing skills are not as strong as you think they are, either. Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you find the male relationships that work for you.

kirk
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kirk
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no need to hate

Ironthumb
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Ironthumb
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Dude, just added this one to the latest Testosterone Linkfest. Happy Thanksgiving!

vcdv
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vcdv
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roosh you are clueless

you’re shit makes sense in the short run, in the long run she will despise you and cheat on you.

it all comes down to: do you believe in love

BringerOfTheTruth
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What you’re saying is basically “be passive”..