My safe sex practices were recently questioned by a girl and I offered the following explanation:
When I’m in bed with a girl and I get signs that tells me she is probably clean, I take that as a green light to take more risk. So I may do something like putting it in without a condom. Just because I did that with you doesn’t mean I do that with every girl.
Surprisingly this made the situation worse, but that got me thinking about signs I’ve used in the past:
- She has condoms in her nightstand (intent to be safe)
- She asks you to use a condom (safe)
- She is upper middle class (more health conscious)
- She is on the pill (no risk of being a daddy)
- She does not seem promiscuous
- She has a clean appearance or smell
- She didn’t let me hit on the same night I met her (not easy)
- She was married or got out of a really long-term relationship (more likely to be monogamous, less sexual partners)
- She doesn’t identify with Samantha on Sex and the City
- She gets frequent gynecological exams (awareness of all 70 strains of HPV)
- She doesn’t have tattoos (low hepatitis C risk)
My list is definitely not scientific, but the more things she has on the list the more comfortable I feel having natural sex. It doesn’t help that as I get older I’m getting the feeling of invincibility that I’ve probably been exposed to STDs but am immune to all of them. I brush aside comments by girls who say I’m “most likely” a HPV carrier.
I think of safe sex as a scale from 1-10. A 1 has never bought condoms and only uses them when the herpes is flaring up while a 10 needs signed laboratory tests from her partner before going raw. I’m a solid 6.5, much higher than guys I know who are in the 3 range. If women understand that the vagina has evolved for millions of years to be the most intense pleasure a man can experience, they wouldn’t freak out when we just want to put it in to experience this ecstasy.