Not Wanting What You Wanted

I never have done drugs, so there are a lot of things about drug use that confuse me. But what confuses me most are how people do coke/ecstasy/meth/whatever to get high but don’t think about the crash into depression that comes after. The crash is as much a part of the experience as the high, but nobody ever says “I am going to get high and then get depressed.” People just talk about the high part.

Actually, drugs are not the point of this post. I bring them up because I have noticed a similar phenomenon when it comes to relationships. There is a lot of wanting to get high but ignoring what comes after. More specifically, I have been noticing lately that people desire mates with certain qualities, but never think that there may be a downside to those very same desired qualities.

There are quite a few examples of this. My favorite example of late is when women seek a professionally successful (and therefore wealthy) man for a husband and then express great frustration when he is too busy to spend quality time with the family. Did you read the recent news articles about Goldman Sachs year-end bonuses? Those guys don’t get anywhere in an I-Bank like Goldman by leaving at 5:00PM every night to be home for the family dinner. Want a man with a chance to make partner in a top law firm? Those guys don’t make partner by insisting on time off for PTA meetings. The vast majority of jobs that pay big money also expect you to bust your ass in exchange for all that wealth. Why doesn’t it occur to women that the hot shot MBA who is going to buy them that fabulous Georgetown townhouse isn’t going to have extra time for his son’s little league games?

Men have their own issues with not wanting what they thought they wanted. We know men tend to be attracted to youthful women. I think if you took a survey of men and asked what the ideal age for a wife would be (and you promised you would never reveal their answers any women), I am sure most would say age 18 is perfect. That is, as long as she turned 18 within the last month. But what’s funny is that men who successfully land a young hottie then become driven to near madness from her immaturity. I have been guilty of this myself. In the past few years I have dated some women in their early 20’s and then complained to friends about xyz ridiculous! stupid! childish! thing they did. The usual response from guys is usually something like, “Put that bitch in her place yo!”. The usual response from women is usually something like, “What did you expect, you idiot??” With hindsight, the ladies have a point. Guys, if you like ’em young, go for it, but don’t expect a college girl to show sound and prudent judgment in dealing with you. Expect an impulsive kid raised in an age of instant gratification who was spoiled rotten by excessively indulgent parents.

I could go on and on. Ladies, you want an assertive alpha male with a strong backbone, right? Funny how that alpha male transforms into a macho jerk when he disagrees with you and stubbornly refuses to back down. Fellas, you want that club hottie who wears fashionable sexy clothes? Funny how she transforms into an untrustworthy slut when she flirts with all the club players who hit on her. Ladies, do you like metrosexuals? Funny how they don’t seem so endearing when they insist on different choice of dinner flatware. Ok, instead you want a man’s man who knows how to change a tire just like your dad could? Funny how he think spending all weekend watching football games on TV is a way to spend quality time at home (wearing tapered leg jeans with white sneakers, no less).

I think people would be a lot happier in their relationships if they learned to accept that with every desired quality comes a downside to the very same quality. I am not saying those downsides are a party, but nobody should be surprised when they appear.

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KassyK
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Came out of comment hiding to say…Amen. smile

Great post.

Dupont
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You know, you have a great point here. I think the main thing to keep in mind is to not look for specific qualities in a person, because they can backfire like you’ve said. I think it’s best to keep an open idea and then just… I don’t know, find someone who’s whole is greater than the sum of their parts, I suppose smile

druggie
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some druggies, like me, enjoy the complete cycle of addiction, abuse and withdrawal. it’s similar to eastern “full circle” philosophies and shit. i read about it in college, but was too stoned to remember…

Sweat P.
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And if you like girls with big tits, be prepared to listen to a lot of complaining about how their back hurts.

LMNt
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Very insightful. I’m with you 100% on this one. Love your guest posts… I think we have a similar outlook on life.

Roissy
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who says the alpha male needs to settle for one 18 yo? that’s the beauty of being attractive to many women. if you get bored of her immaturity just hit up your 28 yo art gallery owner on the side.

with great power comes zero downsides.

OC
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Right on as always Chaco. Definitely a more mature and insightful commentary on the ole “Becareful what you wish for…it just might come true.”

Roosh
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This is why you do a cost-benefit analysis.

Sure an 18 y/o is immature, but their positives easily outweigh their negatives, and make dating them an easy choice when compared to an aging and scarred 30 y/o.

You can also find ways to minimize the negatives. For instance foreign 18 y/o’s are a lot less immature than American 18 y/o’s.

Eric
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I graduated in May and immediately began work at an investment bank. I quit after 5 weeks because I got sick of spending 90 hours a week updating comps, putting together pitch books, and developing models in excel. I was making $55k salary + bonus ($50k), but my MDs were easily pulling in $10-15 mill a year. The timeline from first-year analyst to MD was about 15 years — and those 15 years would have been thrown away in a cubicle.

Now I’m an editor at a magazine in Austin (http://www.thatotherpaper.com) making $0 and working a shitty 9-5 to pay bills. As an investment banker, I was exceptionally wealthy for my age working an exceptionally inaccessible job (that is, most girls my age wouldn’t think that what I do is hip or appealing). As a magazine editor, I’m probably pulling in the average income for my age group ($40k/year from my accounting job), but I’m working an exceptionally accessible job. The trade-off for me is personal satisfaction and self-actualization, but if I considered myself boring and didn’t like to socialize, I would have stuck with banking.

The Purpose driven drivel
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Dude I can’t take your post anymore. Whats up with all the Captain Obvious posts???? Fuck i’m a cliche laying muthafucka and I could of spit out what you said in one paragraph with silly ass saying like:

1. The grass ain’t greener on the other side
2. Everything thing that glitters ain’t gold
3. All hat no cattle

Dude for real, step yer game up man, this was supposed to the christmas slam that set the blog off the holidays and you came up to bat with this mediocre scientology bullshit…..

heroine
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I think you miss the same point with drugs and women. As someone else mentioned, drugs are about the cycle – not positive not negative but something entirely different. You are confused, sad, happy, empty, crazy, calm. I’ve stopped doing drugs, but why not try it? Same thing with relationships – if all the men who say 18 year olds are immature never tried them, then how would they know that its true. How can you do a cost-benefit analysis without sampling the choices? But I suspect.. you are afraid. you are afraid of the drugs and true relationships.

Jewcano
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The only downside to dating 18 year olds is the pain in the ass it is to get them into the places you really want to get drunk in. Other than that? Zip. Single women don’t get more mature, they just get worn down.

mhm
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“I never have done drugs, so there are a lot of things about drug use that confuse me. But what confuses me most are how people do coke/ecstasy/meth/whatever to get high but don’t think about the crash into depression that comes after.”

I stopped reading at this point. Dude, not only are you boring, but you are a loser as well. What person in modern america has gone their entire lives without doing any drugs? A loser or a liar.

KassyK
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I can’t believe I’m about to agree with mhm who doesn’t particularly like me…BUT I do wonder how someone has managed to never do drugs…not even once?

Not that I’m proud of it–but being in college there are drugs EVERYWHERE–I’ve tried it all and the crash is never that bad. It’s quite delightful. But then again, I like drugs.

But I still love you Chaco and not doing drugs doesn’t make you a loser like he said–its just almost miraculous.

KassyK
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Ok, I haven’t ever done crack or heroine. And I am damn proud. But X & Weed? Delicious.

Doodads
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Doodads
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Only dopes do dope…Just say no!

xfan
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xfan
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got, give X a try. i havent done it in a while, but i cant recommend it enough.

Liz
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“I never have done drugs, so there are a lot of things about drug use that confuse me. But what confuses me most are how people do coke/ecstasy/meth/whatever to get high but don’t think about the crash into depression that comes after.”

What the fuck would you know about the “crash,” since you’ve “never done drugs?” STFU.

ps. psychedelics ftw.

Liz
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“But X & Weed? Delicious.”

If the supposed “X” pill you chew up is “delicious,” then I hate to break it to you: IT’S NOT REAL MDMA. It tastes absolutely vile, but it’s definitely fun times.

Within reason that is. No one likes an E-tard.

Roissy
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liz, you might want to hit up some of that weed to chill out. it’s obvious “delicious” as used wasn’t meant to be a literal interpretation.

and, yes, there is a depressive low after coming down from X. the intensity is the only thing that varies.

KassyK
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Thanks Roissy…

Liz–I didn’t mean it literally. Who chews pills? Nasty.

And I also haven’t done E in about 5 years since no one really knows whats in it anymore.

aw
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>> I can’t believe I’m about to agree with mhm who >> doesn’t particularly like me?BUT I do wonder how >> someone has managed to never do drugs?not even >> once?

There’s a good reason that the bad ones controlled substances… they will really mess you up if you give them the chance. And although I may *think* I know the kind of person I am that can resist them… I guarantee most of the people that turned out worse thought that before as well. Why do I need to find out? What’s the point of an artificial high?

Liz
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“Liz?I didn’t mean it literally. Who chews pills? Nasty.”

I did when I had my honeymoon with ecstacy. Made em kick in faster.

You plugged, didn’t you?

Chaco
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I never equated drug use with the winners in the world, but I guess risking a life-ruining addiction is pretty exciting, so three-cheers to mhm and the beautiful people!

KassyK
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Lz–No way-did you really?…you are making me feel old. smile

AW–I do agree although pot is so nothing to even think twice about. Not to get into a whole schpeel but booze does way worse damage than weed. But in terms of the hardcore stuff, I am a curious person so besides the heroin & crack & meth (which I have not and will never try)…I have tried everything at least once. Just out of curiousity.

KassyK
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I like you Chaco…addictions suck. I had one to cigarrettes for years…if you’ve gone this far and never tried anything, you’ll lucky and I’m proud. smile

mhm
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Dear Chaco,
There is more to life than getting married, working your 9-5, and getting an extra slice of cheese on your whopper on date night. Maybe you should try things for yourself a little more often.

btw, you are an even sadder sap than I thought if you equate weed use with addiction.

cheers!

DooDads
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Wooohooo Chaco! I have never done dope either of any kind. Why fuck your body up needlessly?

Liz
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“Liz?No way-did you really??you are making me feel old. :”

Uh. How does me chewing pills make you feel old? How old are you anyway?

(I turn 25 tomorrow.)

KassyK
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I just turned 28 two weeks ago. Back in the day when I was doing E (almost 9 years ago was the time we all did it regularly–we were crackheads in college) there was no possible way to chew E. Its like all these new fun drug facts have come up and I am out of the loop.

Liz
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Liz
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First time I did it (which was around the same timeframe you did) I put it in my mouth, chewed it up with my teeth, and swallowed. I really fail to see how it was impossible back then, unless you’re a total pussy and can’t take the taste. Whatever though.

Seriously, you were a plugger, weren’t you? You can fess up to it, it’s okay. :thumbup:

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