Rumblings started to occur when I lived in a second-tier Romanian city back in the spring of 2014, the setting for my book Poosy Paradise. I was putting in quite a bit of work, both day and night, to have sex with girls that I felt were equal or lower to me in value based on girls I’ve had in the past. My results didn’t seem commensurate with my labor based on how I perceived my value (whether that perception was a reflection of reality is up for debate).
After Romania, I went to Poland, my standards a couple clicks higher. It took me nearly two weeks to get sex, and the girl was below my average. Bad luck, perhaps, so I labored some more. Results were not coming in as fast as they “should” have. Then one afternoon it hit me. I was walking around the old town square, looking for a girl I could approach, and a thought arrived: “Even if I lay a 10 right now, it still wouldn’t be worth the work I’m putting in.” Of course I did not lay a 10 that day, but I did lay an 8 soon after. She was very pretty, but I can’t say it was worth the labor. There were a few other girls I got in my bed, varying in quality, but not once did I feel that the reward was worth the expense. This foul thinking would follow me to Russia, where the quality of women is perhaps the highest in the world.
After landing in Russia, I labored intensively. Numbers started rolling in, and then dates, and around day eleven I got a Russian girl on my bed. I didn’t bang her that night, but even if I did, the same thought popped into my head: “It woudn’t have been worth it.” Even if she was a 10, and I banged her twice a day, it wouldn’t have been worth all that labor I did since my last bang. The date with her was relatively short and enjoyable, but it didn’t account for the fact that prior to meeting her, I had spent hundreds of hours learning Russian in order to communicate with her. The time it would take me to write two books was spent learning a language to meet new girls who were no better than girls I could get in countries where English is widely spoken. Now I started to feel foolish. I highly value my Russian ability as I write this, but learning it provided not much more than some exercise for my brain, a marginal increase in the pool of women I can date, and being a human party trick that impresses people for three or four seconds.
I thought about this for some time, ready to curse the game, drop out, and become a misanthrope who lives in a cabin in the woods, and then I realized my mistake: every approach is an independent event.
If I make 20 approaches, fail on all of them, and get laid on approach 21, I can’t help but account for the work on all 21 approaches for the sex I finally received. But girl number 21 doesn’t care about the work I had to do in order to get her. She is going to always operate on her own sex speed, independent of all my prior successes and failures with women. In essence, I was getting mad at the roulette wheel for not remembering all my previous losses before it hit on my lucky number. If I excluded the previous losses (those 20 approaches), and isolated the work I did on girl number 21, where I had to spend about 5 hours of time with her in order to have sex before inserting her in the regular rotation, the investment is quite in my favor.
How about if a man had to do 1,000 approaches in order to get a one-night stand—could he ignore those 1,000 approaches even though the girl he finally did bang was easy to get into bed? Can a man who makes $150,000 a year at his job ignore the 6 years of higher education he had to put in to make the salary he earns now? Should the old man who is 80 years old consider all that he has done in life when he wakes up to have a day that he hates or loves?
I’m not sure how much we should account for our past work for today’s success, but I will say this: if you do consider all the work you had to do, if you remember all the labor you had to expend to have a success today, it is impossible to accept any other conclusion than it’s not worth it. Not only is there no free lunch, but it’s rare that there will be a completely equal exchange of our lifeblood for some type of benefit or pleasure, and this to me seems to be a limit of human existence inherent to us all. I’m convinced the solution is to not think of what we had to do yesterday for whatever success we achieve today. The past is dead and meaningless in the goal we attempt right now.
As long as the work we are putting in doesn’t harm us and doesn’t conflict with our other goals, there is no use in weighting every cost and benefit. There is no point in maintaining careful accounting of every minute of labor put in yesterday for every util of pleasure gained today. If the impulse in me wants to get laid, and I have to do 10,000 approaches to make it happen, then I will do those approaches. If I want to make $100,000 to buy my dream automobile, and working towards that goal will not hurt me, then I will do it. But the minute we start looking at life as a series of transactions is the minute we can rationalize not doing anything at all, and while dropping out in such a manner may appeal to some men, I choose to enjoy the pleasures of existence in spite of the work required. The alternative of sitting on my ass, of inaction, of becoming entitled that I’m too good to work, simply isn’t worth it.
Read Next: There Is No Shortcut To Getting Laid