For nearly two decades, I believed that game (i.e. pickup) was the best method men could use to find a wife. All a man had to do was master the art of seduction, interact with hundreds or thousands of women, sleep with many of them, and then, as if by magic, one “good” woman will fall in love with him through statistical probability and then he will live happily ever after. This belief was a result of incredible deception—my game efforts blocked the likelihood of a strong pair bond more than not. Now that I’m not running any game or approaching women at all, but serving God instead of the false god of game, my chances of marriage are infinitely higher.
The most common complaint I hear from men about my basic Christian stance against pre-marital sex and the use of game is that it makes the likelihood of marriage “impossible.” Dating and fornication are absolute requirements in order to marry, they insist, because women see them as requirements, and as men we must follow women and do what they want—as if we’re being held at gunpoint—or else we won’t get want we want, because following a woman into sin is acceptable in your quest to create a healthy family. If you approach marriage as a goal, as just as another life checkbox to be completed after losing your virginity, graduating from college, moving out of the house, and getting a career, then you are 100% correct that not having pre-marital sex would block the formation of marriage with a secular woman who is looking to put a checkmark next to marriage, because who is crazy enough to marry someone they haven’t yet diddled under the influence of alcohol?
In such a case, you will get your marriage, but with a rebellious woman. What you sign up for, quite literally on the dotted line, is a glorified roommate you have sex with and are legally required to provide for, but no more. God will not grace your marriage unless you subvert your worldly desire for marriage, a checkmark, to first serve Him.
Looking back at my experiences with women, I don’t see one that was worth marrying. How could that be? Didn’t I meet a thousand women in my life? Many thousands. I didn’t meet a good woman due to the fact that I was an odious fornicator, and God protects females who have faith in Him away from fornicators. All the women I dated and slept with were in a state of rebellion just like me. They wanted to have sex, I wanted to have sex, and we could fall together for fleeting ecstasy while thinking that we were adding to our lives when we were actually subtracting from it.
When you are in a state of rebellion, you will meet and attract the mirror reflection of yourself. Don’t believe for a second that you are so attractive or smooth that you corrupted a woman who chose God. If that was the case, and a woman who claimed to be walking with Christ slept with you quickly, her faith was for appearances only, to fool you into thinking she’s a “good” girl, and the type of man who can be fooled by a girl of dubious faith is one who has dubious faith himself.
But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all [things] shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. —Matthew 6:33-34
You will fail if you put the search for a wife into your own hands, because out of the many billions of women on this planet, and all the flaws, weaknesses, and warning signs a woman can have, you will never be qualified enough to make the correct choice, no matter how much game you have or how many books you read. Only God can help you make the right choice. If you decide on a wife without faith, she will be decided by your penis. You will try to find a woman who is as physically attractive as you can land, just like every other man on this planet who is blinded by his lust instead of his thirst for Christ. You will spend the prime of your life searching the world for a girl whose value is way above yours, using incorrect standards that will make no bearing on her worth as a wife, and almost certainly fail in the end.
If you want a checkmark, go talk to a thousand women and persuade one to marry you. If you want arm candy, go to a favela or Asian slum and flash your cash. If you want not to be lonely, go find a woman who is scared of being alone just like you. But by choosing a wife in these ways, you will suffer from terrible regret, because we don’t live by checkmarks, lust, or companionship alone—we live to serve God, which your worldly choice denies.
So does that mean I’ve given up on marriage? Quite the opposite. Before, marriage gave up on me. I wasn’t mature or suitable enough. I was still a boy, though instead of crying out for candy, I cried out for sex, and what fruits could have possibly come from that? Only sex, and a passionate affair here or there that was based more on lust than love. I can tell you that as a 40-year-old man, I have never been in a real relationship. I have never loved a woman as Christ loves me. The incredible quantity of women I’ve talked to in my life has made no difference with that outcome—I could have met fifty thousand women and the result would have been the same.
Since I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior, I have not fornicated with a woman. I have approached less than ten women in total, and only did so because they were staring at me and I wanted to see if they were sent by God. I have been on wife interview meetings (i.e. dates) with three women, and used that time to evaluate them for marriage, not to test drive their bodies because I’m enslaved to my passions. With this new approach, I have not had any STD or pregnancy scares. I have not been stood up or treated like dirt. I have not had my heart broken or broken a woman’s heart, and even with these three woman, I arrived closer to the prospect of marriage than the experience of dating innumerable women before them.
The high quantity of interactions you must have with strangers to maintain a sex life is the killer of married life. The fewer women you talk to and get attached to, the better. The less you follow the desires of your passions, the more you can pray to God for help. If He wants me to have a wife, and believes it will aid in my salvation or the salvation of a woman, it will happen without me having to exert any psychological manipulations or strenuous effort. All I have to do is maintain my faith in Him and respond to the woman He sends with the masculinity, abilities, and speech that He gave me as I am. I have no current wife prospects, and don’t know when I will meet a woman again, but paradoxically I’m closer than ever to the prospect of marriage, and only God knows if it will one day happen. I leave it up to Him.
To a man with little or no faith, my words will have no effect. I must be wrong since I have no wife, and so he will look for flights to Ukraine, Colombia, or Thailand. He will strain to solve his problem himself through his material and sexual powers, and even if he finds a wife, she will be a wife in category only, because she is not bonded to him in any way beyond economics or emotional attraction, and he is only bonded to her because of an easily-broken marriage contract. What will keep them together? What will limit their vices and block out the growing evils of society that attempt to pull their new family apart? Nothing, because it’s only God that can find your wife and keep her by your side. It’s God we first serve when we enter into marriage, an institution that He created for our own good, and it’s God we will be married to even if we don’t happen to marry in this world.
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