Patricia’s Smartphone

Patricia woke up not when her body was ready to wake but when her smartphone, which she lays to bed beside her every night, vibrated and chimed with a text message from Madison reminding her of the lunch they would have later that Saturday afternoon. Her eyes began adjusting to light coming from her phone’s screen instead of the sun, to Facebook and Instagram updates of the amazing experiences her friends had the night before. She was more than excited when she noticed four new messages on Facebook, but quickly realized they were from losers. She let out a “lame” under her morning breath before getting out of bed, phone in hand.

She didn’t want to eat a large breakfast since she knew she would be having a fattening lunch later in the day with Madison at the new restaurant that was the buzz of all the local blogs—blogs she was now catching up on after preparing a small meal of two toaster pastries, banana, probiotic yogurt, and three pieces of artisanal dark chocolate. There on the center of her kitchen table was the biography of Steve Jobs, and if you look closely you can see a fine layer of dust on the cover. She received it as a gift, and though she read the first 16 pages with enthusiasm, she got distracted with something else and never picked it up again. She felt no loss for failing to read the book because her extensive blog reading and magazine browsing must surely surpass the depth and wisdom contained in the autobiography of only one man. A book, unlike her favorite blogs, also didn’t allow her to leave witty comments that other people could give her recognition for in the form of upvotes.

She arrived on time to lunch and greeted her friend Madison with “You look amazing!” The two other standard greetings she uses are “You look great!” and “Oh my god where did you get that—it’s so cute!” where the that would usually be an article of clothing or piece of cosmetic jewelry. There were two seatings that took place; first their bodies, on a square table besides the open kitchen that draws attention from patrons whenever a little fireball erupts from the grill area, and the other seating was for their phones, which they both placed to the right of their appetizer plate and silver utensils.

Their menu browsing was interrupted with snippets of their Friday night, each girl teasing with small details that would be explained more fully after ordering. Every minute one would ask the other, “What are you getting?” and the other would invariably respond, “I don’t know, what are you getting?” followed by a detail such as, “Did you see Josh recently? He lost a lot of weight!” The girl who did not see Josh pulled out her phone to find a recent photo of him on Facebook that confirmed his improved appearance.

Madison noticed there was a typo in the menu. She followed her gut instinct, which was to take a picture and then tweet it to her two favorite foodie blogs and the restaurant’s Twitter account with the text “Still working out the kinks?” She expected her discovery to get many responses but three minutes later, after their meals were ordered, there were no retweets or replies and she was surprised, because the typo was obvious and this was supposed to be a serious restaurant, opened by a chef of a famous food truck that sold Mexican cupcakes with avocado sprinkles that were locally sourced. It wasn’t uncommon to hear people using their entire lunch hour just to wait in line and buy a few cupcakes as part of the combo special that came with a bag of nachos and pumpkin salsa.

It’s around this time that the full recap of the Friday night would be expected, two continuous stories with a start and end, but it resembled more a staccato, bits and pieces that I was hard-pressed to connect to the whole. Madison was more enamored with the place settings than the story of Patricia getting into an argument with a guy at the bar who asked her for a “female opinion” on something fashion related. Madison took two photos of the table layout, selected the one she liked most, applied a retro filter to make it look more distinguished, added seven different hashtags that were various spellings of the restaurant, and then uploaded it to Instagram. It took a little longer than she liked to upload and she said “Come on” twice while Patricia browsed through her phone so she wouldn’t appear to have nothing to do while waiting for her friend to finish with her art hobby.

Patricia didn’t feel like taking photos at the moment. Instead she launched an app that would blast a status update to all her social networks. She sent the following: “Having an awesome time with Madison at the new place!” Indeed, they were having an awesome time, mostly because they could share it in real time with the entire world.

The food arrived, presented beautifully on large plates with squigglies of unknown sauce going outward like heat rays a child would leave on a drawing of the sun. Both phones were out now, taking pictures from different angles. It took a few minutes for each of them to get their shots just right since the lighting was less than optimal, but post-production app filters were up to the task and produced beautiful photos that they girls couldn’t upload fast enough.

Patricia uploaded just two photos of her dish, a Cobb salad, with the colorful ingredients arrayed beside each other like bags of spices in the Indian market she buys naan bread from. Madison, coming to the realization that this day would be special, created an album with the date and uploaded four photos of her Angus burger on brioche bun that was topped so high a horse wouldn’t be able to take a bite. She ate it not unlike Patricia’s salad, picking at the vegetable ingredients until she decreased its height enough where she could replace the top bun and finish it off in the normal style of eating a burger, exclaiming “This is so good” a total of six times.

Dessert was shared between them, a large piece of chocolate cake, and Patricia got the creative idea of taking a picture of Madison when a spoonful of cake was approaching her mouth. It would have been a better photo, in my opinion, if Madison removed her oversized sunglasses, but she partied hard the night before and didn’t want people to see her sagging eyes, which would suggest she’s upset or not having fun, when the truth is that she was having—like I already mentioned—an awesome time. After the cake was finished, there was a full seven minutes of conversation when neither operated their phones, but glances were stolen at their respective devices, and with no new notifications in such a prolonged period of time, Patricia thought that she lost signal and compulsively turned on the screen. The signal was full strength. Three more minutes went by before she got a like on the status update she sent earlier, but it was from Cody, who was really creepy the other month when he displayed skepticism that free birth control should be a basic human right for women.

The most passionate part of their lunch date was when the check came and they debated how much tip should be left. The service was acceptable, but at one point Madison had no water and she had to flag the waiter to come, going so far as twisting her torso in an unnatural position to locate where the waiter could possibly be. It seemed unnecessarily difficult, she argued, and convinced Patricia to levy a 5% tip penalty from the standard 20%. (Later that night, Madison went on Yelp and left a 3 out of 5 star review, citing the poor water service and menu error as reasons that the restaurant “still had a ways to go.” She added a joke, hoping it would get “Funny” likes, but she only got two “Useful” likes instead.)

They left the restaurant and—I don’t know who came up with the idea first—agreed to take a picture in front of the main entrance. It was their luck that the name of the restaurant could easily be seen. Patricia asked a male passerby to snap the photo. He was more than happy to do so, but Madison began to get anxious because what if Patricia forgets to upload the photo? She didn’t want the opportunity to pass because she may never come back to this restaurant again after the poor service, so she asked the man to take the same photo with her phone. The man happily obliged. He hung around an extra twenty seconds longer than necessary and then thankfully went away without bothering the girls. He wasn’t good-looking.

It was time to walk off the meal by checking out the Old Town shopping center a half-mile away. Only three pictures were taken along the way and they considered buying a cupcake at a classic bakeshop but the line was too long and cupcakes are no longer in with the important foodie crowd that they considered themselves a part of. The Old Town was capably designed, they agreed, with a second level patio that oversaw a small fountain in the center of the complex. There wasn’t much else that I saw, but Patricia and Madison must’ve been moved because they excitedly took out their phones and got ready for picture taking on the patio that oversaw the little fountain. They believed that this moment must be captured with a camera sensor to not only be appreciated by their friends and beta orbiters, but also so they would never forget this special day for as long as they lived.

Patricia stood on the edge of the patio so Madison could take several shots (with Patricia’s phone, of course). Patricia examined each resulting image as soon as they were taken and grimaced each time, as if she was expecting a photo with an entirely different person than herself. After eight photos, she was finally pleased with one and then the process repeated with Madison, and then repeated again with both of them together thanks to the help of another male passerby, who was even more eager than the first. An extra “Thank you so much” was said to get him to buzz off. Not long after, in front of a Chinese restaurant, they stumbled on a display of an oversized Coca-Cola bottle, the classic bottle that can no longer be found in stores, and a handful of more pictures were taken beside it with exaggerated facial expressions.

From the beginning of their lunch date until the end, a total of 52 photos were taken. Sixteen of those photos would be uploaded to various sites to garner a total of 48 likes, comments, and retweets, including a comment from the restaurant, apologizing for the menu typo. Not a bad haul for a Saturday afternoon, Madison thought proudly. She realized that through her effort and ingenuity hundreds of people—no, thousands—would not have to endure an unprofessional typo in a restaurant menu.

Patricia had a date that evening to prepare for. It was a casual date with a man she met on OK Cupid, and though she was reluctant to go since she wasn’t horny (she was getting serviced twice a week by Brody, her ex-boyfriend), she had nothing else to do. She arrived 17 minutes late to be greeted by a man who seemed slightly less attractive than his rock climbing photos suggested. She felt cheated that he uploaded the best version of himself, and while he may be able to say the same of her, since it was obvious her photos were from a younger time when the stress of her studies didn’t allow for the dining experiences she has become a connoisseur of, he was just proud to get a date out of messaging god knows how many women.

He ordered a gimlet while she ordered a mojito that came in a unique glass. She took a picture of her drink and then left her phone on the table while her date put his away. The sun was starting to fade from its peak intensity, signifying the arrival of evening, and so the texts began pouring into her phone. She was polite, only catching a quick glimpse of who was contacting her when her phone’s screen would light for three seconds before fading back to black. Her date soldiered on with his life story, talking about his recent experience in the Peurvian mountains where he took ayahuasca and achieved spiritual enlightenment. He also remarked how he accumulated a vocabulary of 1,000 words in Quechua to learn important Andean wisdom from wise elders that has never been published in English. His story, however, could not compete with her phone. She responded to his prattle with a series of uh huhs while becoming more curious about the contents of her six unread text messages.

The anticipation reached a boiling point, not unlike when she was a young girl on her birthday and wrapped presents were shoved in front of her upon the ceremonial blowing out of the candles. Look, another pretty doll that she could play with for hours without worrying about anything else in the world, quieting her for such long periods that her parents would periodically get a feeling of panic that she wasn’t in the house. “I just have to check something real quick, sorry,” she said, then turned on her screen and scanned through the text messages that were waiting for her. One was from Brody, which was a pleasant surprise, since he didn’t usually contact her until Sunday evening. She decided to only answer the most important text message, the one sent by Madison, who asked how the date was going. She replied: “He’s so boring.. what time are we going to the club tonight? I want to wear my slutty dress.” She smiled as she typed this out with her thumbs, a smile that her date could not elicit from her no matter how hard he tried.

He suggested another round of drinks but she said she was tired and that she needed to get some rest from a hard week of work at the office. He was disappointed but not surprised, and when the check came he was pleased that she made a sincere offer to pay, but she actually had no money in her purse. He paid the bill and got a pleasant hug with Patricia’s breasts pressing slightly against him, completely unaware that his Monday evening “How was the rest of your weekend?” text would go unanswered. I could easily argue that the date was a waste of time for both, but Patricia didn’t see it that way. She got a free cocktail, a cool photo, and a fleeting string of conversation for her friends that would last at least 15 seconds and display how valued she was in the dating game, immediately followed by a comment about how there are no exciting men anymore, only boring ones who think doing hippie drugs, learning dying languages, or climbing mountains make them interesting.

Back at home, Patricia put on her favorite Nicki Minaj party mix and began getting ready for the club. She dressed in her Vegas outfit, the skimpy black top and skirt paired with heavy makeup and heels so high and uncomfortable that a full half-hour of the night would be spent complaining about them to anyone who would listen. While she didn’t look as good as two years ago, you couldn’t tell by increased amount of attention she was getting from men, even when she went out in sweatpants.

She stood in front of her bathroom’s mirror to take some self shots. This took a while to get right. The secret to a good self shot, she understood, was making it look completely natural as if the act of taking a photo next to the toilet bowl was a spontaneous event that came in a rare moment of artistic inspiration, when in actuality she has done this over a thousand times. I was impressed at how skilled she was at striking a pose that was the prettiest she could possibly look in spaces that rarely exceeded 84 square feet, with fluorescent lighting that would have easily highlighted her developing second chin had it not been for a precise 20 degree up-tilt of her head that didn’t decrease the brilliance of her blue eyes like a 25 degree tilt would. After fifteen minutes in the bathroom getting it just right, she raced out the door and mentally braced herself for all the idiots who would make unwanted sexual comments about her body, thinking she dressed that way to get attention instead of to feel confident about herself and who she was as a woman.

She and her crew, four strong, assembled at a lounge. There was such a flurry of ensuing activity that I had trouble keeping up with them. Guys were coming out from behind bushes, it seemed, to put in their attempt, and even Patricia began to feel threatened by the street harassment as she raced with her girls from one club to another, easily skipping the line for peasants and straight into the VIP where rich men with bottles of vodka and sometimes whiskey were waiting to pour whatever they wanted. Numbers were given to the cute and confident men and a couple of them were able to get up close to Patricia and sneak in brief kisses on her glossy lips. During all this the girls maintained death grips on their phones, usually in their left hands so they could party with their right. It would have been too risky to put their phones in their purse because the bass from the speakers would make it impossible to feel the little vibration of a “Where are you?!” text from a friend or a booty call text that would almost always start with the sentence “You out tonight?”

The fact that the girls were dancing with their phone didn’t reduce the fluidity of their gyrations or the rhythmic grinding on men’s crotches, and when a screen lit up from a new notification, even a minor one like an acquaintance not heard of in months being tagged in a photo, the dancing would stop for ten seconds and then commence again as if the interruption didn’t happen. The night wasn’t all joy, sadly, because Patricia forgot to recharge her phone midday, and now her battery level had sunk down to a perilous 14%. She couldn’t take any more photos with flash, which in the dark club essentially meant no more photography. Her night was on the verge of being ruined because her friends could record the exciting moments happening while she could only spectate.

In spite of the battery problem, which killed her phone not long after because of the irresistible urge to take just a few more group shots, the night was a raging success. Between the four girls, 266 photos were taken. Sixty-two would be uploaded, garnering 1,158 likes, comments, and so on, mostly from men. The girls gave out their number a total of 13 times, and 6 men were kissed. Patricia stumbled home alone and the first thing she did was plug in her dead phone into its charger. She patiently waited beside it to boot and then enjoyed the explosion of backlogged messages and notifications that came in all at once. They soothed her soul and validated her self-image as a popular girl in a big city.

She put her phone on silent then fell asleep, waking seven hours later. The first thing she did when she opened her eyes was reach for her phone, which lay beside her like it does every night, and already there was a text from one of the guys she met the night before. Who was it? She didn’t remember, and it didn’t much matter, because the photos, the texts, the likes, and the pleasant notification chime gave her more happiness than these men could provide for her. If you asked Patricia to forever give up her smartphone in order to meet the love of her life, the one in a billion man who would satisfy her both physically and emotionally for as long as she lived, and who would serve her like a queen until his last days, it wouldn’t take her even ten seconds to respond with a decision.

Three days later, the best self shot she uploaded had amassed 102 likes. It was a new record.

Read Next: Women Who Own iPhones Lose The Ability To Love

234 Comments

  1. Keith May 8, 2013 at 9:29 am

    I’ve been on a date with a girl who just had to text and Instagram pics of what was happening on the date. Drinks, pics of the bar, pics of herself, etc.

    Would it be better to not even deal and just bail while pretending to go the restroom?

    1. Lord Baron May 6, 2015 at 2:45 pm

      When I’m on a date, I usually start out with a “no phones” rule when she pulls out the demonic Iphone for the first time. Until now no girl has refused said rule, and if they did, I would just smile and walk away.

      1. CanadianSamurai February 22, 2016 at 2:54 pm

        Amen reverend.

    2. CanadianSamurai February 22, 2016 at 2:53 pm

      Lol. Tell the girl to put it in her purse, or your gonna ditch. Tell her she is being rude 😀

  2. michelin May 8, 2013 at 9:32 am

    LIKE!

  3. Gabe May 8, 2013 at 9:47 am

    A great read. Just out of curiosity, which phone are you using, Roosh?

  4. Anonymous May 8, 2013 at 9:49 am

    This is the work of a genius.

  5. Doug May 8, 2013 at 9:50 am

    A true maven uses her smartphone to his advantage. If you’re not technologically inclined — do yourself a favor and educate yourself, it’s only going to get harder.

    1. Der Mac November 14, 2014 at 6:43 am

      Or you could live a real life of your own

  6. Anonymous May 8, 2013 at 10:09 am

    nailed it!!!

  7. Playa May 8, 2013 at 10:12 am

    “Patricia got the creative idea of taking a picture of Madison when a spoonful of cake was approaching her mouth.”

    This is one of your best posts ever, Roosh.

  8. Moses Goldstein May 8, 2013 at 10:13 am

    Jesus Wept

  9. jurko May 8, 2013 at 10:15 am

    The deadpan delivery of the story is awesome.

  10. Anonymous May 8, 2013 at 10:17 am

    These stupid bitches only know how to spend, eat and take pictures.

  11. Nudge May 8, 2013 at 10:24 am

    Haha hilarious. One thing you forgot to put in was the ever increasing use of whatsapp. Its like MSN was a few years ago but because its on your phone, everyone is online ALL THE TIME. My god I cant take it any more.

  12. Dirt Man May 8, 2013 at 10:29 am

    Wonderfully deadpan satire. My favorite part:

    “but it was from Cody, who was really creepy the other month when he displayed skepticism that free birth control should be a basic human right for women.”

    Well done, Sir.

    1. Hugo July 10, 2016 at 8:15 am

      Creepy. The word used by every sanctimonious, over rducated, low IQ, fattie when confronted by a man with a bacbone.

  13. G_W_Hayduke May 8, 2013 at 10:34 am

    Roosh, you have outdone yourself. Bravo, sir.

  14. Saeed May 8, 2013 at 10:50 am

    I usually skip to the concluding paragraph for most of your posts but this post was too compelling – A*

  15. Harland May 8, 2013 at 10:55 am

    I take her phone and put it away in her bag. She gets the message. Of course, I live overseas so your mileage may vary.

    1. Rudi August 3, 2016 at 3:55 pm

      I’ve done that. As a general rule of thumb, when I do something g that a feminist would have be apologize for I do it in such a way that they should apologize.

  16. TJ May 8, 2013 at 11:14 am

    So, so true. We are doomed.

  17. BDM May 8, 2013 at 11:16 am

    That was like the American Psycho of attention whores. Even if I didn’t like your politics and social commentary, I’d have to admit you’re a talented writer. Well done. If you ever write a fictional novel or something longer from the perspective of a female character, I’ll be first in line for a copy.

  18. Mebus May 8, 2013 at 11:20 am

    I really don’t understand how so many men are still willing to put up with these kind of hyper-entitled smartphone degenerates.

    But let’s be real, entire armies of simps/betas/white knights not only subsidize the royal lifestyles of these women, but give them attention like no woman has ever been given attention. And all for what?

  19. Anonymous May 8, 2013 at 11:22 am

    You are pretty bang on here, but I just want to say that boys are getting worse with smartphones too. It’s a plague.

  20. bloody knuckles May 8, 2013 at 11:28 am

    damn – one of your best pieces in a minute

  21. Anonymous May 8, 2013 at 11:28 am

    The worst type of “like addicts” are Russians (basically the more primitive women are the more they like smartphones and social networking).
    ps:Just now seeing a pic of a russian fb contact of mine (a 6) with flowers (some morron bought it for her,delivered to her office).The b*tch put it online 5 mins ago,already got like 15 likes.Bulls eye

  22. Anonymous May 8, 2013 at 11:32 am

    If al the men would find a way to agree NOT to give women “likes” online,not to comment any photos of them and not to buy them dinners and drinks EVER-the world would be a much happier place.

    1. Rudi August 3, 2016 at 3:59 pm

      I’ll bring meat and produce, I’ll make a table, a home, provide emotional and physical safety and security. I’m not cooking, and I’m not cleaning the dishes. Also, and his is the important part, everyone will be happier this way.

  23. John Rambo May 8, 2013 at 11:32 am

    tl & dr

    But here’s a nice short sequel for it.

    Patricia walked into the indian shop to pick up a new bag of frozen naan bread. Apu, the store clerk, shot a suspicious glance at her under his full turban, and big full mustache.

    Patricia walked over to the frozen section and picked up what she was looking for, and walked to the register that Apu was at, placing the bag of naan bread down on the counter and looking at Apu.

    “That’s a nice hat you have there” Patricia told to Apu, fantasies of getting fucked by this mysterious brown skinned man flashing through her mind.

    Apu replied “Hey, wanna fuck?”

    Patricia replied “Yes, I want your punjabi cock deep inside my wide pussy”.

    Apu took her to the backroom and called 3 of his indian friends, who immediately rushed over. They took turns fucking Patricia, while she was screaming in pleasure.

    Finally, Patricia roared in orgasmic heavenly delight, and the four indian dudes blasted semen all over her.

    Patricia cleaned herself up at a sink nearby, and then said “Thanks guys, let’s do that again sometime”, and then walked out, picked up her bag of frozen naan, and left the store.

  24. Anonyous May 8, 2013 at 11:37 am

    Brilliant. Excellent narration. But I wish it weren’t so accurate. Our generation of men is truly screwed.

  25. Tampa May 8, 2013 at 11:45 am

    I was out on a date last month and the stupid chick wanted to take a picutre of the wine glass and post it on InstaGram….

    I was like “what?”…

    I don’t even think they realize how stupid they are.

  26. Anonymous May 8, 2013 at 11:47 am

    Rambo’s narration is also excellent. Can’t stop laughing with tears :))))))))))))))))))))))))

  27. DC Opportunist May 8, 2013 at 11:48 am

    The best part is that many women (and a few “men” I know) who are guilty of these very activities will read this and say “This is sooo true. Good thing I’m far more socially savvy than this”. You can lead a hamster to water…

  28. Programmer May 8, 2013 at 11:49 am

    You’re pretty spot on with this, for many chicks today. These are not the marrying types of course.

    I’m glad I’m in the mobile app industry. We make big money off chicks like this!

  29. thebigpappy May 8, 2013 at 12:05 pm

    Dude, you need to make movies and SHOW what you just wrote.

  30. Solomon May 8, 2013 at 12:17 pm

    I liked this, Roosh. I must say, however, that you deviated your point of view narrative in several spots, inserting yourself. It is the equivalent of an actor looking in the camera.

    Just lookin to help you out.

    As for the piece itself, I read it all the way through, which is a sign of its quality. You kept me in it, didn’t let me wander off. Kept the pages turning, as it were.

    and yes, we’re quite doomed.

    It is this sort of scenario that points to the dire need for men to be MEN and shut down this feral, foolish behavior. Not only do we need to do that, as men, if we are to have any hope of building a family or succeed in relationship

    but we must do it for them, too

    the women who need this very thing- MEN to hold them accountable, push them to be better, and require excellence of them.

  31. anon May 8, 2013 at 12:27 pm

    Christ were doomed

  32. carl May 8, 2013 at 12:30 pm

    Although fiction, this story is an excellent insight to the human female. Smart phones and social media does not ruin women, but rather these technologies simply show women’s true nature, and what they really think of men. Women have never cared for men, only what they can get from us. Take heed, gentlemen.

  33. 20yearslater May 8, 2013 at 12:43 pm

    Fantastic, the young woman’s world of phone gratification is so different than even just 4 years ago.

  34. the latent sadist May 8, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    FUCK THIS SHIT

    youre killing me dude. this is stuff that keeps me awake at night.

    i wish all men would wake the fuck up and stop enabling this fucking cunty shit.

    1. Northy October 7, 2013 at 10:07 pm

      Cunts are fucked aye.

  35. Carlos May 8, 2013 at 1:04 pm

    Jesus! But so true. Fortunately here in south-america internet speed sucks and smartphones are too expensive for most young girls. Plus, getting outside the urban areas makes it even more difficult to find those narcissistic social media addicts. Hehehe…I am not going back to north america, no Sir!

    1. Man35 April 7, 2015 at 5:16 pm

      What country?

  36. balboa May 8, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    Devastating…this is true satire that would have read like science fiction only a few years ago.
    Hats off for possibly your best piece to date, Roosh.

  37. Newly Aloof May 8, 2013 at 1:13 pm

    Went to Chipotle today. Must have been 10 Patricias in line zombie-ing-out to their iphones. About 6 dudes were doing the same thing too. I think it’s lame as shit socially.

  38. Nothingman00 May 8, 2013 at 1:15 pm

    Dripping with disgust for the protagonists and their reality. I love it. Reminds me of a picture I saw recently that said “white woman”. Below the text was an iPhone with a pair of Uggs for legs. In one hand this creature was holding a cup from Starbucks.

  39. Days of Broken Arrows May 8, 2013 at 1:22 pm

    “Brody” — nice touch on the name.

    No man should “like” a woman’s pic on FB ever.

  40. Revo Luzione May 8, 2013 at 1:25 pm

    I like most of Roosh’s stuff, but this article was so banal I couldn’t get through it. I’m not sure how he wrote it without some sort of drug or numbing agent to suppress vomiting.

  41. Quintus Curtius May 8, 2013 at 1:26 pm

    Sr. Roosh continues his evolution into social critique and commentary. Great vignette describing the spiritual vacuity of modern American womanhood.

  42. DooshV May 8, 2013 at 1:43 pm

    A masterpiece. Bravo. I wish GBFM commented here I bet he could add a fun chapter to the story.

  43. Mark May 8, 2013 at 2:08 pm

    If there were any justice in the world, this post would be in the WSJ or on HuffPo.

    After Google Glass launches, chicks will live a perma-duckface posing existence. Should be fun.

  44. John Rambo May 8, 2013 at 2:12 pm

    Jesus fuck, I went back and tried finishing it a second time, and made it to the part where that faggot mangina walks up and agrees to take their picture.

    Let me edit that section for you, as I used to also be a professional writer and editor.

    Roosh walks up to the resteraunt, and a couple of dumb cunts waves at him and gets his attention, causing Roosh to slow down for a couple of seconds.

    One of the girls giddily looks at him and says in a very fast pitched tone “OMG can you take our photos, it would be so very nice of you, OMG”.

    Roosh pauses for one second, replies with “Uh, no”, and turns around and walks away, walking all the way into the resteraunt without even looking back.

    The girls exchange their comments, Patricia saying “Uugh, what a jerk”, while cunt number two replies “What an asshole”.

    Roosh later meets them in a bar, and subconsciously attracted by such an aloof gentleman, go home with him and Roosh ends up ejaculating down their throats.

  45. Anonymous May 8, 2013 at 2:21 pm

    Yes, you hate smart phones and think American women are vapid. Perhaps the subject is getting a little played out.

  46. MJ May 8, 2013 at 2:39 pm

    Seriously Roosh,Your writing has improved so much lately. I enjoy each one of your posts.

  47. Senior Beta May 8, 2013 at 2:40 pm

    Uh, no anon. Stories of ridiculous female behavior never gets old.

  48. Kieran May 8, 2013 at 2:42 pm

    Very good writing. I think I’ll finally have to get around to buying your books.

  49. Mebus May 8, 2013 at 2:50 pm

    46 Mark said: “After Google Glass launches, chicks will live a perma-duckface posing existence. Should be fun.”

    Imagine the horror. Unlimited possibilities to attention whore. Cock after cock popping up on the google glass. Beta after beta ‘liking’ the most utterly trivial shit. Ego after ego rising through the heavens. Wait, it’s already that bad isn’t it?

  50. Hispstersstink May 8, 2013 at 3:20 pm

    Nicki Minaj. Instagram. Cupcakes. Hilarious. This sums the average modern day girl up all in one post. They are all the same. Generally.

  51. Anonymous May 8, 2013 at 3:23 pm

    Posts like these are the reason I have no problem buying your books and gladly pay for anything you put out.

  52. Adam May 8, 2013 at 3:43 pm

    Biting social commentary.

  53. Anonymous May 8, 2013 at 3:50 pm

    These are the same girls that roast guys for looking at porn, leaving the country, and never getting married. So caught up in capturing little snippets of life for props and social jettisoning, that they experience literally 20% or less of what life even has to offer. A true plague in full force. And its easy to catch, as I even find myself checking my phone more when around enough girls checking their phones constantly. My latest peeve, people that talk & talk-to-text, etc… while at the gym. While I’m busting my ass lifting, I’m surrounded by clowns STILL connected to social networking during their workout… defeats the whole purpose. I guess now, you’re a “creep” of you aren’t checking your phone too at a predictable interval …

  54. Kritiker May 8, 2013 at 3:56 pm

    I have a faible for those who critisize society. Roosh, I see you as an american Tucholsky.

  55. seth May 8, 2013 at 4:13 pm

    So so true.

    Also, the time i’ve spent in America has shown me that American guys are often times good looking and can be really intelligent competition. Slaving themselves away for mediocre looking women. At least US women’s personalities are better than the UK’s. Europe beats both by a country mile for attractive and feminine women.

    There’s only one way to go and that’s to tell them to woman up, ‘[email protected]’. How bad does it have to go until me do that in the West. Will they do it at all in large enough numbers?

    The most alpha guy I knew was a 5’6 doctor whose wife was easily an ‘8’. He beat off all sorts of competition and was working 1/2 time whilst his doctor wife was working full time. I once saw him shout at his wife when she wasn’t spending enough time with the kids they had. He wasn’t afraid to put her in her place, he met her when they were young and they also lived in a smaller town (so they were less socially influenced). That’s the key to a happier long-term relationship, it seems imho.

  56. seth May 8, 2013 at 4:14 pm

    That should read ‘men in the West’

  57. Foxtrot May 8, 2013 at 4:19 pm

    Why was the first person used in paragraphs 6 and 12, while the rest of the story was written in the third person? Is the reader to assume that the writer was a fly on the wall the entire time?

    1. Rudi August 3, 2016 at 4:06 pm

      A phone maybe ?

  58. Freckled May 8, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    My brother is several years younger than i am. I just had to see that he liked a picture of an average woman. How to i get hi. to see the light without coming across as a nagging older sister? Any suggestions are welcome!

  59. Tamburlaine May 8, 2013 at 5:04 pm

    If the death of a player has resulted in the birth of a better, more introspective and observant writer, I’ll take that trade.

  60. Rudebwoy May 8, 2013 at 5:12 pm

    Welcome to Toronto!

  61. aceofhurtz May 8, 2013 at 5:18 pm

    This could be the opening sequence of a really amazing movie.

  62. D-Man May 8, 2013 at 5:23 pm

    So good, so necessary, well done

  63. Matt May 8, 2013 at 5:49 pm

    Brilliant. This belongs on your “All-Time Hall of Fame.”

  64. Anonymous May 8, 2013 at 5:57 pm

    Cliche after cliche. Try to make it better.

  65. marc May 8, 2013 at 5:59 pm

    great writing. i like your style, roosh.

  66. Anonymous May 8, 2013 at 6:51 pm

    Today’s reality in a nutshell. The Validation Machine must be checked constantly for more validation. If she can’t put away the Validation Machine for the date, WALK. BEFORE YOU ORDER.

  67. DLV Master May 8, 2013 at 8:27 pm

    Brutal and hilarious.

  68. Anonymous May 8, 2013 at 8:34 pm

    best post in a while.

    u should write a short book along the lines of something like this. i’d buy it.

  69. Solomon May 8, 2013 at 10:08 pm

    we can only hope that somehow the overload of this garbage would be such that women don’t get validation anymore from their iPhones, because its so overdone and common that they finally realize how worthless it is.

    that would involve a certain level of cognitive thought, so I won’t hold my breath.

    If it can’t be beaten that way, wouldn’t it be great if it was so overdone that it becomes “too mainstream” and uncool, and people avoid doing it to avoid looking like the tool they realize they are.

  70. Garrett May 8, 2013 at 10:51 pm

    Oh, the misogyny!

  71. Anonymous May 8, 2013 at 11:14 pm

    only Roissy could match this level of detail analysis. great post man. reads like a magna carta.

  72. V May 8, 2013 at 11:38 pm

    You’re growing as a writer more than anything else…

  73. citizen norbit May 9, 2013 at 12:53 am

    Merciless and necessary…exceptional piece. The unfortunate part, of course, is that it’s true.

  74. Phoenix May 9, 2013 at 12:55 am

    If she doesn’t put the smartphone down on a date:
    1. Ask her nicely to put the phone away
    2. get your food to go and walk away
    3. talk to other chicks, phone or present

    Validation = insecurity. And a woman not confident in herself as a catch will only show it without realizing it.

  75. Anonymous May 9, 2013 at 1:18 am

    As long as you never make the Bret Easton Ellis error, that is, to succumb to the stupidity and melodrama of depicting physical violence, confining yourself instead to the greater violence that your prose so well observes, you will be the essential American prose writer of the prewar period.

    Keep going.–

  76. George May 9, 2013 at 1:30 am

    I think you have your calling Roosh. Reminiscent of Tom Wolfe at his acerbic best…

  77. Charles May 9, 2013 at 1:52 am

    77 and the rest:

    she doesn’t put it away after first notice.

    Say you are going to the restroom.

    leave the venue. have her pay the bill.

    I am assuming you are clever enough not to take a new date out within your habitat. It’s been done before btw. and in internet dating, she has nowhere to complain to, no way to get you back.

  78. Visakan V May 9, 2013 at 2:12 am

    Powerful writing. This is your future, Roosh. Fuck pickup. Become a legendary author.

  79. Thin-Skinned Masta-Beta May 9, 2013 at 2:15 am

    Screw PUA Game Boot Camps…

    I’ll meet you in Poland for a Writers’ Boot Camp.

    Let me know the dates and your bank info so I can transfer €s.

  80. Klaus May 9, 2013 at 3:41 am

    Comment 24:
    “If al the men would find a way to agree NOT to give women “likes” online,not to comment any photos of them and not to buy them dinners and drinks EVER-the world would be a much happier place.”

    Why not start a simple website about this simple idea?

  81. Angelsin May 9, 2013 at 5:37 am

    Great post! I’ve read it from top to bottom!
    I usually tell them to put their phones on silent and then turn them upside down and if they check it more than once I just leave them there .. I’m not into 3somes with the phone in the middle 🙂

  82. Hans Sluitspier May 9, 2013 at 5:56 am

    very well written Roosh

  83. Lightbulb Sun May 9, 2013 at 7:53 am

    Patricia is hilariously unimportant, feels like her smartphone is the main character in this one. Pretty good read.

  84. John Smith May 9, 2013 at 8:25 am

    Masterful but disturbing. We’re screwed.

  85. HCE May 9, 2013 at 8:29 am

    What is scary about this is that she is completely normal. She has goals, hobbies, friends, activities, doesn’t sleep around, is motivated and takes care of herself… and yet she is completely empty inside.

  86. Big Jim May 9, 2013 at 10:06 am

    …Patricia set her phone to vibrate, and started rubbing it between her legs…

  87. Jimbo May 9, 2013 at 10:14 am

    Completely off topic but that Mark Manson is a first class cunt. Just a more sophisticated male shamer. Love how he compares wanting sex with wanting a fucking car or summat hahahaha. Millions of years of evolution selecting for organisms desiring sex and this idiot compares it to buying stuff hahahahahaha. Fuck him, if these manosphere blogs tell me anything is to say fuck you to all the bullshitters, they want my balls in a jar just like all yours. I stick two fingers up to em!!!

  88. Daniel May 9, 2013 at 10:35 am

    Genius!

  89. Daniel May 9, 2013 at 10:45 am

    I just wanna add that some time ago, IN POLAND, I had a date with a girl (15 years younger than me) I had met the night before in a club. She also texted ALL THE TIME to her friend, supposedly about how the date was going, but I ended up ejaculating in her mouth that evening, not to mention what a wondeful sweetheart she was for the rest of my staying in the country.

  90. Evan May 9, 2013 at 11:53 am

    Congratulations on perfectly epitomizing the average westernized white chick living in a larger city.

    Post of the year tbh!

  91. rez May 9, 2013 at 12:16 pm

    HCE:

    excellent analysis. truly empty inside.

  92. ladysadie1 May 9, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    Wonderfully well written! I feel like I got a glimpse of what life must be like for guys dealing with this crappy behavior. I hope for the sake of men that this isn’t how women really behave, but, sadly, I suspect that it is.

    1. Northy October 7, 2013 at 10:01 pm

      It is.

  93. lolbrazilian. May 9, 2013 at 1:40 pm

    this post its a masterpiece.

    i’ll translate it into portuguese on private brazilian community.

  94. Anonymous May 9, 2013 at 1:58 pm

    This is actually pretty interesting writing. It very much sums up the life of an average, modern, single, young woman. Sad.

  95. Bucho May 9, 2013 at 4:32 pm

    I’m glad that all this smartphone and social media tomfoolery is being noticed by other people.

    “…[S]upposed to be a serious restaurant, opened by a chef of a famous food truck that sold Mexican cupcakes with avocado sprinkles that were locally sourced.”

    I see what you did there. Nothing wrong with food trucks, but it does seem like these supposed foodie chicks where I live are obsessed with food trucks and weird fusion dishes…..

  96. Best of Roosh May 9, 2013 at 5:08 pm

    This SHOULD have been in the Best of Roosh. Can you still add it before the offical launch?

  97. ChrisJam May 9, 2013 at 5:38 pm

    Just another remnant of a dead, irrelevant culture. Nothing of value can be done with it, like bad, dried clay. America has fully swept itself into the dust bin of history.

  98. stephen May 9, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    I took a chick out a week ago on the 2nd date. She took her phone out one too many times, so I snatched it and put it in my pocket for the remainder of the date.

    An hour later I was getting dome on a park bench.

  99. redpillmtl May 9, 2013 at 9:05 pm

    This is too good, too true and too sad all at once.

  100. Xenon May 9, 2013 at 10:19 pm

    this hits too close to home. excellent article.

  101. Banger May 9, 2013 at 10:27 pm

    A little long…

  102. Altoids May 9, 2013 at 10:48 pm

    “…immediately followed by a comment about how there are no exciting men anymore, only boring ones who think doing hippie drugs, learning dying languages, or climbing mountains make them interesting.”

    What a capture! Good stuff man…

  103. Joost May 10, 2013 at 12:34 am

    I hope Roosh is moonlighting as a writer of chick lit e-novels, selling them online and making money off these degenerates with tales of their own pathologies. That would be poetic justice.

  104. Christian McQueen May 10, 2013 at 7:19 am

    Outstanding epic work Roosh. Everyone should push this out there and get it mainstream.

    You absolutely nailed the mentality of our generation and their endless quests for materialism, validation and denial of their self-loathing.

  105. Mark Minter May 10, 2013 at 8:25 am

    Wow, often a piece spurs comments on the subject and variations on the subject.

    The vast majority of the comments about this piece were positive comments about the piece, by far. Probably the most positive reception I have ever seen for a particular post.

    While there were many very good comments, quite a lot, I think this one is the most telling

    “62 Tamburlaine
    May 8th, 2013 @ 5:04 pm

    If the death of a player has resulted in the birth of a better, more introspective and observant writer, I’ll take that trade.”

  106. Tom Dane May 10, 2013 at 8:56 am

    And you fools actually try to learn game in order to validate these bitches even more ?

  107. Mark Zolo (@NaughtyNomad) May 10, 2013 at 9:56 am

    If you’re considering writing a non-fiction, it should be in this vain. Using a compelling narrative to make some good point on American society. I wanted this story to keep going. The writing was very strong. You should do a part two: Patrica 20 years later.

    1. Northy October 7, 2013 at 9:59 pm

      It’s not only American society, this social retardation is a global epidemic.

  108. Nathalie May 10, 2013 at 10:11 am

    I do not always agree with what you say (probably because I’m a girl, and even if I’m not a feminist at all, some of your posts are quite offensive), but you are an incredible writer!
    I recently purchased two of your books, and really enjoyed it. I genuily enjoyed this one aswell, getting tired of seeing this kind of girl. You seem to take more and more pleasure at writing, which is something readers can also feel when reading your work. (sorry for the possible mistakes, I’m not a english speaker).
    Thank you for this great article!

  109. Anonymous May 10, 2013 at 10:59 am

    Saw some whale crying to her friend at the bar last night. Turns out she lost her phone.

  110. rez May 10, 2013 at 12:37 pm

    mark zolo:

    yes patricia 20 years later would be great idea. or regular articles about her “life”

  111. Jonny May 10, 2013 at 1:43 pm

    I’m becoming quite amused with your recent posts. They’re becoming Heartiste-esqe in their own rights.

  112. pliw May 10, 2013 at 2:36 pm

    I laughed. I cried. It became part of me.

  113. Joe Dick May 10, 2013 at 3:35 pm

    ah ah, all these stupid shallow bitches with their hi-tech superphone crap and their sophisticated organic breakfast bullshit and their timewasting, tyre-kicking Facebook meaningless post bullshit.

    These girls are pathetic.

    I like nothing about them except seeing them as usable outlets for cocks. Whether it’s my cock or somebody else’s, doesn’t even matter that much anymore. If someone else does it, I’d pat him on the back.

    Roosh, you are a writer. What I like about you is that you always try hard. Every guy who does that, with anything, deserves success.

    1. Northy October 7, 2013 at 9:58 pm

      Smash and dash.
      Pump and dump.
      Hit n Run.

      They get what they deserve.

  114. Joe Dick May 10, 2013 at 3:40 pm

    PS. oh yes, all these morons who click ‘like!’ on Facebook everytime they see a stupid bitch they’d have sex with.

    Somebody should create an app that punches all these idiots everytime they inflate some bitch’s ego that way.

    They all need your books, Roosh.

    1. Northy October 7, 2013 at 9:56 pm

      Word.

      They’re fucking up the whole scene for the modern gentleman.

  115. Mark May 10, 2013 at 4:41 pm

    Neither Patricia nor Madison would date or marry any of the men who engineer their smartphones or smartphone apps. Too creepy, lame, and like totally boring; they’d rather die than stoop that low.

    In 20 years, they’ll either be on Ashley Madison trying to supplement their “loveless” marriages with “love” on the side or on match.com trying to find The One Good Man who is like totally not a creep. Let’s hope it’s the latter.

  116. Anonymoose May 10, 2013 at 4:58 pm

    Roosh, you brought some serious heat with this one. Cheers

  117. asdf May 10, 2013 at 6:07 pm

    As others have said, its was a ‘page turner’, I couldnt stop reading.
    Id go so far as to say this is one of the best blog posts I have ever read on the internet. A monument of rooshv.com
    Bravo.

  118. stephen May 10, 2013 at 6:09 pm

    Patricia is gonna have a lot of cats in 20 years.

  119. Anonymous May 10, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    @118 Mark.

    nice. well said. good point

  120. Anonymous May 10, 2013 at 8:22 pm

    Extraordinarily well-written. Devastating.

  121. Anonymous May 10, 2013 at 10:09 pm

    Roosh checked his smartphone to see the newest comments left on his website…

    Really, though. I think you should right the anti-feminist novel. Its your bigger calling to reach a world audience. Time to take off the training wheels…

  122. Party Travel Sex Love May 11, 2013 at 2:19 am

    Great article. 100% dead on for the USA. Just don’t believe these girl have fuck buddies. These girls don’t like sex. They only love themselves. No sex only show.

    1. Northy October 7, 2013 at 9:54 pm

      I can confirm 100% dead on for Australia, Japan, Philippines, Bali too.

      Need to find a new frontier. I’m thinking Brazilian mormon church?

      1. Traditionalist August 15, 2014 at 8:15 am

        Good idea. I’m looking in the orthodox churches. Gotta be a better world hidden somewhere…

  123. monster221 May 11, 2013 at 3:37 am

    excellent article roosh. i must say one of the best i have read. anywhere.

  124. speakeasy May 11, 2013 at 4:54 am

    Just had to throw in as well, this was a terrific piece of creative writing. Props. Although angering to read because of the truth embedded within.

  125. OlioOx May 11, 2013 at 6:11 am

    Roosh I’ve been thinking about this post a lot, I think it’s actually one of your more important ones.

    I think one should adopt a more old-fashioned, hierarchical, class-conscious European point of view — because, political considerations aside, it had much to recommend it in the way of recognizing the reality of human nature. Illustration: the type of women you are describing in this post are what used to be (and perhaps still are, although I’m sure it’s considered either old-fashioned now or perhaps a serious insult) casually and openly referred to in England as ‘common,’ before that class more or less completely took over, to the point where it now calls the shots — at least, CULTURALLY speaking. This is worth serious literary and historical investigation. Within living memory, the truly common people of England were not monolithically proud of their lack of refinement, as they are today.

    There is a passage in Boswell’s ‘London Journal’ where he has a brief conversation with a common soldier, who tells him that it is a lucky thing to be killed on the field of battle, as God allows soldiers direct and uncontested entrance into Heaven in those circumstances. To a man of Boswell’s education and background this is of course ridiculous, but he merely notes in his journal (I am paraphrasing from memory) “It is always interesting to talk with the lower orders of mankind. They have such curious ideas.” Note the simple, and totally accurate, assumption that there is an unbridgeable gulf between Boswell and such people. Certain true observations about human life are acceptable at some times and places, and taboo in others. The gulf between such persons as Boswell and this commoner exists today, because it is a mere fact that some human beings are intellectually and culturally superior to others; but how we deal with this fact is utterly different from Boswell’s time.

    When you go out and encounter such women as Patricia, you have an underlying assumption that you are meeting your peers, and you are thus constantly disappointed at their vulgar behavior.

    Imagine that you were a European of, say, at least a hundred years ago — in fact, I can think of an entertaining analogy: Franz Liszt. Liszt came from a humble, common background and was poorly educated, but he pulled himself up by his bootstraps later in life and became thoroughly literate and well-mannered; it was not only his musicianship that he developed in order to move with ease throughout high European society. If he had not developed his mind, his culture, and his manners, his musicianship alone would never have allowed him to bed a wide selection of high-society women. Compare him with Beethoven and Schubert, who retained the ways and manners of their own humble class origins until the ends of their lives, with consequent failure to win their way into the beds of the high-class girls they were constantly falling in love with. (Mozart married a woman of his own modest class).

    You are a bit like Liszt; you are a kind of virtuoso, and you’ve developed yourself quite a bit beyond your, erm, ‘art form.’ But this has caused you to become fundamentally uncomfortable with the basic class of people which you yourself originate from. To you, the vast majority of ordinary-backgrounds women (particularly Anglosphere women) are now irretrievably common and vulgar. You have developed yourself right out of one class, or set of classes, and into another, which is numerically much smaller.

    I suggest you explore the literature and culture of the old Europe with these vanishing class and social considerations in mind. Consider someone like Lord Byron, who nailed plenty of women of all classes, but like a true man of his time and place, categorized them into their social ranks and kept relations with them firmly and appropriately limited: towards the end of his life he notes somewhere (again I quote from imperfect memory) that he has been through a long phase of seducing women “chiefly of the lower orders.” Suppose you could bring Byron or Liszt into the present and take them clubbing; Byron might try to nail a woman such as Patricia, Liszt would simply ignore her, but they would both clearly assume that such women were totally beneath them socially. Certainly such women, mere ‘lower orders with curious ideas and behavior’, would not get under their skin and could not possibly be taken seriously.

    Where did this all-encompassing urge towards democratization, social levelling, and cultural and indeed intellectual WORSHIP of the lowest orders in human potential and development come from? For it is this impulse, ultimately, which infects the Patricias of the world with their extravagant and unfortunate worship of THEMSELVES. Of course the history and development of American political and social culture bears a large share of the blame; but if you want the history of the ultimate origins, it is in the Norman Conquest, and the centuries-long simmering, creative, and ultimately victorious hatred of the Saxon (who is nowadays, sadly, well represented by Patricia) for his Norman ‘betters.’ This may sound far-fetched, but I urge you to read the relevant sections of Mitchell Heisman’s astonishing work, ‘Suicide Note’ for a complete and thoroughly researched account.

    1. spicynujac July 14, 2014 at 1:22 pm

      An excellent and insightful comment. This brings up the obvious conclusion: the commoners vastly outnumber the educated, intellectual, elite, etc. Once they are given power it is virtually impossible wrest it from them, especially in a democracy. Therefore America as a nation can never turn back the page. If one wants a different society, you must seek it overseas.

  126. seth May 11, 2013 at 8:11 am

    A few commenters here bring up some real important issues. Number 1, is the fact that these girls are often more into self-love and narcissim than even sex. Totally true.

    Number 2 is the fact that vulgarity in England has swept through every social class into the upper echelons of society. Even supposedly older classy whit folk gone [email protected] crazy. Not like their European counterparts.

  127. Andy May 11, 2013 at 12:07 pm

    Any man dating an 18-29 year old urban women in the United States can verify this sad reality.

    1. Northy October 7, 2013 at 9:52 pm

      Australia is the same mate. It’s a fkn joke down here.

      I’ve just been to SE Asia – Japan, Philo’s, Indo etc… same deal up there too, perhaps worse.

  128. Shawn May 11, 2013 at 3:45 pm

    What Roosh wrote about is a 15 year old girl’s ideal life.

    1. Driver July 15, 2014 at 6:52 am

      You’d be surprised by that could easily be a girl’s ideal life through her 20s (not kidding). The more I see it…the more I just shake my head.

      Nothing worthwhile to add to conversations….just a phone in hand with a short attention span (and then lost when you remove the phone).

      No (live) social skills at all.

  129. Stray Dog May 11, 2013 at 5:27 pm

    I don’t know any women that really do this. This is a bad joke, right?

  130. Anonymous May 11, 2013 at 8:22 pm

    @132

    I thought dogs where more intelligent than this.

  131. young e May 11, 2013 at 9:46 pm

    Well thats the american whore for you…holy shit what happened…

    1. Northy October 7, 2013 at 10:10 pm

      It’s not just America. This shit is worldwide.

  132. Rez May 11, 2013 at 11:51 pm

    Olio.
    Wonderful post. Absolutely spot on. Do you live in DC? I think we should organize a regular meetup in DC with other readers to discuss. I often despair over the vulgarity and lowest common denominator nature of our mass culture. And sadly men continue to pander to these beasts. Lets discuss further.

  133. OlioOx May 12, 2013 at 1:18 am

    Rez, thank you. I’m content to remain anonymous however. Try to read Heisman if you have the time, it’s a bit of a slog, but it’s a kind of Red Pill. Unlike Game, however, perhaps not everybody really needs to take Heisman’s Red Pill — knowing how modern people got the way they are is perhaps of limited practical value.

    The PUA who comes to mind most vividly where the Patricias of today are concerned is YaReally, who claims to be able to handle this kind of women with one hand. I find it rather discouraging that he appears to ENJOY the company of such women; but his position, if I’ve understood him correctly, is that he quickly and firmly teaches them how to behave not only decently, but pleasantly.

  134. Anonymous May 12, 2013 at 4:32 am

    Great read Roosh.. Olio: You’ve put into words what I’ve been thinking for a long time. Epic comment

  135. asian_dude May 12, 2013 at 7:15 am

    Dead-on deadpan. Glorious.

  136. Blaster May 12, 2013 at 9:39 am

    132 Stray Dog> I don’t know any women that really do this. This is a bad joke, right?

    The story, taken as a whole, maybe, though you might be surprised. The real question is: how many of those individual experiences and values ring true? Odds are good that the actual Patricia and Madison would not have the patience to even finish reading the post, so this is obviously not for them.

  137. Gary May 12, 2013 at 10:30 am

    @ Olio-“YaReally, who claims to be able to handle this kind of women with one hand.”

    YaReally spends his time handling himself lol
    I read this stuff just for laughs and find teen bullshitters funny. How old are you anyway?

    YaReally lives in his mama’s basement in some crappy area and is poor. He rides across town on the bus to the good section for “dates” (lol) and doesn’t even own a real pair of shoes outside of a beat up pair of Kenneth Cole square toed shoes.
    But yet, he has so much “game” that even tall (he’s short) rich successful well dressed men who drive Mercedes can’t match him haha
    It’s pathetic really.
    Just to have some fun and to amuse myself I’ve even challanged some of these pua’s on different sites to prove their ability.I agreed to pay their air fare to Manhattan and put them up for 3 days.I have a number of recording type devices that are easily concealed and take a few hours of video (ties, pens, glasses etc) and I would leave them alone and then we’d view the video to see how good they are. 3 days is plenty of time to get laid.I’d even recommend good places that any geek could pick up a top quality girl.
    Not one of these pua’s was brave enough to accept even though it would cost them 0 and everything would be paid in advance, ticket, hotel etc I’d even let them wear some of my expensive blazers or sportscoats if they fit since this isn’t Podunk.
    Every one of these pua’s had an excuse.Today you need a real name to fly and your own ID and he was afraid to give his name but there would be no other way since I couldn’t buy a ticket in my own name if he was flying. He thought I wanted his name to turn over to the SPLC. Yeah, they’re really interested in him lol
    Then he complained about what sort of hotel it would be but as you know there are no cheap hotels in Manhattan anymore and besides it was FREE.
    These pua’s are all full of shit and those comments that you read are total bullshit.
    At least Roosh tells you about his failures, warts and all, and is more believable.He’s also smart enough to know that your appearance is very important and “game” itself won’t work if you look like a low class bum.

  138. seth May 12, 2013 at 11:39 am

    oh yeah, i respect the fact that you stick to your guns and say it like it is roosh. Even when people dont want to hear it.

  139. inlone May 12, 2013 at 7:10 pm

    Roosh, thank you for this. For too long I have put off my own writing, and reading your gave me a kick in the pants that I needed, by motivating me to try it again. Well done.

  140. Anonymous May 13, 2013 at 12:44 am

    Reminds of the parts in American Psycho where Patrick Bateman was going on and on about his workout routine, his suits, what he does to get ready in the morning, only a female version.

  141. Anonymous May 13, 2013 at 8:52 am

    Vanity, thy name is “woman.”

    Great writing, Roosh.

  142. Anonymous May 13, 2013 at 10:45 am

    Superb, Roosh. Withering satire, satirising something that isn’t satirised nearly enough. Agree with commenters you should make more of this. A book about a week in the life of Patricia. A devastating commentary on the smartphone obsessed, entitled, social media addicted narcissistic generation of females we are seeing everywhere today.

  143. Anonymous May 13, 2013 at 11:14 am

    A book about a week in the life of Patricia

    Yes do so. We can read this boring stuff about her life at night if we can’t sleep. Better than Valium zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  144. Glunder May 15, 2013 at 2:00 am

    Reminds me of the young-adult novel “Feed” by M.T. Anderson. If you want to see the future dystopia to which this kind of thing leads, he nails it: brain implants putting one in constant social-media-like contact with one’s peers, and in the process jading minds and numbing emotions.

    Patricia and Madison meet “The Matrix”. It’s both hilarious and horrifying, much like Roosh’s post.

  145. Tracy Yvon May 16, 2013 at 11:03 am

    wow….that was depressing as hell. reminds me of the youtube on ‘how hot girls think’. ya i’m guilty of witty commenting in hopes of sparking interest…but i don’t have a smart phone so i’m still genuine right?…somebody…anybody…

  146. Anonymous May 16, 2013 at 10:46 pm

    Females are boring, they’re quite content to do nothing all of their lives except engage in trivial things to pass the time and talk about the top men in an area. Men and females have nothing in common outside of sex and reproduction.

    1. Northy October 7, 2013 at 9:44 pm

      Oh man. Don’t get me started. The modern day female is a fkn joke. If they didn’t have a vagina you’d throw rocks at them.

      That being said, there are some good girls out there, but it’s the ol’ needle in the haystack scenario. Good luck finding one lads.

  147. Anonymous May 17, 2013 at 12:31 pm

    Men and women are very different that’s for sure! I was brought up with four brothers who I love dearly but as a lady I prefer female company. Saying that I can’t live without my husband who is logical where I’m not. I get excited when I hear a beautiful foreign word and cut pictures of flowers from
    Magazines to make into bookmarks he can mend stuff. I cry at nature programmes he knows about sport and politics. I have no laptop and no interest in Facebook either. A man laughed at me cause I hadn’t heard of this software company am I supposed to know it ? Does he know about brands of mascara ? The girls at work who are all trying to find a mate and a rich one at that talk nothing apart from their careers and cvs make me feel like I’m interviewing them on the apprentice! I said to this one particularly charmless ugly creature no wonder you’re single! Men have no interstest in your career they just want a sweet girl who is obliging in the bedroom and can cook a wholesome meal! Think my advise fell on dead ears!!

  148. Anonymous May 17, 2013 at 8:13 pm

    @150- Never refer to yourself as a Lady, which is a titled person. You’re a generic female and that’s assuming that you’re even female judging from your little boy semi-literate writing(English had better be your 2nd language)
    And I think that you meant to say that the girls bitch about their jobs rather than discuss their “careers”. The fugly ones should be concerned about their jobs because they’re certainly never going to get a rich Alpha and they’re going to have to earn their own keep.

  149. Anonymous May 18, 2013 at 12:48 am

    English is my third language sorry I make many mistakes. I’m Romanian married to an English man who doesn’t seem to mind my level.

  150. Anonymous May 18, 2013 at 1:08 am

    What does fugly mean? I can’t seem to find it in my dictionary.

    1. TyKo Steamboat August 5, 2014 at 12:10 am

      Fugly = Fucking Ugly

  151. Anonymous May 18, 2013 at 4:35 pm

    I assumed that you didn’t speak English well because you got the opposite of what I wrote.
    Fugly? It’s a word that I accidentally invented 30 years ago and is a combination of fat and ugly.

  152. Anonymous May 18, 2013 at 4:37 pm

    I’m Romanian married to an English man who doesn’t seem to mind my level

    What’s his accent like? Cockney or scouse? lol

  153. Anonymous May 18, 2013 at 4:59 pm

    Fugly! How funny! You must be very clever! He is a Londoner but from west not east so not a cockney! I am a very lucky lady oh sorry a generic female who got lucky.

  154. Ana May 25, 2013 at 12:19 am

    Great post; anthropology now. There are still large swaths of both the US and other countries where this crap isn’t tolerated. Just try living in an area w/o cell service. Regardless poignant commentary. Well done.

  155. Anonymous June 8, 2013 at 8:53 am

    I’m reading this from Africa.
    Nairobi,Kenya to be exact…find a map ( yes.the country where all those wildlife documentaries are filmed… Insert your own jokes)
    The women here,believe it or not,have become exactly like this.
    thanks to a combination of affordable Internet enabled phones,3G service and a steady diet of sex and the city reruns and grey’s anatomy,we now have to deal with this brand of stupidity.
    checking mineral water for calorie levels,Facebook feuds.wtf!!

  156. Masoch June 8, 2013 at 11:52 am

    I met Paty yesterday, I was sarging with a friend at the mall, and I approached a 6 sittin on a bench, I told her something about the way she looked and everything. She looked nervous, I asked her what happened. She told me, she was lost, and couldn’t find her mother. She’ve been lost for 3 hours, in a mall! I told her, why don’t you phone her, my phone is dead. I was amazed, without her iphone, she was as useless as a 3 year old, I even told her that. not in those words. So I told her, let’s go get a charger, and she was dumbfounded, like thinking “are you mad, that’s impossible”.

    Told her to follow me to a smartphone store and I asked for a charger, they gave us one without questioning, she started charing her phone and her look of desperation was sad, like “I can’t do shit without my phone, I could die of starvation in this mall”, helped her for 40 minutes, I wasn’t even interested in her, just wanted to see the outcome, the great conclusion, followed her to the exit, where a friend picked her up. At the end I told her you owe me one, she gave me a hug and told me “yes I do”, I asked for her whatsapp just for fun, she told me sure, also I asked what’s her name.

    Her name, was Paty…not kidding.

  157. Dexx June 8, 2013 at 5:43 pm

    A Japanese friend came to visit me in Australia for 2 weeks and we had prearranged a long road trip all through south-east Australia and into the Outback desert areas. I soon realized that the trip was going to be very painful. We had to repeatedly stop at free WiFi hotspots because her Japanese 3G did not work in Australia. We were constantly behind schedule and missing out on side trips because it was always too late in the day by the time we got there. She hardly ever talked to me because the phone was always taking her attention. She was on the damned thing from early in the morning till after midnight every day. The final straw was when we could not find a motel that had free WiFi and around 11pm when all the motel receptions were closed, we ended up having nowhere to sleep. I got thoroughly pissed off and drove 800km back to Melbourne effectively abandoning 3-4 days of touring. She was a total addict to the thing. I could not believe that she flew all the way from Japan to Australia just to continue her online fetish the whole time she was here. I have MANY other examples similar to the above. I have completely lost interest in forming any new relationships with women. Most of them bore me to tears these days.

    1. guest April 16, 2014 at 3:16 pm

      women are not meant to be friends with, only pump and release….

  158. Nomad77 June 8, 2013 at 5:52 pm

    I was on a date with a woman recently. I sat and watched as struggled not to check her iPhone sitting on the table. It was like watching a drug addict trying not to do drugs in front of you. She finally broke down and asked me if she could check her phone. It would be funny if it wasn’t so sad. Technology is creating a generation of people addicted to constant simulation and attention and it seems to be affecting girls more than guys.

    1. jersey February 3, 2014 at 2:28 pm

      What is the best way to deal with this on a date with a girl? How should you handle it if she keeps checking her phone?

      1. General Stalin February 6, 2014 at 4:21 pm

        Get up and leave. Tell her not to bother contacting you again. Be brutally honest with her.

      2. BJ April 19, 2015 at 9:03 pm

        Yep, and if she asks why, just tell her outright.

    2. Driver July 15, 2014 at 6:48 am

      The best way to handle this situation is excuse yourself to use the restroom, leave and delete her number (never contact her again).

      She’ll have a story to tell and then maybe on her next date she’ll figure it out. If more men would demand a little courtesy from these women, then they would know how to act on a date (or they would have very few dates – plus end up paying for all them).

  159. Masoch June 8, 2013 at 9:06 pm

    Thanks for the Tweet Roosh.

    I left out some parts of the story, because It would be a full article. But really, it was …don’t know, alarming and interesting, the way smartphones have made a lot of people, social retards.
    She was really nervous and scared because she didn’t know what to do. I said, “grab a bus and go home” she told me I have no keys, so “take a piece of paper and leave a note to your mom on the car’s windshield”, and she stared at me like trying to decipher what I just said. “Look, leave a note saying, mom meet me at some place”, “Don’t you have some pen and paper?”. “I have paper” she said. “then let’s ask for a pen”, and she stared at me again like thinking you are crazy.

    Then I came up with the idea of the phone charger, so that’s what I did. Asked for the charger and a pen, very simple stuff, but for her was something out of her mind. Followed of 30 minutes of her watching her phone, waiting for an answer from one of her friends, a friend to pick her up, since her mom’s phone was out of charge too. I teased her all the time, I couldn’t help it, it was so funny and awkward. After that I gave her company to the mall’s entrance, she started running like if that would make a difference, I asked her “Do you have to run?” and she slowed down. Well, it made my day, it was so surreal.

  160. Mac June 9, 2013 at 4:56 am

    I always hide my girlfriends smartphone charger and then sit back watch the fun. Great article.

    1. stray April 18, 2014 at 4:13 pm

      Genius!

  161. Harvey June 25, 2013 at 6:06 am

    Roosh,

    Excellent post! I’ve printed this out and willing to read it every now and then to remind me of how deceiving society can be in this digital era.

  162. Steve July 11, 2013 at 11:50 pm

    Great story, it’s a shame it’s 100% true

  163. Archie_Elz October 20, 2013 at 11:40 am

    I hate cell phones; do not own one and have never owned a smartphone. Can’t justify the costs when a netbook, internet based telephony and mobile internet offer more flexibility. When out on dates I usually leave my netbook in the car. If a woman I’m with checks her phone constantly while on the date I politely excuse myself, leave enough money for my half of the meal and leave.

  164. Fred October 29, 2013 at 2:38 am

    Fucking brilliant!

  165. dude November 13, 2013 at 6:18 pm

    This is such a good post man. Sounds like ever pin-headed girl in LA.

  166. Lisa November 30, 2013 at 2:57 pm

    Great post. Would you care to draw a similar picture of the husband who ignores his wife and children by spending endless hours squatting like a mushroom in front of World of Warcraft or…err…Sonic The Hedgehog? We’re a generation of degenerates, held in a state of childhood self obsession.

    1. Derek March 30, 2014 at 10:54 am

      Stefan Molyneux explains that phenomenon perfectly: nobody gives a damn to ask that father how he feels about anything (particularly his completely disinterested mother when he was a boy), and then they bitch that, “You men just can’t get in touch with your feelings!”

  167. Jonson December 17, 2013 at 5:33 am

    reading this was torture!

  168. guest April 16, 2014 at 3:22 pm

    All the Facebook attention whores will wake up with a life full of regrets….

  169. Shortest Straw April 28, 2014 at 12:04 am

    Took my kids to In-N-Out. That’s a hamburger place here in San Diego.

    Table next to me, a couple of middling 20-somethings.

    THEY WERE TAKING PICTURES OF THEIR FOOD!

    As sad and sick as Roosh’s satire is, it’s not too far off the mark. Women have become something truly wretched.

  170. Letmesleepalready May 25, 2014 at 6:01 pm

    Same same in South Africa

  171. aphoenixmoment June 5, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    Interesting. Have you read Ben Elton’s novel Blind Faith? Published in 2007 it presents a dystopian view of our social media culture – in the novel if you don’t continuously (over)share on social media you risk being considered a deviant and attracting the attention of the authorities.

  172. You'reSoMeanDude July 29, 2014 at 2:43 am

    Scariest crrepy pasta I’ve ever read, Funny thing is when you actually point out their addiction. Even though the simplest and most ordinary of girls can get thousands (I mean it, thousands) of likes and comments, it doesn’t stop. It’s a constant and sick way to pursue validation and to keep self esteem on their levels. These attention bitches and faggots distortion reality at its best and yet are unable to see it because hey they got a lot of likes so I must be doing pretty good.

  173. Patrick Bateman August 20, 2014 at 4:34 pm

    I like to dissect girls, did you know I’m utterly insane?

  174. invisiblehand85 August 27, 2014 at 9:57 pm

    Brilliant

  175. Craig September 4, 2014 at 7:02 am

    I was asking myself the whole time, “when does the story end?” It was like reading a nightmare not towards the author but Patricia’s lifestyle.

  176. Head In The Sand September 8, 2014 at 9:14 pm

    Social media is the worst pandemic on the planet.

  177. Lyn September 28, 2014 at 10:45 am

    Interesting reading. And a fair documentary on today, I imagine. Two thoughts – one, as a writer also, who was the I that mysteriously kept appearing throughout the story? It really through me off. But also, perhaps our dear girl is not unjustified in valuing validation more than the experience of men, if they are all just interested in getting their validation off with her, and not offering anything in the way of other satisfaction, as your blog indicates is ideal…

  178. Dutch_pride December 28, 2014 at 3:12 pm

    How familiar. I had a date with a 18yo smart blonde last year. She liked me. But I couldn’t understand what the whole thing with that cellphone was. The whole evening she was texting. Every 5 minutes I had to see that phone. Now when I speak to people and I see them using a cellphone when talking to me I walk away. Not taking that shit anymore.

  179. Ironthumb January 8, 2015 at 2:53 pm

    its unfair, the male main characters in the other stories did worse, but patricia with patricia, I was hoping for a tragic ending,
    lol

  180. GT January 14, 2015 at 5:44 pm

    And this, my brothers, is the modern, empowered woman. Lord help us all

  181. Milos Constantescu February 21, 2015 at 11:28 am

    What do you think would happen if there were a war today? Thanks to the ridiculous new laws a lot of these “Patricia” would have to train to fight, or at least have to attempt to run the country without men when fighting would inevitably fail.

    Actually make that “men” I see a lot of males around who are almost as obsessed with their smartphones and video games as girls are with Instagram and Facebook whoring.

  182. Luisaceo February 21, 2015 at 1:29 pm

    Brilliantly written. Definitely my favourite fiction post.

  183. BJ April 19, 2015 at 8:52 pm

    Nothing turns me off more than a girl that is addicted to her Iphone.. Honestly, if I met a girl who was a 6, but she had never owned an Iphone, I’d bump her up to a 9…

  184. NancyTAndrade July 6, 2015 at 8:09 am

    Some New Features with rooshv….. Go To Next Page

  185. Sam July 22, 2015 at 6:01 pm

    You are terrible writer. Obviously you’re an awful human being also, but in some ways your crimes against the literary craft are more abhorrent.

    1. JPSC August 15, 2017 at 4:35 pm

      Pretty sure Roosh makes a living with his writing, Sam. How about you?

  186. Lena December 1, 2015 at 3:11 pm

    Right now!

    1. Lena December 1, 2015 at 3:12 pm

      Right on*
      You’re very accurate in your potrayal. Social media is now an advertising club and people are living off attention.

  187. Fantaman December 3, 2015 at 11:56 am

    This would be a funny article if I didn’t know at least 12 women who are EXACTLY as described. Phone = instant validation

  188. Hector Herisson February 5, 2016 at 12:53 am

    This short story is the litterary version of the songs Let me take a selfie and Hot problems. Brilliant writing, Roosh you are a talented man indeed.

  189. David Arbelaez February 20, 2016 at 12:08 pm

    iPhone equals boyfriend.

  190. David Arbelaez February 20, 2016 at 12:11 pm

    I never approach a woman in public if she is on her iPhone or has one in close proximity.

  191. BenHodges62 February 21, 2016 at 10:45 pm

    I have to say… no one thing has ruined women more than the smartphone. It brings out all their worst features.

  192. CanadianSamurai February 22, 2016 at 2:52 pm

    rofl… Nite clubs… havent been since I was a kid. THAT BAD NOW?

  193. Thomasso75 February 24, 2016 at 9:08 am

    This is spot on and is not a women only problem. One might suspect that the author himself has had some issues with smart phone addiction 🙂
    I myself, though I got a lot better, can recognize many of these feelings that the good Patricia has.

    And I bet that many of the guys here have had them too.
    The important part here is to know about it and try to get rid of them.
    Just my humble opinion.

  194. Franciscanesta June 19, 2016 at 7:32 pm

    Smartphones were designed to help “busy” people access internet and dialing numbers in just one piece of small flat screens.
    What I don’t understand is, how people can get so addicted and forget their “real life” (a.k.a friends, family, relationships, workplaces, neighbors).
    When a difficult situation come ( for example, severe illness), who will help us the most? Most likely our family and best friends. Nobody in the socmed( who likes your posts) would help you through difficult situations. They just will say ” am so sorry.. get well soon.. etc” without helping you (or taking care of you) even a lil bit.
    If you die, it’s your closest family and friends who will weep. People in socmed just will say “RIP”.
    And often, people who are soooo attached to their smartphones have no social skills, craving attentions from people they don’t even know in their real life.
    People should prioritize their real life much more than their “dream life a.k.a socmed”.

  195. MercuryMan November 29, 2016 at 3:46 am

    You must be dedicated to gathering a certain kind of knowledge, or else you inherently have grasped the extended game of Patricia and Madison, and managed to extrapolate it to a weekend of behavior.

    A while back, your site would have proved a good bit more useful to me, but more recently I finally met the love of my life, and we have been living together much more happily than not.

    But I find both your essays and your fiction to be spot on, and such that either I learn a few new things, perhaps, or perhaps I will find things that I know will prove useful and true to my son.

    I had heard of you, but today is the first time I examined your work. I had gotten the impression that you were mostly a hustler of PUA training, but I can see now that you are far beyond merely that.

    Thanks for helping to keep my mind active and alert by your ideas.

  196. Wall Street Stallion March 27, 2017 at 5:33 pm

    Every [modern] girl “loves” her I-Phone more than she does [__insert your name here].

  197. hcurrie77 December 25, 2017 at 12:25 pm

    I hate bitches like this and most are. Which is why i do not have any friends. I would rather be alone than talk to one of the narcissistic fake cunts.

  198. desideropacem August 21, 2018 at 12:49 am

    This is so sad. And i wouldn’t say it’s just fiction. 😞