Many conservatives rightly criticize the promiscuity of modern society, but they stop far short of the needed solution: a complete elimination of casual sex. Until that is accomplished, we will see a steady decline of marriage and family creation.
If you approach marriage in the same way as buying a consumer product, you will fail. Marriage was never meant to be a form of comparison shopping as if strolling the aisles of Mega Mart with Amazon loaded up on your phone, because unlike with consumer goods, there are billions of potential mates around the world, and it would take a hundred lifetimes to sample them all. Shopping around for a husband or wife with the goal of finding the “best” means you’ll never find the best, because there is no sign, moment, or realization that confirms you made the perfect choice, unlike buying a new smartphone or car where you have less than a dozen reasonable options to evaluate based on your needs and budget.
There are dubious studies of low sample sizes that show the more sexual partners a woman has before she marries, the more likely she will divorce, but we don’t need them to confirm common sense. The more likely a person is a foodie, the less satisfied they will be with their next meal. The more experience a person has traveling the world, the less excited they will be about visiting a new city. The more sexual encounters a person has had, the less impressed they will be with any new partner.
It’s less of a big deal to get fatigued from food or travel because they are not dependent on fulfilling your biological urge to reproduce, but when you develop high standards with dating due to excessive sexual experience, you may very well miss the boat on creating a family. What ensues is a fetishization of a perverted or hollow lifestyle, whether it be promiscuous behavior, internet attention whoring, careerism, money obsession, traveling, or pet ownership.
The phrase “ignorance is bliss” had to be first applied to relationships. You’re not supposed to know too much about the opposite sex, because it ruins your ability to be satisfied in a relationship. The more I know about female nature, and the more that knowledge is confirmed with experience, the less likely I can ever see one woman as my ideal. On the other hand, if I randomly got married with the first cute girl I ever dated back when I was in my early 20’s, understanding women wouldn’t even be a concern on my mind—I would take the good with the bad and be less likely to see marriage problems as existential or catastrophic (until I get divorce raped, anyway). The women I write off immediately today would be a worthy prospect to a man with a fraction of the experience I have because what I see as negative wouldn’t even reach his conscious awareness. While he may get screwed over by her in the future, he will at least be able to to maintain a period of familial bliss.
Even if you agree with me that casual sex makes it more difficult for marriage, applying that lesson won’t make any difference for you unless most of society also applies it. If you refrain from casual sex while most women you consider attractive is racking up notches at breakneck speed, invariably while intoxicated, your luck won’t increase. The only exception is if you find a small community, like the Mormons, that theoretically prohibit its members from participating in pre-marital sex. There has to be a top-down mandate, cultural rule, or even law that prevents pre-marital sex.
Prostitution can be exempted, since there will always be a subset of whores in any society that will not fit a marriage norm, but they should be openly shamed instead of being allowed to corrupt society with their whorish ways like we see today.
If you get up and leave the West for a traditional country, but are still able to obtain pre-marital sex, you are not in a traditional country. It just may seem traditional upon leveraging your passport, money, and good looks for a girl who sees you as the best she’s ever had. She dedicates herself to you not necessarily because of tradition, but because she doesn’t want to lose you in a local dating market where you’re a perfect ten out of ten. That may soon change when a new the globohomos in Silicon Valley invent a new app that delivers handsome Chads right to her mud shack within an hour or less. Until then, you’re taking advantage not of traditionalism but arbitrage, a practice that will bear less fruit as the world becomes more globalized and connected.
The only solution I see to saving marriage is to ban pre-marital sex by law. There will surely be law-breakers, such as myself, but if they’re punished with a loss of citizenship privileges or even jail time, there would be such a rush for people to marry at a young age that many of our societal problems would evaporate overnight.
Of course this would never happen, because there is nothing to suggest that a sex-rigid leader will ever erupt onto the political scene, and Christianity is too weak when it comes to matters of sex. There is always Islam, but the extremists in their lot make life so difficult for everyone that any benefit from an improvement in marriage will be nulled by economic impoverishment. It looks like we’re stuck with broken marriage for our lifetimes along with the destruction of the family unit that goes along with it, even though the fix is ever so simple.
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