Roosh Reality Workshop

To make some extra money I’m now offering the Roosh Reality Workshop every Monday starting next week. For one day you can say goodbye to your boring cubicle life and live the excitement that is my life.

Tour Itinerary

12:00pm: You arrive at my Dad’s house. My stepmother will let you in. Go straight downstairs and into my room. I’ll be snuggled deep in my toasty bed, waiting for you (not like that).

12:15: Time for breakfast. We will dine on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on whole wheat, my favorite food, and a crispy apple. Then we read the paper for half-an-hour, shaking our heads at government incompetence and abuse of power. This meal is included in the workshop.

1:00: We will lay out newspapers on the floor and sink of my bathroom and do what I call “hair management.” Depending on growth, the following areas will be trimmed: underarm, beard, back of neck, sideburns, nose hair, ear hair, and pubes.

1:15: Shower, but body only. I have to be in the right mood to wash my hair.

1:30: Ride bikes to nearest Starbucks a half-mile away. If you didn’t bring a bike then you can use my little brother’s. It has a horn. At Starbucks we will get a drink and then sit down at my favorite table. You will watch me write and I will encourage you to do the same. If you don’t have a laptop then I can give you pen and paper. Three hours in we will take a snack break. I recommend the multi-grain bagel which only costs a buck. Your Starbucks purchases are NOT included in the workshop.

7:00: Dinner time at the house. You will enjoy Persian homecooking and real hospitality. My brothers will annoy you but you will find them cute. All silence once Seinfeld comes on at 7:30.

8:00: Time to wind down with a book in the living room. We will sit and read for two hours.

10:00: Movie time. We will watch a foreign and/or independent movie. None of that Hollywood garbage. Even if the movie is in English I will still leave on the subtitles because I don’t want to miss anything. I believe many people don’t understand the movies that they watch because they miss intricacies present in the dialogue.

12:00am: Internet time. You get to watch me schedule a mediocre post for the future, and listen to me whine about how I’ve lost the passion to blog. I’ll put on some Brazilian music and you’ll feel worldly.

2:00: Jerk time. You watch me jerk off to porn. Right now I’m heavily into black on blondes but I’m feeling a transition soon to legal teens who look like minors. You can join me if you want, but none of that gay touching shit.

I’m pricing this tour at only $69, and that includes complete Roosh access to ask me whatever you want. I won’t be in the basement forever, so email [email protected] with “reality” in the subject line if you’re interested. Add $10 if you want me to provide you with a fresh cum rag. This workshop is open to guys and girls.

POSTSCRIPT: Slots for the next six Mondays are fully booked. I’ll post again when space opens up.

POSTSCRIPT 2: Jeez people this is a joke. Please stop emailing me if I have a spot open.

Related Posts For You

newest oldest most voted
jkc
Guest
jkc
Offline

you’re only charging $69 to watch you do stuff? talk about competitive pricing…

Oaks
Guest
Oaks
Offline

lol. great post. what about going to the club and seeing you in action. It would be funny to see who signs up and you tape (some) of the day.

Oaks’s last blog post: Lessons Learned from Drinking a Glass of Orange Juice.

Edward
Guest
Edward
Offline

What a treat!

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous
Offline

That’s kinda boring. How about:

7:00am: bbjnqns (bareback-blowjob-no-quit-no-spit) from Thai girl I’m seeing. sometimes, it’s just plain screwing
8:15: bloody mary and breakfast, usually leftovers — some rice with pork. Get to refamiliarizing some evidence books I had from back in the day. Enjoy the Fed Rules of Evidence.
10:00: leave house, go down street, answer calls from the int’l Dev guys I pick up extra cash from. being a gringo in a foreign country with connections and business-law degree is gold.
11:15: go over some paperwork and other bs grant work from same peopleabove. Make connections for them, work local problems. Make it sound important by saying, “I don’t know if we can do that… it’s a big deal here.”
1:30 lunch — mostly fish, pahk chee and rice … or whatever I can find out (beef tok, some larb or yam salad).
2:30: back to informal meetings with people. Get on computer and shoot around emails, ideas, and coordination; make appointments for tomorrow.
3:00: stop off for some smokes for tonight
5:00: head home for winding down, hit half hour of windsurfing
7:00: dinner and some drinky-drinky
8:00: put on music, chill out with internet, the babe, or go out for some meet-and-greet
10:00: screwing and then going to bed

Jack Goes Forth
Guest

Hahaha. It’s funny because it’s true.

Not having to get up in the morning is a great feeling.

Jack Goes Forth’s last blog post: Blogger Barbie.

stizzle
Guest
stizzle
Offline

this is hilarious.

GREAT SUCCESS!!

Big Snot
Guest
Big Snot
Offline

Roosh post for tomorrow:

HENRY: “I’VE LOST EVERYTHING IN THIS MESS I’VE GOTTEN MYSELF INTO”
Posted by Aaron Wilson on March 12, 2009, 11:38 a.m.
Troubled former Denver Broncos running back Travis Henry owes $170,000 annually in child support for his nine children and is unemployed as he remains under house arrest due to a pending cocaine trafficking charge, according to the New York Times.

The 30-year-old former NFL star’s children are ages 3 to 11, and all of them have separate mothers. Henry says he can’t afford to keep up with the child support payments.

“They’ve got my blood; I’ve got to deal with it,” Henry told the Times. “I love all my kids. I’ve lost everything in this mess I’ve gotten myself into.”

Henry said he didn’t plan the children with one exception, and was informed by some of the mothers that they were on birth control only to learn that they weren’t.

“I did use protection at first,” Henry said. “Then they’d be saying they’d be on the pill. I was an idiot to trust them. Second or third time with them, I didn’t use it. Then, boom!

“My counselor asks me, ‘How can you do the same thing over and over?’ Knock on wood, or something, I’m blessed not to have AIDS. That never crossed my mind.”

Henry declined to discuss the drug case, which is set for an arraignment next month.

clements johnson
Guest
clements johnson
Offline

The last thing you’re qualified to give a tour of is reality.

Firepower
Guest
Firepower
Offline

This will be a bromance to end all bromances.

Provided I get my choice of Raspberry or Strawberry Jam for my PBJ.

I’m mercurial
like
that

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous
Offline

This post is simply a tribute to Seinfield. Peterman reality tour. Roosh is basically living Kramers life.

aha
Guest
aha
Offline

what kind of jelly on the sandwich? i’m down for this workshop if its the right kind of jelly!

Firepower
Guest
Firepower
Offline

fucking raspberry or strawberry – like there’s any other kind

finefantastic
Guest

holy shit you get ten hours of sleep!? jealous.

jkc
Guest
jkc
Offline

the G Manifesto should chronicle his typical day.

aha
Guest
aha
Offline

firepower – wtf, you don’t know all your jams and jellies. you’ve got apricot jam, peach jam, plum jam, apple jelly, blueberry jam, fig jam, grape jelly, orange marmalade jam, boysenberry jam, blackberry jam, cherry jam, tangerine jam, pineapple jam…in addition to strawberry and raspberry jellies. and that’s not a complete list by any means.

Benedict Smith
Guest

interesting, well-priced like that irritating $5 footlong Subway business. good luck….

Benedict Smith’s last blog post: Signs of the Times/Odds & Ends.

Jon
Guest
Jon
Offline

BAHAHHAHA

Firepower
Guest
Firepower
Offline

aha: keep going. you’re making me hungry

roissy
Guest
roissy
Offline

:laugh: hilarious!

you know, you are kind of the persian kramer. that guy was always falling into ass.

roissy’s last blog post: A Test Of Your Game: The Judging.

hotdoguero
Guest
hotdoguero
Offline

HAHAHA! That was good, love the self depreciating irony.

dalair
Guest
dalair
Offline

Lol..what is your step mother doesnt approve of me as your friend and wont let met come down stairs to play video games with you?

Lee
Guest
Lee
Offline

i would be sure to thank your dad for the jelly sammich

elguapo
Guest
elguapo
Offline

Awesome post man.

Female Body Inspector
Guest
Female Body Inspector
Offline

here’s a conspiracy theory for all you conspiracy buffs out there:

RooshV=Iranian Intelligence Operative

For a long time, Iran has inserted specially-trained operatives clandestinely into the US population with the aim of gaining influence however they are able. Some make their way into politics, be it local, regional, or national. Others enter the world of business, and some, such as Roosh, try to wield their influence through nontraditional channels. The aims of these operations are murky, but the fact that they exist is not contested…

Rita
Guest
Rita
Offline

“Even if the movie is in English I will still leave on the subtitles because I don’t want to miss anything.”

I always do the same, some people find it annoying.

Sam Midhurst
Guest
Sam Midhurst
Offline

How do your parents feel about your lifestyle?

I don’t ask that question with any condescension. I would get the living crap nagged out of me if I kept that schedule while living at home. You have some money though, but still…

I’m curious.

elguapo
Guest
elguapo
Offline

I love the satire of comparing this reality to your other reality (day game workshop).

Both are valid realities for some people.

Good post, very clever.

Big Snot
Guest
Big Snot
Offline

UPDATE: According to ESPN’s Outside the Lines’ program, Henry recently became the father of twin girls, upping his total to 11 children with 10 different women. [Editor’s note: On the bright side, he can now expand his baseball team to a football team.]

Chuck
Guest
Chuck
Offline

This *does* remind me of a DC Seinfeld. This is kind of like the “Kramer Reality Bus Tour” episode. Roissy is Jerry, and Virgle Kent is black George.

Chuck’s last blog post: The Most Saddest Bachelor Party in the World.

Simon
Guest
Simon
Offline

i can’t believe you have loads of people emailing you hoping to share a wank together.

having said that, if i use my dirty sock, can you knock it down to $59?

Simon’s last blog post: I was kicked out of the girl’s bathroom.

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous
Offline

You know I kinda see the 2:00 am hour going like that scene in boogie nights where a down and out Dirk is looking to make a little extra cash in the parking lot.

Firepower
Guest
Firepower
Offline

I’m sorry.

To set foot in D.C., I must be the one being compensated.

Lost Artist
Guest

The part about the PB & J being included, still has me in stitches! Hilarious.

Lost Artist’s last blog post: May Winter burn in Hell.

amazed at others' inability to grasp sarcasm
Guest
amazed at others' inability to grasp sarcasm
Offline

wtf who though it was a real offer? i’d consider it more seriously if it could be a group shower…

virgle kent
Guest

wait wait WAIT!!!

What kind of girls need cum rags, nevermind… I know what kind

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous
Offline

Um…are you gay?

Jessica
Guest
Jessica
Offline

Can women try this work shop?

Jessica’s last blog post: Mommy Blog.

Firepower
Guest
Firepower
Offline

SAT Question #39384:

women to game workshop is as

man to lamaze class

JFo
Guest
JFo
Offline

I concur with the subtitle practice. Sometimes you get bonus info, like Fredo’s late night phone call in Godfather II.

JFo’s last blog post: And Beard-O was his Name-O.

Big Cactus
Guest
Big Cactus
Offline

Is VK still milking that mildly entertaining story from several months ago?

Peter
Guest
Peter
Offline

Depending on growth, the following areas will be trimmed: underarm, beard, back of neck, sideburns, nose hair, ear hair, and pubes.

Christ Jesus, if it isn’t bad enough that women are doing it …

Peter’s last blog post: Friday, March 13.

Zictor
Guest
Zictor
Offline

I LOVED the second postscript. I can’t believe people didn’t get this was a joke and actually tried to apply.

Wait, this reminds me of what my history teacher used to say: God limited human intelligence, not human stupidity…

Ok, I believe you.

CN
Guest
CN
Offline

Right now I’m heavily into black on blondes but I’m feeling a transition soon to legal teens who look like minors.

*shakes head*

Sooo Ganon has won another convert. First Agnostic now you.

planetaryXpress
Guest
planetaryXpress
Offline

“POSTSCRIPT 2: Jeez people this is a joke. Please stop emailing me if I have a spot open.”

Correction: it WAS a joke, until women started mailing you for real, for real.

Roosh Bigelow Male Gigolo, baby.

optional
Guest
optional
Offline

This confirms my suspicion that only losers read blogs about girls. Not sure what this says about me.

Dirk Diggler
Guest
Dirk Diggler
Offline

Hilarious. I’d actually be tempted just to be able to ask you questions and hear your thoughts for several hours. I would leave before the jerk time, though. 😱

When do you exercise?