Runaway Train

Ten years ago, I was staying at a hostel in Buenos Aires. I was nearly five months into what would be a six month backpacking trip through South America. Things were not going so well. Repeated illnesses revealed that my constitution was too fragile for the continent. I began longing for the home I eagerly left behind, or at least somewhere more comfortable, but my ego pushed me to continue. I didn’t want to appear like a quitter, and I still needed material for the book I planned on writing about the experience. Then for the first time I heard the 1992 song “Runaway Train” by the band Soul Asylum.

It seems no one can help me now
I’m in too deep
There’s no way out
This time I have really lead myself astray

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I’m neither here nor there

I immediately identified with the song. There I was, healing on a dorm room bed in Argentina from yet another stomach bug after quitting my job and selling most of my possessions to travel to the third world and hang out with hippie backpackers who wouldn’t stop telling me that poor people are “so happy.” But I didn’t want to go back to my career. I was developing a taste for a new kind of freedom, and there was no way I could deal with middle managers and pointless meetings again. I had to carve a new path.

Fast forward ten years. The stomach parasites and bed bugs were a distant memory. The pub crawls and ten-hour bus rides through winding mountain roads were no more. I’ve since sold tens of thousands of books and achieved a modest level of comfort. My apartment is small but located in the middle of the city. It’s stocked with all the comforts I need, including a bread machine and panini maker. I’m not aching for more women, fun, or adventure like before, and I even experience fleeting moments of bliss when the feeling of the rain and the sound of the wind strike me in a certain way. Yet in spite of this, I still feel that there is a missing ingredient, a nagging emptiness I cannot fill.

I loaded a music playlist on YouTube, hit the shuffle button, and began cooking dinner. Midway through, Runaway Train came on. Instantly, images of South America rushed through my mind, both the highs and the lows. I smiled and reminisced. How long ago those times were, as if they happened in another life.

Can you help me remember how to smile?
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded?
Life’s mysteries seem so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am, just drowning in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Once these lyrics set in, I stopped stirring my chicken dish and turned my head towards the music. My throat tightened. It’s true that I fantasize of leaving my city every day, but to where? I don’t know if I have the energy to start over again. And every day I think of finding a good woman, but how? I’m too burned out and broken, and if I could make it to nearly thirty-nine years of age without a face that I could love, chances are I could make it another thirty-nine years.

I know that as comfortable as my apartment is, and as much I enjoy eating the food that comes from my bread machine and panini maker, they are not enough to make me stay. The three friends I have in town will one day move on. Ten years have passed me by and I’m as rootless as I was in Buenos Aires. I’m still on the hostel bed, trying to improve my situation and become whole, but that outcome becomes ever more distant. I’ve stayed away for so long that I no longer even have a home to return to.

Did I really expect my essential nature to become something totally different? Did I believe that a change of scenery could affect my internal state of mind? My energy is lower today, and I am calmer, but the ache remains. The dissatisfaction that was born when I was born simmers underneath the surface, brought out by song. It has never left me, and I don’t think it ever will, no matter where I go and what I do, because whatever train I take, my self will always travel with myself. Maybe one day I can look out the window and just enjoy the ride.

Read Next: The Past Is An Anchor

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anon1
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Without faith, a devotion to God as part of a balanced life that empty lingering feeling will remain. You should connect with your mom or your dad’s cultural history, no need to reinvent the wheel.

I can say though that where you’re at right now in terms of abilities and freedoms, many western people ache for that too. A simple existence, a vast game category of knowledge to pull when you need too, a modest place to live and a minimalist way of living.

To tell the man working 40-60 hour weeks paying alimony or stuck in a relationship with 3 kids and a banshee of a wife that your biggest problem is a lack of meaning would be an upgrade for them.

The problem is, life as the outsider (which is what you’ve chosen) is an inherently quiet one.

I’d say reconnect with your families roots, be it Iranian or Armenian, and dig deep into that, find a woman that has the qualities you require from within that sphere and then have kids.

When you hit 40 that’s usually the point at which people have the best understanding of the world. But being a father adds a dimension of concrete irreversibility in decision making that causes you to look at life differently.

Consider this, I’m not a gambler and don’t advocate it. But a poker game played without money never has the stakes that the one played with even a little bit of money does.

As long as you’re freely flowing able to move anywhere quickly, stability and semi permanence (best we can achieve in this world) are out of your hands.

Absolute freedom destroys man. And that’s why it causes such an existential angst.

If you don’t have responsibilities you don’t have values, even if you insist that you do.

If you have money how you want, can live where you want, can speak what you want, can still bang hot chicks when you want, are healthy in the way you want AND you’re still finding a lack of meaning that can break many a man. To see the end of the golden Bang path is not in enlightenment but in solipsism.

So I would say, reconnect with your roots, get in connection with the faiths of the people that made you and find something in there to ground you.

As much as the self improvers would have you believe, you can’t think your way to meaning or happiness. On the contrary most psychologists and philosophers are deeply unhappy suicidal wrecks of people that lack meaning. But you can take actions on your way to happiness.

A man that knows who he is, what he believes, submits himself to a higher creator and has a family structured around his submission to a creator is a fully actualised man.

I don’t think it is possible for a man without stakes to really understand the nature of the world. They can get up to a limit but there is a ceiling on it.

I think through faith and children they can smash through that ceiling.

Roosh
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Great comment.

nach nicholas
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roosh try reading “the seven storey mountain” by Thomas merton

Blinko23
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Rooshie,

As you’ve already done some basic self-realization work by reading Osho (and I presume some other teachers) here is something that might help you make a breakthrough. You might be thinking, “Oh no! Not *another* guru!” If so, I feel your frustration but give it at least one try anyway.

Over the years, I’ve had the privelege of sitting/meditating with several awakened advaita and zen teachers in small group settings. In addition, I’ve read many dozens of books by similar authors and watched hundreds of hours of video lectures; Not to mention over five hundred psychedelic experiences with spiritual intention (yeah, I’m a hard head).

I recently came across this young spiritual teacher, Bentino Massaro (a Matt Damon lookalike), who perfectly synthesizes timeless wisdom in a very practical and plain spoken way, tuned to the Western mind. After a trip to India when he was 16, he ‘woke up’ and has been teaching since then. In this video I believe he is 26 or so. The best way to listen to his stuff (imho) is on a mild dose of acid. That’s not strictly necessary of course but it can certainly help with getting over the hump of petty identification with the mind as you absorb what is being said.

Btw, I’m not a follower of Massaro and maybe one day he will crash and burn like Osho in some scandal, as he shares similar traits. But regardless, his earlier stuff circa 2015, is just bang on, absolutely mind-blowing and imminently practical in terms of helping one to become both self-realized AND self-actualized. His video lectures alone have certainly helped me tune in to a constant level of subtle bliss that is there regardless of external circumstances. That was a major breakthrough for me.

Anyway, check this out when you have some quiet time. Maybe it will resonate with you (or maybe not):

https://youtu.be/t8WyOPM59RA?t=101

XM
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^ Spiritual depths must be traversed

lindseywagners
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You are cute, thinking that faith and children can “smash through that ceiling.” If you think people with kids don’t feel The Void than you haven’t been paying attention. Sentient life itself is The Void by the very mechanism of never being satisfied. If you were satisfied, evolution would have already killed you. Life is futile and painful, the repeated striving to try to fulfill yourself. Continues until you die and are back in nonexistence, the whole thing, including this post, a waste of time.

anon1
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>You are cute

cheers, whats your BMI?

Maple Curtain
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How do you drag your seriously depressed nihilistic ass out of bed and to the keyboard? Is it the thrill of dragging the rest of humanity down with you?

Roman
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I, too, remember the first time I read Schopenhauer… it sounds like you don’t really have a good grasp on evolution, however. It has nothing to do with the capitalized “the void” you speak of. Keep going though, eventually you’ll find answers.

Ben Sanderson
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I did the kid thing, and no wisdom was gained. I smashed through nothing. on the other hand, it did concentrate my mind. it made me realize I will die.
but that`s all it did.

Marcelo R. R.
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I do not usually comment here on the site, the last time years ago (a 3 or 4 I can not remember), I recommended Roosh read about Ernst Junger.
I came back here today because a friend who is also a reader of Roosh, told me about this commentary there, and how much he remembered a private conversation we had about Roosh and his latest texts.

In the conversation I commented with my friend, that Roosh seemed to suffer from “uprooting syndrome” (I do not want to be disrespectful, I am an admirer of Roosh and I will understand him if he does not like it or think I’m thinking nonsense.) and maybe should look for his Iranian roots.

Unfortunately my English is very bad and using translator is dull, I had more time would write here about the uprooting syndrome. For the public that read English, can search the internet about “military brats”, they suffer from something similar. The theme is much more complex and vast, and it involves urban nomadism too (moving house because of work), people who grew up and lived in the same neighborhood for long time, with old friends have a mindset which differs from the people who moved more frenquently from neighborhoods where they lived… when I find the time i will try write something, then email Roosh to hes decide whether it’s interesting or not, but it’s something I’ll only find time only on next 1 or 2 months.

Daniel Bredeweg
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I am extremely curious of what you have learned about uprooting syndrome. Thank you so much for introducing me to this idea.

Chris Brony
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come and see real-news.co.uk we love ROK and Roosh

Whatever
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Excellent, man.

Truth
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Excellent,

Meaning can only be found outside of yourself. You can´t create meaning but only make a choice for an extrinsic option (family, a business, a project, party life, a religious order…).

The ultimate source of meaning is Truth itself (aka God aka Jesus Christ), all other sources are just mirages.

KB
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Thanks for this man. I am going through exactly what Roosh is going through. It hasn’t made any sense… to have achieved what people dream of, but still have this big gaping whole that can’t seem to be filled. I had a vasectomy over 10 years ago. I am going to strongly consider getting that reversed, and stop passing over great girls who would settle down with me in an instant.

anon1
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keep us updated

rhasa1
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time for a heroic dose of spore making plants

F.S.
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I’m speaking as a man in his late 50s who remembers feeling the way you write about here.

If you’re 39, then you’re on the cusp of the “middle aged crisis” years where you find that a lot of the dreams you had for yourself when you were young are not coming true and are beginning to look like they might never come true. And that is depressing and anxiety-provoking.

The good news is that on the far side of those years are good times. Times where you come to accept life the way it actually is rather than engage in all sorts of emotional struggle because it isn’t the way you imagined it would be when you were a child and were free to imagine any sort of life you like (based on what you’d seen in movies, magazines, photos, etc). You start to see that all of the angst you struggled with was created only by yourself, and was never actually necessary.

And I’m not talking about the good life in the 50s and beyond as some sort of pale consolation prize for old people who are too old to do anything important anyway. It’s a better way of being, it’s profoundly freeing and joyful, and it makes me look back at my life as a young person and wish I could have had this freedom then. But I couldn’t, because I was too inexperienced to know I had the choice to live with this freedom then.

I don’t think there is any specific sort of purpose to life beyond just enjoying being alive. You’re not doing anything wrong. Whatever you choose to do, try to do it with lightness and carefreeness and a sense of fun. Your great mission here is to enjoy being alive. If you find a good woman, that’s great, but she won’t fill the emptiness you mention. If you find another place to live, or another career, etc, that won’t fill the emptiness either. I think the first step to filling the emptiness is to let the ordinariness of actual life be good enough. Accept life the way it actually is. Accept yourself exactly the way you are. Accept every stray emotion and thought that flits through your mind, and smile at the way our minds work.

There’s a lot of small pleasures and delights to enjoy in this life, more than enough, but they’re ruined if you come expecting deep meaning and profound fulfillment and “a face you can love” and all the rest of those superlative expectations. Everyone else are just regular people like you. No one is going to permanently be “a face you can love” – that is more or less just a byproduct of certain hormones triggering reproductive drives. Smile at it, enjoy it for what it is, and let it be.

You’re in a great situation. You wanted freedom from the corporate grind, you found it. You have a simple life and all sorts of options for exploring in any direction you like. It’s all a game, an adventure, a lark. You don’t have to take any aspect of it seriously (unless it feels interesting to do so).

The only thing stopping you at this very second from feeling freedom and joy are your own thoughts, and you can choose to focus on any thoughts you want. You can accept the negative ones, notice them, smile at them, and watch them fade away as you increasingly discover your total freedom…all that binds you are your own thoughts, and again: you can choose any thoughts you want.

It doesn’t matter if you never have another relationship or kids. There are a billion ways to live a life. Whichever way you end up living yours is perfectly OK. Let yourself off the hook.

Griffin Mill
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That was indeed a beautiful and powerful comment. Unfortunately there is no God. Be a cultural Christian, sure, but believing in the supernatural is superfluous and idiotic. Be wise.

anon85
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If there is no God then why do men who plug another man’s butthole likely to spread AIDS and Hepatitis A?

Butter Biscuits McGee
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Firstly, correlation and causation and all that. Secondly, has absolutely nothing to do with god or someone’s sexual preference – plenty of straight people getting full blown AIDS and Hep A. Thirdly, you write like a moron and probably are.

Gammelsvensk
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Hepatitis A is transmitted through food but hepatitis B and C commonly sexually transmitted or through blood.

Roosh
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Wise words.

“…you find that a lot of the dreams you had for yourself when you were young are not coming true and are beginning to look like they might never come true”

It’s the opposite! I fulfilled all my dreams, but apparently the effect from accomplishing them is still the same as not.

lindseywagners
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I’ll say it again: Sentient life itself is The Void by the very mechanism of never being satisfied. If you were satisfied, evolution would have already killed you. Life is futile and painful, the repeated striving to try to fulfill yourself. Continues until you die and are back in nonexistence, the whole thing, including this post, a waste of time.

Maple Curtain
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You might want to avoid the Bionic Woman’s comments: she’s trying to get you to kill yourself.

Depressive Nihilism as a Life Philosophy – let’s all drink the Koolaid.

Bob
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Maybe the question is if you still have some dreams or could use some new ones.

DerWeltenbummler!
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I agree.

It seems to me that you currently need to establish a new goal that you are genuinely excited about and that makes you get up every morning to work towards to!

I also think that you currently spend too much time on your own and have therefore lots of time to think…which is not always a good thing as some of the thoughts that come to your mind pull you down!

You need to keep yourself busy with something that really excites you!

Nick of Time
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Fulfill is like death – nothing more to do. You need life mission that is bigger than your life. Family is wrong choice, no girl want a man who want only to start a family (if we all have only families and no more goals then we will be at the same point). Beside there is nothing such as good woman – only not-damaged one. And still you need to hold a frame in your relation, because if you will not, the woman will reveal her true nature, which is a bitch.
Writing? No, you’re too confused so what you can teach? You need to stop writing for some time and start reading right things. You’re too attached to women. You connect hapiness with women (sex with many of them, finding “good” one). Women, women, girls, girls and money is for them too. What about YOU? What do you want beside females?

Hhh
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I don’t understand that sentiment. I had the good life for a beief period ten years ago where everything I wanted came true overseas.
Then I had to go back to a very crappy life and try to make a living. I never found a way back without destroying my livelihood so here I remain.
I can see paradise being stale but as null never. Explore and grow more where you are. No matter where you will be more free than usa

Alex Kierkegaard
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You need to get better at generating new dreams. “I fulfilled all my dreams!” is the cry of a man with no imagination.

Jason
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Perhaps you fulfilled the wrong dreams. Is there another calling on your life that you haven’t thought of before?

anon85
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I’m in my 30s and realize that marriage is not worth it. MGTOW is only the answer to our problems. I can always impregnate some local from Cambodia and pay her a few hundred a month to maintain her family. No need to work 70-80 hours a week for $40,000 a year paying $30,000 a year for a mortgage and car loan. The Angloskank empire is too costly for men who aren’t billionaires.

Sportsforaliving
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In my 50’s and realize marriage is a horrid waste of time and effort but the product of the useless marriage is my kids who are simply the only light in a dark cloud of ennui and nihilism. If you make the same mistake of marriage so many of us make, at least procreate a gaggle of young ones to brighten your days and take care of your sorry decrepit ass when you enter the 9th inning.

Anti-Gnostic
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“I’m in my 30s and realize that marriage is not worth it. MGTOW is only the answer to our problems.”

Vox Day properly calls you a fool.

http://voxday.blogspot.com/2017/12/mailvox-low-morale-men.html

Bavieca
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Why would any real man NOT encouraging MGTOW men to keep going MGTOW, is idiotic at best and enigmatic at worst.

Let’s keeping it real, shan’t we, the more OTHER men going MGTOW means MORE women for VD. Heck, he can even righteously JUSTIFY (at the long last) his secretly long-held desires to shag his own sisters/cousins/daughters on the dearth of real men out there.

Anti-Gnostic
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“Why would any real man NOT encouraging MGTOW men to keep going MGTOW, is idiotic at best and enigmatic at worst.”

No. Vox is decidely wrong on a number of issues, but not MGTOW. Real men don’t leave the world, they help build and sustain it.

“Let’s keeping it real, shan’t we, the more OTHER men going MGTOW means MORE women for VD.”

Except VD is married and is not a man who cheats. He has three children.

“Heck, he can even righteously JUSTIFY (at the long last) his secretly long-held desires to shag his own sisters/cousins/daughters on the dearth of real men out there.”

You are projecting yet again.

How old are you by the way?

Bavieca
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No. Vox is decidely wrong on a number of issues, but not MGTOW. Real men don’t leave the world, they help build and sustain it.

Just how precisely MGTOW men “leave” the world? By committing mass suicides or embarking on USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) in order to leave this world and to boldly go to where no one has gone before?

Except VD is married and is not a man who cheats. He has three children.

Ah yes, cheating is an impossibility for a married man with a functioning dick who has at least three children who are arguably even his own #NoDnaTest. Not to mention that VD is such a beyond reproach character and a fearless leader who said:

“If we aren’t sympathetic to soldiers who run the moment they see the first casualties in their unit, we should not be sympathetic to men who run from women because they saw someone taken down by a toxic woman. The truth is that men often suffer the legal order they deserve, because they tolerate it. Would any Roman patrician have meekly submitted to being made an indentured servant at the whim of his wife and the word of a judge? No. He would have killed the judge, the wife, and everyone who assisted either of them, then calmly gone home and opened his veins in the bath. That’s why Roman law permitted patriarchs to kill those under their authority who crossed them in any way – because they were going to do it anyway and the maintenance of legal order in their society relied upon acknowledging that reality.”

That’s right! Brave Murican men must essentially be prepared to take up arms in order to topple the US gobmean while their fearless n’ glorious leader VD typing away in ITALY! Ya see, our mighty savior is not even in Murica to lead the bloody revolution. Others must die first while VD bravely types….err I mean leads from……an ocean away? #Dafuq?

Unless VD is proposing the violent overthrow of the Murican gobmean, he’s presenting an absolute false dichotomy in his rantings & ravings. You aren’t “fighting a war” by getting married. A much better analogy would be surrendering your guns, slapping the yellow star proudly on your chest, and then marching bravely towards Auschwitz or Buchenwald. And finally, turned into soaps and/or lampshades #Timesup.

You are projecting yet again.

LOL How so? It ain’t me who got all riled up by how OTHER men chose to live THEIR OWN lives, ’twas VD aka Venereal Disease…..err I mean Vox Day.

How old are you by the way?

Honestly, I lost memory of both my childhood and my age eversince those all blondes Viking Shielmaidens barged in my modest tavern, pinned me down, and took turn to ride my 12″ cock. #MeToo

But in the spirit of the current progressive climate and fer the sake of argument, I chose to identify as a 3-YO masculine-presenting transgender lesbian with swarthy complexion.

Anti-Gnostic
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“Just how precisely MGTOW men “leave” the world? By committing mass suicides or embarking on USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) in order to leave this world and to boldly go to where no one has gone before?”

MGTOW leave the world by not raising a family. Of course, MGTOW’s can do what they want. But they assuredly are not helping to save Western Civilization, they are contributing to its decline.

“Ah yes, cheating is an impossibility for a married man with a functioning dick who has at least three children who are arguably even his own #NoDnaTest.

While I detest VD, he is absolutely dedicated to his wife and family. He is contributing to our humanity by siring offspring. You are woefully behind in this regard.

“Not to mention that VD is such a beyond reproach character and a fearless leader who said:”

Which is a red herring here.

“Brave Murican men must essentially be prepared to take up arms in order to topple the US gobmean while their fearless n’ glorious leader VD typing away in ITALY! ”

He’s doing more than just “typing”. He is front and center in the cultural war. I give him credit. Observably, he is doing way more than you in this endeavor.

“It ain’t me who got all riled up by how OTHER men chose to live THEIR OWN lives,”

More projection on your part. Clearly you are the one who is getting emotional here.

“Honestly, I lost memory of both my childhood and my age…”

Undoubtedly, you are in your 20’s and either your mom, dad, or even both cheated in their relationship, which has left you deep psychological scars.

Bavieca
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MGTOW leave the world by not raising a family. Of course, MGTOW’s can do what they want.

Not raising a family = leaving the world?? Hooooleeeee foookeen shhheeeeeiiitt!

Well…..not just MGTOW then – ALL men and women who failed to reproduce are “guilty” of the same thing. #Jesus #Oprah #Beethoven #GeorgeWashington #DaVinci #Newton #Tesla #WrightBrothers

But they assuredly are not helping to save Western Civilization, they are contributing to its decline.

So the childless Oprah is contributing to the decline of Western Civilization? Whereas The Orange Hitler is earnestly trying to save Western Civilization by having children and grandchildren? Ah, if those two do lock horns in 2020, I think I know whom you’ll vote for.

But wait……..saving Western Civilization from WHAT or WHO precisely? And how you even arrived at the conclusion that Western Civilization is declining?

How you even define Western Civilization?

While I detest VD, he is absolutely dedicated to his wife and family.

Why you detest VD?

And please tell me more about your magical crystal ball which allows you to spy 24/7 on VD thus you know fer a fact that he doesn’t even have wandering eyes, let alone a wandering cock.

He is contributing to our humanity by siring offspring. You are woefully behind in this regard.

Offspring who’ll more likely to grow up to resemble their father rather than resemble you i.e. more humans for you to detest.

BTW, have you ever heard about a woman named Klara Hitler who CONTRIBUTED TO HUMANITY by siring a male offspring named Adolf, you’ll be well-advised not to praise her and her son in front of the Jews though.

He’s doing more than just “typing”.

Perhaps he is, but I doubt he’d would have the courage of his own conviction when push comes to shove i.e. kill his wife, the judge, and everyone who assisted either of them, then calmly return home to open his own veins in the bath.

He is front and center in the cultural war. I give him credit. Observably, he is doing way more than you in this endeavor.

What exactly is this cultural war he’s valiantly risking his life and limb in? War against which culture? And who are the belligerents of the said war?

More projection on your part. Clearly you are the one who is getting emotional here.

More projection? Did you not read where he bitched and whined about OTHER men choosing to live THEIR OWN lives NOT according to his taste or are you currently on crack or both?

Undoubtedly, you are in your 20’s and either your mom, dad, or even both cheated in their relationship, which has left you deep psychological scars.

I’m in my 20’s? Well, how old are YOU?

FYI, my feminist mom didn’t need no mansperm in order to conceive, such was the Goddess level of her ferocious strength and independence from anything male. So, please ask your magic crystal ball again how could my mom have cheated on my non existing dad?

Anti-Gnostic
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“Well…..not just MGTOW then – ALL men and women who failed to reproduce are “guilty” of the same thing. #Jesus #Oprah #Beethoven #GeorgeWashington #DaVinci #Newton #Tesla #WrightBrothers”

If it makes you feel better about yourself, yes.

“But wait……..saving Western Civilization from WHAT or WHO precisely? And how you even arrived at the conclusion that Western Civilization is declining?”

“What exactly is this cultural war he’s valiantly risking his life and limb in? War against which culture? And who are the belligerents of the said war?”

Pretending not to know the positions of the Alt Right on these topics? Wow, just wow.

“And please tell me more about your magical crystal ball which allows you to spy 24/7 on VD thus you know fer a fact that he doesn’t even have wandering eyes, let alone a wandering cock.”

Because given his status he would have been outed by now.

“FYI, my feminist mom didn’t need no mansperm in order to conceive, such was the Goddess level of her ferocious strength and independence from anything male. So, please ask your magic crystal ball again how could my mom have cheated on my non existing dad?”

Feminist mom? No dad? Tells me everything I need to know. And you are in your mid-20’s, that much is certain.

I say this with sincerity, please seek help.

Bavieca
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If it makes you feel better about yourself, yes.

Facts have nothing to do with feelings. It’s high time that you start to learn, dawg.

Pretending not to know the positions of the Alt Right on these topics? Wow, just wow.

Bitch please, I’m not Alt Right so how dafuq should I know? That’s why I asked chu dawg!

And nope, no thanks to your non-answers. #SoooTypical

Because given his status he would have been outed by now.

His status? OMG! How could I literally like, totally forgot that legions of Paparazzis have been obsessing over him for at least a decade now and that he has been getting international media coverage which is on par with the likes of Obama or Oprah?? #Omeeegawd!

Not to mention that his instantly recognizable famous face had adorned tons of Superbowl commercials and had graced magazines covers all the way from Italy to Murica and back.

And let’s not forget the too many times he got mobbed by adoring fans every time he dared to step out of his palace without camouflage and/or bodyguards.

Feminist mom? No dad? Tells me everything I need to know.

Sí maricón, Goddess-level feminist who didn’t need no mansperm in order to conceive and who gave birth during her 86th winter in the year of our Lord 1488.

And you are in your mid-20’s, that much is certain.

Whuteva, dawg. Now fer a change why doncha tell me how old are YOU?

I say this with sincerity, please seek help.

No need to, Bernie got muh back. #FeelTheBern

Nick of Time
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Having family is good, marriage sucks. After divorce women takes your kids, your money.

Gammelsvensk
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I agree on having a family where the costs and risks are lower.

Whatever
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Whatever
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Nice insights, F.S. Very Stoic as well. If you don’t mind, may I ask you where you hail from? Are you an expat? Do you live in the States?

I don’t mean to interrogate, it’s just that you have spoken some serious wisdom, and wanted to know more about you.

Hubert Cumberdale
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Hubert Cumberdale
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Holy shit, Hanoi backpackers hostel. I actually stayed there! Small world….

William Adams
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Nicely written. I would love to hear from a trip in East Asia. Not to hunt girls – you have said that you don’t like Asians multiple times – or find some sort of higher menaing or purpose but to experience the comfort, nice climate, and Eastern philosophy and culture.

A suggestion: Go to Taipei for 10 days and travel south to Taroko, Yuli and Green Island. You will find plenty of Tao/Dao temples, Buddhist temples, and beautiful nature. Since you are older and prefer comfort you will love it. The local population don’t like nature the same as Westerners do so you will have plenty of space to contemplate.

Void
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I’m in Poznan if you need someone to talk to Roosh

anon85
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Why would you want to marry an Anglotwat and later get divorced at 49 and end up penniless on the streets of DC or NYC?
If you really want a wife, you’ll need to marry in a very non-infested nation, which I regret is not available unless it’s a Native reserve or Antarctica. I heard Santa Claus’s wife is a feminist after thousands of letters from trannies and young feminists.

William
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William
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and there’s the option to get a surrogate mother to enable you to father children without a mother in the picture

Rooshini
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https://www.momondo.it/flightsearch/?Search=true&TripType=2&SegNo=2&SO0=BGY&SD0=IKA&SDP0=06-02-2018&SO1=IKA&SD1=BGY&SDP1=14-02-2018&AD=1&TK=ECO&DO=false&NA=false&source=aff-tt&utm_source=tradetracker&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=229289&utm_content=20430&utm_term=776574%3A%3A229289%3A%3A%3A%3A%3A%3A1516665243

Alternative dates:

6th-14th Feb
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21st Feb – 1st Mar
23rd Feb – 3rd Mar
27th Feb – 7th Mar
28th Feb – 8th Mar
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14th-22nd Mar
16th-24th Mar

Ron Liebermann
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The sad truth is that we live in a time and place where everyone is starved for love and affection. It’s at the core of our rootlessness. The reasons for this situation are many, but underneath it all is a poisoned political climate that makes it a crime for a girl to say that she loves her husband. We are all supposed to be angry because the world is full of “injustice.” How many females do you know that even talk about love anymore?

A sense of belonging and purpose comes not only from love of others, but also from love of community. Unfortunately, the American communities that used to provide cultural pleasure are long gone; replaced by government schools, national franchises, politics, and television. It’s a cultural wasteland.

Imagine what would would happen if we closed the government schools, got rid of the franchises, and turned off the television. We would open our front doors, walk outside, and get to know our neighbors. That is exactly what the government doesn’t want.
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lindseywagners
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Wrong. Sentient life itself is The Void by the very mechanism of never being satisfied. If you were satisfied, evolution would have already killed you. Life is futile and painful, the repeated striving to try to fulfill yourself. Continues until you die and are back in nonexistence, the whole thing, including this post, a waste of time.

Alexander Kremer
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Great comment!
Have you got an idea how to fix this in your own personal life?

Ron Liebermann
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That’s a good question. There are really two issues here: personal happiness and national happiness. As far as personal happiness is concerned, I was not satisfied with life in America, so I lived in several other countries to see what it’s like: Israel, Japan, and India. I was happiest in Japan. But that might have been because I had a good job. I enjoyed Israel, but I hated the Kibbutz; if I had been able to find a job in Jerusalem or Tel Aviv, I might have stayed. India has the friendliest people, but the country is a mess. Sadly, the people in Japan, besides being the most trustworthy, were also the most alienated.

Back here in the good old U.S.A. I try to find personal happiness by maintaining a good relationship with my friends and family. I don’t have a family of my own, so I can’t shower them with affection smile I also try meeting new people, chatting with my neighbors, and trying new restaurants. I could get more deeply involved with a Temple, but I generally don’t get along with left-wing people. And at this point in my life, I’m a confirmed bachelor, so I’m not looking for any love stories. There is, however, another route toward personal happiness, and that is learning to appreciate the moment. Beauty takes many forms.

National happiness, in my view, will only happen when the grievance game comes to an end. I don’t think that what we call Democracy is really the answer. In my view, American society would be much healthier under some sort of Paternal Constitutional Monarchy. Order needs to be restored, and the atomization of society through immigration needs to end. Most Americans are only comfortable living in a clean safe white neighborhood. I’m all for that.

Anti-Gnostic
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“In my view, American society would be much healthier under some sort of Paternal Constitutional Monarchy.”

Healthier for who?

Listen, such a government is not even remotely an option.

Whatever
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“but I generally don’t get along with left-wing people.”

I hear that – me too!

” I’m a confirmed bachelor, so I’m not looking for any love stories”

I’m way to old to marry and have kids, so I too have become a confirmed bachelor, and I’m not looking for anyone to hook me up with their single mother – I don’t want to make myself feel worse by sitting in front of some saggy titted grandma.

Whatever
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Whatever
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Points well made.

positron1
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God bless this Inez Feltscher. A great American.

Alexei
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Roosh I love you br, but you’ll only be truly fulfilled with God and a family… This is my favorite quote by sci Fi author John C Wright.–

“One of the things that made me suffer no regret when I was called away from the cramped intellectual jail of atheism into a wider and more wonderful world, was my growing conviction that my fellow atheists were shallow, men without insight into real human nature.”

jaunty_khan
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Roosh, I remember talking to you in a random bar in New York about two years ago. I mentioned that I was excited for ROK and that we could see an entirely new realm of self improvement open up. I won’t go into details of our conversation but you said something to me along the lines of, “I didn’t do any drugs and I turned out just fine.” Yet many of your posts deal with emptiness and dissatisfaction and an inability to overcome this mental state despite being self aware of it. It is never wise for someone to advocate drug use to another person, especially psychedelics. Having said that, a lot of advancements have being made in the realm of Ashuyaca therapy (at a reputable retreat or with a reputable sober professional) for helping people to face their inner demons or shifting a person’s mental perception just enough to bring about more self awareness. It is not recreational by any means and I can guarantee you won’t like it. But for many people there comes a point where the dissatisfaction or unhappiness is greater than your desire to keep doing what you’re doing. I have nothing to gain and more to lose by posting this, but as I read this post I remembered our conversation and felt compelled to write this against my better judgement.

Whatever
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“It is never wise for someone to advocate drug use to another person, especially psychedelics”

I have been reading articles that micro-dosing with LSD could be beneficial – they were speaking in terms of medical terms -exact micro dosages. Steve Jobs supposedly used to take LSD.

jaunty_khan
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I think LSD is the future of Spiritual, Medical, and Mental-Emotional types of therapy, however finding a professional to administer it is beyond the scope of most people. An Ashuyaca retreat, while not hosted by doctors or medical professionals, is much more accessible for people to find highly rated and credible professionals in this realm of therapy. Again, not advocating anyone take LSD (Because you might not really be taking LSD) nor am I advocating anyone illegally buy Ashuyaca or take it outside of a retreat held by professionals. I am not a medical professional so please consult your doctor.

Whatever
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Whatever
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Good points made. It’s an individual choice of what to consume and where and how to obtain the quality LSD.

Whatever
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I agree that Jobs was a prick – I should have used other examples of professionals who dabbled with LSD. But my point is that microdosing the drug should be considered by the medical establishment – but if LSD can be as efective as the claims made, then that would bring down the billion dollar revenue generating industry for Big Pharma pushing useless anti depressants. This alone makes me want to try microdosing on my own.

KL
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KL
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You left good women in Brazil and Eastern Europe. Maybe you chose the wrong dream. You chased pussy and stubbornly tried to reinvent masculinity instead of anticipating your future emotional needs by watching older men. You should work as hard at relationships as you have at game.

Joseph Vella
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Great Post Roosh.

You hit home with that one.

Wherever you go there you are with yourself.
I’m 35 and trying to find meaning in life.
I have my pleasures from time to time also but there seems to be a non material void I long to fill….seems universal this void as many people seem to mention it.

*Great writing style btw

Jed Mask
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“I have my pleasures from time to time also but there seems to be a non material void I long to fill….seems universal this void as many people seem to mention it.”

… It’s called *GOD* through *JESUS CHRIST* though hardly ANYBODY wants to mention that “All-Important” “Elephant in the Room”.

Anon
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Climb the mountain, live up there for as long as you can. You’ll come down with the answers

Ben Sanderson
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Ben Sanderson
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existentialism

Guest
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Go to Nepal and do a trek in the himalayas completely offgrid. On that journey will will find what you require

Andrea
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Your open spirit is beautiful Roosh. The void may be an illusion created by the ego to keep itself alive. Being in the moment requires great discipline but it may be the only way to dissolve the illusion and see that we are all already everything and nothing at all.

I struggle with this too. On the bad days it feels like I check my ego moment by moment. On the good days I also notice the rain’s beauty and simply smile with calming joy.

Thank you.

Edmaster
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Take a retreat in a Buddhist temple for one month at least.

2 reasons why :
1) You will be able to learn from people who are working on achieving true happiness (with nothing).
2) It will strenghen your meditation skills and build others fondations for your happiness than just self help/ game.

Tony D
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Jordan Peterson talks about in one of his vids (not sure which one) that every one needs some sort of religion, or ideology, to give purpose to their chaos, and a family is something that gives most this purpose. The exception is the artist. As they can find that feeling by creating their art. I’m in the same boat man, at 39, I don’t think I’ll ever be in love. I’m just too jaded. But I do have my novel I’ve been plugging at for two years. It’s what I look forward to working on every day. When I’m gone, I’ll have left those brain children behind.

KL
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I’m searching a wife for Roosh. Since Roosh is a tall, Persian/Armenian-American writer, maybe this tall, brown, writer will match.
https://www.patreon.com/browntransdyke

SH Azumanyan
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Armenians have got your back nigga. You are welcome any time. And you have not tasted our Barbeque, which is the best in the world. If any Mongol Turk or Azeri should ever step in your way near or within our borders, he will be dead or KTFO before you can say “Bang Azerbaijan”.

LeastAmongSapiens
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Our hearts are restless, Lord, until they rest in you.

MikeV
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It is time for a child. A “wife” is but a womb for your posterity, your meaning, and your immortality. But do it as smart as you can. Perhaps in a more traditional culture than America, because there divorce rape is highly likely. Get a prenup. Roll the dice. Live a full and meaningful life. Watch your children grow, but no matter what, live for you, not for them. They will be a product of you, and of your mission. Never make them your mission, and never become their slave.

Anti-Gnostic
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“Watch your children grow, but no matter what, live for you, not for them.”

No, fathers live for their children, who become a product of how they were taught.

Whatever
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“Did I really expect my essential nature to become something totally different?”

Yes – any man who expats thinks this, including myself. Then after we spend enough time travel we can have a more acurrate means of comparing and contrasting the differences between all the cultures we have visited with our native US of A.

And you are correct that at some point one reaches the age where it requires more energy to get up and back pack to other countries and the novelty of exploring what’s over the horizon wears off, mainly due to the fact that one has already been to many countries and he starts to notice the common thread among everywhere he’s been – and will no doubt experience the same familiarities as before.

And yet the search for Shangri-La continues.

Maybe Shangri-La is something we end up in after we die – our subconscious constantly wishes for it, and so we end up projecting ourselves into it as a cosmic knee-jerk as soon as we die. Then again, I could not say.

SM
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Look, you brag to much about your emptiness – your meditations are opening up the emptiness you feel. Meditation is not natural state for the man-animal. It takes more then 10 years of subconscious processing for the emptiness to fill-up and there you’ll find yourself at Level 2…

Nico Nicosia
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“Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher(Teacher): vanity of vanities, all is vanity.”

First, off, your article is of great quality, substance, and well written. I enjoy reading your articles and viewing a few of your videos. Thank you for having this site, Roosh.

I can relate, in many ways to this article…The ache will always be there, in some way, it seems for me, now, my disillusionment for the world, society, life accomplishments, the feeling left out and alone on many levels, and missed oppurtunties, the ache is unbearable some days.

Those memories of my distant past weighs heavy on my heart nowadays, the loss of my only child and her mother, whom I should be with, she was a fine, quality piece of a woman who had morals, virtue, a face I could love, and better sense than I did at the time…Some regrets never go away, but I hope and ask the Creator of all things for hope…

Mainly, the ache you address, I know it all too well also, that ache for me is how my life turned out, I have the thousand-yard stare at times…, but it is not the final verdict, just yet.

I think, being burned out and broken, just amplifies the internal hell all that much more; however, there is hope, as long as the sun rises and sets, you never will know when you the path you are on now, has a big surpise around the bend….Who knows…? Everything is vanity, and meaningless, and fleeting, passing away, moment by moment…

Take care, Roosh

Marty
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Roosh, LIFE IS A JOURNEY,NOT A DESTINATION….Keep going !
Do I need to say more?

positron1
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Settle down and have kids. Stay with your wife in spite of the wanderlust and Coolidge effect. Your love for your little ones will be enough. Well, at least that’s how it’s worked out for me.

Darwin
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Darwin
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Humans are designed to have offspring.

hcurrie77
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Poor guy. I agree try Jesus. I am praying for you

Jimmy
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Hey roosh.

Really its a kind of a contradiction , reading you still find it hard Feeling fulfilled, considering all the work you’ve done online and the community you’ve built.

Normally when someone would come to me asking for my advice,
Saying he has things going on pretty well overall, hes got a family and hes got a good job and money, But hes still feeling a lack of purpose in life, i would say to him something like, he should volunteer for something.

Do some animal care volunteering stuff for example, vet assistant gig maybe, if hes into animals, same deal for old people or kids, although i personally would prefer caring for animals over humans, but the idea is to belong in some kind of aid organization where you come in contact with new people for a good purpose, and well, not that this is what this comment is about, but in my experience there`s also some bang potential in those situations wink just saying.

Having that said … In your case, going back to the communities you’ve built online, i would say, all your work is actually all about helping other people, men in particular in all aspects of life really. so its fair to say you’ve had your fair share of contribution to society through your work , and i`m sure that brought you more then enough social circles that welcomed you in the with big bear hug.

I think what you’re doing Right now, is really the best way to go about this,
I`m talking about the video chats on YouTube.
I think its a great way to reconnect with your own fan-base and community members and people like me, which truly see eye to eye with a lot of the ideas and contents your`e promoting ( and really i don`t agree with all of it … but i do admire a big portion of the stuff that goes on on the rooshv forums)

Alright, Hang tough buddy.
Keep Up The Good Work

Iranian
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Are you Sarah Jessica Parker? Where is your Mrs. BIG.

GO TO IRAN

Varis Lux
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Dear Roosh
Creativity is the key.
God is defined as the Creator. Fathers are creators.
You have been creative through the MGTOW movement and Game.
Maybe time to do some simple creation? Take a piece of clay and make a sculpture of how you feel. And create solutions.
Creativity will fill the void.
I run creativity retreats in India.
-Varis

Can´t stomp the pepini MAGAAAA
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Can´t stomp the pepini MAGAAAA
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LLLOOLl what a load of crap.

Make a sculpture of a penis and shove it up your ass.

Senil persian. Get your act together and start kicking ass again. For fuck sake. Stop with the prima dona offended virgin. I´m alone and helpless in this world someone save and tell me what to do. Stop fucking whores that´s a start.

btw my wife she forgets where her phone his. Yeah she has no facebook and only installed whatsapp because of my kids class.

You go to non paying brothels and get surprised all woman you meet there ARE WHORES.

This site is still fun to read. Before you would get much more. BUT it´s still better than all the nonsenseless vomit you read online. Yeah. That´s for sure. It used to be 80/20. Now it´s what 40/60 of content. But at least you have an eye. The rest of the tv. It´s like a movie. I´m watching the news and it all feels scripted. Even Zerohedge since they´ve been doxxed a lot of quality dropped.

I had a client. I don´t do legal anymore. But made an exception because it was a guy who worked for me. Guess what he broke off with a whore. And the whore put a criminal complaint on him. Yeah your american filth, degnerate ideology is reaching my country. I COMPLETELY TRASHED THE POLICE PRECINT. AND THE INVESTIGATOR. My client entered as a defendant and left as a witness. No criminal suit against him. Fuck this whores. I started yelling is this where my fucking taxes go. TO THIS SHIT. What are the evidence? No evidences. SO SHUT THE FUCK UP. You should be apoligizing to this man. Scum. My taxes spent on a whore.

Stupid american cunts. You´re so fucking gay. It´s amazing how come Trump is american. The way you treat your woman and let them speak with you like they do. Incredible. It´s truly amazing the fagatitude.

Btw you criticize the jews. Ah Lord Jacob Rothschild is actually not a jew. Anwyay. And what about the dumb white? A poor victim of the manipulation of the jew.

Hillary is such an irresponsible pretentious cunt. How can she get so much votes in stupid litle country.

BACK OFF AMERICAN FILTH. Nobody wants your degenerate ideology. And you trash the arabs. I would rather live in a arab society if possible with democracy. Not the way you run the forum like a fuckiing muslim dictator. But yes even that would be better than some liberal america. What? my son becoming gay? My wife having affaires? Keeping half my shit in divorce???? Sooner she would be plunging in the river with cement blocks tied to her ankles. The shit you read online in Quora about american woman. Read the other day this guy had cancer. It´s the last christmas he will be alive. It was ex-wife christmas time with child and the whore didn´t wanted to let the father see his children for last time. The whore would have all the next christmas. What would you do to a whore like this? Faggots. Bunch of faggots.

MAGAAAAAAAAAAA

HawaiianB
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I am going to start by writing a series of cliches Just for brevity. No matter where you go, there YOU are. We travel not to see new landscapes but to view with new eyes. The path isn’t a straight line – it’s a spiral, you continually come back to the things you thought you understood to see deeper truths.
You will never achieve happiness from the bottom of a pussy. You will – however – have a mirror that reflects your flaws – it’s up to you whether you focus on the lesson or wallow in the suffering.
You want to spend your life chasing ass, blaming the worlds problems on femininsts and liberals then you are giving away your power to be happy by externalising all your self worth to win insecure pussy and fruitless political battles.
Find a system to explore your thoughts and emotions with greater emphasis on discovering yourself instead of blaming others.
You might try reading a contemporary of yours Mark Manson.
You will lose most of your readers who are farther behind the curve than you but that’s best price you’ll ever pay.
You’ll feel like Kevin Kostner in Dancing With Wolves.

Mark Argana
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Where are you living these days?

What was the career you quit before you left for South America?

Laurent Lavigne
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I felt that angst all my life. To quiet it I befriended, fucked, traveled, made money. It would not go away.
Then I realized that everyine has that thirst and I observed with empathy this worldwide runaway train and noticed that no one but a handful listen to that feeling.
They drown it in fun consumption, information gathering, people’s attention, making themselves immortal through family building, drugs, self harming, who improving, over thinking, self created drama etc… I might have missed something, it’s more that possible but from my experience they all waste away their entire life trying to put the messenger on mute.
The ONLY people that i have met who embody fulfillment are already enlightened people and people who magnify the feeling of love above ego stuff.
So, since you lost the ability to lie to yourself, get enlightened. Or just be live.