Over the centuries, Christian courtship in the West has become distorted into seduction, and seduction into unbridled fornication, the “hookup culture” we have today. Seduction and romance were gateways to normalized sexual sin because they facilitated fallen man’s propensity to self-love through carnal pleasure. Adam and Eve’s innate desire to please and love God was transformed through the fall into a vulgar narcissism where we eagerly abuse and desecrate the bodies of others. To target someone and perform a set of behaviors in order for them to “like” you, and then harness those affections into sexual pleasure, is a side effect of demonic narcissism that is normalized in our time.

Instead of pleasing God and instead of the humility and obedience to the Law of God and the Holy Church commanded by Christ, there now flourishes as never before truly diabolical pride: self-love, conceit, self-glorification, self-exaltation, vanity which oozes out of every pore, and seeking after popularity and earthly glory. This all leads naturally to hatred, envy, malice, and uncontrollable hostility, leading at times to frenzy, instead of to the mutual love and goodwill commanded by the Gospel… —Archbishop Averky in Enemies Of Orthodoxy In The Modern World

Imagine what a modern woman does to attract a man she likes. She will wear tighter or more revealing clothing, put on lipstick to mimic the color of her lips during a state of arousal, stare deeply into his eyes as if he were the only reason for her existence, bite her lower lip, purposely allow her chest, hip, or shoulder to graze the man’s body, laugh purposefully at his jokes, feign interest in his hobbies, preen ceaselessly, apply chemical fragrances to her skin, and deliberately conceal her personal flaws. This is but a sample of the manipulative weapons a woman uses when she methodically targets a man’s lustful tendency to get him to desire her for sex or love.

Why does a woman do this? To feel the emotional pleasure of being desired, to be validated through a man’s attention, to create a narrative that displays social value to her friend group (i.e. brag), to alleviate boredom, and to fulfill her own physically lustful urges. Each of these reasons is for the self: I want to feel good, I want to feel beautiful, I want to be desired, I want to experience physical ecstasy, I want to be loved, I want to be doted upon, I want to be happy, I want to be popular, I want to be in a relationship like my friends. In such a seduction, the woman deceives herself into thinking that she likes the man, or even loves him, but in reality her behavior is a projection of her narcissism. She loves only herself, proven by the fact that there is no pure sacrifice or virtue displayed in the seduction—only the expectation of gain. If that gain is not forthcoming, she halts the seduction (often in anger) and moves on to another target who can elicit the desired outcome. She sees a man as a character in a play that she scripted to appeal to her imagination and long-held fantasies that developed since childhood from consuming thousands of hours of secular entertainment and media. In essence, seducing a man allows her to be the princess in her own movie, someone who a man would die for, the ultimate confirmation of her perceived self-worth.

It’s similar when a man is seducing a woman. A man will claim he is fornicating for the physical benefits alone, but he is all too eager to share tales of his conquests, highlighting his need for emotional validation concerning his masculine prowess. Sadly, I fornicated with many women in my past not because I strongly desired them, but because I wanted to bond with other men by sharing all the details of the seduction and be rewarded with their commendation or laughter. If you were to ask the old me why I dived so wholeheartedly into carnal sin, he would answer you thus: I want to feel good, I want to feel masculine, I want to have fun, I want to show off to other men, I want to assert my superiority over others or get their attention, I want to be challenged, I want to think of myself as special or skilled, I want to be popular, I want to be the hero of my own movie. It was all done for my pleasure and egotistical needs. The women were merely supporting characters in the play that I had written myself for myself. It was so easy to forget about them after a short time because they were a mere instrument of my own pride and self-love.

For women, seduction is a gourmet meal while for men it’s like a trip to McDonald’s. Men want something quick and easy that fills the belly without a long wait, which is why it’s so much more common for a man to “take one for the team” than a woman. A man is more likely to see hooking up with any woman as a replacement for masturbation instead of the potentially life-changing narrative that women may prescribe to it. In both cases, the world revolves around the seducer and what he or she wants. The degree of patience may vary, whereby women are usually more patient than men since their sexual urges are less acute, but both use the other to receive material benefits, whether to the ego or to the body, and any authentic love or generosity displayed is only done to continue receiving benefits, remaining always transactional without serving a higher purpose.

All of the Holy Fathers, teaching on the spiritual life, with one voice agree that the root and source of all the passions is egoism or self-love, that is, unreasonable, wrongful love towards oneself. Egoism or self-love gives rise to three principal passions the three fundament roots of all the other passions: love of pleasure, greed, and love of glory. These three principal passions are enumerated in the Holy Scripture by the Apostle and Evangelist John the Theologian who says, Do not love the world or the things in the world… For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world (1 John 2:15-16). From these three principal passions in turn come the following eight passions: (1) gluttony, (2) fornication, (3) avarice, (4) anger, (5) sorrow, (6) despair, (7) vainglory, and (8) pride. These eight passions engender yet more and more passions which then branch out into a multitude of diverse and subtle variations of each of these principal passions. All of these innumerable passions tyrannize and torment the human heart, never giving a person rest and causing him unbearable suffering, from which he loses spiritual peace, inner balance, and tranquility of conscience. He feels deeply unhappy, sometimes experiencing truly hellish torment, as if experiencing the onset of those torments that inevitably await all unrepentant sinners… —Archbishop Averky in The Struggle For Virtue

Let’s compare narcissistic seduction with Orthodox Christian courtship, where the I is removed and replaced with God. The self is no longer the main recipient of pleasure, happiness, or glory. Instead of a man using a woman as a vehicle for self-gratification, she is used as a vehicle to please God and serve His will for mankind. If a man identifies a woman he wants to marry, the questions on his mind will look entirely different compared to the narcissistic man: Is this union pleasing to God? Is she the one that God wants me to marry? Is this union necessary to increase our faith and ultimately our salvation? What is the will of my Lord God? Of course the woman must have some appealing traits, but the final decision to court her for marriage will depend not on personal satisfaction or pleasure but God’s good pleasure, which He can reveal to the man in time through a variety of methods. The me-centeredness of seduction is replaced with the God-centeredness of chaste courtship. The desire to receive pleasure is replaced by the desire to pick up a cross that pleases God and ultimately leads to salvation. Using a woman to receive bodily pleasure is replaced with loving a woman to receive divine pleasure (God’s grace).

If you don’t possess the true faith of Orthodoxy, I deem it impossible to purely court for God instead of seduce for the self, even if you’re a “good person” and covet marriage for wholesome material goals. Subconsciously, you will seek out a woman who pleases you in the here and now, and since it’s typical that we attract a mate who is a mirror to our spiritual state, you will attract a narcissist if you’re a narcissist. You will attract an egomaniac if you’re an egomaniac. You will attract a woman who is unconsciously serving Satan if you’re already serving Satan. On the other hand, if you’re a God-pleaser, you will attract a God-pleaser, for a God-hater will find it torturous to be with a God-pleaser. From this reality, it’s clear to see that the solution to finding the best spouse is to work on an Orthodox faith that is pleasing to God, but how many women instead devote their free time to makeup, clothing, or secular entertainment? How many men spend untold hours building huge muscles in a quest to spam a hundred women on Tinder after uploading shirt-less photos? Such behavior is surely a sign that more spiritual work must be done, because it’s only when we transcend the selfish needs of our flesh do we mature enough to enter a marriage with God at the helm.

Read Next: Hugs Are Dangerous

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Just look at our so-called "leaders" of all these western countries. Serpentine politicians and their slithery forked-tongued seductions. What is the will of God? What is it for me? What is it for my people? There was only one world leader in the past 100 years who thought like this, and he has been villified ad nauseum. He wasn't orthodox, but he certainly had no taste for debasing sexual humor or frivolity. Assad is a close second although not a Christian. In the centuries prior many more men were of noble Christian character who pursued marriage and children for the sake of God's will and commandment, but also lived and died by their trade as honest men should.

I detest seduction, but it is a necessary evil to survive in the new world order, lest we remove ourselves from its physical boundaries. Monastic life requires no such narcissistic methods. Neither does farming, nor camping. Pray that more women can find Christ and escape the pitfalls of the lies of the burned-flesh. I am not yet ready for a true faith-based marriage because I have yet to purge all of this from me, but in time I believe I will. Thanks for another reality check and reminder Roosh.

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Weirdly the women who seduced and discarded me in my single days presented as hyper “Trad”. Trad can be a costume for narcissism. Young men should date traditional women but be sure to critically evaluate their actual behavior. If she goes to Latin Mass but burns through men and is obsessed with pagan things look out. Conversely, keep an open mind for good women who sincerely believe but don’t necessarily adapt a trad image for all the world to see.

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This article couldn’t have come at a better time for me personally. 2 weeks ago I accepted Lord Jesus Christ as my saviour, but as of 4 days ago I fell back into my old ways and had a one night stand with a girl who I started speaking to that works in the coffee shop opposite my workplace.

I went from highly zealous and full of faith to falling into my sinful ways in the space of 24 hours. I’ve been praying more intensely over this transgression and feel deeply ashamed. But what Roosh is saying about seducing is 100% true, all of the tricks mentioned above were played by myself and her, and I feel like I can see where I went wrong now, I started to listen to The sinful thoughts and began to compromise in my head: “Oh it will be fine I have good intentions, I just want to go for 1 drink and court her to see if she’s marriage material” turned quickly to “The way she stares into my eyes and the way she’s presenting herself make me feel like she might be the one” which then inevitably (after many more drinks) turned into “If I sleep with her tonight I have every intention of going the distance in this relationship so it should be fine?”.

I clearly have a lot to learn. Not only was this whole situation a demonstration of me exercising my narcissism and living completely separate from God, this was clearly the case with her too. We spoke earlier today and after I confessed my intentions to take this relationship seriously ( me naively thinking I could fix this mistake and make it right under God again somehow ) she made it clear it was a one time thing.

I’m seriously considering Orthodoxy as so far virtually everything I have heard from Roosh and the Orthodox viewpoint resonates with me on a far deeper level than any other denomination. I think this is because my sins in life thus far have been very similar to that of Roosh when he was in a fallen state. Very glad to have found this forum and I apologise for the long form comment, there’s just so much to say and ask about, I feel like I’ve woken up to a whole new world.

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This article couldn’t have come at a better time for me personally. 2 weeks ago I accepted Lord Jesus Christ as my saviour, but as of 4 days ago I fell back into my old ways and had a one night stand with a girl who I started speaking to that works in the coffee shop opposite my workplace.

I went from highly zealous and full of faith to falling into my sinful ways in the space of 24 hours. I’ve been praying more intensely over this transgression and feel deeply ashamed. But what Roosh is saying about seducing is 100% true, all of the tricks mentioned above were played by myself and her, and I feel like I can see where I went wrong now, I started to listen to The sinful thoughts and began to compromise in my head: “Oh it will be fine I have good intentions, I just want to go for 1 drink and court her to see if she’s marriage material” turned quickly to “The way she stares into my eyes and the way she’s presenting herself make me feel like she might be the one” which then inevitably (after many more drinks) turned into “If I sleep with her tonight I have every intention of going the distance in this relationship so it should be fine?”.

I clearly have a lot to learn. Not only was this whole situation a demonstration of me exercising my narcissism and living completely separate from God, this was clearly the case with her too. We spoke earlier today and after I confessed my intentions to take this relationship seriously ( me naively thinking I could fix this mistake and make it right under God again somehow ) she made it clear it was a one time thing.

I’m seriously considering Orthodoxy as so far virtually everything I have heard from Roosh and the Orthodox viewpoint resonates with me on a far deeper level than any other denomination. I think this is because my sins in life thus far have been very similar to that of Roosh when he was in a fallen state. Very glad to have found this forum and I apologise for the long form comment, there’s just so much to say and ask about, I feel like I’ve woken up to a whole new world.

Keep fighting. You're in an early stage of repentance and the demons will be very aggressive in keeping you in servitude. They may even send you promiscuous women where you feel that getting female attention is easier than ever. Here are three books I recommend for you:

God's Revelation to the Human Heart by Fr. Seraphim Rose
Amazon product
Indication of the Way into the Kingdom of Heaven by St. Innocent of Alaska
Amazon product
The Struggle For Virtue by Archbishop Averky
Amazon product
Since alcohol helped enable this fall, you should consider quitting alcohol entirely, especially in social settings where women are present. That's what I did and it helped me greatly.

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I will also say, good timing for me as well, I encountered an attractive Orthodox girl at a bookshop above the parish, over the weekend. She worked there and helped me to locate certain things and gave some recommendations. We had good chemistry and I felt blessed to have met someone I would consider "marriage material" in the West, as I thought I would have to ship myself out to the Eastern bloc to find something of that kind.

I had many thoughts racing through my mind, though most were of a wholesome character (Is this God's will? Am I ready for marriage? Where is her family so I can ask their permission to see her again outside of Church? etc.). It served as an opportunity to reflect on how I should approach these situations from now on, and be careful with my conduct. I did get a little overwhelmed by the encounter, so my gut tells me I have some more work to do spiritually before I'm ready to embrace a courtship properly.

I highly recommend for those who haven't yet to watch the following short video from Fr Josiah Trenham, who echoes similar sentiments from this article, discussing the rudimentaries of Orthodox Dating/Courtship:


I particularly like the part where he says (using St. Pauls words), Treat the older women as mothers and the younger women as sisters, the older men as fathers and the younger men as brothers - in all purity. Conduct yourself that way in courtship. Don't interact with someone in a way that you wouldn't with your sister, because that's what she is to you until she is something more, until you're engaged and until you're wed, that's all you are and if you conduct yourselves in this way, by not defrauding your brother (1Th 4:6), then you can have a courtship without getting majorly upset, no hearts are broken, there's mutual respect, you move on. This is the way of wisdom.

That was just a short snippet, I'd recommend watching the whole video a couple times and making notes, there's some really valuable statements there.

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Keep fighting. You're in an early stage of repentance and the demons will be very aggressive in keeping you in servitude. They may even send you promiscuous women where you feel that getting female attention is easier than ever. Here are three books I recommend for you:

God's Revelation to the Human Heart by Fr. Seraphim Rose
Amazon product
Indication of the Way into the Kingdom of Heaven by St. Innocent of Alaska
Amazon product
The Struggle For Virtue by Archbishop Averky
Amazon product
Since alcohol helped enable this fall, you should consider quitting alcohol entirely, especially in social settings where women are present. That's what I did and it helped me greatly.

Thank you Roosh, i’ll get those books this week. I’m fully prepared to start this journey and do whatever it takes to get through the ‘toll houses’ after my death, and be in the lords presence.

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This a messed up world. Aren't men and women suppose to share themselves with each other after they are united in marriage? How did we get to the point where people have forgotten this?

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This a messed up world. Aren't men and women suppose to share themselves with each other after they are united in marriage? How did we get to the point where people have forgotten this?

Sorry for being dry, but I think Wikipedia has the answer:

"The sexual revolution, also known as a time of sexual liberation, was a social movement that challenged traditional codes of behavior related to sexuality and interpersonal relationships throughout the United States and the developed world from the 1960s to the 1970s.

Sexual liberation included increased acceptance of sex outside of traditional heterosexual, monogamous relationships (primarily marriage).

The normalization of contraception and the pill, public nudity, pornography, premarital sex, homosexuality, masturbation, alternative forms of sexuality, and the legalization of abortion all followed"

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This a messed up world. Aren't men and women suppose to share themselves with each other after they are united in marriage? How did we get to the point where people have forgotten this?

In the US, society stamped out Catholicism, and with that the Sacraments. If marriage isn't a sacrament, it isn't a gift from God.

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Sorry for being dry, but I think Wikipedia has the answer:

"The sexual revolution, also known as a time of sexual liberation, was a social movement that challenged traditional codes of behavior related to sexuality and interpersonal relationships throughout the United States and the developed world from the 1960s to the 1970s.

Sexual liberation included increased acceptance of sex outside of traditional heterosexual, monogamous relationships (primarily marriage).

The normalization of contraception and the pill, public nudity, pornography, premarital sex, homosexuality, masturbation, alternative forms of sexuality, and the legalization of abortion all followed"

"If it feels good, do it." We can see how well that 60s phrase worked out.

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I had a relationship last year that was sinful but not in person. I feel like it counts, we talked about everything, all extremely intimate. Luckily we never met in person. I wasn't as religious back then but I am now, you don't have to physically engage in the act to be guilty of sin, lust in itself is wrong.

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By subjecting all to God. We return all our desires and inclinations into proper proportion and lawful limits.

Otherwise they exercise an outsized(or undersized) influence disproportionate to their original purposes. In this way Nature in our bodies having undergone Theosis is being purified and restored to their original beautiful functions.

So long as one led by the Spirit desires and inclinations and everything created are kept in their proper place and purposes.

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"If it feels good, do it." We can see how well that 60s phrase worked out.

Drugs for example. In deceiving our reward systems that came from God in the first place.

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This a messed up world. Aren't men and women suppose to share themselves with each other after they are united in marriage? How did we get to the point where people have forgotten this?

By sinful inclinations and satanic forces sabotaging marriage from within and without.

Encouraging a denial of the marital debt in marriage for example. But encouraging it outside as an alternative.

Making legal official marriage loveless and full of enmity. And likewise encouraging adultery.

It's old news but I heard stories of feminists dripping poison in wives ears who subsequently destroy their marriages and relationships with men.

And judicial travesties of "family court". Which led to the death of this man:

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The west is so broken that even its most prominent vestigal political entity, the British monarchy, is lead by a man who divorced to marry a divorcee. In the recent past, this would have been unthinkable. King Charles' own great uncle Edward VIII had to abdicate simply to marry a divorced American.

When every voice you hear is telling you to sin and fornicate, only the most pious will be able to resist (and many of us will fall to sin before realizing God's plan). As for King Charles, It kind of defeats the purpose of having a royal leader if he is not going to set any sort of standard for the people to follow.

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The west is so broken that even its most prominent vestigal political entity, the British monarchy, is lead by a man who divorced to marry a divorcee. In the recent past, this would have been unthinkable. King Charles' own great uncle Edward VIII had to abdicate simply to marry a divorced American.

When every voice you hear is telling you to sin and fornicate, only the most pious will be able to resist (and many of us will fall to sin before realizing God's plan). As for King Charles, It kind of defeats the purpose of having a royal leader if he is not going to set any sort of standard for the people to follow.

But he went to Mt Athos on his honeymoon and left his wife on the yacht? I really think he's trying and he always loved Camilla.

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Excellent article, and perfect timing.

At this point in my own journey, I feel like I'm stuck in this "no man's land" so to speak, where I still fall prey to my own weakness and sinful nature, yet feel no gratification or pleasure from doing so, rather lingering feelings of guilt and shame. In the past I'd recieve the selfish gratification that Roosh wrote about here, now I don't even get that out of it anymore, yet the temptations remain, and the ingrained bad habits picked up from participating in hookup culture persist.

Maybe some of the other posters who are father along in this journey experienced a similar phase. Whatever it is, I hope to get past it soon because it is a roadblock that is impeding my goals which are finding salvation and God's grace.

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Sorry for being dry, but I think Wikipedia has the answer:

"The sexual revolution, also known as a time of sexual liberation, was a social movement that challenged traditional codes of behavior related to sexuality and interpersonal relationships throughout the United States and the developed world from the 1960s to the 1970s.

Sexual liberation included increased acceptance of sex outside of traditional heterosexual, monogamous relationships (primarily marriage).

The normalization of contraception and the pill, public nudity, pornography, premarital sex, homosexuality, masturbation, alternative forms of sexuality, and the legalization of abortion all followed"

I think movies, television and music were bad influences at the time. It made people believe the old ways were outdated and that liberation would free them from old religious traditions. The people at the time thought it would make them happy and they did not want to believe that doing it outside of marriage was a sin. Before the 60s and 70s revolution it was referred to as the marriage bed, as the majority of people were in agreement that the act was only for married couples, back then the men and women got married young and raised large families. If not married, the people stayed chaste by dressing modestly and avoiding places of temptation, which is sadly very difficult for many to do today.

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Excellent article, and perfect timing.

At this point in my own journey, I feel like I'm stuck in this "no man's land" so to speak, where I still fall prey to my own weakness and sinful nature, yet feel no gratification or pleasure from doing so, rather lingering feelings of guilt and shame....

Maybe some of the other posters who are father along in this journey experienced a similar phase. Whatever it is, I hope to get past it soon because it is a roadblock that is impeding my goals which are finding salvation and God's grace.

I am not so sure it's a "phase". At least, the temptation part is not. According to some of the saints, temptation never ends in this life. I believe them!

And "falling prey" to temptation will also always be a risk. Think about it - if you never "fall prey" to temptation, then you've become a saint! Which is not easy to do.

And that is the one thing I wish someone had told me when I became a Christian: Being a disciple of Jesus Christ is hard. Very hard. And also, it is wonderful! There is nothing else in this world I'd rather be than an unworthy servant of Jesus.

The good news is that anyone can become a saint.

That said, I am not sure if I am "farther along" in this journey than you are. But I will share what has helped me. First, I think new Christians need a new mindset, and it is this: Life as you knew it before Jesus is over. Or, at least, it had better be if you want salvation. We must crucify the old man and embrace the new man. Pick up your cross. Daily.

Second: Pray! Pray without ceasing. Pray immediately when you wake up. Pray when you are making any decision more important than what kind of bread to choose for your toast. One of the immeasurable beauties of the gospel is that Jesus Christ loves us so much that He suffered crucifixion to reconcile us to Him. Treat Jesus as the most important person in the world to you, because that is exactly who He is. So talk to Him! Every chance you get.

Third: Flee to the sacraments! Cling to them, embrace them, cherish them. What keeps me from sexual sin? Confession! I don't want to confess vile and degenerate activities to a priest. Like you said, feelings of guilt and shame. And for me, also feelings of disgust. When I maintain chastity, I actually realize I like myself more. I have feelings of dignity, and also love for my fellow human beings. I don't want to lose that.

Also, keep in mind the greatest sacrament - the body and blood of our beloved Lord Jesus Christ. Which He offered up for our salvation. Receive the Eucharist often.

OK, that's rather long-winded. Here is the tl;dr: 1) Pray without ceasing. 2) GO. TO. CONFESSION. 3) GO. TO. MASS. And receive.

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