A tough question is when people ask me why I’m in South America. The answer I feel most comfortable with is a three page manifesto, but is it really that complicated?
While the South American way of life in different than in America, my way of life doesn’t change much from country to country…
11am: Rise and shine
2pm: Coffee shop to sit in front of laptop for several hours
7pm: Gym, grocery store visit, or various chores
9pm: Cook dinner then jerk around on internet, watch movies, or go out
This is the routine that keeps me productive and happy no matter where I’m at. It’s not glamorous but it fits me well, and only a couple parts of it will change in foreign countries. They are:
1. Language. Obviously there are communication issues but to me that’s a fun challenge that exercises my brain. Neutral effect.
2. Money. I experience considerable cost savings by living in South America where I have to work much less for a lifestyle of leisure and chasing tail. Positive effect.
3. Family. Our lives are finite and every month I don’t spend with them is another month that is basically gone forever, so that does bother me a bit. Negative effect.
4. Coffee shops. In South America you can’t really spend four hours after only buying a cup of tea. So I look for corporate places like McCafe and Starbucks where the staff doesn’t care. (In Rio the mall in Leblon has comfortable sofas with free internet.) Neutral effect.
5. Grocery stores. They do not have the incredible selection that American stores have. The grocery store nearest me doesn’t have broccoli, cauliflower, lemons, and any kind of berry, for example. Negative effect, but honestly my life isn’t too different if I can’t eat broccoli and strawberries.
6. Going out. The point of going out is to bond with other guys, drink, and get laid. The guys I meet here are more like short-term buddies than the deeper friendships I have at home; the alcohol is more substandard (caipirinha with turpentine cachaça anyone?); and of course the girls are from a different planet.
Is my life different if I’m actively spending time with a South American girl that treats me like a king and is hyper-feminized? Yes, I believe so.
Recently I was at a bar with my Danish roommate and there were three Australian girls around us getting aggressively gamed by four Brazilian guys. During that time they kept looking over. I had a hunch that they wanted us to “save” them.
Next thing we know the girls moved right beside us to where one of them was brushing against my arm.
“Looks like you guys have a fan club,” I said, without any emotion.
“Oh my god these guys won’t leave us alone!”
“Well if you keep talking to them then they’re going to think you like them.” I found it hard to believe that they didn’t understand this simple concept.
“Can you help rid of them for us?”
“You seem like big girls I think you can do it.”
Then the other one looked at me and said, “Don’t be such a big jerk!”
This very brief exchange showed issues that I don’t experience with South American women. First, they’re attention whores that are stringing along other guys just for kicks. Fights between horny drunk guys usually start because of girls like these. Second, they’re testing me to see if I’ll save them within only 15 seconds of talking to them. And third, they’re displaying a snappy attitude that is more suited for debating than romance. Don’t test me or ask me for premature favors and then get an attitude when I don’t bend over backwards for you. These are things I don’t want to deal with.
I looked at the most aggressive of the Brazilian guys and said, “Ela gosta de você… MUITO” while pointing to the girl who told me to stop being a jerk. That roughly means, “She likes you… A LOT.” Sure enough his eyes opened wide and he pursued with renewed vigor that made me quite pleased.
When I get homesick all I have to do are two things.
The first is open my budget spreadsheet to see how much money I’m not spending. The second is talk to Western women. And I’m not kidding—when I get homesick I just hit on gringas at the bar. I zero in on their pasty, flawed skin, their masculine attitudes, their slovenly appearance, their self-entitlement, and I swear to god I’m energized for a month or two before homesick thoughts cross my mind again.
I dislike American women and I can’t live very comfortably Stateside working only 2-3 hours a day. Therefore I’m in South America because of money and women.