The Beard Experiment

After my experience as Jesus, I thought it’d be a good idea to grow a long beard, since there is no good reason not to. I let my face grow for almost three months.

I’ve never in my life received so many complaints about my appearance. Even my family ragged on me, calling me Taliban, Ayatollah, and mullah. Every week my mom said, “Why would you want to make yourself ugly?” Among natives of this country, Jesus and Geico caveman guy were most popular. I got called Jesus about half-a-dozen times a week, mostly by strangers who thought they were too clever for their own good. Unabomber was common and I heard Rasputin once.

The fun part was the stares. People would gawk at me and break their neck to do double takes. Adults would tug on their friends and point at me. I was a rock star. This made going out at night easier because girls approached me more. They came for the beard and stayed for my personality. But those same girls would say, “Why would you want to make yourself ugly?” They found it impossible to comprehend why I wouldn’t look in a way to attract them best, since that’s all I should be living for. But overall the intimate attention I got from girls remained the same. I looked like a homeless bum but girls still wanted to fuck me.

In the end I had to end the experiment because I felt like I was wearing an itchy mask. When I shaved it off I had trouble recognizing the reflection staring back at me. So this is how other people see me. While I’m lucky to be blessed with the genetics to make a monster beard, I don’t think I’ll do it again.

beard1.jpg

Related Posts For You

newest oldest most voted
mm
Guest
mm
Offline

What? No after pic? I always wanted to see a clean-shaven Jesus. Thanks for letting me down.

mhm
Guest
mhm
Offline

Junior Unabomber

Steve Lurkel
Guest
Steve Lurkel
Offline

and so the facial hair fraternity loses yet another member.

Arjewtino
Guest
Arjewtino
Offline

Being capable of growing such a glorious beard and NOT doing so is a waste of a gift. You think Superman ever said, “I know I can fly, but I feel like walking”?

Virgle Kent
Guest

what did it matter it’s not like you go down on girls anyway

ha ha ha sorry I had to say it

Cob
Guest
Cob
Offline

haha! quality silly’ness, as usual. Fun stuff!

rcr
Guest
rcr
Offline

It’s been so cold out that I’m considering growing mine back.

HeidiChick
Guest
HeidiChick
Offline

Its the Unibomber!! Must be cold in that cabin this time o’ year…

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous
Offline

its funny you slag “non majority” race types….
even clean shaven, you are not the most Aryan of people. with the beard, well i imagine you are going to have to deal with a fair amount of racial profiling at the airport.

Jewcano
Guest
Jewcano
Offline

You missed out on a golden opportunity to experiment. The best thing about shaving a beard is that it doesn’t have to be done all at once. Shave the moustache for an Honest Abe (Illinois Rail Splitter?) Shave the chin but leave the moustache. Shave both for huge hamhocks, or trim for a Wolverine look, quite stunning with the ladies. You could even do some homorific Backstreet Boys thinbeard if that’s your bag.

Personally I’d have recommended the really long sideburns. No reason, of course.

wrytexan
Guest
wrytexan
Offline

Jesus H. Christ

b
Guest
b
Offline

I don’t think it looks that bad, but what the fuck do I know?…….or care given I’m straight

BEAVE
Guest
BEAVE
Offline

Yeah, I tryed to grow my chen hairs long, but after a few crazy gazes :huh: at the office, I cut it. Oh yeah, and why didn’t you show the after pic?

namaste
Guest
namaste
Offline

damn….I LOVED the beard!

Mandy
Guest
Mandy
Offline

Girls liked the beard because it made you a badass. But seriously…I’m sure there were multiple complaints in the kissing department. You probably rubbed your dates’ faces raw!

Lisa
Guest
Lisa
Offline

Huh? But it looks nice. Every man looks better with a beard and I can’t be the only one who thinks so and sees a man with a beard and just wants to hump his face. Or at the very least feel more kindly disposed towards him.

You look like Bob Schneider in that pic.

Roissy
Guest
Roissy
Offline

rugged masculine earthiness aside, beards connote untrustworthiness and deviousness, especially to the falstaff half of the voting electorate. that is why every president since, oh garfield? harrison?, has forsworn it. i think facial hair on presidential candidates disappeared entirely when women got the vote.

academics sport beards to hide weak jawlines.

Roissy
Guest
Roissy
Offline

“distaff”. don’t know if Falstaff went for the grizzly look.

BEAVE
Guest
BEAVE
Offline

Yeah I must agree with Mandy. Don’t get me wrong I like the beard, but any girl kissing you gives carpet munching a whole new meaning! :laugh:

trackback

[…] February 6, 2007 […]

lktoh@gmail.com
Guest

ojmfaqntd nvpsce oycfij wxyqpkfhb wbvjdf ackxwoies trok

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous
Offline

Need I really say more.

Егор
Guest
Егор
Offline

But…you did it again )