The Boner Test

This is a guest post by Samseau.

Years ago my brother ran away from home to live in Missouri with a girl he fell in love with over the internet. It was supposedly true romance, but I couldn’t understand his choice because of how ugly she was. I’m talking every branch on the ugly tree ugly. There’s no way I would be able to get it up for her.

Then one day it struck me: maybe I should envy my brother. If he could get it up for her, maybe he’s the lucky one. Here I am, stuck dealing with the “pretty girls”—and the major attitude problems and psychological issues that come along with them—wondering if I’m doomed in my search to find a decent girl to share an orgasm with.

I once had a lady friend who would write my school papers, sew my torn jeans, cut my hair, cook me dinners at her house, teach me to drive manual transmission, and ask to spend the bulk of her free time to be with me. She easily had the best personality I’ve ever encountered on a girl, and yet, I never made a move on her. It didn’t matter how great she was, but she didn’t pass the boner test.

The strength of my boner completely determines both my desire and ability to have sex. If I saw a man making out with a crossed-eye unattractive girl, I used to have the same reaction as everyone else: “disgusting.” Now I think, “She’s gross, but at least she can pass some man’s boner test.” That is what counts because all boners are equal in the eyes of god.

I used to spend most of my time chasing girls simply because they were pretty, but I’m no longer fooled. It isn’t the chick that counts, her looks, or even her personality, but the boner she gives me. It’s all about the boner. It took me a while to disconnect a woman’s beauty with my attraction for her, an evolutionary accident that has deprived me of more sexual pleasure than I care to remember.

If an unattractive cross-eyed girl could give me a pulsating hard-on, would I deny myself that satisfaction because other men might think less of me for doing her? How much should I care about everyone else’s opinions of me?

Suppose you find yourself talking to a perfectly normal girl. She’s funny, smart, and has been incredibly pleasant to you. She even bought you a gin and tonic. And then you feel it: movement in your pants that definitely wasn’t from the wind. Something, though, is holding you back: your old college friends who tagged along with you. They all have their girlfriends with them, each with a respectable rating of 7. Your girl is just a 5, if that. By making a move, your boys will think you’ve sacrificed your standards. You can already imagine their criticisms: “She’s too old for you,” “What a sloppy slut,” or “Dude, what’s wrong with her face?!” You pull back, skipping out on a guaranteed lay.

These days I think, “If she can make the little guy happy, why should I care what the big guy thinks?” No one else cares about my boner. My boys aren’t going to jerk me off after I pass on the easy lay, and my dick definitely isn’t going to jerk itself when I walk into my bedroom alone later that night. Please don’t confuse me for a chubby chaser: I estimate that 80% of my pickups are directed at beautiful girls, who are usually dehumanized whores that happen to have hot bodies which give good boners, but if I can enjoy a girl most other guys would not, am I not the luckiest man in the bar?

Do you see that girl over there who’s so disgusting that other men can’t even look at her? Well as luck would have it, she knows how to give me a boner. Not only am I going to fuck the hell out of her, but I’m going to enjoy the look of satisfaction on her face that says, “Thank you so much!” It makes me feel like a good Samaritan.

There’s only one test that matters: the boner test. Everything else is ego.

Read Next: 7 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Game Right Now

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outlaw josey wales
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outlaw josey wales
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Well said. That’s why the endless discussions of who’s a 10, a 5, etc. are pointless.

Workshy Joe
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This is deep.

Alot of allegedly “beautiful” women (in the eyes of other men) don’t do a thing for me.

Likewise, there are some women I find attractive who wouldn’t get a second glance from alot of guys.

I am lucky in that respect.

Greg
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Greg
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Good point, but it’s almost impossible to disconnect ego from chasing girls, to the point where I would say more than half of most mens motivation in chasing a particular girl is about ego rather than pleasure or sex.

See how many times PUA’s, not to mention most average men, mock and despise men who pay for sex with beautiful women – clearly, to these men, the most important element with regard to girls is ego, not pleasure, not even sex. If they can “get” a beautiful girl, this validates their ego, and THIS is what is felt to be most important about chasing girls, not the pleasure of sex.

If men truly cared only about the pleasure of sex more than about validating their ego through women’s reactions to them, male sexual behavior would be revolutionized, and entire swaths of PUA mentality would wither away.

Look at our esteemed Roosh for example and his post about flag chasing – the man candidly admits that he is motivated by ego and not pleasure in sex, at least in this case, and his mockery of prostitution on many occasions makes that cleer. What matters to him, like the majority of men, is getting their ego validated by the opinions other people – in this case women – have of them. No doubt sex is important to them too, but it is secondary – of first importance is what women think of them, as reflected by whether they will sleep with them.

The ability to truly and really disregard what others think of you and to not be motivated by the desire to win the approval of others we like – whether beautiful women, our male friends – is reserved for a very few, extremely strong and perhaps lucky men. I know I am yet one of them. I care far too much much, like Roosh and all PUA’s, not to mention average men, about what others think of me and frequently deny myself pleasure and happiness out of my sad bondage to this fact of human psychology.

But I struggle against it – philosophically, I recognize the pateticness of this bondage to the opinions of others. I envy those men who have no fear patronizing beautiful prostitutes, and imagine they probably mock us more slavish souls who get our ego validation from women having good opinions of us.

And as I struggle against my bondage, every day I get stronger.

Pierce
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Pierce
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Excellent post. If a girl gives you a boner, this means you and her make a great DNA match and would have some impressive offspring.

The boner is the ultimate symbol of our primal sex drive. If there’s no boner, then she’s not worth your time.

last tango
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last tango
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Yes, this. Though for me it works kinda other way – originally my standards weren’t that high, but now I tend to avoid uglies as I know even if she manages to scramble a boner, it’s not likely to be that enjoyable and forget about 2+ time the same night. Interesting part – you can easily project it on women and alphas/betas and be rid of beta butthurt and understand why exactly you need game.

quepaso
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quepaso
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there are women you pump and dump and women you make love to!

pepini
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pepini
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No busllshit, great post. Genius.

gringoed
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gringoed
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Wow, good post. This is definitely true, it’s because unfortunately game and the community is more about ego than about pursuing romantic bliss.

Also, good writing Samsaeu. I thought it was Roosh the whole time. Similar writing styles.

My recent thoughts on girls is thinking in terms of “value.” What girls are good value girls, meaning I find them attractive but they may not be considered as attractive by most other men. Thus, they don’t have the downsides that attractive girls tend to have. Good value girls tend to be good girlfriends for me. Total loyalty.

d
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d
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In my experience.

The more attractive the female the worse she is in bed.

I am experienced to understand now that the best lays rarely come from 8-10s.

Mrs. Chocolate
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Mrs. Chocolate
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Despite all men here say that girl chasing is BS, the forum is going in the way around.

The Specimen
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The Specimen
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Great post. Beauty and sex appeal, while kind of related, are definitely not the same thing.

I think OK Cupid did a study on this. Men are more likely to go after women that they find attractive, but don’t think other men will (unconventional beauty). Game theory.

Omega Man
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Omega Man
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>>at beautiful girls, who are usually dehumanized whores that happen to have hot bodies which give good boners<<

Dude, that's cold.

But being able to get it up for anything is a tremendous benefit. From guys I have known, the guys who get a lot of pussy can and will fuck *anything*. If you able to fuck ugly, fat girls, who are easy to fuck, you get sexual experience and a high notch count, which women will know through their sixth sense. Then they will be drawn to you.

Firepower
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Firepower
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I have a variety of qualities I require for girls attracting me. One of which is personality.

If the attraction level is met, I fuck her.

mercati
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mercati
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everything in this universe is relative…

Mercenary
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Mercenary
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Look at this woman. She definitely pass the boner test of some guy. Christ almighty

http://gossiponthis.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/fw2.jpg

The boner test has its limit.

Beauty is relative; and beauty isnt relative.

Bateman
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Bateman
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8 D:

You’re totally right about uglier girls being better in bed. A few months ago I hooked up with a cute but chubby girl who I would say was a 6 (I was drunk). I woke up in the morning in her residence room feeling like a piece of shit (mostly for allowing myself to be drunk enough to spend the night) and cursing myself for hooking up with a porker. I got up to get the hell out of there and she pulled me back and gave me the best blowjob I’ve ever had. She was so eager to do it and so genuinely enthusiastic about it i was amazed. I haven’t macked a sub par girl since but can’t say I don’t often consider it when I’m out dealing with some of the horrible girls our society produces who happen to be hot. Great post Roosh.

lolzunrated
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I’ve been using the boner test for a long time now. I wish I could get boners from fatties and fuglies, but my standards are almost normal. Still, I prefer girls who are taller and older than most of my friends prefer, and the boner test keeps me chasing the girls I want, rather than the girls who will earn me the most high-fives.

Carlos E
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Carlos E
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What about the after boner… when you finally end and all you want to do is go away… there are some chicks that not only give me boners but are also nice to keep till morning

Snoeperd
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Snoeperd
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@Greg

Nice post, but i can’t agree with your sentiment. Your body still craves the ego validation and pua-ship is a way to that, but i would say its more the control you have over the situation than the appreciation of your peers that gives a man his ego-high.

All your drives are biological, better use what skills you have to fulfill those drives the best way you can.

Phoenix
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Phoenix
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Heh, what an eye opener.

“Less is more”

You settle for a less attractive girl, and she’ll be one of the best catches you’ll ever have. Let the beautiful women chase all those toned up bad boys down and get shit on for it. Then they’ll end up settling for the less attractive beta who will make her happy for a while, then spoiled to divorce court.

collegeslacker
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This is stuff to meditate on.

Not trying to brag but I turn down 5s and 6s regularly. But, if I am going to be completely honest about it it is because I don’t want to get flack from my friends. Perhaps I’ll start expanding my horizons.

hydrogonian
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hydrogonian
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While I’m admittedly more focused on conventional beauty now than I used to be (maybe because girls that aren’t conventionally beautiful are much more passable as younger women, but I wouldn’t hit on them now when they are my age – in the mid thirties), there is a certain combination of features that makes my brain short circuit and me to be more or less blind to anything else. Those features are a tight bubble ass and/or blonde curly hair. Both my kryptonite. In combination, they produce my ultimate “boner effect” and the girl could probably be godzilla and I wouldn’t notice. Its the strangest thing.

Poke
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Poke
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Only insecure men need to pop beautiful women exclusively. You’re not fucking her for yourself, you’re fucking her to impress others — and how pathetic is that?

Give me someone moderately pretty/attractive (what PUAs typically call a 5 or 6) with a decent brain and zero attitude, and I’m good to go.

Some of the ugliest women I’ve ever met are beautiful.

Jordan
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Jordan
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Loved this post! Also liked reading Gregs comment at #3…..

Clown
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Clown
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The problem with settling for any old thing that passes the boner test is you become complacent. You lose your drive to improve yourself. If you are satisfied with a 5, there’s really no need to work your game further. The chief reward of game, for me at least, is the act of winning a girl’s interest. Not the sex. I’d much rather get an 8 to be interested in me than a 5 into bed. The sexual payoff isn’t nearly as satisfying as the psychology victory. Can a 5 give me a boner? Sure. Will I go home with her if I have no other options? Sure. Will I pray to Jesus that nobody sees me? Absolutely. That’s not ego. That’s protecting your reputation. If I’m known as the guy that goes home with fugly girls, what is my appeal to hot girls?

I think the only way of improving your game is to set yourself goals and standards. That includes the quality of girl you allow yourself to game. When you are starting out, its educational to practice game on everybody – 10’s, 4’s, grandmothers.. But once you have some success, you must create standards, and the boner standard is not selective enough.

SolveMyGirlProblems
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the dark side of game. I rarely ever feel truly satisfied now. I remember a time when sleeping with any girl was considered a blessing. Game inevitably raises your standards to a point where you only feel satisfied and challenged when your talking to universal HB8+s

Mark
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Mark
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Awesome post and insight. I love it.

In regards to Clown and SolveMyGirlProblems, I’ve experienced the same thing, and this begs the question: when does it end? When is enough enough? When do you stop and decide, “OK, these girls are good enough.”

I think at some point you have to get off the self-improvement train, or else you’ll develop standards so high that you just are stuck alone nitpicking the flaws of everyone around you.

hydrogonian
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hydrogonian
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@poke

ten years ago I may have agreed with you, somewhat.

But staring at a 9-10 as you do things that are borderline illegal is a special kind of sexual experience that can’t be duplicated with a 5, because it requires pure and intense physical attraction.

Solo
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Solo
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If it’s on the plate you gotta eat it, who turns down free food? moms told me to eat everything on the plate so I have an appetite for destruction, sometimes when its a grenade you gotta pull the pin, sometimes…..

Adventure21c
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Adventure21c
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Wow. http://www.rooshv.com is becoming even more of a goldmine. Spot on one after another!

Thomas Amundsen
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hahaha! this is a genius post

Hamilton
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Hamilton
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Oh my, so true. Long have a felt a deep envy of guys with indiscriminate boners. Some guys above talk about the thing holding them back being some form of social stigma, but ultimately it goes beyond that.

Even if you were given the opportunity with some of these girls in a social vacuum would you want to? For most guys, with plenty of girls, the answer would be “no”.

I myself have been in a couple of situations where I could have banged a couple of girls – without anyone but myself seeing what they looked like – and yet just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Colin Farrell, on the other hand, used to be so indiscriminate that he once went and begged a British actress for sex in a hotel one night. She was 68 years old.

So we talk about being looked down upon for hooking up with low grade girls, but really, considering the two points above, who is the one to be disparaged – me, or Colin Farrell? The answer, alas, is clear.

JT
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JT
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The Theory of Subjective Value

samseau
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samseau
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Thanks for all the compliments! You guys make me want to start my own blog.

My original post did not have Roosh’s euphemisms or humor, and I think he did a good job of improving it. He also exaggerates how ugly I found my bro’s girl, lol. “Every branch on the ugly tree ugly”, haha.

But if I had to nitpick one thing –

“It didn’t matter how great she was, but she didn’t pass the boner test.”

Should be

“It didn’t matter how great she was; she didn’t pass the boner test.”

Other than that, I am deeply appreciative of posting my thoughts on your blog, Roosh. This is a lot of fun and encouragement to continue with my own writing.

And to address a few comments.

Comment 3:

“See how many times PUA’s, not to mention most average men, mock and despise men who pay for sex with beautiful women – clearly, to these men, the most important element with regard to girls is ego, not pleasure, not even sex. If they can “get” a beautiful girl, this validates their ego, and THIS is what is felt to be most important about chasing girls, not the pleasure of sex.”

You are right to a degree. If a whore was giving you a genuine boner, and you could afford it, then I say go for it.

But, what’s true for me, and I think most guys, is that my boner’s are best when I know she’s hot for me. Prostitutes are just really good at faking it, and if they can’t fool me I won’t get any boner.

Your ego needs validation insomuch she can make you feel desirable, but whores provide no such satisfaction. Conversely, for a girl to be excited and thrilled to be with you – now that’s my kind of turn on. Without the erotic tension that comes from the possibility of rejection, prostitutes are unable to provide as much pleasure as even the most average of girls.

It’s the same reason a tranny doesn’t pass the boner test – sure, she might have a sexy exterior, but I know seeing a cock between two legs would have my dick retreating faster than Ben Ali of Tunisia. Likewise, beneath all of a prostitute’s game, I know she probably doesn’t give a fuck about me and that’s a turn off.

Comment 26:

You got answered in comment 27. Your dick becomes choosy. It’s happened to me and every other guy I know who can get laid. Still, it doesn’t mean I’m only chasing the hotties.

The Private Man
Guest

And it gets problematic with age.

Lots of over-40 men are reporting erectile dysfunction. There might indeed be a medical reason behind it. But has anyone asked the question about women getting older when looks fade and weight increases?

As Tom Leykis stated, men don’t need Viagra, they need young, hot babes.

Fisto
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Fisto
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Goddamn…

When did this blog turn into the male version of sex and the city?

Timothy
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Timothy
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A woman can have what most wouldn’t consider a pretty face or model body, but can still be SEXY. Obviously, we’re not talking the far end of the scale, but there’s a lot in between that is completely doable. I’ve never had a particular type that I found most attractive – it’s all about the particular woman at a particular moment. I’ve always found actresses Gina Gershon, Linda Fiorentino and Ellen Barkin incredibly sexy, yet they aren’t pretty by Hollywood standards (though all have great bodies). I’ve found that a lot of the pretty women in Hollywood that everyone falls all over to not be sexy at all, but kind of plastic. I’ll take a cute, enthusiastic chubby (not sloppy) woman over a model-type that can’t fuck ANY day. There is a pride factor in nailing an 8-10, but I also think it’s pseudo-psych bullshit to say that you’ll get stuck in a “pattern” if you allow yourself to fuck a woman that’s lower on the scale. Sure, your boys might clown you, but YOU busted a nut that night and they didn’t. It’s also bullshit to say that you’ll get stuck in a pattern where nothing is good enough. If your goal is to only fuck 8-10s, you can’t go higher than that. It won’t be about finding something better, but DIFFERENT. For men it’s about variety anyway. One woman’s breasts might be a little different than the previous one – that will turn you on. One chick’s ass will be a bit rounder than the previous one. That will get you hard. One chick’s lips will be thicker, so that will be what you’ll focus on. Every now and then, and opportunity fuck presents itself, and if she’s kind of cute and willing, fuck what everyone else thinks. If someone is worried about their “reputation” with a bunch of strangers, then you’re probably fishing too much in the same pond if these people actually know who you are.

InterestedParty
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InterestedParty
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There are a lot of 5s and 6s I hit and am not ashamed of. When I rate a woman a 9 or 10 and another woman a 5, a lot of people think I won’t bang the 5.

WRONG! Really, really wrong.

I’d bang either or. It’s just that I PREFER the 9 or a 10.

Only thing I wont do is chase hard after the 5. Ain’t worth it.

jay
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jay
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Roosh, be careful in Copenhagen. I lived there for three years and I found the people are pretty intolerant of anyone who is or looks like a Middle Eastern. Seeing as you do look kinda like one (no offense) you might want to watch your back, especially at night.
Cheers bro, have fun in CPH.

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[…] Samseau – “The Boner Test” […]

M
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M
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Unfortunately social proof plays a big role in my psychology. Regardless of what I feel about a chick, her attractiveness moves dramatically depending on the opinions of those in my circle. I am not as socially secure as I would like to be.

mr t
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mr t
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while there is definitely a lot of truth to this post, i just wonder if this type of attitude could turn someone into a “fattie fucker.”

i mean, fucking an ug every now and then is ok, but once a majority of your bangs come from ugs, then i think it is time to re-evalute the situation.

also, i definitely wouldn’t consider someone a PUA is they are mostly banging ugs. any (reasonably goodlooking guy) could get a ton of bangs if all he did was bang ugs and fatties.

mr t
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mr t
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whoops, should read:

“i definitely wouldn’t consider someone a PUA IF they are mostly banging ug.”

SV Warrior
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SV Warrior
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It’s all relative. I didn’t let others tell me whether a woman was a 5 or 6 or a 10. I never did and don’t to this day. Any more than I let others define me. If I had, then I might not have been so lucky with women when I was younger and not ended up marrying a 10 (IMHO).

If I was attracted to a woman it made no difference if she met other folks view of what was a 7 or 8 or a ten. One woman I had the most passionate affair with had an 8 or 9 face with a okay body that carried about 20 pounds extra. So, yes, she was a bit chubby.

I “had” to sleep with her and did!

anon
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anon
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This is why I don’t like antipathy towards homosexuals. Every man should be free to go where his boner points.

Kimleebj
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Kimleebj
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Kudos to Samseau and Roosh for the classic:

“all boners are equal in the eyes of god.”

Alpha Mofo
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Alpha Mofo
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Dude it all boils down to personal preference. A friend of mine likes very thick (almost fat) girls. Some are cute, but I don’t really get hot for them. I used to worry about it but hey it’s his life not mine. My friend btw is a decent looking guy with confidence, smarts, money and has had other IMO more attractive women want him,so I can just assume he just likes these types of girls.

While most men are in somewhere in between, you have guys who will literally stick their dick in anything from 10’s to -1 lard asses. At the polar opposite of these guys are the dudes that I think are probably suffering from too little sex drive, the kind in which only a really amazingly hot woman would even begin to attract them. These guys are almost as picky as women and sometimes I think might even be slightly gay.. “oooh she has a zit on her chin..” “ooh her hair isn’t perfect..” to me those guys are like bitches and look for any reason to disqualify a girl.

RSP
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RSP
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This seems like justification to fuck ugly girls.

Poke
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Poke
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RSP, you don’t need justification to fuck anything. That’s what the post was all about.

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[…] My conscience gets the better of me and I walk over to greet. The whale’s arms are enormous and her muffin top is not well-hidden below the billowing green sheet covering her torso. She is a good 30-40 lbs overweight I figure, not morbidly obese but might as well be for my standards. I consider getting so obliterated at the bar that it wouldn’t bother me to fuck her but I know I’d still view it as a negative notch. We walk towards the place and I see the only thing the whale has going for her at all is a mediocre face that doesn’t even pass the boner test. […]