The Game Balance

Be confident, but not arrogant.

Be a lovable jerk, but not an insufferable asshole.

Be charming, but don’t go out of your way to please her.

Put in effort to make it work, but don’t force it.

Be warm, but not needy.

Be funny, but not an entertainer.

Demand respect, but don’t be angry.

Lead the conversation by being chatty, but let her talk too.

Seek quality, but be realistic.

Be polished, but don’t come across as rehearsed.

Be persistent, but don’t be desperate.

Learn from other guys, but be your own man.

When getting into the game you will be bouncing from one extreme to the other, usually from being overly nice to being an asshole, from being shy and quiet to talking for the sake of talking. You’ll likely see better results from these shifts, but they will not be highest until you tread the middle where you’re both an empathetic human and a primal animal.

A comment I hear from guys who meet me in person is, “You’re a pretty nice guy.” From reading me you may think I’m a horrible monster, but truth is I’m a normal man. My default program is “friendly, nice guy,” but I have a huge drawer of game and social tools that I can use depending on the interaction and what I want from it. When you stay entrenched at the extremes, you use only one tool for everything, locking you into getting lower results than your’re capable of.

Going through the extremes is a part of the learning process, but understand that the best game is balanced. Having a default asshole game will not be as effective as having a default cocky/indifferent game that swings assholish or nice depending on the girl you’re dealing with. Being a persistent motherfucker who approaches 50 girls a night and calls every girl 10 times before giving up will not be as effective as being more thoughtful about your approaches or walking away from interactions where the girl isn’t treating you well (which in turn boosts your self-worth to help with future girls).

It’s when I find myself at the extremes (being an asshole or forcing it) that I know I won’t be getting laid with a girl that I want. Game isn’t about displaying a caricature of yourself to the opposite sex, it’s about showing you’re a balanced, unique man who knows how to do two things: connect with her and then offer seamless logistics to having sex at the moment she wants it most. Anything else is masturbation.

Read Next: 7 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Game Right Now

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Black man
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Black man
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best post of 2011

GunShow
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GunShow
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True

Preston Blain
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You hit the nail on the head about it being a balanced effort.

I think being too extreme at anything comes at a detriment of something else. For example being too extreme when it comes to work can be a detriment to your social/family life.

Workshy Joe
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Calibration, calibration, calibration.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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More posts like this please :bigsmile:

Ed
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Ed
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Damn good post…seriously. I can relate to this shit. Gotta always have that balance. Sometimes you achieve it without even knowing you have.

The Rookie
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The Rookie
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the extremes can be fun or nerve racking. at the end of the day it’s all fun to me.

trackback

[…] Today’s post is about an article of Roosh’s that covers a concept I have often thought about, but never shared. Say thanks to Roosh for reminding me about this concept by checking out the post that was the origin for this article – ‘The Game Balance’. […]

Anonymous
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Has anyone tried running Homo Game? When you become friends with gay guys and hang out with them so the girls get comfortable around you? Then those gay dudes can introduce you to their hot friends and you can pull some ass this way.

Timothy
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If you listen to women, this is supposedly what they want. When they write out their list of the characteristics and/or attributes, there will be tons of what appear to be contradictory attributes. They want a man that’s strong and take charge, but sensitive. They want a man that likes to go out, but is just as comfortable staying home and being romantic, etc. etc. Bottom line, they want you to be what they want you to be when they want you to be it. That may change by the hour, and we have to always be prepared to read the tea leaves and adjust.

Paul
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Paul
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#9. Extreme Beta Game you mean? Befriending gays for girls is still befriending guys instead of girls. Girls hang with gays so they won’t get hit on…your question is equivalent to going to gay bars to meet chicks…keep reading about women

this article is best put as…keep it simple stupid…in balance all things are simple and easy…roosh is right when he says you will sway…i still sway from end to end but when i do have the right balance and mix in my life…everything works on its own with very little effort…

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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great post. im always conflicted between feeling beta w too much comfort, and feeling assholish with too much alpha. life is balance

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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“….they will not be highest until you tread the middle where you’re both an empathetic human and a primal animal.”

Great stuff!

“A comment I hear from guys who meet me in person is, “You’re a pretty nice guy.””

This has been my impression from watching your videos. You seem like a super bright, intelligent, “nice” person as well as a socially adept person, capable of reading the situation like a surfer reads the waves, responding with appropriate maneuvers to maximize the ride.

Keep on keepin’ on.

Peter Phoenix
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Peter Phoenix
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So much gold lately.

yohami
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yohami
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very good bro

“until you tread the middle where you’re both an empathetic human and a primal animal.”

virlge kent
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YUUUUUP, had a similar post ready to go on this. Nice work

Carl Sagan
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A comment I hear from guys who meet me in person is, “You’re a pretty nice guy.”

It’s the same vibe I got after reading Bang and Dead Bat.

Schwanson
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Schwanson
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Your workshop students and some guys on the forum have said that you are nice and helpful.

From comment #10 – Bottom line, they want you to be what they want you to be when they want you to be it. That may change by the hour, and we have to always be prepared to read the tea leaves and adjust.

Appeasing women and adjusting to their moods is exhausting and counter-productive. Respect your own needs first. When she likes you enough, she’ll do her bit to make things work.

Timothy
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Timothy
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@18…I was merely stating what women expect. I in no way endorse appeasement, because as I stated, their expectations are all over the map. No man can be expected to adjust to that. All the more reason why we as men need to seek balance, because the women in our lives are anything BUT balanced.

Dopilsya
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@9 Anonymous

Has anyone tried running Homo Game? When you become friends with gay guys and hang out with them so the girls get comfortable around you? Then those gay dudes can introduce you to their hot friends and you can pull some ass this way.

Or said homos try to turn you thinking you’re “closeted”.

Rivelino
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Rivelino
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excellent

empathetic human being = pull

primal animal = push

well, primal animal is not push, but it is the slightly thrilling and dangerous part of being of being a man. she wants that thrill and that danger, but not from an ex con — at least not most normal girls — but from a man who is also empathetic and caring.

push pull.

that is the secret.

Bateman
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Bateman
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nice post, roosh. balance is key in game and in life. keep’em coming.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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This was a good post, I think guys with less experience forget this.

Anon76
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Anon76
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Great post roosh. Timely as well, I was just thinking about this very topic (trying to find a balance) over the weekend.

AA
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AA
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Be handsome, but not too handsome.
Be lovable, but not too loveable.
Scrub your hairy ass cheeks, but don’t use too much soap.

Roosh, if you got nothin’ please don’t post drivel like this.

ThisFoolHasADollar
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ThisFoolHasADollar
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Great timing, Roosh. I had to learn this the hard way.

I was trying to see if asshole game had any merit to it. So, the cockiness gets laid down, and gratuitous sexual innuendos are dropped…

She eventually didn’t like it, and drops me. I wonder if I did too much or not enough. I apologize.

Now jump a few weeks. I see her in a dorm while I was playing pool with another girl. She punches me playfully. I text her later asking what for. “Just because,” she replies. I gave the cockiness one last shot:

“You know, if you wanted to touch me, you should have known I’d be down for it.”

Yeah, that was shitty, right?

Bad response, bad game, bad timing… a bad joke. She flips her shit and calls me a sick pervert. I get pissed and call her weak for not handling a joke.

Turns out she’s a disturbingly devoted Christian (and my game is a long way from circumventing God). I should have realized this WAY fucking sooner. Asshole game was a bad idea to begin with, but the level I was transmitting it was grotesque.

I hope my tale helps to illustrate Roosh’s point.

Giovonny
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Giovonny
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My fav post in a while.

Written like a man who has really been doing it, not just reading about it.

“Game isn’t about displaying a caricature of yourself to the opposite sex, it’s about showing you’re a balanced, unique man who knows how to do two things: connect with her and then offer seamless logistics to having sex at the moment she wants it most”

Thats the entire Game industry in one sentence.

Great post Roosh.

and great comment by #21 – Rivelino

Johanna Frasser
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I think this is what you really are a nice face but nothing to find inside, you are like a straw you are coming here just to find sex the same thing as in your country and that´s all you will find here no more baby no love forget that part you just want to laugh and then get nothing vanity offending frigidity, you don´t know how to apreciate the real essence of a woman zorry you just eat and go but there some few who really get the best part.

Marco
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Marco
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Roosh, are you dumpster diving again?

Anon77
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Anon77
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Roosh, that dude with the fur coat in your twitter update is friggin’ hilarious. I say yes, go ahead and duplicate his style. If only as a sort of sociological experiment

trackback

[…] I think it really did sink in this time. At the very least, I should be working hard to find that balance, besides trying to get laid. I have to be able to look at myself in the mirror after being a sleaze […]

trackback

[…] This is clearly the correct way of striking the correct balance.  However, it was not how I initially shifted my thinking about 4 years ago.  Unlike the method cited in that post, I erroneously focused on what I should or shouldn’t do FOR a woman rather than focusing on developing a mindset and behaviors that attracted women. […]

Marshy
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Marshy
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Chuck Norris doesn’t go sarging

…that would imply the chance for failure…

Chuck Norris goes FUCKING

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[…] – “Western Civilization Left Men, Not the Other Way Around”Roosh – “The Game Balance“, “Guys Who Use Their Race to Pick Travel Spots“, “More Book Reviews […]

P. Bateman
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It really is this simple in theory. But without a doubt you need to balance all of these theories in practice. Always good to get these reminders. Sometimes I sway too far one way…actually I do that a lot.

Tim
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Tim
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I have taken an interest in Stoicism, which, to me, seems like a useful philosophy in this situation. Being an asshole / nice guy is not the goal, pleasure is. Have you used negative visualization of women / pleasure? For example, have you ever thought this is the last time you will get a woman / pleasure, and then any social pressure is gone?

Jimmy Jambone
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What do you mean by ‘Seek quality, but be realistic’

Just curious.