The Perfect Woman

This is perfect woman week, brought to you by a guy who needs help identifying the girl with the huge breasts in this photo. Here’s what four other fine bloggers before me wrote about this topic…

Roissy: The perfect woman does not treat love like a supplement to life.

VK: It’s a warmth and tenderness that lets you know that no matter how strong you are, behind closed doors you’re allowed to be weak in front of her and she won’t hold it against you..

The Rawness: Instead of complementing the male gender, the female of the species now aims to duplicate the male gender, and she’s lost a lot of what made her so special to begin with.

DC Hero: She’d have ageless beauty and the essence of youth. Lady in the street, freak in the sheets…

I can’t top what these gentlemen wrote, but it got me thinking, and…

It kills me how random life is. A big chunk of me has nothing to do with me. It’s just the environment I’m in, the events and people that cross my path. Wrong time, right place.

I was 23-years-old when I met a beautiful girl. I have no idea how I got her but I did, and I didn’t have the “game” that I have now. She liked me for me, an eager guy out of college trying to relieve whatever inadequacy he thought he had.

She crushed me, but that was okay. But I did something that wasn’t okay. I overcompensated, to the extreme. I had to get even better at the game so not only could I find a girl like that again, but I could keep her as well. You see there was an end goal of a happy relationship somewhere along the line, but it didn’t work out like that. The game was the end itself. The perfect woman I thought I wanted slowly slipped away. She morphed into this monster of easy sex and unrealistic expectations. Sex on demand, no later than the third date, and if you’re not exactly what I want then fuck off.

Part of me wishes I got swooped up by her. Maybe I would see women as more than just numbers and stories. Maybe I’d be in a happy relationship. Sure I’d be whipped and still working in some soulless job trying to pay a mortgage, but at least I’d have this woman who cared for me and loved me, and I would do the same to her. I think I was capable of that.

Instead I went down this rabbit hole… deeper and deeper… and darker. I see less than I used to. Too much experience, too used to easy attention and cheap thrills. You can’t undo your experiences, especially when there is just too many of them, their naked bodies, their smell on your fingers as you drive home racking up another score… your fantasies of their moans and kisses as you smile yourself to sleep. The way they laugh at jokes you’ve said a hundred times before.

It gets worse every year, the happy relationship with my “perfect” girl just gets farther as I become more incapable, as I become “better” at getting sex that has meaning but really doesn’t. I don’t even notice differences in girls anymore. But I can’t stop. I notice most other guys can. Am I… a validation junkie? An attention whore? Like the girls I criticize?

When that girl dumped me I cried. I went to her place to get my stuff, hoping I could keep it going. But it was done. I left and parked in a gas station and sat there and cried like a little baby. If that happened today, I wouldn’t even give a shit, and I think that’s my problem. I’m a machine with flesh, no empathy or love… another night, another performance.

She wasn’t perfect, not even close. But she was. Anyone decent looking can be made perfect. You already know it takes very little effort. But I haven’t done it recently.

So… she’s gone. Experience killed the perfect woman. It means nothing to me.

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Jason
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Jason
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Well, now you’ve scared me off. I’m giving up on everything “game”-like, am going to find a nice six, marry her, and live a safe, boring, but well loved life. Peace.

Peter
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Peter
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Anyone decent looking can be made perfect

So long as she isn’t shaved.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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“Maybe I’d be in a happy relationship. Sure I’d be whipped and still working in some soulless job trying to pay a mortgage, but at least I’d have this woman who cared for me and loved me, and I would do the same to her.”

Riiiiight. Fuck that SHIT. The grass is always greener on the other side.

Better to be viciously dumped at 23 than at 45. Just ask any middle-aged balding man with alimony payments and 2.5 kids to support.

At 23, getting dumped means NOTHING because you get a free pass and new, fresh pussy is within easy reach.

Jo
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Jo
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Well, at least you’ve come to know yourself enough to figure out why you do what you do. That’s the first step right?

I think you just put that girl on a pedestal.

Neil
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Neil
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Yup. This story could be me, a year or so ago. Got my heart broke when I was young, and once I committed to putting myself out there I got on a hot streak that just wouldn’t stop. A few years of veering from “I’m having so much fun I’m jealous of myself!” to “Man, I’m so sick of my irresistable bullshit” and back again… eventually I decided I just wanted to take a break from women, kick back and watch the NBA playoffs. Of course, that’s when a perfect (by T’s definition) woman snuck in.

Anyway, my point is all of that experience that you think has ruined you – well on the one hand you never stop missing the hunt, it’s like quitting smoking you have to be vigilant against falling into old habits. But on the other hand, all of that experience with other women only heightens your appreciation for a woman who is so wise and easy to be with in comparison. And you live with those things, and you’re happy.

Perspective Wants Its Ransom
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Perspective Wants Its Ransom
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You should watch High Fidelity again…

virgle Kent
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You cried like a girl? that actually sounds like a healthy way to handle a break up instead of what I do, go on a tequila fueled mud turtle anger bangathon.

I’ve said it time and time again and I’ll keep saying it till the day I die.

“When it comes to DC women they all fuck the same they just wear different clothes”

Like I told you last night, after this roller coaster of sexual depravity I’ve been on I fear I wouldn’t know what to do with a normal girl. I think I’d actually shit my pants if I girl answered the phone the first time I called after getting her number.

Rajia
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Rajia
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Holy Crap Roosh. This is probably the most real thing I’ve read on this blog. I kept waiting for the punch line, but nope – you’re actually human!

I think you’re still pretty young to give up on the idea of the perfect woman (for you – there is no one single definition of a perfect woman). Maybe you’re just in a holding pattern. The fact is that eventually the lifestyle you’re living…it will get boring. Eventually, everyone wants someone to come home to. And I mean this honestly when I say Good Luck!

D
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D
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Wow Roosh, how much did you drink after you wrote that? That was by far the most human side I have seen since you started this blog.

Lemmonex
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Lemmonex
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This depressed me….far too much resonated and I hate that.

Lemmonex’s last blog post: Zzz?.

Jessica
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Jessica
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Patience, my friend…

Jessica’s last blog post: Guardian Angel.

GJ
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GJ
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It’s all a ploy for Roosh to lure the woman readers of the blog into a false sense of sympathy… then BLAM! DP with a post after.

But in all seriousness, a great post. If I recall, at one point you were discussing moving somewhere new in the US after you satisfy your foreign travel cravings. It will be interesting to see if your conditioning follows you, or if you can make a fresh start of it. If such a thing is possible.

Generate
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Generate
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Dog, you’ll be where you want to be (hoes or relationship). Just follow your instinct.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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This is one your best posts ever. Very enligtening – I can relate to it a great deal.

The real question I have is – have we in our pursuit of ‘game’ added so much ‘baggage’ that even if we find the ‘perfect woman’ we won’t know it or be in a position to take advantage of the situation.

Do we have as much baggage as the 29 year old woman who is desperatly trying to settle down and have a family?

It’s different – but it’s baggage…

Sweatpants
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Sweatpants
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True story: that chick totally got stalked by internet dudes who found out her full name and everything. There are a bunch of pictures of her out there, look on http://jj.am .

Another true story: One time Roosh told me he wished he was like me (relationship guy, instead of player guy). He was probably just humoring me, but still. I couldn’t help but think of him saying that while I was reading this entry.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Haha I too found this to be a great post, but GJ too makes a great point that it could all be a just a gimmick to prove to his readers what a true dick he really is in his next post. Roosh likes to keep his readers guessing afterall. I doubt anything would be different for Roosh if he packs up and leaves the area– to quote my dad, “wherever you go, you take yourself with you.”

Overall though, its great to see a different side of you– it takes far more courage and personal strength to admit you have doubts about yourself than it is to keep of a veneer of indestructibility.

If you are not honest with yourself and other people about who you really are and how you really feel, than there is no hope for ever having a real relationship. If you could stop faking for a minute, maybe you would stumble onto something great.

Chris
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Chris
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the name of that chick in that picture is Amanda Wenk. She was an “Internet Sensation” about a year or so ago. Most of the pics that you’ll find are of her in high school. I think she’s in college now, and has committed the crime of having them reduced!

mike says
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mike says
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One of your best posts ever, great closer on the series.

and LMAO @ vk’s “tequila-fueled mud turtle anger bangathon”

Evan
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Evan
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I have a hard time believing this is a real post considering how quick you were only a few days ago to defend the player lifestyle after I heavily criticized it, but either way, bravo. This is almost exactly what I would have said if I had 5 or 6 years of PUA street cred to back it up.

Evan’s last blog post: Food for thought.

caro
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caro
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this was a lot more than I expected on a friday morning. nice one roosh.

Hope
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Hope
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It seems like a lot of those who “play the field” wrote about the perfect woman as being more than mere meat. Even despite their great outward successes and exclamations to the contrary, players do have a human side.

We can build up walls around ourselves to keep others out, but in the end the walls confine us to solitude. Humans are social animals by nature, and we need to be able to trust, to love, to be trusted and to be loved. Bonding, building a family, passing on our legacy not just genetically but also our ideas and aspirations. Deep down, despite all the fears of abandonment, pain, divorce, etc. I suspect most of us crave this.

I’m really sorry to hear about your experiences. There seems to be more unwritten between the lines than written. It might be tempting to blame the woman who started all this, but it could also be just chance. Sometimes love doesn’t work out quite as expected; sometimes it’s unreciprocated; sometimes love itself isn’t enough. Life is full of random chances, some of which hit, and others are just crapshoots.

Part of your problem could be that you’re too far out from the mainstream curve and need that from your partner. I doubt you could settle for just any pretty face. You shouldn’t give up on the idea yet, though you might want to ease up on the expectations. Maybe you think you don’t want to be in a relationship anymore… but you seem like you still do.

“The grass is always greener on the other side.”

Not for some of us. I wouldn’t trade my life for a club/bar hopper’s life for a second.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Someone’s on the rag…

dchero
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dchero
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I have one of those “What-if” girls. I wonder how many guys do. The more I think about it, I’d rather try to marry a perfect mother instead of trying to marry a perfect woman since the point of getting married should be to raise kids anyway. Love and beauty always fade. Oh yeah, tangent alert. Great post Roosh

dchero’s last blog post: The/My Perfect Woman.

virgle kent
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Hope wrote the best comment I’ve read in a long time.

I guess what I want to say is a player isn’t born he’s created through pain and fire. You have to get hurt so badly that you tell yourself by any means necessary you wont let it happen again.

Thanks Roosh for finish perfect woman week strong, but fuck you for making me drink last night some of us have real jobs

Jack Goes Forth
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you’re ice cold now, and the world (including JGF) thanks you…

Jack Goes Forth’s last blog post: How To Dominate the Strawberry Hill Races.

DF
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DF
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The perfect woman week has indeed been an insightful and entertaining read. This is a great finish.

T.
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T.
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The cruel irony of life is that most of the time, the more you really value something, the more likely you are to be taken for granted by that same thing you placed value on. You meet scores of women because you stopped valuing them. If you want back to your soulmate mindset, ironically you’d probably have less chance of attracting her.

T.’s last blog post: The Perfect Woman: A How-To Guide.

T.
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T.
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Oh, and great post. Nice way to finish up.

T.’s last blog post: The Perfect Woman: A How-To Guide.

Brad
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Brad
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One of your best posts ever.

Don’t fret over it, it took me 35 years.

Peter
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Peter
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Good post.

Hopefully you’re lucky enough to wake up one morning and find that ‘the hate’ (what I called my particular situation) is gone.

leena
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leena
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that is so sad. do you need a hug?

but i seriously doubt that your notches have left you completely incapable of viewing women as separate individuals rather than just another possible notch…

Sudamericana
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Sudamericana
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Time flies…is it April Fool’s again?

roissy
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roissy
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beautiful post, man. i can relate.

If that happened today, I wouldn’t even give a shit, and I think that’s my problem. I’m a machine with flesh, no empathy or love… another night, another performance

therein lies the rub. only when you don’t give a shit do they come. women have to understand that they are their own worst enemies. they create the monsters in their midst.

this post was like chick crack. wait a second…

roissy’s last blog post: You deserve a 10.

????
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????
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Chris, Sweatpants. What are you talking about some Amanda Wenk girl? Did Roosh have a picture up on the post originally or something? Just can’t ifgure out why you two commmented on something that (to me) seems random.

D
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D
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thank you Roissy for using the term ” rub” correctly, that was great

Nikita
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Nikita
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Jesus, Roosh, that was a phenomenal (and totally unexpected) post! Props for having the balls to be so honest about the “other side” of your game. You’re hard on yourself, perhaps rightfully so, but I know you well enough to be certain that there’s still something good and hopeful in you. A perfectly imperfect girl will find you eventually… And you’ll surprise yourself.

Jay Gatsby
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Jay Gatsby
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I stopped commenting several months ago because, being a recently-married guy, I believed that had little in common with most of the folks who frequent Roosh, VK & Roissy’s blogs. After reading all of the prior contributions, and now Roosh’s entry, I find myself looking at men who are now where I was several years ago before I met my wife. Back then I was a player and my life revolved around work, the gym and different women every weekend. My apartment door was literally a revolving door. It was a game at which I was reasonably successful, and yet it held very little meaning to me.

Enter my wife. Attractive brunette with a great head on her shoulders. Like most women I dated, she had her annoying habits. Instead of kicking her to the curb when those habits started to get on my nerves, I decided to see if I could minimize them by setting some boundaries. Over time, we both probably smoothed away our annoying habits and grew closer in the process. Today, while I’m still a very independent guy, I couldn’t imagine my life without her. We complement one another – we don’t complete one another.

Chris
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Chris
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???? if you had read the post you would see in the first line that Roosh wrote “This is perfect woman week, brought to you by a guy who needs help identifying the girl with the huge breasts in this photo. Here’s what four other fine bloggers before me wrote about this topic…”

the link that points to the picture of “this photo” is of Amanda Wenk. I was merely answering a question.

rcr
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rcr
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Have you been reading Bret Easton Ellis? I like the defeatism. Makes for great rhetoric.

reality
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reality
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a full-time girlfriend can also discreetly help with that back hair problem

miik
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miik
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So you take your adventure, and you balance it with stability, and Bang! a girlfriend will show up who is stable and wants a guy who can handle and share adventures.

You can take it however it ends up.

Roya
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Roya
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Women do it often… create the ‘perfect’ man out of a flawed individual. And then he breaks their heart. I think we just have more stamina in the way of emotional pain, so we jump back in for more. I don’t know what’s worse, repeatedly getting hurt or shutting down…

Good post

Roya’s last blog post: in the library.

Abhs
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– I once talked to you over instant messenger about a year ago about this form of disillusionment and I felt like we were jiving about this stuff. You’re still my favorite blogger btw!

Today, I really can’t tell what exactly my relationship with my what-if girl was founded on. Was she me trying to relieve my inadequacies, to fill this hole in myself? If she was, I was the parched man in the desert, and I could not drink enough of the waters of her soul. I was at once in the terrible desperation and manic ecstasy of having too much longing but no release. I could drink and drink endlessly but I was never able to quench the fires within.

Was that relationship doomed to burn out by my eventually caring too much? Was I bound from the onset to eventually lose my frame? I didn’t care. It felt too real, more real than anything I had ever imagined.. And it ended up consuming me. When we broke up I felt the deepest, most profound pain of my life.

It’s at once hilarious and depressing to imagine ourselves stubbornly trying to expurgate every ounce of weakness in our bodies, hoping, wishing, to never feel that kind of suffocating weakness again.

I doubt I could have become who I am today if I did not have the motivation that I did. Changing yourself so comprehensively that your very thought process is intuitively different.. It’s a very demanding exercise, to the point of seeming.. self-sacrificial.

And now, after all this time, with the once insurmountable conquests made easy lays.. Of pushing myself, at first out of sheer curiosity and later out of a fascinated repulsion, to seeing how completely weak and malleable most people (not only women) are.. I had the same questions.

Did I kill my old persona and use his lifeless corpse as fuel on the pyres of my rejuvenation? Am I so far removed from him, and by extension, from other people that I may as well be a machine?

I think it simply comes down to this. We strive to achieve independence so that we might never submit to weakness ever again. We throw off societal bonds and aim for complete self-sufficiency. But doing so, we do not realize that some of these bonds are what made us feel, and what made our existence human in the first place. I stole this from the movie Into the Wild – “Happiness is only real when shared.”

I do not think anymore that there is one specific perfect woman out there for me. I do not think anymore that another person can complete me. But I also do not believe anymore that strength comes from closing myself off from other people, or repressing the emotions that they elicit. We are not machines. We are vessels and we choose the paths that we take through life. And I believe that in being human, we are strongest.

Laura
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Laura
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Roosh, you have grown up a bit. I am proud of you. Women are not the enemy. We are human beings just like you are. Manipulating them is not the answer. Using or taking advantage of others because it is great sport or just because you can is not the answer. Realizing that you learn from your mistakes and want to share your life with someone you care about is healthy. We all take our lumps in life, but I hope you find her. Good luck and god bless.

Angelo De La Vega
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… I should probably feel really dirty for enjoying that picture so much… but I mean… whoa… that Amanda Wenk’s boobs… jesus… I had forgotten about her… I’d say, at the age of 16, she was the perfect “one night” woman.

Good post.

Angelo De La Vega’s last blog post: Playing in the Dirt.

Ava V
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Ava V
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so when will there be posts for the perfect man?

Ava V’s last blog post: No Posers 2008.

Seduction Chronicles
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Holy shit there are alot of comments on this post.

The perfect woman? Not sure if it exists before you know her, after getting to know her I think you can evolve with her and get to near perfection to each other.

I see your Alexa ranking is going down. Nice…

Seduction Chronicles’s last blog post: Becoming A Natural (Sinn Column).

fred
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fred
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Yeah, I went through women for a while in college. Eventually when I landed a girl I’d been crushing on for ages during the depths of a rebound from another (eg, not even really trying) I decided that I’d already proved to myself that I can snap my fingers and make something happen. That’s all I really wanted, to know that anything I wanted was possible. After that I started looking for something a bit more fulfilling – your perfect woman I suppose.

Looking ahead, I can say that when you decide to turn your attentions to business you could make a killing if you don’t forget your game. Have you seen The Riches? Holy fuck that is business to a T. To many assholes with money running around and playing games and tossing bills. Networking is another word for throwing game, making people like you until you get what you need. Yes, you do have to be cold at times too. If you decide to make that leap you could kill.

Aaaaand my fiancee has just fallen asleep on the sofa wearing my underwear. fin.

Anonymous
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Anonymous
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you’re officially the Will Ferrell character from Wedding Crashers